Trigger warning: The following chapter covers the topic of miscarriage. If you are struggling with the experiences of miscarriage or the loss of a child, the following chapter could be a trigger for you, and you would want to skip the next two chapters. ❤
Eadith looked at her startled: "What?"
The pain that had just rippled through Shaylee's stomach had subsided, and she took a deep breath: "The child is coming."
Eadith still didn't seem to know exactly what to do with this information. It took her a moment until she then she turned to Æthelstan and said to him: "Run to Uhtred and tell him that Shaylee and I are with Abbess Hild. And tell him that Shaylee is in labour."
The boy looked at her with big eyes, but then he nodded and ran away. Shaylee looked at Eadith with a wrinkled forehead, "To Abbess Hild?
„Do you want to give birth to your child in the Inn?" Eadith asked her dryly.
No, Shaylee did not want that. She found the idea of giving birth to a bastard child in a Christian monastery a bit unusual, though. But she followed Eadith through the street to the entrance of the nunnery anyway.
Eadith was going at a fairly brisk pace until Shaylee finally took her by the arm and said, "We don't need to hurry. It will be hours before the baby is born".
Eadith looked at her and laughed, somewhat embarrassed: "You're right. Please forgive me. I've never been involved in childbirth before."
They walked a little slower through Winchester until they finally reached the convent. Eadith stopped one of the young novices and asked her: "Excuse me, can you tell us where we can find Abbess Hild?
The young woman in the nun's robe frowned and hesitated briefly, then said, "She left the nunnery some time ago. She wanted to meet Father Pyrlig and some other men in the Inn."
Obviously, the nun could not quite understand why her abbess should meet with men in an Inn. But she did not bring up this incomprehension, which led Shaylee to conclude that the nun respected Hild. The nun looked back and forth between Shaylee and Eadith and finally said: "But surely Abbess Hild wouldn't mind if they wait in her rooms. I will send an errand boy to inform her of her visit".
Shaylee smiled gratefully at the young woman: "Thank you very much. I think we'll take a walk in the garden in the meantime. Abbess Hild will find us there."
Eadith followed Shaylee hesitantly towards the garden of the monastery: "Are you sure that walking is a good idea?"
"Sure. I can't just do nothing."
They had hardly arrived in the monastery garden when Hild stepped through a passage in the wall on the opposite side and came hurrying towards them. She hugged Shaylee tightly and said, "I just spoke to Father Pyrlig. We will find a solution so that this bastard will not be allowed to take you with him! And in the meantime, you stay here; this is certainly not the first place they'll look for you."
Shaylee gave the abbess a short hug, then she separated herself from the lady and said: "Thank you, but that's not why we're here." She stroked her pregnant belly with a light smile, "The baby is in a hurry."
"The contractions have already started?" Hild asked in surprise.
Nodding, Shaylee replied, "Yes, it will surely take a while longer. Please excuse us for intruding, but..."
Hild cut off her word: "Nothing but, you are more than welcome here. I will have a room prepared. Your uncle knows about this?"
Eadith nodded and said: "I have sent Æthelstan to him. He should inform him."
"Very well," said Hild and smiled at Eadith, "Will you keep Shaylee company while I arrange the room?"
A little later, Abbess Hild rushed off again, and Shaylee and Eadith also began to stroll through the convent garden. The contractions came at long intervals and did not last very long. Shaylee knew that it would be a long time until the child was really born. Now the contractions were not particularly unpleasant. But Shaylee knew that this would change later, and she would need all her strength.
Eadith always stayed close to her; even when Shaylee finally retreated into the chamber that Hild had prepared for her, she stayed by her side. Shaylee thought it was kind of cute, but it was really not necessary. Smiling, Shaylee sent Eadith out of the chamber: "I'm just going to lie down for a while, and you should do the same. I'll be all right!"
"Are you sure?" Eadith asked sceptically.
Shaylee smiled: "Sure. I'm gonna get some more sleep. Besides, it'll probably be hours before the contractions really kick in. I will call for you then."
Eadith didn't seem entirely convinced. But she left Shaylee alone and left the room to lie down herself.
Shaylee lay down too, but she had trouble falling asleep. She had become so accustomed to falling asleep in the arms of Finan that she now had trouble falling asleep without his quiet snoring. She rolled back and forth in the narrow cot and finally got up, moaning. She would not fall asleep, at least not yet. Outside it had become dark by now. The room was lit only by flickering candles. Through the small window, Shaylee could watch the starry sky. She was stretching her neck to perhaps spot a constellation familiar to her when it became loud outside her chamber door.
"You can't go in there," said one woman in a shrill voice.
"I can, and I will. Step aside," a man's voice came through the door, and Shaylee heard the excitement in his voice.
The nun's voice trembled, but she remained steadfast: "I have strict orders not to let anyone in except Abbess Hild, Lady Eadith or Lord Uhtred."
Shaylee was impressed by the nun's steadfastness and smiled gratefully at her as she opened the door: "It's all right. He may come in. Thank you very much!"
The novice looked at Shaylee and carefully asked, "Are you sure."
Laughing, Shaylee nodded, "Quite sure." Then she turned to Finan and said, "Come on in."
Finan quickly followed her into the chamber, and before the door behind him had fallen into the lock, he pulled Shaylee into his arms and asked excitedly, "How are you? Are you alright?"
Shaylee nodded and let herself sink a little against Finan's chest: "Yes, I'm fine."
Finan's hands gently stroked her back and sighed: "Æthelstan was shouted into the church by his grandmother, so he found us only a little while ago and gave us the message. Otherwise I would have been here much more earlier".
Smiling, Shaylee waved away: "That's all right. It'll be a long time before the child is here. At the moment, it's mostly just killing time anyway, and when things really start to take off, you wouldn't be able to help here anyway".
Finan nodded slowly and lowered his gaze, then onto Shaylee's bulging belly. He gently stroked it and then asked, "But the baby's coming early, isn't it?"
Nodding, Shaylee replied, "Yes, it's pretty rushed. But I'm sure it'll be all right."
Shaylee was not 100% sure if she wanted to reassure herself or Finan? The baby came very early; either she had made a big miscalculation, or the baby came about a month and a half early. But she made every effort to push all worrying thoughts as far away from her as possible.
Finan seemed to feel her anxiety anyway and said: "It just wants to get to know you as soon as possible. I can understand that." He leaned down to her and breathed a gentle kiss on her lips, then let himself fall to his knees before her and, turning to the baby, said: "And you: You will be kind to his mother. You'll have plenty of time to tease her later."
Laughing, Shaylee shook her head: "Even then, he still doesn't have a pass. "He?" asked Finan, winking, "Do you think it'll be a boy?"
Shaylee rolled her eyes, "Maybe."
Finan still grinned contentedly, "Well, we'll know soon enough."
He was right about that. Relaxed, Shaylee leaned back against Finan as he stood up and wrapped his muscular arms around her. With her eyes closed, she stood there, enjoying the pleasant warmth that he radiated. But suddenly, she tensed up again as another contraction rolled through her body.
Finan naturally noticed her sudden change and supported her at the elbows. The spitting was quickly over, and Shaylee relaxed again.
Finan looked down at her questioningly, and Shaylee quickly put on a smile: "All is well. All over again." She looked over at the bed and said, "I was just about to lie down. Would you like to keep me company? I'll sleep better with you beside me."
"You want to sleep?" asked Finan in surprise.
Glucking, Shaylee nodded: "Yes, I do. It will be a long time before the actual birth begins. And I don't intend to wait all night for the next contraction. I also heard that I wouldn't get much sleep with a toddler. I don't want to have my last night without a child stolen too."
Finan still looked at her a bit critically, but he followed her to the narrow bed and sat down on it. He leaned his back against the headboard of the bed and put his arms around Shaylee, who nestled against his side and let her head rest on his chest.
So they sat there for a while, and Shaylee dozed a little. But even now, she could not really fall asleep. Too many thoughts were whirling through her head. Finally, she lifted her head and looked up at Finan: "What happened in the throne room after I left it?"
From the moment Shaylee felt the first contraction, she had tried to push the thought of her conversation in the palace away from her. But she was honest enough with herself to admit to herself that she had not been very successful.
Finan had involuntarily stiffened when she raised the subject. He didn't answer immediately either but seemed to get his answers straight. Finally, he said: "The good thing is that the King has not yet given a definitive answer."
"But he didn't shoot down Aidan's request right away either," Shaylee remarked, grimacing.
Finan sighed: "No, he didn't. But we will find a solution anyway." He looked down at her and put his hand on her stomach, "They won't be able to tear us apart. Never."
"Never!" Shaylee repeated, snuggling up with Finan.
She actually managed to get some more sleep. But she woke up every now and then when another contraction rolled through her body. Eventually, she gave up and got up again.
"Let's go for a walk", she decided and pulled her overdress over her head with some effort.
Finan tiredly rubbed his eyes but stood up obediently and offered her his arm. Shaylee linked arms with him with a grin, and together they began to stroll through the corridors of the monastery. They walked slowly, for Shaylee was by now quite clumsy. They had just turned into the cloister when Shaylee stopped and clawed her hands into Finan's forearm. Moaning, she put her hand on her belly.
Finan looked at her uncertainly, "Are you all right?"
Angrily glinting, Shaylee looked up at him and asked, "Do I look like I'm all right?" Finan hesitated briefly, then asked, "What can I do?"
Shaylee tried to let the air out of her lungs slowly and then said more gently, "Tell me a story. Distract me."
She seemed to have surprised Finan with that because he didn't say anything for a while, the next contraction came, and through clenched teeth, Shaylee hissed: "Tell me a story!"
Quickly Finan tightened up and began to tell: "Have I ever told you how I got my scian?"
Shaylee just shook her head and walked next to Finan in small steps. He smiled and began to talk: "I was about 10 years old. Still a child, but I felt like I had grown up a long time ago. I spent a lot of time with my aunt Orlaigh. She was my father's sister." Finan grinned, lost in memories, "She was a remarkable woman. Very different from her 11 sisters. She was never intimidated by my grandfather or her brothers. She only married for her mother's sake. Her husband was a strange buck. He hardly ever talked, and when he did, he had this voice," Finan laughed, "He sounded like a talking crow.
Shaylee snorted and shook her head, "No way, you made that up."
"If I say so," affirmed Finan and said conspiratorially, "Aunt Orlaigh once made the suggestion that he might have been an enchanted crow."
Finan's melodious laugh carried through the corridor; he stroked his beard and then continued with a grin, "Orlaigh's husband did not get old. They didn't have children themselves. But I spent a lot of time at her house. My mother was a pious woman. It was essential to her that her children were raised according to their status. She had not much interest in games and fun. My aunt was very different. She was all fun and games. After the death of her husband, my grandfather wanted to remarry Orlaigh as quickly as it was morally possible, but she refused. She was the opposite of her father in almost everything, but she was no bit less stubborn than him. My grandmother was near to despair because of her. But then Orlaigh met Liam Ó Raghallaigh at a market. Liam was not a particularly rich man, wealthy but not influential. He was a simple armourer, but Orlaigh wanted him or no one else. Finally, my grandfather gave in. The only time he gave in, but he refused to pay a dowry. Orlaigh couldn't have cared less about that. She and Liam moved to a small house in the city and lived a simple life. It was a small house, but it seemed huge to me. Every time I had managed to get away from the priests, I was either in the forest or with Liam in the forge. There he taught me how to smith and much more. He showed me how to make a weapon as beautiful as it was deadly."
Shaylee also smiled: "Finan, the armourer. You never cease to amaze me."
"Unfortunately, much of the knowledge didn't stick," admitted Finan and was about to continue when Shaylee suddenly broke away from him and ran to a nearby bucket.
Coughing, she bent over the bucket and waited for nausea to overcome her, but sickness slowly let go. Moaning, she straightened up again and brushed a strand of hair from her face. When she saw the worried look of Finan, she forced herself to smile: "Go on."
Finan hesitated, but then he continued: "Of course, from the first day in the blacksmith's shop, I wanted Liam to make me a sword, but he refused. This is understandable for any adult, of course, but less so for a 7-year-old boy. I received my first sword when I was about 13 years old. But already some years before he gave me this scian at the summer solstice". Finan's gaze wandered and then said, lost in thought, "He also taught me how to handle these weapons. Everything I know, he taught me."
Finan interrupted himself, and a short pause arose before continuing: "Conall, my brother was jealous of my new treasure from the moment Liam gave me the scian. This, of course, made the scian even more valuable to me. From my youth to adulthood, I have always carried him around with me. Conall knew how much this scian meant to me, especially after the death of Liam. So, of course, he insisted on taking the scian from me before he made me leave Ireland."
Finan interrupted himself; no doubt he seemed to consider how best to proceed, finally saying: "I thought I would never see this scian again, just like everything else I had left behind in Ireland. But somehow, my aunt must have found out that I survived and was now living in Coccham. Because one day, years after I left Ireland, an Irish trader stood on my doorstep and handed me this very scian." Finan pulled the long dagger from its sheath and twisted it back and forth between his fingers, "This scian of Liam was the first weapon I received, and now it is the only remnant of my childhood, the only thing left of my origins."
Shaylee had stopped and looked up at Finan. Attentively she studied his face. She could see his slightly clouded eyes and knew that this relatively neutral expression was a pure facade. Reluctantly, she reached for his hand and said softly, "Your aunt and Liam have given you so much more than just a scian. They have given you memories, and these memories belong only to you, and nobody can take them away from you".
Finan smiled at her gratefully but still with a certain sadness in his eyes. Shaylee would have loved to talk about the story further, but she never got the chance as the next contraction rolled through her. The contractions were now very close together, and she knew that the next phase of the birth was now slowly beginning. So, supported by Finan, she made her way back to her chamber, where she told him to call Eadith and Hild: "And then I would go to an alehouse if I were you. It may be hours before the baby is born and the alehouse is the best place to wait".
For once, Finan did not seem particularly enthusiastic about the idea of going to the alehouse. But he complied with her request, of course. But before he went out the door, he took Shaylee in his arms once more and kissed her extensively: "I love you. Don't you dare leave me here alone!"
Of course, Shaylee knew what he was alluding to. She stood on her toes and looked deep into Finan's eyes: "I love you! It's gonna be all right, I promise you."
She knew she couldn't really promise that. Childbirth was a dangerous thing, and it happened all too often that either the mother or the child did not survive. But Shaylee just couldn't let those thoughts happen right now; she just knew that everything would be fine. So she pushed Finan to the door and said, "See you in a few hours."
As the door behind Finan fell into the lock, Shaylee leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. In the last few minutes, the contractions had grown stronger and stronger, and now she could barely stand on her feet when one announced itself. She stood there, breathing heavily as the door to her chamber was pushed open again, and Eadith and Hild came in. Hild hurried to her immediately and led her to the bed.
"How are you?" she asked Shaylee after helping her onto the bed.
Shaylee looked at them, mockingly: " Fucking fantastic. What do you think?"
She noticed immediately that she had misused her tone and rushed to say, "Please forgive me. It's just that..."
Hild laughed and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder: "Everything is all right. Don't worry. There's nothing you can throw at my head that someone hasn't said before."
Shaylee doubted that, but she decided to let the statement stand. Hild gave instructions to a novice standing in the doorway, and Shaylee felt strange being on this side of the event for once. Usually, it was she who demanded hot water and clean cloths. But today, Shaylee was grateful to have Hild and Eadith with her. Hild had been there for many a birth and seemed to know exactly what she had to do, and Eadith was Shaylee, a rock in the surf.
Although Shaylee had been present at some of the births, she had no idea what contractions would feel like. This pain that rolled through her with every contraction could not be described in words. The pain was more intense than anything Shaylee had ever imagined. Nothing could be more brutal, not whips or chains. Sometimes the pain was so fierce that Shaylee forgot to breathe and had to struggle for breath afterwards. But the physical pain was almost less severe than this inner restlessness that gripped Shaylee. She was suddenly aware of all the things that could go wrong. Once she turned to Eadith with tears in her eyes and whispered: "The baby cannot come yet. We don't even have a name yet."
Of course, Shaylee knew she had no choice, and Eadith knew she did too. But she seemed to understand that Shaylee just wasn't able to reason at the moment, and so she took over for Shaylee: "The baby is coming. And you'll still have time to think of a name after the birth."
Shaylee really didn't have time to think of a name anymore because the baby came quickly. Strangely enough, Shaylee couldn't remember the actual moment when the baby was born. Everything around her seemed to have fallen silent, and suddenly Shaylee felt this incredible emptiness inside her. Breathlessly she wanted to lift herself up, but Eadith held her down. Slowly Shaylee began to perceive her surroundings again and realised that her baby was not crying. In a panic, she shook the hand of Eadith and sat up. She immediately became dizzy but forced herself to sit up.
"Why isn't it crying? Hild! Why isn't it crying?" panicked Shaylee Hild wanted small bundles to be torn from her hands, but Hild took a step back without looking at her. She stroked the child's face with a piece of cloth, and there was this soft whimper. Shaylee's heart skipped a sentence, and again she reached out for her child, but this time far less hectically.
Carefully Hild placed the little creature in her arms and smiled at Shaylee: "Congratulations, you have a son."
Shaylee looked down at this little creature and could not believe that she was actually holding her son in her arms. She did not look up when Hild left the room and returned a little later. She was too busy absorbing every little thing her son did. With trembling fingers, she ran along his cheek lines and smiled as he reached for her finger in an uncoordinated manner. She only looked up when Finan dropped to his knees beside her. Shaylee tore herself away from those big blue eyes and looked up at Finan. Only now did she realise that tears were streaming down her cheeks, and Finan's eyes also appeared to be watery. She sat up a bit and turned the bundle in her arms a little so that Finan could see it better.
Finan ran his hand over his son's little head and kissed Shaylee on the temple: "You did great!"
Shaylee laughed shakily and let herself sink against Finan. They were now alone in the chamber; Hild and Eadith had withdrawn in silence, leaving the two new parents alone with their newborn son.
Shaylee shakily drew in the air and then said, "Let's call him Liam." Finan looked at her in surprise, "Are you serious?"
Shaylee nodded and said, "Yes, absolutely. I want a name with meaning, and what could be more meaningful than the name of the man who shaped the father of my child?"
"That would mean a lot to me," Finan whispered softly.
Shaylee laughed and said with a grin, "You see, we found a name after all because we both like."
Finan laughed softly and pulled Shaylee tenderly towards him. She tiredly lowered her head to his chest and closed her eyes for a moment. She was so tired. Finally, she opened her eyes again and held her son out to Finan so he could hold him too. Finan looked at the little creature and said softly, "He's so small."
That was Liam, really. He was so small, and his skin seemed almost translucent. Silently, her boy lay in his father's hands, and Shaylee knew he would never grow taller. She looked up at Finan and knew that he knew it too.
She slipped to the side so that Finan could sit with her on the bed. They sat arm in arm for a while in the bed, trying to memorise all the little details of their little son. Finally, Shaylee whispered in a choked voice: "We need a priest to baptise him."
She saw Finan swallow and hesitated for a moment, then nodded, "I'll send for Father Pyrlig."
But as it turned out, Hild had already taken care of it because Finan had hardly left the room when he returned. This time he was accompanied by Uhtred, Hild and Father Pyrlig. Uhtred walked up to her and bent down to give her a gentle kiss on the forehead. Then he turned to his great-nephew, and a smile appeared on his face: "He is beautiful."
Shaylee smiled gratefully at him. Finan sat back down with her by the bed and put his arm around her. Meanwhile, busy novices brought the baptismal utensils into the room. Hild leaned down to Shaylee and carefully picked up Liam. Shaylee was reluctant to lay her child in the arms of someone else. But she fought the emptiness down and said, "His name is Liam. After his father's uncle."
Hild smiled and nodded: "A beautiful name."
Shaylee leaned exhausted against Finan and needed a moment to mobilize enough strength to stand up. Finan helped her stand up. He had one hand around her waist, and with the other, he held her hand.
The baptism ceremony was short. Father Pyrlig said a short prayer and then baptised the boy in the name of Liam. Afterwards, the clergy left the room again, and Uhtred also said goodbye to Shaylee again.
But before he left the room, he bent down to Shaylee again and said thoughtfully: "Take as much time as you need!"
As he walked by, Uhtred Finan put one hand on his shoulder and nodded at him, "You know where to find me?"
Finan nodded and drew his face into a kind of grateful smile. Then Uhtred left the room too, and Shaylee and Finan were alone in the room again. Finan held Liam in his arms. Her son's body seemed so small and fragile in the strong arms of his father.
She tried to flick away the tears in her eyes, but she couldn't, and when Finan turned to her and saw the tears in his eyes, she stopped trying.
"It's so unfair," she whispered in a choked voice. Finan didn't say anything about it but just put her son back into her arms and put his arms around both of them. Shaylee leaned against Finan and did not let her son's little face out of her sight.
He lay so still in her arms. Newborn babies usually screamed. This was only understandable, as she was just squeezed out of a protected bubble into a cold, brutal world; everyone would cry except Liam, who was silent and still in his arms. Only the faint raising and lowering of his chest indicated that he was alive.
From the moment she felt the first contractions, she had been aware that the contractions had started far too early, but she had simply hoped that she had made a mistake. That the little man inside her would be strong enough to cope with this abrupt start to his life. But now that she held the tiny body in her arms, she knew that he had no chance. No matter how hard he fought, he had no chance of a long and full life.
"He would have become a fighter. Look at those hands," Finan said into the silence and lifted his finger, which Liam clasped.
Shaylee laughed and nodded, "I'm sure he would have become the greatest warrior in the land, and every time he returned from a victorious battle, a beautiful wife and many well-behaved children would have greeted him at home."
They both knew that these events would never happen, but somehow it felt good to play with these theories. Arm in arm, they imagined the life that Liam would never be able to lead. But suddenly, they were torn from this dream world when there was a disturbance outside the door. Shaylee and Finan exchanged glances, and Finan had just jumped off the bed when the door was pushed open.
Shaylee gasped for breath as Aidan burst into the room. Shaylee's brain could barely process the sudden appearance of her worst enemy as he pointed his finger at Liam and said, "This child is mine. You and the child are mine. You will both come with me, and you will come with me NOW."
"You're not getting one step closer to her," replied Finan in a tone Shaylee had never heard from him before. There was a cold burning to Finans's rage, an ice that scared Shaylee.
Any average person with common sense would have taken a step back, but not Aidan. He just laughed scornfully and said: "Oh, so you're her new stud now? You're lucky I'm taking her off your hands."
Liam, who had hardly whimpered more than a little since he was born, started crying and Shaylee began gently rocking the baby. Turning to Aidan, she hissed, "You're not taking anyone else's baby from here. Get the hell out of here!"
"I will not. At least not without this child and you," he grinned mockingly and said, "A good mother would probably come with me voluntarily to spare a child this traumatic experience.
"I swear to you. The only reason you are still alive is that we are on the ground of a monastery," growled Finan.
His tone of voice made Aidan hesitate for the first time and the fact that at that moment, Abbess Hild, Uhtred, Sihtric and Osferth stormed into the room. The men immediately positioned themselves at Finan's side, blocking Aidan's view of Shaylee.
Meanwhile, Abbess Hild built herself up in front of Aidan and said decidedly: "You have no business here. Get out of here before I call the palace guards. This monastery is under the protection of the king, and the king will not tolerate you disturbing the peace of the sanctuary."
In fact, Aidan seemed a little worried by these words. But he only turned around when Hild called out to an anxious nun: "Go to the palace and inform Lady Ælswith about this."
The young woman was just about to turn around and hurry away when Aidan raised his hands and said, "That won't be necessary." Before he turned around and left the room, he turned to Shaylee again and pointed at her, "I'll get you."
Shaylee suppressed a sob and pressed the crying Liam a little closer. When Aidan had rushed through the door, Sihtric turned to Shaylee and raised an eyebrow questioningly. To show him that she was OK, she nodded at him.
Osferth, who had also given her a quick glance, said: "I'll go after him and make sure he really stays away from here."
Finan gratefully patted him on the shoulder and then came back to Shaylee. Carefully, he took the boy from her and patted him on the back, reassuringly: "Nanana, little one. All is well again. Aunt Hild has put the bad man to flight."
Shaylee had to laugh despite her agitation and furtively brushed a tear from the corner of her eye. It went against her grain that after all these years, Aidan still managed to make her feel like a defenceless little girl. She distracted herself by watching Finan hold Liam so that Sihtric could look at Finan's son.
Smiling, Sihtric looked at the baby and then, with a grin, said, "You're lucky; he's mainly looking at his mother."
Shaylee laughed and exchanged an amused look with Sihtric, who winked at her. They stayed with them a little longer before Hild, Uhtred and Sihtric retreated again. Finan and Shaylee remained alone in the chamber.
The hours went by far too fast, and Shaylee felt life seeping out of her child.
It was not the first time that someone close to her had died. Death wasn't kind. Shaylee knew that. It snatched where it could, taking people who were far too young, far too good. It didn't pretend to care; it didn't pretend to distinguish. The hooded vale of death had hung over her world for a long time, always threatening. However, all the previous deaths never seemed to have affected Shaylee in this way. When her grandmother had passed away, Shaylee had taken comfort in the fact that she had lived a long and full life. And her mother, well, Shaylee, could not remember exactly how she felt when she died. But now, it was as if a part of her was dying. The part that Shaylee loved the most.
She could feel her little boy's heartbeat getting weaker and weaker and knew it would soon be time. Shaky, she took a breath and bent down to Liam and said goodbye in a trembling voice: "We will meet again! Until then, never forget: Mam and Dad did love you. Every single second we had you, we loved you more. You will always be in our hearts." She kissed the little boy on the forehead and sobbed, "Mommy loves you so much."
With his arms wrapped around her, Finan pulled her closer and kissed her temple. Shaylee sensed that his cheeks were wet too, and so they sat there, close together, while her child drew its last breath in her arms. They sat there for a long time until finally, Finan stood up and gently took the child from her arms. He carefully placed it in the basket that had been prepared for the child. But the cot had now become his deathbed.
Shaylee watched Finan almost tenderly pull the white blanket over his son. She tried to suppress the pain; as much as she tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from her throat in the form of a silent scream. The beads of water started falling down one after another, without a sign of stopping. Finan, who saw how much she was suffering, immediately rushed back to her side and took her in his arms. Shaylee knew he only wanted to comfort her, but she could not bear to be near him. She hit his chest and tried to scream, but her voice was melted by the sound of the place. The muffled sobs wracked against her chest. The world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. The taste. The smell. Everything was gone. The last painful emotion slammed against her before she lost all feelings. Everything darkened into nothingness as she passed into the oblivion of unconsciousness.