I assumed dress shopping was meant to be more amusing than this and frankly more enjoyable. That of course wasn't Hermione's fault. She was loving our trip to Hogsmead, even if I was saddened by pretty much everything. I tried to be optimistic, A, because I didn't want to ruin this day for Hermione; I knew how excited she was for this ball. I mean, I would be too if I was going with Viktor Krum or if I had more than two friends at the moment and wasn't hated by almost half of the school. And B, because I needed to look on the brighter side of life, even if every part of that was Cedric.
"Y/N? Earth to Y/N?" Hermione nudged me.
"Oh sorry 'Mione; I was lost in thought. Um w-what were you saying?" I had my hands tucked tightly in my pockets and had my head down for I imagined the whole walk there. Hermione's arm was linked with mine. I was lucky to have her actually. And grateful at that. I'm not sure I know what I would have done if she didn't forgive me for how I had treated her previously. Honestly, I'm still not sure why she forgave me. I certainly wouldn't have. But I was appreciative none the less.
"I was asking if you had a colour in mind. You know, for your dress?"
"Oh um no, not really. Just going to see what they've got honestly." I shrugged, "why, did you?"
"I thought about either pink or like a deep purple."
"Why not both?" I suggested. "Make a statement."
"Huh. I hadn't thought of that. Oh we're here." she pointed to a small shop, on the corner of the village, almost tucked away from the rest of the busy street.
The shop was pretty and dainty, like the dresses on display actually.
"Are you girls here for dresses to the Yule Ball?" a kind, older lady said from the counter as we walked in; a measuring tape draped around her neck.
"Uh yes, we are." Hermione spoke.
"Come on in."
It didn't take long for Hermione to find her perfect dress. All of them looked wonderful on her, but this one stood out.
"That. That is the one." I said as she stepped onto the small platform before the mirror.
It was a ruffled, ankle length dress, with a gradient of pink and maroony purple. It was stunning. And practically made for her.
"You think?"
"Definitely."
"Great." she sighed a sigh of relief and smiled, blushing. "Now get up. You need one too!"
"I don't even know if I want to go anymore 'Mione. Isn't that like morally wrong for me to go with Ade after Spencer lashed at me for it?"
"He wants to go with you. And he will be a great distraction for you from Cedric, even if you just go as friends. As will dress shopping. So you're going." she dragged me up from the sofa and pushed me into one of the changing rooms and shoved about fifteen dresses into my face and smiled proudly. "Of you go."
She gasped as I walked out. "Y/N. I-It's...beautiful."
I furrowed my eyebrows slightly as I walked into the mirror's view. It was a slim-fitted, emerald, no, Slytherin green dress, that had a golden netting over the top of the silky green fabric. (you obvs don't have to have this lmao. have what you want :) )
"Really?"
"Y/N. I don't want to point out the obvious here, but it's incredible. You look hot."
"She's right. It's beautiful dear." the older lady had appeared again from what I assumed to be a storage room.
I gave them both grateful smiles as I looked back into the mirror. For once, I actually felt beautiful. (as you should. all of you. all day, everyday. you are all beautiful. i don't need to see you or know you to know that) Like truly. Maybe I did want to go to this stupid ball. And maybe it might make me feel better.
"I'll take it."
•·················•·················•
"Honeydukes?" I asked, as we left the shop, bags in hand.
"Sounds great." she smiled.
We strolled around the town, until we eventually made it to the famous sweet shop. The draft of sweet scents and happy smiles, hitting us as we went in. We parted in the middle as she went towards Bertie Bott's every flavour beans and I headed towards the chocolate frogs.
After choosing two for the both of us, she approached me, "hey look. I remember doing these in second year with Harry and Ron." she lifted up a bag of sound-producing sweets and I felt my heart sank. "Cool right? Wanna share some? It'll be fun."
"A-actually I'll see you later. T-thanks for a great afternoon."
"O-okay." she muttered and I ran out the shop faster then I had ran before.
I fled to the one place I knew. The bench in the clearing. I didn't care if it reminded me of him, I knew no one would find me.
As I made my way through the snow and endless trees, my mind was racing. Of course of all things she picked out, it was our sweets. But it wasn't her fault? And no, not our sweets. I needed to stop associating everything with him. We were over and it was my doing. Just forget him, Y/N. It's for the best.
Except that would have been easier if I didn't see him, sitting in my spot. With none other than Cho Chang, laughing away in the snow, perched on the bench I had so willingly showed him on our first ever date.
My sadness is a hollowness. And right now, I can't tell you what's worse. I compared our relationship as someone poking a needle at my chest at the beginning. But I brushed it off. Then it became a pen knife. Then a dagger. And right now, it was like someone had plunged a sword, right into my heart. My legs were weak and yet I found myself running. Running and running into the trees. And not stopping.
•·················•·················•
I couldn't explain to you how much I was dreading this lesson. I could feel the draft of the potions classroom as I walked in. It seemed more run-down then ever. Almost as if I knew how I was feeling and how my day was going. It was reflecting my mood perfectly. But to my surprise and well relief, he wasn't there. Yet, anyway.
Trying to avoid all eye-contact as possible, I made my way to my seat and ignored my surroundings. I could feel Ava and Spencer's, well specifically Spencer's eyes on me as I sat down and stared to the front.
It was when Snape walked in the classroom and the students settled down, that I realised he wasn't showing up at all.
"Miss Y/L/N? Care to explain where your little boyfriend is?"
"I wouldn't know sir." I scowled. He huffed in annoyance and faced his back to the class.
"Oi Y/L/N." I ignored the calls, "Y/L/N. Y/L/N." I reluctantly gave in and whipped my head around to see Anthony and Malcom glaring at me. "You know Cedric is a little down right now. You wouldn't know what's up by any chance." Anthony said sarcastically, understanding the situation completely. I didn't even want to snap back.
"He looked pretty happy with Cho earlier." and with that faced the front.
•·················•·················•
"Y/N. Please." I continued walking forward, ignoring his advances, like I had been doing for the past week. I couldn't face him. Not after seeing him, happy as ever, in our, no my spot. "Talk to me."
"Why should I?" I whipped my hair as I turned around. "I can't look at you without feeling totally heartbroken." I shrugged, starting to cry slightly. "I can't shake the idea that it was my fault. All of it." he looked at me, the same guilty look he had been showing me since we broke up. I began fumbling with my fingers and looking down. "You know that was my spot. The bench. I guess I was stupid to have shown you it huh. Thanks though Cedric. You know, for doing exactly what I asked you not to." I said harshly and sarcastically.
"You saw that? I'm sorry. I know now that that place was-"
"That was your queue to walk away." I said emotionless. He looked at me, pleading for me to talk to him. But after a second of staring, he brushed passed me, hitting my shoulder lightly as he walked away. Even though I asked him to, it broke my heart even more.
The guilt is ice in my guts. It could be a hundred degrees out and I'd still be frozen on the inside. I can't melt it on my own, I can't shift it at all. I need him to bring his warmth, to show me that I can be better.