There was a time
I still remember.
when I was alone
The time when the headmaster kicked me out of the orphanage.
Nowhere to go and no place to call home
The time when I went completely homeless.
When they abused me.
My only friend was the man in the moon
I closed my eyes, sighing as I rolled on my futon.
I didn't go to the agency today. I told them I felt sick and that I would take a leave just for one day.
And even sometimes he would go away, too
I thought that If I relaxed, my thoughts would leave me for one day.
Just at least ONE DAY.
Yet it didn't.
It continued to ramble inside of my head.
You're a disgrace.
You're useless.
You're nothing.
Then one night, as I closed my eyes
A tear slipped from my eyes.
When did those words get in my head?
I saw a shadow flying high
I sighed again, rolling to the other side of my futon.
Cheering myself up, I tried to recall my happy memories.
Like the time that I saw Dazai-san practically trying to drown himself when I decided to steal from him.
I chuckled at that thought.
It's been so long huh?
He came to me with the sweetest smile
I remember the time when they asked to help hunt that white tiger. Taking me to a place and buying me food.
Told me he wanted to talk for awhile
They were really fun to be with.
When I discovered I was the white tiger. It didn't seem to register to me that I am going to be locked up.
He said,
But Dazai-san didn't.
"Peter Pan, that's what they call me
He offered me a job to the agency. Something I didn't expect.
I smiled this time, tears still trickling to my cheeks.
I promise that you'll never be lonely
*ding!*
My phone ringed. Recieving a text message.
And ever since that day
"They just used you because of your ability"
I sighed, whenever I tried to cheer myself up, Those messages always managed their ways through my phone.
Sure, I should've just ignored it.
But it's been so long.
It's been months.
5 whole f*****g months.
I wanted to say something.
To search help.
But I'm a bother aren't I?
I'm a lost boy from Neverland
*ding!*
My phone ringed again.
What is it this time?
I picked it up, opening the lockscreen as I stared at the name.
It was Kyouka.
"Are you feeling better? Akiko said she'll treat you"
I shaked my head.
I'm not getting myself half-dead just because of my non existent depression.
I chuckled again.
Was my Depression really non existent?
"I'm fine, just needed some rest."
I replied, lying through my teeth.
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
"Okay."
Kyouka instantly replied.
Another sigh escaped replied as I placed my phone beside me.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to feel.
And when we're bored we play in the woods
Nothing seems to make me happy anymore.
Always on the run from Captain Hook
I hate it.
"Run, run, lost boy, " they say to me
I hate everything.
Away from all of reality
I hate me.
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
Why did I even live in the first place?
It's not like I have a purpose.
He sprinkled me in pixie dust and told me to believe
They're better off without me.
Believe in him and believe in me
I don't have control of my ability.
Together we will fly away in a cloud of green
I'm just a burden to the agency.
To your beautiful destiny
I'm a just a useless sh*t.
As we soared above the town that never loved me
Just like the headmaster said.
Just like that text message said.
I realized I finally had a family
The Agency was kind enough to accept someone like me.
To accept someone useless as me.
Soon enough we reached Neverland
Peacefully my feet hit the sand
When can I end this?
And ever since that day
When can I end the pain?
I am a lost boy from Neverland
The loneliness.
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
This pitiful life of mine?
And when we're bored we play in the woods
Maybe I can be reborned.
Always on the run from Captain Hook
And in that lifetime, I can be less pitiful.
"Run, run, lost boy, " they say to me
Away from all of reality
Less of a disgrace.
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
Less of a burden.
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
*ding!*
Another text message.
Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, Wendy Darling
Another painful fact.
Even Captain Hook, you are my perfect story book
I picked my phone up.
Opening it as I saw the most familiar number.
Neverland, I love you so
"Kill yourself"
It said.
You are now my home sweet home
"Right now."
It said.
Forever a lost boy at last
"Okay"
I replied.
The first and last reply that I'm gonna send to this person.
Whoever this is.
Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, Wendy Darling
I slowly got up, going to my closet and opening it.
I grabbed a rope.
I don't even know why I had one.
Even Captain Hook, you are my perfect story book
Hanging myself would be the cleanest way wouldn't it?
Neverland, I love you so
So when someone finds me, they wouldn't go for all the trouble and clean the mess I made.
You are now my home sweet home
And in this way,
Forever a lost boy at last
Maybe the white tiger can't save me.
And for always I will say
It's for the better anyway.
I am a lost boy from Neverland
I held the rope.
Tying it somewhere up the ceiling and tying a noose in the end.
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
I stood at the chair.
Facing the fate I'm gonna be in.
And when we're bored we play in the woods
Wait.
Always on the run from Captain Hook
It would be inconsiderate to leave without a goodbye right?
"Run, run, lost boy, " they say to me
I grabbed my phone again.
Going to Dazai-san's number and texting him.
Away from all of reality
"Goodbye."
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
I dropped my phone on the ground.
And lost boys like me are free
I put the noose on my neck as I kicked the chair.
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
Letting the thick rope suffocate me as I heared my phone ring again.
And lost boys like me are free
This time, It wasn't a text.
It was a call.
Multiple ones.