Chapter 5
Victor was early at my apartment. He's the one who pulled me out of bed even though I don't have the energy to do anything. Gusto ko na lang matulog buong araw. Pakiramdam ko ayokong pumunta sa school, bigla na lang akong nawalan ng gana. There's just this moment na bigla na lamang umaatake sa akin out of nowhere. It makes me sad, it makes me think too many things I shouldn't even worry about.
Somehow, I thought there's a problem in me that I couldn't or wouldn't ever find the answer.
"It is a good day, Cosette," Victor encouraged. Siya pa mismo ang ang-aayos ng kama ko ngayon. "You have little young ones waiting for you at the school. They are the future of the country so don't disappoint them. They are leaning onto you now."
Victor's trying to persuade me and I know it's my job to do so but I feel like I'm incapable of doing things right. It was just my second day and I feel exhausted already. Kakatapos ko lang din mag-shower. Maaga rin kasi siyang dumating kaya halos tulog pa ang diwa ko. Nagising din kasi ako kaninang madaling araw and I hated it. It was a nightmare.
"I don't really feel to do anything right now," I groaned and was about to fall back on the bed but he stopped me. Isang malalim na buntong-hininga ang pinakawalan ko sabay pagbagsak ng balikat ko. Hinarap ako ni Victor at inayos niya ang posture ko. "Don't push me to my limits, Victor. I'll be so damned all day."
"Mais non," he refused to accept my reason. "You'll go to school. You're going to do your job. You're going to teach those children and you'll be happy at the end of the day. There isn't an easy job, Cosette. Everything is hard, even though our hearts and mind possess us to do something. Be happy that you're in Paris, not all people could get a job here." (But no.)
"I know... merci," I muttered and my energy was still low. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko bubuhayin ang sarili ko. But because of his little encouragement, maybe I really deserve this life. "I'll just prepare, wait for me." (Thank you.)
"Bien sûr," his response looks like he won over my demon inside. There's a fulfillment in his tone so I'll give this to him. He sits on the chair and put his attention on his phone while I check my clothes and choose what to wear. (Of course.)
I really haven't had the time to fix all of my things. Kung ano lang nakakayanan kong ayusin, hanggang doon lang keri ng powers ko. I picked the casual shirt maroon dress that falls right on my knee. Sinuot ko na rin ang trench coat ko kasi malamig-lamig ang panahon ngayon. I wore my black flat shoes. Ayokong magkaroon ng muscle sa binti ko akyat-panaog at nakatayo rin ako buong time during my class so might as well wear something comfortable.
Muli kong chineck ang sarili ko sa salamin and get Victor's opinion. Obviously, he hates how I wear kaya pumapayag na lang siya in the end. Pinapagalitan niya pa ako minsan he knows that I shouldn't wear too much dress, nandito ako para mag-trabaho at hindi bilang maging model ng mga damit. I think a lesser outlook will be fine and everybody has their opinion, this is how I want to convey myself thru my appearance. Whether they like it or not, I am my own.
"Shall we, Victor?"
"Oui!" he responded enthusiastically and hopped his ass out of the chair. Ipinalibot naman niya ang kanyang kamay sa braso ko. I didn't shove his hands off of me. Nasasanay na rin ako sa kanya. His friend didn't really tell me about him, basta ang sinabi na lang niya sa akin ay mabait ito at ang kanyang physical features. I mean, Victor can be so mean but he's nice--sometimes. (Yes!)
Before we left the room, I took a quick glance at my room kung maayos ko na bang naisara ang mga dapat i-lock. When I'm sure that everything will be fine, tuuyan na kaming lumabas ng pinto.
Victor only lives a few blocks away from my building, he likes where he stays kasi may bathtub daw siya roon and he's trying to make me jealous dahil sobrang liit daw ng room ko. But I don't mind now, basta may matulugan ako, it's fine. And more thing that almost made me mad but I didn't make a big deal out of it dahil ayokong gumawa ng gulo lalo na nang misunderstanding. The TV in my room doesn't work anymore. I mentioned it to the landlady but she didn't give me a better response on how I'll make it work it again. And I don't like to pay to fix it. Hindi rin naman ako palanood ng TV so might as well let it be just a room display.
As we head downstairs, may pumasok naman na ideya sa isip ko. I nudge Victor with my elbow and he just raises his eyebrow at me.
"If you have free time or might be at the weekend. Would you like to go shopping? Help me with clothes I should buy and wear?"
Napahawak ang kanyang kamay sa ulo at napailing-iling. "Je ne sais pas comment t'aider, Cosette." (I don't know how to help you, Cosette.)
I pouted. Namilog pa ang mata ko. Nagpapaawa sa kanya but it doesn't work for him. I guess, he also has a heart of stone. And Victor looks sophisticated on his black turtle neck shirt, pants and we were paired with trench coats. It looks elegant when we were something like this. Nakakasosyal sa paningin ng iba but of course in Paris it's normal. Someone or I mean myself, always have to stand out in front of everybody and by doing that, odd stuff can make the difference.
As we finally head out of the building, we immediately noticed someone who abruptly jumped out of his car. He also had bread and coffee on his hand. I instantly shifted my attention away. I know it wasn't for me. I was just intrigued but then something happened that totally confuses me. Victor keeps nudging me to look at the man earlier and it's standing beside me.
"Bonjour, Mademoiselle," he greeted. His tone is so strong that I could barely understand his accent. (Good morning, miss.)
Napabalik ang tingin ko kay Victor kasi naguguluhan ako.
"Here's your coffee and a baguette," he handed the bread and the coffee to me but I'm just staring at me. Nagtataka ako dahil hindi ko kilala ang lalaking ito. Why would he be following me? Is he one of those paparazzi? Good thing Victor's with me, may human shield ako. "Désolé, le café est devenu un peu froid." (Sorry, the coffee got a little cold.)
I turned to Victor, creasing my forehead and with so much confusion sets in my face. "What did he say?"
"The coffee might be a little cold now," Victor translated it for me. "So take it and thank the generous man."
"No," I retorted with his approach. Hinarap ko ang lalaki at tinaasan ko ng kilay. I know Victor wouldn't love this but I don't want any people will come at me with this kind of agenda. Hindi ako masasanay sa ganitong set-up. "Who are you? How did you know I live here?"
"Je suis le chauffeur de Sir Cashel. Je suis ici pour vous chercher." (I'm Sir Cashel's driver. I'm here to pick you up.)
"What did he say again?"
Inilapit naman ni Victor ang mukha niya sa akin at saka binulong ang pagkakaintindi niya sa lalaking nasa harapan namin ngayon. "He said he's Sir Cashel's driver and he's to pick you up."
I gasped and shifted my head to the man in front of us. I examined him from head to toe. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag dahil akala ko manliligaw ko siya o kaya naman stalker. At masyado akong nagmukhang assuming do'n at mabuti na lang ay hindi ko pinangalandakan iyon sa kanya. I would totally lose it. But why would Cashel send a driver at my place? Akala ko ba nagkakaintindihan na kaming dalawa sa napag-usapan namin? Bakit feeling ko hindi pa rin siya titigil?
"Je prends le café et la baguette," Victor said and he was about to grab it from the driver's hand pero inurong niya ito palayo sa kanya. Victor felt a little offended by it. (I'm going to have coffee and the baguette.)
"Je suis désolé, mais c'est pour elle," he insisted. At dahil mukhang hindi niya naman ibibigay ang hawak niya, kinuha ko na rin sa kamay niya. He put his hands on his back and still stood in front of me. Inaabangan niya siguro akong sumama sa kanya. (I'm sorry, but it's for her.)
"Merci pour le café et la baguette, but I can't go with you," I told him, and then I grabbed Victor's hand which he gladly takes. Nagsimula kaming maglakad but the driver immediately followed us and blocked our way. Napakunot ang noo ko. He's also persistent and determined like his boss. "Je suis vraiment désolé." (Thank you for the coffee and the baguette. I'm really sorry.)
Umiling na ako para maramdaman niyang nire-reject ko ang imbitasyon niya. Even though it is his job, hindi naman ibigsabihin no'n magpapauto ako. And Cashel should grow up. Kung gusto niyang i-push ang plano niya, dapat siya ang kumukumbinsi sa akin ngayon at hindi ang driver niya. I pity him for putting anyone to do his petty work.
"S'Il Vous Plaît, Mademoiselle?" (Please, miss?)
"Monsieur, vous l'avez entendue, veuillez respecter sa décision. Dire à votre patron," Victor reiterated. He lost me there when he speaks to fluent and fast. Ang sunod na lang naming ginawa ay tinalikuran namin iyong driver ni Cashel at nagsisimula na kaming maglakad papunta sa metro station. "Thank me, Cosette." (Sir, you heard her, please respect her decision. Tell your boss)
"Thanks?" I grinned and arched my brow. "Well, you're a big help so you have to take the credits."
"Bien sûr, je suis le meilleur!" he laughed. I know he's the best person I know. (Of course, I'm the best)
And when we thought that the driver leave us alone, habang patungo kami sa metro station, he's slowly driving near us still to convince na sumakay sa kanya. But we completely ignored him. Ayoko mang gawin 'yon pero iyon ang utos ni Victor sa akin. I drink the coffee he gave it to me. It was a creamed coffee but it wasn't that hot as I expect. Siguro kanina pa siya naghihintay sa akin at ako ang nakokonsesya ngayon.
Nang makarating lang kami sa metro station doon lang kami tumigil sa pagsunod sa amin ang driver ni Cashel. Napabuntong-hininga na lamang ako at sinimulang kainin ang baguette para mawala sa isip ko iyong nangyari kanina. Nakiki-kurot naman din si Victor tinapay ko. Hindi ko naman siya pinipigilan.
While we're waiting for the train, hindi ko maalis na naman sa isipan ko kung anong napaginipan ko kagabi.
"Victor, you know what, I dreamt of his last night," I started and my tone came out annoyed. "It was a total nightmare. We just kissed again and this time, in front of a thousand French people."
"Hmm..." he hummed then took a bite from the piece of bread. "You did mention that there's a photo circulating online about you and this model and it has over a hundred thousand likes. So what's the difference you will be seen by a thousand French people? They already did, Cosette."
I grunted and heaved out a sighed. Napailing ako kasi ang lost hope ng dating ko sa sagot niya sa akin. He's right, siguro nga hindi lang French people ang nakakita ng mga post na 'yon. He posted it online, it could be anywhere right now. It could be seen by my friends, colleagues, and especially my family. And I can tell that they are freaking out right now. Though they haven't sent a message to me about it. The last message I sent was when I got to Paris. If they knew it, they would kill me now.
Kalalapag ko lang sa Paris, may lumaplap na kaagad sa akin.
And how long this viral going to fade? Hopefully sooner.
***
I meet some of my colleagues in the school at the faculty. Most of them are above forty's and there's only a few who' in the same age as mine. Of course, mas madalas kong makausap ang mga kasing edad ko kaysa roon sa mga matatanda at matatagal na sa school na ito. Some of them even told me not to be dumb because they could be so mean and mad if I got something wrong or mistakenly disobey the rules. So, I intend to behave and only speak what I know.
"Hey, there's a photo that went online last night..." Minetta said, she came by during our lunch break. And she's the only one who keeps raising that topic. I'm so over it. Ayoko sanang pag-usapan 'yong and yet she keeps it in the spotlight. Napatingin din tuloy sa kanya ang mga teachers na kasama ko sa table ngayon. They don't even have an idea about it. Iniiiwasan ko ngang ipasok 'yon tapos siya, she doesn't worry about it!
"What photo?" I asked, creasing my forehead. But I already have a slight about it.
"I'm a fan of this gossip site so I'm always updated about their online posts. And you came there on the top spot--I mean the trending spot," she stated.
"Oh, wow, that must be a great thing," komento ng isang kasamahan kong guro.
"Non, il n'est pas," nakangiti ko pang sagot pero sa loob-loob ko, gusto ko ng ipatumba si Minetta. Walang preno ang bibig. Gusto lagi bida bida sa chismis.
"I think it's good," Minetta countered it with a smile. Mapapasapo na sana ako ako ng palad sa mukha but I kept my smiling face in front of them. "The photo caught you going to Cashel's car and you denied to me yesterday that you're not in a relationship with him. And that doesn't mean anything to you?"
Agad akong umiling. I just need to defend myself. Hindi dapat nila paniwalaan ang nakikita nila. Isang fake news 'yon!
"No, really, we're not in a relationship. Cashel and I just met. We're friends. If that's what you call it. And believe it or not, the photo doesn't always justify everything. It could also mean anything," I explained and I hope that's enough for them to understand my side. Bahala na sila kung anong papaniwalaan nila.
"Oui and that's you and him are together," pagpupumilit pa in Minetta.
I pressed my lips and heavily put a smile on my face. Hindi ako nag-agree sa sinabi niya. Hindi ako nagbigay ng response. Hinayaan ko lang silang magdiskusyon sa kung anong haka-haka ang gusto nilang ibato sa akin. Sinasagot ko lang din naman kung anong alam ko. They don't have to know my life, nandito lang ako para magturo and nothing more.
***
During my class, as awkward as it looks. Cashel's little sister is sitting in my class made me feel a little nervous. I want my class to be comfortable as it is pero ako pa iyong hindi nagiging komportable. Adeline, or Adie as he calls her, believes that I'm his big brother's girlfriend. Mabuti na lang din ay hindi niya ako tinanong tungkol sa kapatid niya. I was a little relieved with that but at the end of my class when they're about to leave, she questions if I'm going to visit them at their home and I, unfortunately, said no.
Cashel should've told her that we're actually not in a relationship and that he's misleading every people. If he's trying to make a show, I'm going to set things right. People might look at me differently because of it. Kabago-bago ko pa nga lang sa school ko, I was already the talk of the town and I hate it.
Back in the Philippines, of course, I love the attention, I love to be in everyone's eye and that's because I'm an actress and I need them to see me. Pero sa ngayon, it is far from my ambition. I'm an educator and I'm not after fame anymore.
And for the rest of the week, Cashel's driver picks me up at my apartment at gano'n pa rin ang situation. He's there to pick me up pero dahil ayokong pumayag, it was the same routine I did for over a week. Natatakot na nga akong lumabas ng building dahil baka nakaabang na siya sa akin. And I tried to message Cashel but he never read my messages. Nang-iinis lang talaga ang lalaking iyon at may gustong patunayan. What does he really want? To be his girlfriend or what?
What kind of intention ang nananalaytay sa balat no'ng gunggong na 'yon?
If I need to end this, I will so I need Toro the paparazzi now.
"Thank you class and enjoy the rest of your day," I announced to the class, and they bop their heads to me.
Kinuha naman nila ang mga bags nila at isa'isa silang lumabas ng room namin at saka nila pinuntahan ang mga magulang nilang naghihintay sa kanila sa hallway. Nang mapansin kong hindi umaalis si Adie sa kinauupuan niya ay nilapitan ko na siya.
It's Cashel's little sister. Ano kayang ginawa ng kapatid nito?
I kneel on the floor just to get at the same height as her. "Hey, what's the problem?" I asked, reaching out to her.
She shakes her head. "Nothing..." she muttered and barely move her lips to speak. To my surprise, she came closer to me and gave me a tight hug. Agad kong binalik ang mahigpit niyang yakap at hinagod ang likod niya para mapagaan kung ano man ang nararamdam niya ngayon.
"Is there someone to pick you up?" I asked her and then she shook her head. "What about your brother?" And then she repeated to do the same thing. Shaking her head.
I slowly pulled myself from her. "Do you want me to take you home?" I said and touches her neck pero hindi naman siya mainit. She's actually active during our class earlier, anong nangyari sa kanya? Pero kinakabahan ako dahil baka may sakit siya and I'm not aware of it.
"Allez-vous, s'il vous plaît?" (Can you, please?
I nodded with a warm smile on my face. "Yes, ma cherie. I will. You ready to go?" She nodded quickly. "Très bien. Let me just fix my stuff and we'll go, okay?" (Yes, dear. Very well.)
Hindi ko naman matagal pinaghintay si Adie at inayos ko ng mabilisan ang gamit ko. Nang mag-time out na ako ay saka ko tinawag si Adie so we could leave and I can take her to her home. Tinanong ko pa kung sino ang naghahatid at sundo sa kanya, ang sagot niya lang sa akin ay may driver sila so I was also hoping na nakaabang ang sundo niya sa kanya.
As soon as we step out of the car, Adie immediately let go of my hand and run towards the black car in front of us. Tinawag ko pa siya dahil baka maling sasakyan ang pinasukan niya. Napatigil na lamang ako ng bumukas ang pinto ng driver's seat at lumabas doon si Cashel.
My jaw dropped when I saw him and then it immediately turned into annoyance.
"Bonjour, Mademoiselle," he was about to come to me and give me a kiss on my cheeks but I stopped him to do it by putting my hand between us. "Quel est le problème?" (Hello, miss. What is the problem?)
"You're the problem," I said with gritted teeth, and out of nowhere, my hand falls on his face, and that shocked him. Kahit ako ay nagulat sa ginawa ko kaya agad kong binawi ang kamay ko. "Je suis désolé, Cashel." (I'm sorry, Cashel.)
He smirked while he touches his cheek and jaw. And then it filtered with a grin. "Now, you owe me one..."
***
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