❝You promised me then that you wouldn't leave me.❞
Chapter 23 | promises
At times there are days when everything crumbles, the sky falls apart. And he, he cannot let himself fall apart. He will not let himself, for there is much too much to admire in this word to just go and fall apart. Luce stretches out his hand, his chafed palms facing the night sky.
He tries to catch the air in his hand and fails. The trees are tall in front of Will's house, his house is huge. He's undoubtedly rich, which is just another thing Luce can never be compared to him. Pushing back his thoughts, he looks at the trees, anything to distract him.
They're looming over him, shades of emerald and green overlapping on the leaves and dark branches that twist and turn, almost like snakes. The wind is gentle around him and he lets himself be lost in it, the moon shining down at him is kind. But the day hadn't been kind ever since it started.
"Luce" Aera suddenly mumbles out from behind him, and Luce blinks at her. Light from the stars is filtering through the leaves of the tree, and pillars of pale silver cascade around Aera, all surrounding her. She's kissed by the moon, glowing. Starlight. Luce cannot stand her.
"I'm leaving" he calls out instead and Aera stares at him, an uncertain expression on her face. The moon filters through the leaves still bathing her in a hazy sliver light. She reaches for his arm, and then pulls it away in a split second. As if she cannot stand to touch him.
Luce sallows, he could almost feel the texture of her hand on his palm, that moonlit hand. "I'm leaving" he calls out again, hoping for a reply. He doesn't know what he wants to hear, and Aera doesn't know what she is supposed to be saying.
"Don't leave" she finally says, and as she says the words, Luce notes how her breath shifts slightly. She sounds almost desperate, and he wants to reach for her. Pull her towards him, it used to be so simple once. Aera would cling to him, and when Luce looked at her he'd feel as if he getting lost amidst waves.
"I'm leaving" he says again more angrily, and Aera frowns, the tone of his words contrast so heavily with the look in his eyes. He has known her for years and when he looks at her, he always sees the same person. It didn't seem to matter how many nights they spent like this, in unfamiliar houses and with unfamiliar people. He looks at her the same, he forever has that look in his eyes when he sees her.
His eyes always are wider when he looks at her, his gaze still softens with what Aera can only think is wonder. As if she's something overwhelming to witness. That look remains in his eyes, it has been there since they were children. She clings to it. "Don't leave please" she begs.
She doesn't know why she is begging, Luce should have the right to leave this party. But something in her tells her, that if he leaves this party, he'll leave her. Luce stared at her and a muscle in his jaw tightens. He walks up to her, barely a distance away from her, he's too close. Much too close.
"Why? It's not like you even notice I'm there" he instead mumbles out, and Aera now actually reaches for him. Her fragile small hand wraps itself around his, and he can smell the sweet scent of the perfume that radiates off her. He remembered Aera saying that she liked to spray perfume on her palms, it made her feel fancy or something like that.
He tugged his hand away from hers, and a look of pain was evident in her eyes. "I-I don't do that" she stuttered out, and Luce frowned. How could she even think that? Believe that? When it was nothing but a lie? A fragile lie, one twisted just perfectly enough to where she would believe it.
But a lie nothingless.
He glared at her now, "Yes you do, all you ever seem to notice is Will" and at that Aera stares at him, a peculiar expression on her face. She tilts her head to the side, and observes him. His expression is familiar one, not a common one, but quite familiar. "Are you jealous?" She asks.
Luce scoffed "Of someone being with you? Never." he mumbled, and Aera visibly flinches but she doesn't retaliate, he waits for her next words. But she just stands there, her white dress cascading down her lithe form. Luce sighs, all he wants to do was pull her towards him and hug her.
"Then what is the problem?" she finally asks, and Luce stares at her a faint glow of disbelief visible in his eyes. What was the problem? The problem was his best friend of fifteen years preferred to hang out with a boy she barely knew over him. The problem was that she dragged him everywhere with her, as if to calm herself. But she never paid him a single glance once there.
The problem was all she seemed to care was what everyone thought about her. Why did it even matter? Why did all this matter? Why couldn't they just go somewhere, and look at the stars or something like they once did. The damn problem was Aera couldn't see what she did to Luce. The problem was she was breaking his heart, split down the middle.
He had half a mind to say that to her, but he just bit his tongue and sighed. "I-I think we would be better off not being friends anymore." He finally utters out, he observes the emotions that flickered through Aera's dainty face, her almond eyes widen and she stares at Luce in disbelief.
"You don't want to be friends anymore?" she questioned, and Luce just nodded. What need did he have for a friend that never noticed him? What need did he have for a friend that repeatedly broke his heart? She stared at him, a flicker of panic visible in his eyes. She walked up to him, much too close now and clung to the dark shirt he was wearing. He resisted the urge to flinch away.
"Do you remember that one time, we fought?" she asked, begged him to remember. And Luce nodded, that time he'd called her ugly when nothing in him had agreed with that. That was such a utterly stupid argument, but she'd just been so hell bent on changing herself. God, that felt like a lifetime ago.
"You promised me then that you wouldn't leave me" she whispered, her dainty fingers still helplessly clinging on to Luce's shirt. Luce swallowed, then she had promised she would never leave him. She had promised he was her best friend, and she would always be by her side. Was the promise the only reason she even remained his friend?
It seemed there was no reason for him to be in her life anyways. "I guess we can't keep all our promises" he finally replied. And Aera didn't deflate and push him away as he had hoped, instead she clung to his shirt tighter. Vivid desperation in her eyes.
"You can't just stop being my friend, I've know you for fifteen years. Ever since we were three we've been friends. You can't just leave me" she pleaded, begged. Aera never begged, she never asked for anything like this. But here she was asking this of him. Why would you ever beg for someone to not leave your life?
But Luce, he just couldn't do it anymore. How many more times could he handle his heart being ripped from his chest? How much more was he supposed to endure? He couldn't take it, nothing was worth this type of pain. The type that kept you up at night, sobbing into a intimate object that could never understand him or the source of his unrelenting pain.
He backed up, and pushed Aera's hands off his body. They hung limply at her sides now, and when her starlight eyes peered up at Luce there was still hope in them. Her eyes were pleading, begging him to stay with her. For everything to remain the exact same, but Luce hated the present. He hated the same.
"You can't make me be your friend" he said, and in her eyes that light dimmed a bit, but it was still there "Stop, begging doesn't suit you" and at that, the light in her eyes was finally gone. She deflated like a blooming flower, her pretty eyes turned to the floor. And she tentatively nodded, her movements precise and clear.
"Are you sure?" she asked, her tone clipped. No, he was never sure of anything when it came to her. Luce didn't even know what he was doing anymore, he'd done everything just so he wouldn't lose Aera. But here he was losing her, hell at this point he could just go and tell her he wrote those letters. He swallowed, he couldn't do that either. He loved her, and she was happy with Will, he had no right.
"Don't take it the wrong way Aera, I just think you're better suited with Will and his friends now. I'm just sick of being dragged around every where now, there is no reason for us to be friends" he instead said.
She opened up her mouth, and Luce could see a fire sparking in her eyes. But then something extinguished that fire, and she gave him a pained smile. "Maybe you're right, we have been drifting." she instead said, and Luce almost apologized then. Almost told her that there was nothing he wanted less in the world than to lose her.
But he didn't.
"Have fun with everything, Aera" he said, tugging his hat lower so it covered more of his face. His sharp jawline, glinting in the dim light of the street lamp. Aera nodded back, and a tentative smile appeared in her face. Luce could still read her, and there was nothing happy in her face.
"I hope you're happy, Luce" she said finally.
And when Luce turned and walked away, he was anything but that. He was the opposite of happiness.
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thoughts?