Chapter 2
"Ayos ka lang ba, Elaine?" tanong ni Belle sabay bigay sa akin ng isang basong tubig.
Tumango ako at tinanggap ang basong inilahad niya at ininom ito.
"Thank you for coming," I said sincerely.
Ngumiti siya sa akin at tumabi ng upo bago ako niyakap mula sa gilid.
"You know, I'm always here for you no matter what. Even if I'm miles away, no matter how busy I am, if you need me, if you need a shoulder to cry on, you need someone to talk to, remember that I'll always come after you."
I felt something touched my heart as I heard those words coming from her.
If you have a best friend like this, don't let them go. They're hard to be found in this world full of pretentious people. You're blessed if you have one.
"Thank you, Belinda. Thank you."
Agad siyang kumawala sa akin at hinampas ako.
"Tangina mo talaga. Feel na feel ko sabayan kadramahan mo, eh! Tas tatawagin mo lang akong Belinda? Tangina mo, Elena."
I laughed at her at isinandal ang ulo ko sa balikat niya.
"Alam mo, Laine---"
"Hindi ko alam."
"Tangina mo ulit."
Natawa ako at inilapag ang baso sa coffee table sa harap namin.
"Pero 'di nga. Laine, hindi masamang sumuko 'pag ayaw mo na, 'pag sobra ka nang nasasaktan. Hindi masamang bumitaw," seryosong saad niya.
Napalingon ako sa kaniya at ngumiti ng pilit.
"Alam ko naman. If only it's easy to just let go," mahinang saad ko.
"Ganoon mo siya ka-mahal?"
Napakagat ako sa pang-ibabang labi ko at tumango.
"Oo. Na kahit sobrang sakit na, na kahit nakakapagod na, na kahit na nawawalan na ako ng pag-asang mahalin niya ako pabalik, hindi ko pa din kayang bumitaw. Hindi ko pa din siyang kayang kalimutan, iwanan," I said as a lone tear fell again from my eyes.
"Oh god, Elaine," Belle said and she hugged me tightly.
"Seeing you cry makes me feel afraid by the thought of being in love," dugtong pa nito.
Mapait akong napangiti.
Before, I always thought love is the most joyful feeling one can ever feel. The happiness it brought to someone's overwhelming. And that's the point that I was wrong. The point where I thought love was only about happiness. I forgot that love also bring too much pain and hurt.
"Tara," kapagkuwang usal ni Belle.
Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaniya at nagtatakang tinignan siya.
"Saan tayo pupunta?" tanong ko.
She smirked before standing and pulling me up as well.
"Let's have fun!" masiglang saad niya.
Napairap ako napangiwi.
"It's too early to go to a bar---"
"Ikaw na lasinggera'ng broken ka! Basta fun, sa bar agad? Hindi pwedeng pagala-gala sa mall lang?"
"Wow, Belle!"
Humagalpak siya ng tawa sabay tulak sa akin palapit sa hagdan.
"Go on, change. Promise, we won't go to a bar. Siguro mamaya na." Tumawa ulit siya na parang loka-loka at wala akong magawa kundi mapailing nalang at tinalikuran siya para tahakin ang daan patungo sa kwarto.
Hindi na ako naligo tutal tapos na ako kanina, kaya agad na akong nagbihis.
I just wore a black faded jeans, white long sleeves shirt, and a white sneakers. I also tied my straight long hair into high ponytail, and putted some light makeups on my face.
Napabuntong hininga ako at pilit na ngumiti sa harap ng salamin.
You'll be okay, Elaine.
Lumabas ako ng kwarto at bumaba sa hagdan. Nakita ko si Belle na nagtitingin sa photo album na nasa ilalim ng coffee table kanina.
"You, Athena and Zeiger were classmates when you were in high school," sabi niya.
Lumapit ako sa gawi niya at tinignan kung ano ang tinitignan niya. It was our class picture way back in high school, and yes, we were classmates.
I just met Belle when I was on my last year in college. And since then, we've became close friends. But even though we're already friends, I still don't have the guts to tell her the whole story about the three of us. Just a few of it.
Parang may sumasakal ng puso ko habang nakatingin sa picture na iyon. I was beside Athena, and beside Athena was Zeiger. Bale napagi-gitnaan namin ni Zeiger si Athena.
I was closed mouth smiling on the picture, not showing my teeth, while Athena and Zeiger were smiling widely, grinning from ear to ear. Zeiger's arm snaked around Athena's shoulder, while Athena snaked her arms around Zeiger's waist as well.
My other classmates were smiling, posing wacky or laughing, or even joking around while taking the picture. Our adviser was smiling while looking at my classmates. Ang gulo ng class picture namin. Sobra.
But, I was there, standing straight, looking at the camera, and trying to smile because I was at the verge of breaking down that time, and I don't want to spoil everyone's happiness.
Nabalik ako sa ulirat nang biglang isinara ng malakas ni Belle ang photo album. She sighed and looked at me.
"Stop crying, Elaine. Naiiyak din ako," saad niya at nakita ko ang pangingilid ng luha niya.
Mahina akong natawa at pinunasan ang luha kong tumutulo na pala.
"Tara na."
Hinatak ko si Belle palabas ng bahay. I lock the doors and took out my phone from my pocket to text Zeiger.
Ako:
I'll be going out with Belle today. Siguro late na ako makakauwi mamaya. See you!
I sighed as I sent the message.
He probably doesn't care, but still I don't want him to worry about me when he gets home and wala ako. Kung magwo-worry.
Belle was already on her car, kaya pumasok na din ako matapos ilock din ang gate.
"So, saan tayo?" she asked as she starts maneuvering the car.
"Mall. Then around 6:00, sa BGC."
"Ayy, bet! Erkey." She giggled.
Natawa nalang din ako.
I want to freshen up my mind just for today. Nauumay na din ako sa pagmumukha ni Zeiger. Hindi naman siya nagsasalita.
Natigilan ako nang mag-beep ang cellphone ko. My heart beats fast when I saw Zeiger's name on the screen. He texted me! Oh my goodness!
This is the first text he sent ever since we got married. And I just can't calm my heart down while swiping the screen to read his message.
Zeiger:
Where?
Jusko!
It's just a simple question and message pero para akong lalagnatin! Parang tanga lang. Para akong teenager na pinansin ng crush niya.
Sa simpleng message niya na 'yon, nawala ang sakit at galit na naramdaman ko kanina.
I sighed and tried to calm myself. Elaine, 'wag marupok.
Ako:
Mall. Tas BGC mamaya.
Matapos kong ma-send iyon ay napasinghap ako.
Why is he asking? Susundoin ba niya ako? Susundan? Babantayan? Like those guys I've read on books? Iyong hahatakin ka palabas ng bar in the midst of partying, tas he'll look at you then glares at you, then he'll say 'get in the car, now!' With so much authority in his voice?
I mentally smacked my head. Parang tanga. Feeling teenager lang eh, 'no?
Napalabi ako. Asa naman ako. Zeiger is not that kind of guy. Because he doesn't care. Literally.
"Sino 'yan?"
Halos matapon ko ang cellphone ko nang magsalita si Belle. I look at her at nakita kong papalit-palit ang tingin niya sa daan, sa akin at sa cellphone ko.
I hid my phone on my pocket and she pouted.
Umiwas ako ng tingin at tumingin nalang sa labas ng bintana. Umayos ako ng upo bago tumikhim.
"Wala."
I won't tell her. She'll probably scold me for being marupok.
Pero lahat naman tayo nagiging marupok sa taong mahal natin diba? I guessed it's nature for those people who were in love. Dahil kapag mahal mo, hindi mo kayang matiis.
"Erkey. We're here! Baba na!"
"Gusto mo na akong pababain, hindi mo pa nga maayos na naipark itong kotse mo!?" singhal ko. Tumawa naman siya.
When she parked the car properly, saka na ako bumaba. Bumaba agad si Belle at kumilingkis sa akin bago ako hatakin papasok ng mall.
We went to many shops, buy some stuffs but usually hanggang window shopping lang kami.
Syempre, parehas kaming kuripot, eh. We won't buy things unless it's really needed.
We ate in a fastfood, then continue to window shop.
"Laine, tawagan mo kaya ang mga bakla? Isama natin sila. That would be fun!" ani Belle.
Pinagtaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Inuutusan mo ako?"
"Hindi. Sabi ko nga diba, ako na tatawag? Nakakahiya sayo, eh." Umirap siya dahilan para mahina ako'ng mapatawa.
I looked at my wrist watch at napagtantong malapit nang mag-alas sais.
"Tara punta na tayo sa BGC," pag-aaya ko.
"Sige, wait." She took out her phone and dialed something.
Siguro tatawagan na niya iyong iba.
"Hey, are you busy?... Punta tayong BGC! Papunta na kami ni kumareng Elaine... Pupunta kayo? Oh, sige. Call the others. Nagtitipid ako ng load haha... Alright. See you, bye!"
After the call, agad siyang kumilingkis sa akin na parang linta na isinawalang bahala ko na lamang. Nagsimula na kaming maglakad palabas ng mall.
"Laine, ikaw na mag-drive. Tinatamad ako," she said.
Tumango ako at tahimik na naglakad patungo sa kinaroroonan ng kotse niya.
I went inside the driver's seat as she seated herself on the passenger seat.
"Wala ka nang pupuntahan pa? Diretso na ba sa BGC?" I asked while fixing the rearview mirror.
"Hmm. Wala naman. Diretso na."
"Alright," I said as I started to maneuvered the car and drove it off.
"'Wag mong sabihin ito sa asawa mo, ha? Mamatay siya sa pag-aalala sayo if he went home and see no one in your house," ani Belle.
I cleared my throat and slowly nods.
It's too late, my dear. Nasabi ko na. Pasensya na, ha? God bless.
Tahimik akong nagda-drive at gladly tahimik din na nagti-text sa tabi si Belle. Her new boyfriend? I guess.
Sa aming dalawa, Belle is... well, more experienced? She dated lots of men since we were in college up untill now. But, ni isa wala siyang sineryoso.
Playgirl? Well, sort of.
While me, kay Zeiger lang nabaliw. Well, I've got a boyfriend when I was in college as well, but we broke up the moment I've realized that my feelings for him is not as strong as my feelings towards Zeiger.
And, yes! Even I'm married, I'm still a virgin. Hindi sa ayaw ko, kundi dahil ayaw ni Zeiger.
He told me... that... as long as he loves Athena, he won't touch me, and he won't go intimate with me.
Inintindi ko kahit na masakit. Because it only explains that untill now, si Athena pa rin.
I wiped away the thoughts that can only hurt me in my head and tried to focused myself on driving.
Sabay kaming bumaba ni Belle nang makarating kami sa bar.
"Tara na sa loob! They're already there," saad ni Belle sabay hatak sa braso ko papasok sa loob.
As we went inside the bar, different smell of liquors and cigarettes invaded my nostrils.
Ang iba't ibang kulay ng ilaw, at nakakabinging musika ang bumalot sa buong bar. People making out on the dark sides, and people dancing wildly with the music were can be seen kahit maaga pa.
Iniwas ko ang tingin sa mga tao at hinayaang hatakin ako ni Belle patungo sa isang lamesa na inaakupa ng aming mga kaibigan.
"Hi everything!" Belle greeted as we stand in front of the their table.
"Belle! Elaine!"
Agad silang lumapit sa amin upang makipag-beso.
"Elaine, gumanda ka!" saad ni Reina.
"Wala ako'ng pera," pabibiro ko. Agad niya naman akong binatukan at hinatak kaming dalawa ni Belle paupo.
"So, what's with the sudden pag-aaya ng nomi, mga sis? Sino broken?" tanong ni Kenji.
He's damn handsome, and looked really manly, but don't be deceived by his looks. He's a gay.
"Na-miss ko kasi kayo," nakangising saad ko.
Agad umiba ang mga mukha ng mga kaibigan ko dahilan para matawa ako.
"Basta! Let's just enjoy the night, everybody!" saad ni Belle at habang hawak ang shot ng Jack Daniel's.
They also gave me a shot glass and I smiled as I received it.
"Para sa kinasal pero 'di mahal, cheers—Aray naman 'te! Joke lang!" ani Reina nang sipain ko siya sa ilalim ng mesa.
"Take two, Rein! Masyadong pasmado bibig mo," tumatawang saad ni Lily.
Mga kaibigan ko ba itong mga 'to?
"Ako na! Para sa mga nagmahal pero 'di minahal pabalik, cheers!" sabi ni Kenji.
Agad ko siyang kinurot sa tagiliran.
Nagtawanan sila.
Tumawa nalang din ako. Tae 'tong mga 'to. Ako na naman ang trip.
I drank the shot at agad itong inubos sa isang tunggaan lang.
I took the bottle and poured my glass and drank it directly. I poured some liquors again and drank it. Again. And again.
"Hinay-hinay, Laine. Walang magda-drive sa atin mamaya." Mahinang tumawa si Belle.
I looked at her and nodded. I drank my last shot for that moment and leaned my back on the backrest of the couch.
"Hindi ka na iinom, Laine?" tanong ni Lily.
"Iinom pa. Maghinay-hinay daw eh, sabi ni boss Belinda," sagot ko.
"Ito talagang si Belinda, desisyon masyado," saad ni Kenji.
Natawa kami nang nagsimulang magbangayan ang dalawa na parang mga bata. Kung maka-akto 'tong dalawang 'to, akala mo naman hindi mga propesyonal.
We drank, talked about our lives to catch up. We've been so busy this passed days dahil may kaniya-kaniya na kaming buhay. Buhay trabaho, or buhay love life.
Well, these people has no love life. Ako lang naman ang nakatali sa aming lima. Itong apat na 'to, tamang landi at date lang sa gilid-gilid.
"Pero mga 'te! Itong si Kenji natin, tomboy na!"
Agad akong nabilaukan sa sinabi ni Lily.
"Weh?" di makapaniwalang ani ko.
"Yes, mamser! And really, the girl is really pretty. No wonder biglang naging straight ang baliko nating kaibigan," nakangising saad niya.
Nagkatinginan kaming tatlo nina Belle at Reina at sabay na tumili.
"Ano ba? Ang iingay niyo! Ako lang 'to, eh. At ikaw naman Lily, 'wag ka ngang fake news. Puro ka talkshitan pinagsasabi mo kaya 'di umuunlad ang Pinas," sabi ni Kenji.
Wala'ng sense ang sinabi niya. Nonetheless, we can't stop ourselves from squealing and laughing.
"Naku, Kenji! I'm so proud of you!" I said at niyakap siya mula sa gilid dahil katabi ko siya.
"Elaine, sasapakin kita."
Tumawa ako at mas lalong hinigpitan ang yakap ko sa kaniya.
Humiwalay lang ako para uminom at nagpatuloy kami sa pang-aasar ni Kenji.
Well, Kenji doesn't looked like a gay, really. He just talks like a gay, acts sometimes like a girl, and hangout with girls mostly. I've never seen him with makeups, so bilang kaibigan niya, 'di ko din sure kung bakla ba itong lalakeng 'to o ano.
"Tara, sayaw na tayo!" aya ni Belle.
Hinatak niya ako at naramdaman ko ang pag-sunod nung tatlo.
And we danced and bounced with the music.
I closed my eyes and tried to feel the music, and trying to get rid of the negative painful thoughts in my head.
Then I felt someone touched my waist.
Kumalabog ang puso ko at pilit ipinakalma ang sarili.
Is he here? Ito na ba ang pinapangarap ko mula sa mga librong nabasa ko?
Oh my God!
I sighed and composed myself before facing my back.
Pero bigla nalang akong napaatras nang makitang...hindi siya ito.
Bumagsak ang mga balikat ko at naramdaman ko ang parang may kung anong dumagan sa dibdib ko. Agad akong lumayo sa estranghero.
But he won't get away from me.
Nagsimula akong mainis. Hinanap ko sina Belle pero sa dami ng tao sa dancefloor, hindi ko sila makita.
And then a hand touched my waist once again. It travels on my tummy dahilan para maitulak ko ang lalake.
Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng puso ko, at nanginginig din ang mga tuhod, kamay at labi ko. My sight is a bit blurry and my head hurts. I'm scared for whatever might happen with me when I lose my consciousness. I need to fight my tipsiness.
"G-Get away from me!" I said habang hinahampas ang dibdib ng lalake.
Hinawakan ng lalake ang mga kamay ko dahilan para mas lalong tumindi ang kaba ko.
"Miss, I know you want me," he said.
Naramdaman ko ang pagtayo ng mga balahibo ko.
"Oh, fuck you! Get lost!" I said at tinulak ito palayo.
But he's holding my waist to stay me put on where I stand.
"We'll both enjoy this night, trust me, yes?" saad nito.
Naramdaman ko dahan-dahang paglapit ng mukha nito sa mukha ko. Agad akong umiwas.
Zeiger.... help.
"Get away from me, please! M-My husband will kill you, bastard!" I said and tried to pushed him away again.
Nangi-insulto na tumawa ito.
"Husband? Where is he? I bet if you really have one, he doesn't care for you. Because if he is, he'll never leave a beautiful lady like you at the place like this."
Para akong binuhosan ng malamig na tubig at naramdamang parang may kung anong pumiga sa puso ko.
He hugged me as tried myself to get away from his hold. He touched my butt and squeezed it making the tears I've been holding fell.
"So, come with me. And I'll help you get over him—"
"Tangina mo! Gago!"
And just in a blink of an eye, the perverted guy in front of me fell on the floor.
My heart skipped a beat by what's happening.
I looked at the guy beside me and my shoulders fell once again when I realized, it wasn't him...again.
It's Kenji.
And he's fuming mad!
Mariing nakakuyom ang kamao niya at madilim ang mukha.
Naramdaman ko ang dahan-dahang pagbangon ng lalake pero bago pa siya makabangon, nawala sa tabi ko si Kenji at sinuntok muli ang lalake.
People are looking at us. They're whispering and shrieking and some are just merely watching.
Patuloy pa din sa pagsusuntok si Kenji. And I'm there... staring and trying to processed everything well in my mind.
Until an arm embraced me. I jumped a little at nag-akala na namang siya iyon, pero hindi.
Si Belle iyon.
"Are you okay, Elaine?"
I absentmindedly nodded.
Tinignan ko ulit sila Kenji at nakitang sinita na sila ng bouncer. Doon lang ako natauhan.
Agad kong hinatak palayo si Kenji sa lalake.
"Kenji, tama na," sabi ko.
His face was still dark and his brows were furrowed.
"No, Laine. Binastos ka, eh," mariing saad niya at akmang susugod nang pigilan namin siya.
"Kenj, kalma!" saad ni Reina.
"I can't! Tangina. Walang pwedeng bumastos sa kaibigan ko ng ganun!"
"Lily, Reina, kunin mo ang mga gamit natin. Uuwi na tayo," sabi ni Belle.
Tumango ang dalawa at agad tumalima.
"Kenj, I'm o-okay," sabi ko at hinawakan ang laylayan ng shirt niya.
Humarap siya sa akin. He examined my face and sighed. I smiled.
"I'm okay. Thank you," sabi ko.
Niyakap ako ni Kenji at hinimas ang likod ko.
I hugged him back.
"Kenj, Laine, tara na," sabi ni Belle.
Agad akong bumitaw kay Kenji at nagsimula na kaming naglakad palabas nang biglang tumigil si Belle sa harap nang lalakeng inalalayan na ng bouncer at mga kasama nito.
And she slapped the guy twice.
"Ayan! Tangina mo," sabi ni Belle at hinatak ako palayo doon.
Nakasunod naman si Kenji sa amin.
Nang makalabas na kami ng bar, nakita namin sina Lily at Reina dala ang gamit natin.
"Uwi na tayo. Ako ang maghahatid sa dalawang bruhang iyan," saad ni Kenji habang nakaturo kina Lily at Reina.
Tumango naman kami, ngunit nakita ko ang pag-make face nung dalawa. Mahina akong napatawa.
"I'm sorry for ruining the night," sabi ko habang nakayuko.
Naramdaman ko ang pagyakap ni Lily sa akin. I hugged her back.
"No need to say sorry, Laine. It's okay," she said.
Sumang-ayon naman ang tatlo.
Nang bumitaw si Lily, agad kong niyakap si Kenji ulit.
"Thank you. Napatunayan mo sa akin na tomboy ka na," I said jokingly.
Natawa kami at naramdaman ko ang mahinang paghatak ni Kenji sa buhok ko.
"Kahit ganito ako, it's my responsibility na protektahan ang mga babae ko," saad niya.
Napangiwi ako sa term na ginamit niya. Mga babae niya.
Bumitaw na ako sa kaniya at niyakap ang tatlo.
We bid our good byes at agad na kami pumasok sa kotse.
I seated myself on the passenger seat dahil tila nawalan ako ng lakas matapos ang nangyari kanina. Si Belle ang magda-drive.
Tahimik na pinaandar ni Belle ang kotse kaya pinikit ko ang mga mata ko at isinandal ang ulo sa bintana.
"Are you okay?" tanong niya.
I cleared the lump on my throat and nodded.
I'm okay...
Even I've been hurt by my own expectations tonight, 3 times.
___________