Matty
"Great! Just great!" Max stomped back In After we'd heard him calling after my sister "she doesn't even know the area yet! It's not even been a day and she's run off out of the house with no bloody shoes on! What if there's a mad fan lurking around looking for our new address!"
"If she's not back in ten minutes...."
"No, not waiting this time, last time we did that look what happened! She got drunk and bought a creepy old dude back who was groping her!"
"Max that was a long time ago. She's not going to do that while she's dating you." Ralph spoke up before I had to
"Someone going to tell me who upset my girlfriend at least!"
"I'm not entirely sure which one of us did." Henry admitted looking worriedly at max "I think it might have been me, I'm so sorry son."
"We were telling her about your ex." I sighed hiding my face "why, why did we go there. She's sensitive, why did we go there."
"My ex? Tatiana or Cara? Wait, why? What are you all sat around discussing my ex's for? With my current girlfriend?"
"Because you haven't!" I snapped "and you should have! You've not had the talk. Shared your lists, you've been dating her for four months! You've known her for two and half years."
"It's never come up!" He high pitched squeaked, twitching "it doesn't matter! It's in the past, I still don't understand what the big deal is! Or why you were all discussing it behind my back.....why is she so upset that she's yelling at Laura asking her to bloody leave, she was actually hoping she'd be here! For the first time. I didn't want to make a big deal of it but when I told her you texted to say Laura was coming over she was happy, she said cool I won't be the only one without a dick for a change! Why she now calling her bitch? I thought we'd turned a corner finally!"
"Oh Jem" I shook my head laughing "I'm sorry Laura, just bad timing, she didn't mean any of it I'm sure. She thought Laura was suggesting you were keeping secrets, withholding information from her, that you didn't trust her or was a secret player, a fuck boy and we hadn't told her. Which laura didn't say."
"I do trust her, it's just, awkward and embarrassing" he shuffled chewing on the inside of his mouth
"What? You're not a prude."
"No but....I'm not having this discussion now.....there's girls here" he whispered his cheeks going rosey red, his immature side shining through.
"Laura darling come and help me have a look for her." Sandra waved Laura out of the house with her
"Okay come on out with it" I patted the sofa "is everything not all sunshine and roses with my sister as you've been making out weaver?"
"Don't be a dick" milo slapped my leg "go away if you don't want to help him."
"Come on then before she gets back, what's the issue? Why haven't you told her about your ex's and your bedroom tally." I looked at his blushing cheeks again "oh" I smirked looking away out of the window.
"Mate you...you weren't a virgin were you? I could have sworn...." Ed asked confused
"Of course I wasn't, you know I'm not, you walked in on me and that fan girl. You nearly killed me! You didn't let me finish but I was.....you know, parked on the garage dude!"
"Oh yeah forgot that little escapade of yours after your girlfriend dumped you." Tom rolled around laughing "on the bloody tour bus as well you idiot, caught red handed. They fined your little over eager ass if I remember correctly, it was against the rules. You didn't even know her name!"
"I was drunk!"
"She's more experienced than you isn't she" I smirked, I don't know why I found this so amusing, usually talk of my sisters troubled past would set me off but the look on his face was amusing me, milo slapped my leg again.
"I....I....I don't know, I mean yeah but I don't know." He twitched out "I think....I mean.....like before we were together, we talked about sex" I scowled at him "I mean she told me about the one night stands and a little about Felix, I told her I wasn't a virgin but we didn't go into details."
"I don't think I should be part of this conversation because as far as I'm concerned you're keeping it in your damn pants!....right max?"
"Yep Yep right" he looked around the room awkwardly and I snarled at him like an angry dog, slapping him upside the head "you'll be in huge trouble if I find out otherwise! She's not at her goal weight yet or finished this therapy treatment course, we agreed we'd readdress it when she hits her goal weight max! She's not ready for that yet, she's too fragile still, I warned you not to go there. I told you twenty one mate, she's only eighteen!"
"Dude you know you're being extra right now right" milo shook his head
"Max what's bothering you mate?" Milo rubbed his friends knee
"Nothing, I just, What if she you know thinks I'm.....uneducated" he looked at me sideways, I appreciated his subtlety "I....I love her, I want....I want to make her happy, what if I can't make her happy, in the bedroom. I'm good at the chase but I can't make them stay can I. Obviously! Longest relationship I've been in is six months, most of that was on the road and if I'm honest I knew it was over after four months I just didn't want to admit or deal with it on the road. So technically if you add up physical time spent together this is my longest relationship."
"Dude she wasn't right for you, we all knew it." I patted his back "she was too much like your mother for a start"
"Tell me about it." He chuckled "I just....I don't want to screw up, I don't want to accidentally hurt her and then she runs a mile because I've accidental triggered something."
"Why would you...." I trailed off my eyes widening at him when he shifted awkwardly covering his crotch
"I think you take after me boy, I had similar issues with my ex, not with your mother mind, we'll have a private talk later max, there's certain things you can do to help." Henry grinned proudly
"Dad! Matty's here! And Eww gross I do not need to know what you and mum do."
"I just said not with your mum, I've been around the block son, I wasn't a virgin when I met your mother you know, nor was she. Far from it. You weren't a one time thing son."
"Stop talking!" Max whined "it's not....it's not that....she's.....petite" he struggled to find an appropriate word "but it's not just that, I've never done...certain things.....what if....I don't know. I love her so much, I don't want to hurt her dad."
"Oh god I feel sick" I got up pacing a little
"Sorry Matty, I just mean, I'm not sure what I mean" he sighed "I thought posh boy was timid and shy but now I'm not sure he was behind closed doors, I've found out a few things since we started dating that for sure surprised me about mr perfect, what if he's better than me and she goes back to him! My ex said I was too....well me! In the bedroom as well as out of it. Maybe she had a problem and was too shy to say dad, now she was a prude. I'm not sure I want to know about my Emmy's past experience." Max mumbled sadly "it's hard to separate, I want her to feel safe with me but if I'm....not compatible then.... I don't know, she's fragile, I've never been with someone who's fragile. I know I'm a ball of energy and I don't want that to affect her in a bad way."
"Mate she's a ball of energy too." I offered up, trying to decide if I wanted to hug him or punch him.
"She is" he smiled shyly
"Son you're over thinking, you're fine, we'll have that chat away from the boys. I always said you'd take after me" henry winked patting Max's blushing cheeks.
"I still don't understand why she stormed out?" He checked his phone changing the subject
"I think it's just her flight instinct mate." Tom pulled his phone out "mums got her but she's refusing to talk to Laura so she's coming back Ed."
"It's one step forward three steps back" he sighed
"She's ok Ed" Laura piped up rejoining us "she didn't get far. She's sitting in a tree three streets away."
"In a tree?" Max scrunched his face up in confusion
"Yeah I think she was on the phone to peter" she laughed "she said and I quote I ain't coming down until that bitch fucks off" Laura did a bad British accent
"She doesn't sound like that, she has a sexy accent" max giggled "sorry Laura and I'm sorry if I embarrassed you earlier my mouth runs away with it's self sometimes. I can't help it, it's my ADHD but I'm still sorry."
"We'll try and keep it down, I'm sorry I wasn't aware it was still an issue, or that we were that loud!"
"We're not, she had her ear pressed to the door" Ed laughed
"Not quite Ed, one time and only because you bought Laura back and didn't tell her, again! She thought you were in trouble and darted over to check before I could stop her, I told you that. We could hear you from our old room though, more him than you Laura, we could only hear you when you, you know...finish. I mean my old room. She just don't like it." He shrugged "threw up one time, didn't even make it to the bathroom, I'd presumed when she'd go to the bathroom she was being sick but that one time....all over my bed sheets, she was so embarrassed......I think....maybe you make the same sex noises as her stepdad or maybe someone else...unpleasant, maybe, I'm not sure, she won't talk about it, her nightmares are worse after we hear you. In fact I can guarantee she'll have at least one if you've got the girlfriend staying over, even if you're not getting it on, she has multiple in one night if you are getting frisky. Really bad ones, slapped me round the face in her sleep once, kneed me in nuts another time, it's hazardous." Max giggled, at least he wasn't complaining about it and running a mile.
"Shit, sorry, damn it, I'm so sorry Matty" Ed pleaded "really max?" He asked sadly and max shrugged and nodded
"We could hear that animal and my mum, maybe that's it Ed. She wouldn't have known at the time what the noises were I suppose, so it could be a trigger. Went to check on my mum one time, I could hear her whimpering, it sounded like she was in pain, regretted that. He looked at me smirked and carried on....more forcefully." I confessed "No nine year old needs to see there mother bent over being pounded by an animal while she whimpers in pain. I wonder if Jem ever saw them, it hasn't come up in therapy, Max? Flashbacks?"
"Oh errr no, no don't think it's in the book, it's not food related is it, I think 95% of her flashbacks at least at the moment are about food related stuff. Before, I'm not sure. Maybe her nightmares though. I could ask her but I'd rather not today, it's move in day, I wanted it to be special, make happy memories for her, now it's ruined, I just wanted her to have at least one nice day in our new home with no drama" he picked sadly at his shorts.
"Sorry mate" milo rubbed his back
Sandra and Jem came back fifteen minutes later, Jem retreating straight to her new room, max sighed sadly, going up after her.
"She's okay Matty, more embarrassed than anything else, she knows she over reacted Laura. But she's still a little annoyed with you and doesn't really know why herself bless her."
"You know....I don't think you putting pressure on that particular part of their relationship is helping anyone Matty" Henry hesitantly told me. "It's making him paranoid and anxious, it's a lot of pressure to live up to your standards."
"Already told him that a thousand times" Ralph rolled his eyes "even if he's sticking to your rules, it's gonna happen eventually Matty. I can't see her sticking to them even if he's trying to. the therapists said she has an ingrained need to please people, particularly men. If he sticks to your rules and she's offering it up to him, she might see it as a rejection on his part. Despite not liking strangers touching her, she's a very tactile person. You won't break that cycle by just banning her from ever having another sexual partner! She's eighteen."
"Why does everybody keep telling me that! I know how old she bloody is but on the inside she's not!"
"You What?" Milo asked confused
"You all know as well as I do that inside she's just a vulnerable little girl desperate to be loved, by anyone, A frightened little girl that I need to protect! My little girl! I couldn't protect her before and I should have, I'm not making that mistake again. So back off!" I angrily ranted at the entire room
"Son, I'm sorry but that's your issues not hers. I know you don't want to face it and you're still avoiding it but the situation with your birth family and with your sister has messed with your head too, not just jemima's." Ralph calmly told me "I know you're not ready to deal with it, we know there's stuff you haven't told us, like just now, that's the first time you've told us that you witnessed something like that Matt, I'm not going to push you into discussions you're not ready for, it has to come from you, but I'm here, we're all here when you are ready, alright?" Ralph looked at me with his signature I don't care what anyone says I'm your fucking dad look, a phrase he'd often spit out in a rant when I was a kid "alright?" He said more firmly and I nodded "now we all understand where you are coming from ok, no one is saying you're not right about wanting them to take things slow, about having doubts about it lasting and what effect that will have not only on them but the whole blended family, your concerns are valid Matt, no one is saying other wise, but he's already been there, he's admitted to sleeping with her...."
"Behind my back" I snapped interrupting Ralph's dad speech
"We know that too, we know you haven't forgiven him yet either. Which is also valid, he should have come to you first. I agree Matty, I'm just as annoyed as you are that he was chasing her while she was with William and that he didn't approach you when he first knew he'd fallen in love with her. But Matty, he does love her, I thought it was just a sexual attraction but the more I see them together the more obvious it is son, on both sides."
"Men" Sandra laughed "us mums saw it before you even left for tour"
"I know love" Ralph smiled "us men are clueless to these things, we all just thought he fancied her, except Henry, you sussed your boy out before anyone. he loves her Matty, give him a proper chance. For her. She deserves to be happy, he makes her happy."
"William made her happy"
"When he wasn't leaving. End of the day max is right, he walked away with out a fight! She felt out of place in his world, you said so yourself after that wedding you went to. I didn't see it lasting the long tour. If that's going to be his life style permanently then it wasn't right for her, she needs stability, she needs someone who's going to be present, she needs a home base, if they got married or had kids and he was off touring..."
"Max is in a band! Our band! We're gonna have the exact same issues down the line."
"I'm her home" max muttered making me spin around sharply "you're her home. Not bricks and not....him. He wasn't her home, I'm her home, I've always been her home not him, when things got tuff it was me she automatically wanted not that posh prick! Like on the tour bus when she nearly got mowed down, she wanted me not him, because I'm her home, I'm her safety, me Matty."
"She tell you that at the time?" I raised an eyebrow at him
he nodded not looking up from the floor "why do you like him more than me?"
"Who William? I never said that max"
"You phoned him and asked him to come round, when I wasn't here! You'd prefer she went back to posh boy don't you."
"Would be easier." I shrugged, Ralph whacking my leg with the back of his hand harshly
"For you or for her!" Ralph scolded "or because she won't be having sex if she's with William and he's touring the world."
"What do I need to do matty?" Max kicked his foot on the floor "please tell me because you make her sad and I can't stand it. I can't stand to see her sad it breaks my heart. She sobs in my arms at night Matty, after you've had one of your rants at me or pinned me to a wall! Sobs Matty, what do I need to do to make you stop making her cry."
"You know my answer"
"I'm not breaking up with her"
"I don't know then, I honestly don't know max. You know I love you little bro, quirks and all, it's not that."
"You don't act like it, you hate me."
"I don't hate you."
"You say you hate me all the time. You let posh boy sleep with her!" He complained "you let him kiss her in front of you without decking him! You gave me a black eye when you walked in on me kissing her in the kitchen! You saw him banging her in the back of a car and you walked away and didn't stop him! You bought him the damn condoms to fuck her with! Why aren't I good enough? I know I'm not good enough, I know I'm punching well above my weight, I know she deserves better than someone like me."
"What the fuck you on about now"
"Max, you are good enough, look at me son" Henry said sadly "you.are.good.enough. Your brains not bloody broken boy it just wired differently."
"I wanted to buy her flowers to put in our room and I forgot, I always forget, I got distracted by the shiny car. He would have bought her flowers on move in day. I'm such a screw up dad, I can't do anything right. He's never going to accept this and then I'm gonna loose her. There's no way she'll choose me over him." max cried quietly, his dad giving him a hug
"Max.....I'm sorry, I'm trying. I am feeling more comfortable about it you know that, just not about you and her doing stuff. You have to build the trust between you first starting with sharing about the ex's mate. You want this to last you need to open up to her and don't keep secrets."
"I'm not keeping secrets! Look we even synced our calendars and changed our pass codes so they're the same" he wiggled his phone at me, drying his eyes
"That's controlling behaviour max! We talked about you being jealous and controlling with her. I won't stand for it!"
"I'm not! It was her idea, She said it would help my ADHD! That she could check I'd put everything on the Callander and that she could set extra alarms for me, reminders! Yeah I like knowing exactly where she is but only so I can rescue her if she's in trouble Matty! She has a habit of getting herself in trouble and sticky situations! She's my best friend! I like spending time with her, it's not just because we're dating. She said if we had the same pass code when I forget it she'll know it so I won't have to keep resetting it. I have nothing to hide from her so it doesn't matter if she can get in my phone. She can look at whatever she wants."
"I have her pass code, part of the house rules, which she's broken for you, she's supposed to tell me her pass code."
"That was before I turned eighteen" Jem snuffed past with an empty box taking it outside "and before I had photos I didn't want you to see on there, not sure you want to see Max's dick pics that he keeps sending me."
"Emmy!" Max gasped "if you've got dick pics they're not from me baby! Who's sending you bloody dick pics! Let me see your phone." He flustered over "ewwww that's not me! I thought you would have known what mine looks like by now and that's not it! Why would I send you dick pics when you can see it whenever you like in person!"
"Oi!" I shouted pointing at him
"Who's Harrison?" He continued to fluster and twitch anxiously, ignoring me
"Old school acquaintance, friend of a friends brother or something like that. Went to a few parties he was at too."
"Why's he sending you fucking dick pics! You date this dude? You sleep with him? Kiss him? Who is he Emmy! I've never heard his name before."
"Dude!" I complained "this is why you need to share the damn lists and have that conversation! In private mate! Jem? What's going on?"
"Creep found out I'm your sister. Wants to know if I'm still up for fun now I'm a 'big rock stars little sister' or if I'm 'too good for them now' he's always been an over confident asshole. Felix knocked his tooth out once for touching my butt. Saved the pics for you, thought you'd like to go hulk on him before I block the creep with the wonky button mushroom dick, which has never been near my personage drumsticks" she pecked his lips "love you, you're too easy to wind up" she smiled a triumphant smile
"You little...come here....come back here...I'm so gonna get you Emmy!" Max chased her up the stairs which was followed by the familiar sound of one of their tickle fights.
I looked through Jem's phone she'd left unlocked, the boys telling me to stop "thank you" Jem reappeared taking it out of my hands.
"What's B.G! And why is peter blowing up your phone about it, you got a code set up?"
"we do and none of your beeswax bro." She poked her tongue out at me
"Can I know baby?" Max popped back up from nowhere
"Nope" she bopped his nose as he pulled her in for a cuddle
"You should have told me about the creepy dude baby I would have dealt with him. You don't have to wait for Matty anymore. You got me."
"Slipped my mind" she shrugged fiddling with his hair "he texted when you were plating up dinner last night, I was distracted by your wiggly hip moves. Far more appealing than a wonky mushroom dick."
"I got that bubble song stuck in my head again. You wanna test out the pool? Unpacking can wait or we can pop out for a walk have a look around? Oooo ice cream! Yeah come on Emmy let's go get ice cream, we'll be back in a while boys" max dragged Jem out by the arm who waved at us rolling her eyes but smiling happily at the back of Max's head.
"That boy, attention span of a gnat. They do their breakfast dancing this morning henry? Cute isn't it. Should have known back in London, he was so obvious by then, thinking back I mean. Poor William so knew, poor boy."
"I didn't have breakfast with them, he made her breakfast in bed. Well marshmallow cereal, milkshakes and toast, but for max that's a good start." Henry nodded exchanging a smile with Ralph
"Why you smiling at him like that?" I asked suspiciously
"Just a dad thing. Now stop upsetting the boy, he's moving in with his girlfriend, let him have the rest of the day at least without you breathing down his neck." Ralph tutted at me
"Fine, but he's not moving in with his girlfriend the idiot" I smiled to myself, Ralph patting me on the back
"Stop resisting it Matty, she's still your little Jem even if she's his little Emmy now"
"She'll always be my little Jem. I loved her first before maxwell, before all of them, she's my little girl and I'm loosing her all over again."
"He's not taking her away from you Matty sweetheart" Sandra hugged me while I randomly and embarrassedly cried "let it all out sweetheart, it's alright to be upset."
"He fucked my little sister mum! My little baby sister!" I sobbed "I trusted him! I let her down again. I didn't protect her"
"Matty mate, we understand honestly we do but she don't need protecting, not from our hyperactive little Maxwell." Ed rubbed the back of my head "let it out mate, before they get back. It's alright Matt, we understand. You're not loosing her mate, I promise you." I nodded squeezing my mother figure tighter sobbing louder. They were used to this, it had been a while since I'd completely broke down like this but it used to be on the regular. Every missed birthday, missed Christmas, every London visit midnight blue made, every rejected phone call home, every return to sender letter or gift that arrived on our door step.
"Shush my precious boy, we've got you" Sandra stroked my neck calming me down.
"Let it out son. We know. Come here Matt, I got you son" Ralph pulled me into him "you're gonna be okay now matt, I got you boy and I got our girl too. You're both safe now son, I promise you Matt. They can't hurt either of you ever again. You're both safe son." He kissed my head letting me break down without judgment like he always did.