d e r e k .
I sit against the O.R. gallery window, taking small sips of my coffee as I watch the surgery be performed. A small part of me trembles in fear - not a Jules' isn't making it out of this alive fear but more of a Jules isn't going to be okay after this type of fear.
Ever since Jules was sixteen, I have always known her to be a smiling, bubbly person. Now? If she loses this kid? If we hit a rocky bump? I'm scared she'll never find herself after that. I'm worried that the Jules I know and love will never come back.
My gaze travels to Jules laying on the hospital bed, her brain cavity open in front of Dr. Shepherd.
There's sudden beeping from the O.R. as panicked looks come across the doctor's faces.
"What's going on?" I ask as Dr. Kepner gets up to get a good look.
The O.R. gallery goes silent as rage and worry boils inside of me.
Why isn't anybody answering me?
I head towards the mic button, slamming my palm against it.
"What's going on?" I ask as Dr. Shepherd glances up at me.
A stern look comes across his face, "Kepner, get him out of here immediately!" He states.
"No! What is going on!?" I ask, worry filling inside of me.
Dr. Kepner tries to put her hand on my shoulder sympathetically, but I shrug away from her grip.
"What is going on!?" I ask, my eyes watering.
"Derek..." She mumbles.
"Kepner, get him out now!" Dr. Shepherd yells.
Dr. Kepner shakes her head, torn at what to say.
"Dr. Kepner!" Dr. Shepherd exclaims, trying to keep his focus on Jules' brain cavity.
Dr. Kepner's eyes meet mine, "Derek... Jules' is bottoming out. This is the tough part - you can't be in here for this." She explains in a low tone.
I shake my head, "Bottoming out? What the hell does that mean?" I ask.
"Her heartbeat is slowing down." She states.
"Her- her heartbeat?" I ask, getting a sudden dizzy feeling in my head.
Dr. Kepner nods as I walk past her, trying to hide the fear because I know she'll tell me some bullshit excuse like "she'll be okay" or "you need to stay strong for her". Truth is, I want to stay in that O.R. gallery, but I'm scared I'll lose Jules and my kid in plain sight. I can't- Someone needs to tell the team.
My body trembles as I head downstairs to the waiting area. I see some familiar faces from a distance.
"You guys are here?" I ask, my voice shaky.
Garcia gets up, her eyes longing and sympathetic.
Reid inches closer to me, "Hotch gave us the day off to focus on Jules' recovery and wait for any updates - and somehow, we all ended up coming here. We all thought it would be a good idea to be by yours and Hotch's side during this." He explains.
I nod, giving him a small hug, "Thank you."
Hotch comes up to me, clenching his jaw.
"Hotch..." I mumble.
"Any updates?" He asks.
I nod, "Her anesthesia wore off during surgery..." I state.
Hotch's jaw drops, "Her anesthesia!? What the hell are these doctors doing!?" He exclaims, looking around the waiting room.
Emily approaches him carefully, "Hotch, let's go over here." She states in a low tone, pulling him away from the group to calm him down.
"Did anything else happen?" Rossi asks, worry develops in his eyes.
"She coded and bottomed out..." I state, my voice shaky.
JJ and Rossi apologize, even though it's not their fault. Then, Garcia gave me a tight, comforting hug and cleansed my aura of all bad and negative vibes - which in my opinion, kinda helped.
Reid approaches me, "You wanna go talk a walk around the hospital with me?" He asks.
I nod, following after him as our walk begins.
"You wanna grab some coffee?" I ask as he nods, leading us both to the cafeteria.
I hate the hospitals - I have hated hospitals since I was a little boy, since my father died to be exact. I can't have our baby boy lose his momma, I need Jules to pull through for me.
Reid orders our coffee as I go take a seat at a nearby table. He approaches the table slowly, almost tripping over himself.
"Here's your coffee." He says in a low tone, sliding the coffee across the table as he takes a seat.
"Thanks Pretty Boy." I sat in a low tone, worry filling my mind.
Why haven't the doctors tried to find me yet? Is Jules okay? Is our baby boy okay?
Reid waves his hand in front of my face, trying to catch my attention, "Morgan? Morgan, are you alright?" He asks, a bit of worry in his tone.
"Hm?" I mumble, zoning back into our conversation.
"Are you okay?" He asks, his eyes longing and sympathetic.
"I'm just scared." I state, shaking my head as I take a sip of my coffee.
"What's on your mind?" He asks, curiously.
"I just... I can't lose her Pretty Boy..." I state, my voice shaking in fear and sadness, "I'll never find another girl after her." I state, trying not to show too much weakness in front of Reid.
Reid chuckles softly, "You're Derek Morgan. There's plenty of other girls that want you."
"They're not Jules..." I mumble.
"What?" He asks.
I look up at Reid, "I say that they're not Jules. There's plenty of girls out there, I know that, but those girls aren't Jules..." I state.
"What's so special about Jules?" Reid asks. I know he's pushing buttons to get me a slight psych eval. and to get the soft side of me.
I let out a defeated exhale, "Jules is a bright light. She is the girl of my dreams. I was a manwhore before her, and now she's the girl I never wanna let go of. Hell, she's the only girl I see a future with." I explain, my voice shaking heavily.
Reid smiles softly, "You love her." He states.
I look at Reid sternly, "Of course I fucking love her!" I was nothing before her, and now I'm everything with her. I'm everything I've always wanted to be, and of course I fucked it up with Luke. She wouldn't be in that stupid ass O.R. if it weren't for me." I state.
Reid glances down at his phone and smiles softly.
"What are you smiling at?" I ask, curiously, leaning over the table.
He glances up at me, "There's someone waiting for you in the waiting room..." He states with a small, hidden smile.
I jolt out of my seat, heading straight to the Cafeteria Line, grabbing Jello - Jules' favorite hospital food. I run to the Waiting Room, nearly bumping into everyone on the way.
"Please tell me it's something good." I state, busting into the Waiting Room.
Dr. Kepner giggles softly and nods slightly, looking up at me, "She's out of surgery." She states in a soft tone.
"Oh Thank God!" I exclaim, running up to Dr. Kepner and giving her a tight hug.
"That's not all..." Dr. Montgomery states.
My mind goes blank, a lump rising in my throat as fear runs through my body, sending a chill down my spine.
A small smile appears on Dr. Montgomery's face, "You're baby is okay and healthy. He should stay in the womb until delivery."
"Thank you so much!" I exclaim as both doctors and the team burst out into laughter.
Dr. Kepner leads me to the ICU where Jules is staying. When we arrive to her hospital room, I look through the sliding door.
Jules begins coughing, choking on the intubation in her throat.
"Well would you look at that. She's already breathing over the intubation." Dr. Kepner states in a low, proud tone.
"I knew she'd pull through." I state in a proud tone, smiling softly.
Dr. Kepner opens the sliding door, letting us both in.
Dr. Kepner approaches Jules' bedside, "Hi Julianna. It's Dr. Kepner. Derek is here as well." She states, with a soft smile.
Jules tries to smile softly over the intubation in her mouth, looking up at me, her eyes longing and sparkly.
"Hi baby." I state in a low tone, kissing Jules forehead.
Dr. Shepherd opens the sliding door, "Any updates?" He asks, walking inside.
Dr. Kepner nods, "She's breathing over the ventilator. Her blood pressure is normal, and fetal heartbeat is steady. Everything is okay." She states with a soft, proud smile.
The ventilator hisses as Dr. Kepner releases it, making Jules cough a little bit as she inhales fresh air instead of compressed air.
Dr. Shepherd approaches Jules' beside, "Can you try to say something, Julianna?" He asks.
Jules nods, turning to me, a soft smile appearing on her face. She rubs her throat as her eyes meet mine.
A few moments pass without any speaking. A small bit of worry fills inside of me. Why isn't she talking yet? I ask myself, holding Jules gaze, trying not to show any signs of panic in my eyes.
Say something. Please say something.