It's not like I hadn't brought this on myself, but not being around Aubrey was suffocating. Like putting myself in punishment for some sick crime I might've committed in my past life. But for the first three days of Aubrey-free isolation, I memorized all theory questions for my learner license. Day four, I revised. Day five, I continued revising right up until I sat my test.
And that was outside of sign language classes after school. That was on top of practicing with my SL teacher the words to the poem I'd already written for my assignment. Learning, advancing, and mastering complicated signs before even getting the gist of ordinary everyday language.
It was hectic. And I missed him to the point I thought I'd go insane. Study sessions with the boys helped get through a lot of it. Liam and Jude were both good at PE theory, so they helped me through that a lot. Ben spent some time with us, but he also disappeared a lot and I really had no idea why. Signs pointed to Trey on several occasions though, but I was too busy to ask.
I'd take a moment to catch up with him after this hell was over. Ikeisha and I had paired up for both our Drama and Art and Design assessments, so we go through that easily enough. I kept everything a secret from her in case she let slip to Aubrey. I couldn't let anybody ruin the surprise.
I slept late every night, spending most of afternoons and evenings recording myself performing and playing it back. Some words were sloppy, some were angled incorrectly, some looked different from how my SL teacher described and felt near impossible to get the hang of. It was all so stressful; I wasn't even sure if this was going to be worth it in the end.
If not seeing Aubrey for almost the entire time was worth it. What if I screwed it up? What if Aubrey gave up on me in the meantime? Two things got me through those next two weeks. One, the picture in my head of Aubrey's surprise and happiness when I presented this poem. Even though it'd been a long time since he really delved into poetry, I hoped he'd understand it was for him.
Two, was the moments we got to share whether brief or in passing. Like coming across each other in the locker rooms with nobody else around. Having the chance to pin him against the lockers and kiss him like we were the only two people in school. Reaching my fingers out to touch his whenever we passed each other, watching him turn shy every single time.
What made it better were these silicone heels I stuck inside my shoes to appear taller. It really pulled off the fantasy effect ten times more. I really had no complaints. Dad even promised to let me join the gym if I got a minimum of B's for my overall score, with the allowance of two C's.
Since I was confident in all my classes, this wasn't going to be a problem. My hopes of becoming the absolute best boyfriend I could possibly be for Aubrey was about to become a reality. That may be a little optimistic of me, but after my poetry assessment today in first period, I'd be sure to steal his heart for good. I was sure of it.
No matter what, I had to pull this off.
Time seemed to creep so slowly. I could sense him sitting behind me all through thirty-minute Tutor Group. My skin almost seemed to prickle with hyper-awareness, and my thoughts were filled with the next opportunity to kiss him and run my fingers through his hair. I mean, I always knew I was gay, but I had no idea that I was actually this gay.
I mean, wow.
Mr. Hardy stood at the front of the class and clasped his hands together.
"So, we're on our last day of the year, huh?" he said, looking around the room at each and every student. "And for some of you, this is it. You're graduating and venturing off into the real world. It's no joke, right? It's really happening!"
Some of the seniors in this room group cheered and clapped, lifting the mood of all the tired and exhausted students from strenuous studying and preparation. He said some words of encouragement to them, hyping them up and getting them excited while I glanced at Ben and noticed his head buried in his arms, head angled to face behind us. Sneaking a glimpse back, I realized his eyes were totally locked with Treys!
Whatever was going on, it was really going on now! Seems like Ikeisha was well and truly out for the count now, poor girl. But well, she'd get herself an exemplary model student love interest, both in academics and in looks. For now, her own brother steals would-be man. I almost chuckled.
"...And as for you year eleven's heading into your final year," Mr. Hardy continued, bringing me out of my daze, "today is the day you hand back your Uni Prep cards. You've had a little over two weeks to have a good think and get a sort... picture in your head about where you might see yourself after graduating next year.
And I know it may not feel like it's been long enough, I get it. It's stressful. But it's only to help us establish guidelines for next year. You'll have access to career counselling, course changes, and all sorts. It'll be a whole new world for you, I promise."
The class broke into whispers while we pulled out our prep cards. Wracked with nerves, my heart palpitated under the pressure. I know he literally just said it's no pressure, but that only added more to the mix. Since our whispers turned into talking, and the talking turned into bustling chaos, Tom pulled our attention back to him.
"Alright, alright. I'll give you guys till the end of the lesson to make any final touches, but you have to hand them over before you leave that door. Got it?"
We all agreed. I heard Ben's name being called from behind us, knowing full well without turning that it was Trey's voice. Ben dragged himself from his seat and went over, leaving the space empty beside me. I pulled out my card and stared it. Five top options for universities, and five top prospective career goals.
Well, it turns out I only needed one for either side. It didn't matter what Bachelor I chose; I would pick the most interesting one at any university that Aubrey attended. That was my only requirement. Aubrey was my passion, something and someone I could pursue for years and years. And my one and only career goal was-
"What'd you put down?" Aubrey said from beside me. My hand immediately snapped over my card, pulling it towards me with lightning speed. It startled Aubrey, making him look at me with shock. "Oh um, sorry...?"
"Huh?" Shocked at myself, and shocked at his response, I didn't know what to say. "Oh, um... what did you choose?" I asked, hoping to change the topic. I didn't want him to see my card when it was basically just all about him.
He'd think I'm ridiculous and desperate. What if he thought I'm creepy? We were so young that he might think it's scary or something. The thought created a dull ache in my chest, one that I really didn't need right before presentation. The real issue at hand right now was the serious look of hurt on Aubrey's face.
He was too beautiful to look hurt. I'd have to fix this somehow without giving myself a way. For now, I just needed to take his mind off it.
"What about yours?" I asked, nodding towards the card he was fiddling with in his hands. He looked a little despondent at this point, driving me to the point of insanity. If I could just handle this for another ten minutes before our poetry presentations began at first period, this'd blow over in no time.
I was just so weak for him.
"Um, I put psychologist," he said, looking down at his card awkwardly.
"Psychologist?" I repeated, not sure I believed my own ears. I'm not sure what I expected from Aubrey Keats, but this took me by the most pleasant surprise. Maybe it's 'cause I've never heard him talking about his future, and yet this aspiration was so big and so bright. It suited him more than I could believe.
"Just something Mum said," he shrugged.
"And what about the university you choose?" I asked, peeping down at it. He flicked it out of my line of sight, looking startled by his own action. Did I make him self-conscious all of a sudden? God, what was I doing?
He shrugged against. "D'no. Doesn't really matter much."
"Psychology is a big deal," I said, turning to face him front on. "It probably matters a lot, don't'cha reckon?"
I'd really gone and soured his mood. He just shrugged and looked away, hands clutched together against his lap, fingers still fiddling with his card. The bell finally went, and I had to hold in my sigh of relief. It'd only get better from here. My plan was set and ready, and he'd love it no matter what.
The class had already filed a long and compact crowd toward Mr. Hardy's desk. I doubted Aubrey would be particularly enthusiastic about it, so I decided to use this opportunity to both make amends and conspire further with my plans. As he was pulling himself back out of Ben's space, I stuck my hand out for his card.
"Wanna go straight to class? I'll take these up."
He looked like a puppy cornered into a wall, maybe with headlights beaming down on it. Looking at me with uncertainty, he sure enough placed it in my hand and left the room. Without strictly meaning to, I glanced at his card while waiting in line to hand it over to Mr. Hardy.
Job/career prospect: Psychologist.
Universities: Any with Charlie.
My heart lurched. I slipped mine into my pocket and handed Aubrey's over before racing over to English. By the time the bell rang to start first period and Mr. Hardy finally came in from Tutor Group, we were well and truly all prepared for our presentations.
Or so I thought.
When I looked around, I noticed Aubrey wasn't at his seat. I got the sense that Mr. Hardy was also aware of the fact since he kept glancing at the door, maybe expecting him to come in. And when I met Ikeisha's eye, she shrugged as well and wiggled her phone in her hand, tapping the screen. Looks like she'd tried to contact him but hadn't gotten a response.
The presentations began. One by one, my classmates stood at the front of the class with cue cards, either reading off them or looking back and forth at the audience. I hoped like hell I would remain conscious enough not to make the same mistakes. But the more time that passed, the more concerned I grew that Aubrey would miss my presentation.
Mr. Hardy offered positive feedback and discussion after each performance but opted to leave the critical feedback for the assessment reports. While this definitely bought time, it didn't buy a lot; and Aubrey still hadn't come in. Now I was really starting to get antsy, with my leg shaking vigorously from the nerves.
I worked way too hard to let him just miss everything. Deciding I'd waited long enough, I threw my hand in the air and wiggled it while Mr. Hardy was mid-discussion with a classmate standing at the front. He paused and looked at me briefly. "Yes, Charlie?"
"I need the toilet, sir," I said. He nodded as I stood and turned to leave for the door, except it opened right at the same time. When Aubrey's head popped inside, I slumped back down in my seat again. "Never mind, sir."
Aubrey looked at me with a brief moment of confusion before he trudged along to his seat and slumped down beside Ikeisha. He sure remembered how to make an entrance. "Welcome, Aubrey. Glad you could join us," Mr. Hardy said. "Alright, lucky third to last – Charlie. You're on up."
The class erupted into whispers, adding pressure to my already overactive heart. My heart set on fire, rapidly pulsating to the point where I wondered if my lungs were even getting any air. It was time to present to the class. The theory was so much easier than standing in front of the class, in front of Aubrey; basically about to pour my heart out in the most menially Hollywood of ways.
"So," Mr. Hardy said, flittering his hand in the air while he gestured for the class to be quiet. "Let's start with the title. Let's hear it."
"So ah, this is a poem I wrote called An Indigo Garden," I said, stretching and clicking my knuckles as I tried to calm my mind. If I spooked myself too much now, I'd probably end up forgetting what I'd learned. It wasn't worth the risk.
My gaze settled on Aubrey's as he watched me closely. I settled into the storm of his eyes, finding a strange comfort in the chaos. My heart stilled, my thoughts collected themselves, and I took a deep, steadied breath. I didn't look away from him for even a moment as I started to sign along with every word of my poem. Just for Aubrey Keats.
"An Indigo Garden.
Through the indigo garden,
I spend a cold and cloudless night;
Walking and touching all I see,
When a careless touch stirs the soil
And I can neither freeze nor flee nor fight
When confronted by dark spaces,
But for light, there's little I need;
A beacon of indigo light
Paves the way for me
Then along the trickling river,
Where the water swells and meets the sea
An ever-golden honeycomb treads water;
And against the current, finds its way to me
This torrential plight and plunder
Are too harsh for the sweet honeycomb I see
But somewhere in the bristles, far in the indigo garden
It's clear; its devotion and impartiality
A world lays down in slumber
Far beneath indigo skies,
While the honeycomb stays beside me;
He whispers humbling secrets and lullabies
The coloured eyes of skies and ocean blue
The garden, the river, the skies;
To these rustling sounds, my heart knows to beat
As I gaze at the golden over-glow
I know my love is sempiternal;
For a honeycomb so sweet."
The class was quiet while they processed my entire thing. I ended up in front of his desk, placing my Prep card down in front of him. His lips were trembling, and his eyes were prickling with tears. He picked it up and glanced up at me before checking out what I wrote on it.
Job/career prospect: Audiologist.
Universities: Wherever Aubrey goes.
At this point, tears were really starting to spill for him now. He was laughing though, so I knew it was a positive. This was exactly the desired effect I was after. Now that I had Aubrey Keats in the palm of my hand, I could snatch him up and make him mine for real. He stood up from his chair and wrapped him arms around me.
It was then that the class erupted into cheers, catcalls and laughter. Guess we were out of the closet now, but this space was safe. "So this is why you disappeared on me almost completely?" he asked, wiping his nose as he sniffled through embarrassed laughter.
"I mean it wasn't completely," I said, recalling our rendezvous in the locker room. Judging by his embarrassment, I think he cottoned on to what I meant. He buried his face in my shoulders and lightly thumped the back of my shoulder in silent protest. It made me laugh.
"Since I worked really hard and I kind of look like a Prince Charming right now, reckon you wanna be my boyfriend?" I asked, whispering it into my ear. He pulled away and stared at me with wide, red, teary eyes. He looked shellshocked. Maybe I got too carried away after all.
My stomach twisted into knots.
But then a quick nod of his head gave me the assurance I needed, and he wrapped his arms around me again; confirming our new status. This was undoubtedly the best day of my life. Now I got to be official with dreamboat Aubrey Keats. We'd be a power couple. Dr. Keats the Psychologist and Dr. Rascal the Audiologist. He made me so positive for our future that I felt unstoppable.
We were unstoppable.
At least until Mr. Hardy made us pull apart and sent me back in front of the class for positive feedback and peer review. Ikeisha and Trey were both rubbing Aubrey's back, and he was still cry-laughing with embarrassment. My method may've been a bit of a blitz for him, but it worked exactly as I'd planned.
And I never felt more sure of someone else, myself, or anything.
That no matter what, me and Aubrey would be so happy from this point on out. That I'd do everything in my power to keep him safe. To keep him happy and feeling love. To connect him back with surfing, and poetry, and all the things he loved but grew afraid of.
But more than anything, I'd remind him every single day that no one deserved this kind of love and happiness more than he did. Four years was long enough to spend hidden away inside his shell. Now it'd be filled with adventure; sound and technicolor rainbows and pride flags. This'll be a whole new world for the both of us.
And I was so, so ready for it.
The end.
*
A/N: Last chapter, yaaaaaaay.
Tell me what you think!
Hopefully it doesn't feel rushed but if it does, definitely let me know. I'll go through the editing and pacing later on. I'll keep irregularly updating with extra stories of Ben and Trey since we gotta see two aggressively jacked up muscle guys trying not to fall for each other. But I'm about to start studying on top of working so my time will be limited compared to now.
If you enjoyed it, check out my even cuter and funnier but equally gay book Practice Perfect.. Thanks so much for reading!