Existential Crisis Case #513
"Hey, uhm, okay guess what? I have a question."
"What is it, Snooki?" Kuya Mason answered my phone call groggily as if he had just woken up under the scorching sun in Manila.
"Yes, that's the spirit, my favorite cousin for today!" I clicked my tongue and winked at no one. "So, I have this existential crisis, you know. I'm only realizing it now after breathing for more than twenty years. And I really wanted to solve this one now because, you know, I have like five hundred more crises classified as pending, so..."
"Snooki, will you please cut to it already?" he said right before a yawn.
"Fine! Listen carefully, alright? And I want you to tell me the truth and nothing but the truth, so we won't have to see each other in court."
"I'm not going to court. Male-late na ako sa work, Snooks. Just ask me."
"Okay." I exhaled, readying myself. Well, here it goes... "Kaya ba ako walang boyfriend since birth kasi pinagbawalan at tinakot niyo lahat ng gustong manligaw sa 'kin dati hanggang ngayon all because you wanted the best and only the best for your girl, Snooki?"
I bit my lip, hopeful. My eyes starting to water na. My chest was slightly heaving. Medyo hiningal kasi ako sa sinabi ko.
"How'd you want me to answer that?" he lazily asked. I heard water running from his line.
"I want you to say yes, duh? But!" I emphasized. "Tell your truth. It doesn't matter! If it's a no, then go. Sure, I'll cry if it's a no, but psh no pressure!"
I shook my head at myself as some sort of consolation. Because, you know, everyone knows that the best cheerleader that one could have was thy self.
"Okay." There was a silence for about a second. Then, there was the sound of brushing. Then, a spit. And then, finally, Kuya Mason answered, "Yes."
"Oh my gosh, all of you blocked my suitors? I knew it!" I grinned at myself, eyes closed. "So, this has been great! 'Kay, thanks! Bye!"
See? Solving a crisis was that easy! I had become fully elated now that I gained the truth. I now declare Existential Crisis Case #513 as officially solved. And the gavel hits the wood coaster or whatever.
I slouched on my couch. Obviously, I was getting lazy on a Monday night. I had TV, but I wasn't in any mood to watch anything. I had food, and I did want to eat, but I didn't want to get empacho.
Ang bummer lang kasi, 'di nagpunta si Archer sa Daily Bloom kaninang umaga. Hindi tuloy refilled ang mood ko for today. In a teenage frickin' book of terminologies, hindi ako nakasilay, puso ko'y napa-aray. Wala lang.
Kaya kinabukasan tuloy sa shop, medyo nagkatampuhan kami ni Cornelia.
"Auntie, dapat nagda-diet na 'tong butiki mo, e. Tingnan mo, katataba na!"
Nakaharap ako sa glass abode niya habang bina-bash ko siya. Naintindihan niya siguro ako, kasi sunod-sunod siyang dumila na parang nagagalit at may sinasabing kung ano sa 'kin.
"Oh, bakit? Totoo naman, mataba ka," sabi ko tuloy habang nakataas ang isang kilay. Umirap ako sabay kembot para talikuran siya.
Gumilid lang ang mata ni Auntie sa akin. Nasa gitna ng ilong niya ang salamin habang may pinipirmahan siyang mga papel. "Masungit ka yata ngayon?"
"Senyales na po yata 'to na magiging tulad niyo akong matandang, super grumpy, na dalaga." Ngumiwi ako at umirap sa kisame. "Except now, you magically have a love life!"
"Abala si Archer sa trabaho. Marami raw siyang kailangang tapusin bago mag-Biyernes."
"Sus! 'Di ko po kaya tinatanong. Wala akong pakialam sa gwapong 'yon, 'no! 'Di naman ako palaging maglalaway dahil sa kanya—"
"Oh, Archer?" bati ni Auntie roon sa bandang entrance ng shop. Lingon tuloy kaagad ako!
Eh, tapos wala namang tao! Nang balikan ko ng tingin si Tonette ay nakangisi na siya. Ako naman ngayon ang umaasik, like our roles were suddenly reversed!
"I told you, Archer is busy," she repeated.
"'Di ko po siya kailangan."
"Ang sabi niya ay kailangan ka niya."
Nanlaki mata ko. "Hala! True po ba? Shet."
"Hindi rin. Magtrabaho ka na."
Ngumiwi ako. Ayoko naaa! Damn, how I disliked these New Yorkers!
There were customers who just went in that needed assistance. I figured, alright, I could work with that to make myself busy. After all, I was actually here to work... and, okay, have fun and mess up a little. Meh.
Kulitin ko kaya mamaya si Jerry sa kabila ng street? Kaso tulad ng pag-aalala ko kina Auntie, baka atakihin. Walang magbabantay sa Jovial Tavern kung magkataon.
I smiled at our customers and went on with my work to assist these people who liked flowers. And here I was waiting for one customer to decide between a berry dahlia or an anemone. This customer right here has a sister who's, guess what—getting married!
People these days, making marriage a cliché past time. Ugh! What a very uninteresting thing to do. People really couldn't think of fun stuff to do, these days, huh? Instead, what, they're all suddenly like, "Know what's an exciting recreational activity? Marriage!"
Ugh. No!
But I still smiled at my customer. 'Cause come on, she's paying us good loads of money! And, I wasn't one to be a bitter, by the way. Nope! Na-uh!
"I'll have the berry dahlia as an additional focal flower, please," lady ma'am customer finally decided.
"That's lovely! I'll get right to it, ma'am."
And I did. But really, I just forwarded it to my flower boss because she had the flower power, anyway. I was just here to assist and fix the orders.
Habang naghihintay ay kinuwentuhan ako ni lady ma'am customer tungkol sa magaganap na kasal ng kapatid niya. Nae-enjoy ko naman kasi 'di naman ako bitter sa buhay, and I love love in its entirety. Pero buti na lang ay tumunog ang door chime at may pumasok na panibagong custom—
"Hey, Uncle Benj!" bati ko kaagad. I beamed. Medyo sinilip ko pa ang likuran niya kasi baka may pasalubong siyang guwapo sa 'kin, kaso wala. Ang sakit.
"Hello, Snooki!" Uncle chuckled. Aw, ganyang-ganyan ang pamangkin niya sa 'kin minsan. Miss ko na!
Tumango ako sa kausap kong customer para magpasintabi. Si Uncle Benj naman ang inalalayan ko, kahit alam ko na 'di naman 'to bibili. Malamang sa malamang ay sisilay lang itong matandang binata na ito!
"Busy ba?" tanong ni Uncle, halata na kung sino ang tinutukoy. My lips stretched out to grin even more. Because it got me kilig! They're acting like cutesy teenagers in wooing chase-me, try-to-catch-me phase!
Their bones might already be brittle, but, hey, their love tickles!
"Tonette is! But she's never not busy, so..."
Humakbang si Uncle pero agad ko siyang hinarangan. Nagtaka pa siya. Tinaas ko ang pareho kong kilay, then, I crossed my arms on my chest.
"Pero bawal siyang puntahan. May bayad."
"Anong bayad?" nangingiting tanong ni Uncle.
"Uncle, serious kasi 'to! You have to pay." Ngumuso ako. "Iyong pamangkin niyo po ang bayad."
Tumawa si Uncle. Hala, seryoso kaya ako!
Sinenyasan ako ng isa pang bagong dating na customer kaya kinailangan ko 'yong lapitan. Iyon tuloy, naisahan ako ni Uncle nang hindi nagbabayad!
So, that's how my boring weekdays went. Every day, I didn't see Archer, not even his shadow. Tuwing gabi, pasimple ko siyang inaabangang umuwi habang nakabukas nang kaunti ang pinto ng apartment ko. Pero 'di ko talaga siya maabutan. Ang lupit naman na ghoster nito, senpai level!
Napabuntonghininga ako. Nag-aayos ako ng mga gamit na dadalhin ko sa flower farm trip namin ngayong Sabado. I was sitting on my carpeted floor, putting away my undergarments inside a weekender bag. We're gonna be gone from the city over the weekend and truthfully, I was a tad down. I wasn't devastated, for sure! It's just... I didn't know. Maybe I should just sleep this mad feeling out.
I heard a knock on my door. Nabuhayan ako ng mga ten percent that I threw my bra right away, and skipped my way to the door and opened it. Oh, look who's here. Mabilis nawala ngiti ko.
Hindi naman sa disappointed ako, pero... bumati pa rin ako, "Yes, po, Auntie?"
"'Wag ka nang magpuyat, ha? Maaga tayong aalis bukas ng umaga," she said and I nodded.
"Yes po."
"O, siya." Tumango rin siya at saka ako tinalikuran.
Napatulala ako nang maglakad si Auntie paalis. Iyon lang 'yon? Para lang sabihan ako na 'wag magpuyat? Man, that's an A+ for the effort, but an F to putting my hopes right up there!
I groaned and shut the door closed. I was already kinda sleepy, actually. Auntie didn't need to remind me to sleep. But then, she knocked again on my door!
Napapikit ako at ngumiwi. Parang bata akong nagmartsa pabalik sa pintuan para buksan iyon.
"Auntie, I won't sleep late nga po. I'm already sleepy. See? I am nakapikit na."
"Won't burgers wake you up for an extra thirty minutes?"
I stopped frozen at the sound of that voice. Nakapikit pa rin ako pero shet!