As your heels clipped along the sidewalk, you wondered if maybe you should go back to the Commerce and Knox. You had left the alleyway soon after Klaus did. You felt like you were being watched.
It was all going to shit. You and Five were absolutely pissed at each other. Diego, Allison, and Vanya were missing. You had no idea what to do. Could it get any worse?
You looked up, hearing a click. You had been so lost in your own thoughts, you hadn't noticed your own surroundings. Police cars had formed a barrier around you. Officer, SWAT, and FBI had completely encircled you, each with a gun drawn.
Okay, seriously. How deaf were you?
"Y/N Hargreeves! Surrender now, or we will open fire!"
You sighed. How were you going to get out of this one? You groaned, lifting up your arms and getting on your knees. Four men walked up to you, guns still drawn.
Before they could cuff you, you shifted into a pigeon. Quickly taking flight, you tried your best to doge the several bullets that flew towards you.
You shifted again, into a dove, shaking a few of the men off. You landed on a roof, before shifting into a cat and hopping off the roof. You made your way back to the familiar alleyway, and quickly through the open window of The Commerce and Knox. You shifted back into yourself.
Luther quickly walked into the room, to find your body laying on the floor, unconscious.
~~~
Both you and Luther quickly looked up as you heard a door open and footsteps. He had bandaged your wounds and changed your shirt. (He had insisted that he had kept his eyes closed.)
Luther walked over, helping you stand, before turning to the kitchen. "Five?"
You both walked into find the boy chugging a bottle of the water. He stared at you from the corner of his eye, before looking to Luther.
"What the hell are you doing?" You asked.
"I'm gonna need to be hydrated." Five replied, shoving the container back into the fridge.
"Hydrated?" Luther repeated.
Both you and Luther watched as Five walked over to the kitchen table and began to pour baby powder down his shirt sleeves.
"What's with the baby powder?" Luther asked, his hands still on your shoulders, steadying you and helping you stand.
"It'll help with the itching." Five replied, pouring a bit down his shorts, before jumping. White powder flew out of his clothes.
"What itching? Since when is there itching?" You asked, as Five walked over, shoving Luther's hands off you, before walking into the living room.
"You do have a plan." Luther stated, wide eyed as you leaned against the door frame and crossed your arms, skeptical.
"Well, it's a desperation move, but.." Five threw on his blazer. "Since our brain dead siblings are incapable of meeting a simple dead line, I got no choice."
"No choice about what?" Luther asked.
"I have to find myself." Five pulled out a watch, before closing it. "I just arrived in Dallas 15 minutes ago."
"Now isn't exactly the time for soul searching, Five." You growled, and he could tell by the look in your eye you were still pissed. Five bent down and began to stretch.
"Y/N, Luther, if you recall, I was sent to 1963 on a job by the Commission to make sure the president was assassinated."
You raised an eyebrow. "So your old self is out there?"
"Pre-cisely~." Five replied as he rolled his head. Ew. Five exhaled.
"What? Just walking around Dallas?" Luther asked.
"Walking around Dallas with a briefcase that can get us home."
Luther slightly gasped as your eyes widened. "Five, you're a genius!" Luther said.
"However, there are two significant problems with this plan." You raised another eyebrow at Five. "Problem number one: I am a trained assassin, arguably the most dangerous assassin in the space-time continuum. If I know me, I'm not going to react kindly to bumping into myself."
You pulled a knife out of a thigh holster both the boys hadn't even noticed. "Not a problem."
Five took a step back, before continuing. "Problem number two, and this is the real fly in the ointment here: you're not supposed to exist in close proximity to yourself in the same timeline... The side affects can be disastrous."
"Side affects? What sort of side affects?" Luther asked.
"Well, according to Commission Handbook Chapter 27, sub section 3b, the seven stages of paradox psychosis are..
Stage one: Denial
Two: itching
Three: extreme thirst and urination
Four: excessive gas
Five: acute paranoia
Six: uncontrolled perspiration
And Seven:... homicidal rage."
"Homicidal rage?" Luther asked.
"Yeah."
"Jeez. I don't know. This maybe isn't such a good idea."
"It's a Hail Mary." Five called, walking around. "But what choice do we got?"
"I don't know." Luther continued. "You already seem a bit squirrelly if I'm being honest."
"Look, Luther," Five said, walking over. "I'm gonna need you both to help me get through this one, all right? I... I need a spotter."
"A spotter?"
"Yeah."
Luther raised an eyebrow. "What is that? Like a wingman?"
"In case the paradox psychosis gets to severe, I need you to help me stay on task. So, whatever happens, whatever I say, we need to get that briefcase."
Luther paused, before hesitantly nodding. Then, Five whipped around to face you.
"Y/N?"
"Yeah?"
He leaned forward, only about three inches away from your nose. "I need you to keep both me's under control. You mean a lot to both of us."
You paused, before reaching out your hand and pushing his face back. "Fine."
Five grabbed your upper arm, dragging you to the door, before turning around. "Luther?"
"Yeah! Right!"
~~~
You, Luther, and Five stepped into an Irish pub. As you looked around and enjoyed the music, Five flinched next to you.
"Well, there I am." Five whispered, pointing to an elderly man.
You, Luther, and Five peaked around a corner.
"Why don't we just grab the briefcase and run?" Luther asked, standing back up.
"Luther, I would never let that happen." Five deadpanned. "We're trained to guard these briefcases with our lives."
"Right."
"Plus, it's the inherent paradox where this gets tricky. I'm endangering my existence just being in the room with myself."
"Huh— what do you mean?"
"Luther, try to keep up." You cut in, still watching the elderly Five. "If the old Five doesn't jump back to 2019, the whole thing unravels itself. The one we're with ceases to exist."
"Yeah." Five agreed. "So our best chance is to talk with him, to reason with him.... He'll understand. Trust me."
You looked back to Five as he continued. "I know myself better then, uh... better then I know myself." Five reached up and scratched the back of his noticeably sweaty neck.
"You just itched your neck!" Luther whisper-yelled. "That's stage two of paradox psychosis."
"No I didn't. I didn't itch my neck."
"Denial is stage one." Luther said.
"I am fine, okay? Let's stay on task, shall we?" Five growled, stepping forward.
"Wait!"
"What?" Five asked.
"Maybe I should go first. You'll freak him out."
"Are you kidding me?" You asked, and both the boys turned to you. "You're the size of a truck. I'll talk to him."
Before Five could argue, you had stepped forward and into the open. You leaned against the bar.
"Hey Cocky Time Bastard."
The man dropped his pen and turned to you. "What did you call me, squirt?" When he had turned to fully face you, his eyes went wide in shock.
"Y/N?"
You nodded to his wrist at a rather familiar gift. "Nice watch."
"How did you?.." Five's hand slowly reached under the bar.
"Hey. Five, I have a problem. And I need your help. But you have to promise me you won't freak out, okay?"
"What the hell are you?-"
"Up-ba-ba-ba!" You held up your index finger. "No freakouts."
You moved aside, and the younger, well, actually older Five stepped out from the wall.
"Hey there, stranger."
~~~
"Well... this is nice, isn't it? The four of us, together like this?" Luther asked.
"No." Both Fives replied. They each had a tight grip on one of your shoulders, and would every once in a while yank you closer to them. Luther, being oblivious, had no clue why.
You smiled, and turned to the younger one.
"You kept the watch?"
The teen Five's cheeks went up in a flare as you reached out and rolled up his coat sleeve to see the same watch you had gotten him for your tenth birthday.
He yanked his hand away, before turning back to the adult Five, who took his hand off your shoulder as well. You took a sip of your drink.
"Y/N, please explain to me why it is I'm having a pint of Guinness with my younger self."
"Older, actually." The teen Five corrected. "I'm you, just 14 days older."
"I have pubic hair smarter then you." Spat the adult Five. "How's that possible?"
"I can explain." Replied the teen Five. Luther looked to you, confused. You shrugged. "You see, one hour from now, on the grassy knoll, before the president is killed, you break your contract with the Commission. I already know you're thinking about it. All those years in the apocalypse, we never stopped worrying about our family. Well, today, you are going to do something about it. Today, you are going to attempt to time travel forward to 2019. However, you are going to screw up the jump and end up in this twip of a body."
You rolled your eyes. "It's not that bad." You said to the adult Five. He looked to you, confused. "I'm 35, you idiot."
The adult Five paused. "I'm-"
"Sorry. You'll change me back when you get the calculations right. I know." You growled. "Don't worry, dear. You've done more then enough to piss me off over the last few days."
The adult Five quickly turned to his teen self and glared. The teen Five grabbed onto you again, yanking you closer to himself before continuing. "Look, I need you to jump correctly this time."
"I'm listening." The adult Five whispered.
"The first time through, I got the calculation wrong. That's how I ended up in this body. But now, I know the correct calculation."
You quickly snapped your head to the teen Five. He help up his hand.
"What is it?" The adult Five whispered.
"I'll be happy to tell you... in exchange for that briefcase you're holding under the table."
"Yeah, yeah, so you go back to 2019, as planned, but this time with the right math, so you remain a full grown man. In exchange, we get that briefcase that you no longer need." Luther cut in, trying to simplify the deal.
"Timeline restored, paradox resolved." The teen Five mused.
"Everyone goes on existing happily ever after." You say, tapping your fingers on the table.
The adult Five watched your face carefully. "That's quite a bit to take in."
"What do you think?" The teen Five asked.
"I think..."
"I need to piss." The adult Five stood, grabbing both of his briefcases and walking in the direction of the bathroom.
The teen Five paused, holding up his hand and pointing to his past self.
You picked up a napkin, and began to dab Five's face. "Luther, would you?.." you nodded your head in the direction of the bathroom, and your brother stood and walked off.
"Well," you started. "Besides the fact that your sweating quite a bit, I think that went well."
"No-no. Something doesn't feel right.." Five reached up and grabbed your hand, still looking in the direction of the bathroom. "I don't trust him... he... h-he's trying to take you away."
"Five, he's you."
Five quickly turned his head to you. "Exactly."
You raised an eyebrow, before sighing. "Look, I know that this probably means nothing because of the paradox psychosis and the huge mental toll it's taking on you, but.." you gently grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. "I'm with you to then end of the line. Okay?"
Five searched your eyes for a minute, before lifting your intertwined hands and giving the back of your's a gentle peck. You smiled, before turning to the direction of the bathroom.
Both Luther and the adult Five walked over.
"We good?" The teen Five asked.
"We're good!" Luther replied.
"You got a deal." The Adult Five said. "We gotta hurry, Kennedy's en route. Less then an hour until show time."
Teen Five stood. "Why are you so anxious to get going all of the sudden?"
"Relax." The adult Five said. "You're getting paranoid."
"Oh, am I?"
As both Five's farted and tried not to scratch as themselves, you wondered if maybe this was going to be harder then you thought.
"Okay! Let's roll!" Luther said, cheerfully, before walking in the direction of the exit.
You stood, wrapping your arm around the teen Five's shoulder and leading him to the exit as he lagged behind.