SHATTERED SELF
I have a boyfriend and he's known for being a playboy.
He's my first boyfriend and I could say that he's far from my ideal man but still I am proud that I've met him. He has experiences when it comes to relationship so he's quite matured than me since it's my first.
Maraming nagsasabi na sasaktan niya lang ako but I hold on his promise that he'll change for me and I really saw it. The day he started courting me and up to now. He improved a lot.
Since we're in a long distance relationship, it's very hard for us. All we could do is to trust each other. That's the most important.
He taught me many things. Mas lalo ko siyang nakilala habang tumatagal. Natuto akong manuyo at magsorry na never kong naisip na gagawin ko sa buong buhay ko.
He is a sweet and caring type of boyfriend. He always makes me laugh. He tells jokes even if it is corny just to make me smile when I'm down and stressed because of studies.
He never let me feel that I'm unimportant and worthless. He really values woman a lot. Minsan nga ay naiisip ko kung babaero ba talaga siya kasi hindi ko kailanman naramdaman na may iba siya. Yeah, I trusted him so much to the point na lahat ng sinasabi niya ay pinaniniwalaan ko.
"I love you, baby. Huwag mo akong ipagpapalit ah?" This message of him made my heart beats faster. The line that I always wanted to hear from him.
"Ofcourse. Baka nga ikaw pa ang may iba eh hahaha." I replied. I love this side of him.
It's our 3rd anniversary when we decided to have a meet up. Kahit sa sarili ko ay never kong inakala na magtatagal kami ng ganito.
Ngayon alam ko na kung bakit madaming naghahabol sa kaniya. He's really a beautiful creature. And if you'll compare me to him, i'm just nothin. But despite of it hindi niya ako kinahiya. He showed to everyone that he's proud of having me.
"Hindi kaba nahihiya? Ang gwapo-gwapo mo tapos ang dugyot ng girlfriend mo?" One time, I asked him through chat.
"Who told you na dugyot ka? Damn! You don't know how beautiful you are. Inside and out. Kaya nga kita minahal eh." Just a simple words like this from him made my heart melts.
"I love you, baby."
"I love you more, baby. Matulog kana po. Goodnight."
I slept peacefully that night. I think I couldn't find a man like him. I can't leave without him like I don't have reason to woke up anymore. I want him to be my man forever.
Pero talagang mapaglaro ang tadhana.
We broke up due to that accident he was involved at. He got an amnesia and forgot me. He no longer remember me even the smallest memories we had.
"Hindi lang siguro kayo para sa isa't-isa ni Kurt. Maybe he's destined to someone else," his bestfriend who happened to be my friend too said while comforting me.
Wala akong magawa dahil ayaw na akong makita ni Kurt. While he's laughing with someone, i'm suffering here. I am longing for his touch, hugs, kisses and i love you's.
"Ganito pala kasakit. 'Yong akala ko kami na pero hindi pa pala," i said between my sobs.
But the pain is not yet done. It never let me heal. And here I am, attending his wedding day where he is the groom and i am not the bride.
Tears fell from my eyes seeing how happy he is. How excited he is. 'Yong minsang pinangarap naming dalawa ay matutupad na.
The person who comforted me while I'm suffering from the pain he caused was also the person he will marry.
Months passed, I found out that Kurt had no amnesia. He just pretended as if he didn't know me to become free from me at para mawala ako sa buhay niya. They fooled me for the sake of their love. Para sila ang magkasamang dalawa.
I gave him my loyalty. I made him my top priority but he just threw it like a trash. He trashes the years and memories we had. Maybe he's just a lesson that I have to learn. A lesson that I'll bring forever.
My heart aches. Pinalis ko ang luhang pumatak sa aking mga mata.
"Sabi mo mahal mo ako pero nilagay mo ako sitwasyong ikasasakit at ikadudurog ko."