Hey, Hi, Hello.
Welcome to chapter eight of Indebted. Please enjoy it. No song for this chapter, sorry!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto.
WARNINGS: Cussing. Amaya's temper and a rant at the beginning, plus the start of something awkward xD
Anything in bold is important or with emphasis.
If in mid-sentence or speech, italics are something with emphasis.
This is what Amaya's thoughts look like.
'This is what song lyrics look like.'
--
I feel a sort of quiet heartbreak soaking into my bones, the kind that's not caused by anything you had any control over and the kind that just won't fucking disappear no matter what you do, from crying until your eyes dry up and eating your own body's weight in chocolate to downing alcohol until you're so unbalanced and uneven on your feet that you don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting back to your home, safe and sound, without the help of someone much more reliable than you will ever be, no matter how desperately you try to meet the expectations placed upon you by those who are much better at life than you are and can ever hope to be.
So why was I still crying, when there was absolutely nothing I could do to fix it or make it go away? Either way, it didn't matter. I was still curled up in the floor of my shower, crying helplessly. Nothing seemed like it would be okay ever again, no matter what I did. And did I really want to be okay? I didn't honestly deserve that. I was the cause of it, control or not, and I knew it. It was my hand that was holding the kunai, mine that stabbed Nao in the stomach. My fault. My fault, my guilt, my heartbreak.
The water has long since run cold, and I wonder how long I had been in here, and if it really mattered. I couldn't begin to imagine why it would, but I still pull myself up. My limbs feel too heavy, like they weighed double what they should. My head, in contrast, feels lightweight. I turn the stream of water off and step out onto the tile floor. It's moist and lukewarm beneath my feet. I grab my towel from where it was hanging and begin massaging my scalp with it an effort to dry my hair. As I'm doing so I stand in front of the mirror, just looking at myself. The angry scars from the stab wounds I sustained in the fight with Hidan stand out. My hands fall limp, and the hand that wasn't holding the towel automatically travels down and traces each one, thin fingers trailing lightly over the still sensitive injuries. I stare at myself in the mirror for a while longer.
It was time for me to get out of the bathroom. I get dressed mechanically, still questioning myself. I cannot seem to place a motivation to my actions. I was just some talentless little brat who hadn't even grown up yet. Not like I was worth much, right? Right. Not much.
I climb down the stairs and walk into the kitchen. Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara, Kisame, Itachi and Zetsu are all in there. I don't make any sort of effort to talk to any of them. I just grab a bowl and a packet of ramen. I make it successfully and I'm about halfway through eating it before someone, either not detecting the foul mood I'm in or just not caring, decides to fuck with me. This happens to be Hidan.
"Hey, little bitch! You're being too fuckin' quiet! Why?" He demands. I ignore him, not a single muscle even twitching at his words. This pisses him off. "Little bitch, I'm talkin' to you!" Once more, I'm silent. "Is it 'cause you stabbed your dumb little fuckin' friend-"
"Just shut up, Hidan," I mutter. "Really. Shut up."
"Oh," he says, glowing with pride. "Have I hit a sensitive spot, little bitch? The little retard-"
The bowl I was eating my ramen from nails him right in the face, shattering upon impact. Little red cuts appear all over his face. I've stood up from my chair, seething angry. "You," I hiss, "better not say one more Kami-damned word about him. You don't know anything about him, you don't even know his name. You don't deserve to. Shut your fucking mouth about him!"
Deafening silence. I stand, fists clenched at my sides. I move to walk from the room, but my departure is interrupted. "Shit, little bitch got mad-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" My fist hits Hidan's jaw with frightening intensity. A sickening snap sounds, his blood splattering across the kitchen floor. His jaw was broken. And I don't even feel bad about it, not in the slightest. I glare at him, hard, before turning on my heel and leaving. I needed to blow off some steam. Preferably by destroying something.
--
The training dummies were completely destroyed, either by being burnt to bits or slashed into teeny tiny pieces. Kakuzu-sama, being the treasurer of the Akatsuki, would likely strangle me for this. I would make an effort to pay him back, at least partially.
"You are extremely angry, kid."
Why thank you, Captain Fucking Obvious. I don't turn to face him. "Hai, Kisame-sama." My chest heaves. I exerted quite a bit of chakra burning the dummies. They were still smoking.
"What is it, then? It's pissin' you off clearly, and that shit's the kinda stuff you need to get off your chest." He steps forward, standing next to me. Observing the burnt, twisted masses of charred wood and hay.
"I went to Taki and had to kill my former genin teammate. I was in love with him and stabbed him in the gut like it was nothing." My voice is emotionless, though it threatens to give out.
"What rank were you?"
"Jonin," I mumble. "Graduated from the Academy when I was eight."
A moment of silence. Then Kisame speaks. "Well, I can't say it'll be easy to get over, because you never will be completely over it. You'll eventually come to terms with it, but it won't be for a long while. And until the day when it finally feels not so fuckin' hard to think about, because you'll always be reminded of that moment, you'll be fighting a war with yourself."
"I never had a choice..." I mumble.
"Honestly, kid, none of us did."
--
According to Kisame-sama, my big issue was everything I did.
Or, at least that's what it sounds like right now. And he's right with everything he says. He was only the greatest swordsman alive, after all. So I listened to him, to the extremest form. "Tighten up your shoulders and swing with a lotta force, like you did when you broke Hidan's jaw. Like he's talkin' again and just won't shut the fuck up unless you run him through with your katana."
I do exactly as he says, building the muscles in my arms up and swinging the katana forward. It slices through the clone, though not as smooth as it should've been. I readjust my grip on the handle, tighten my shoulders like he told me to do, and swing the blade again. It swishes easily through the air as I spin around. Two clones dissipate as my katana shreds them to pieces.
"Channel that anger and hate! Tap into what infuriates you the most and go with it!" He instructs. "Feel the blade like it's an extension of your own arm!" I close my eyes for a brief moment and think of what infuriates me the most. Three images come to mind- Nao's blood on my hands, the self-righteous look on Hidan's face before I threw my bowl at him, and knowing I never really had a choice in anything that happened to me. My eyes open again and I feel the same rage I experienced from Hidan's mouthing off building up in my chest, white hot and searing. I gather my muscles and swing my katana forward, letting my eyes close as it swung in a smooth arc, viciously tearing through six clones in quick succesion.
Kisame whistles lowly. The clones disappear, and I relax from my fighting stance. I glance over to see Itach standing calmly next to Kisame, his face void of emotion. I sheath my katana. I walk over to the two members. Itach has a scroll in one hand. My chest aches lightly from all of my movement but I push the pain away. "Hey, Itachi-sama."
His onyx gaze flicks over my body. My skin shined in the light, slick with sweat. "You and I are being dispatched on a mission. Details are within this scroll. We leave Wednesday morning." He hands me the scroll and walks away.
I call after him, "Hai, Itachi-sama! See you then!" I planned on getting a lot of sleeping in; today was Sunday, and it was probably already dark outside.
Kisame claps my shoulder. "You did good, kid. I figure you're exhausted, so this training session is over. But we will be working on it more tomorrow afternoon. You have a ways to go."
I smile at him. "Hai, Kisame-sama! Arigato!" He just chuckles, tells me goodnight and leaves. After he's out of eyesight, I frown down at myself. Looks like I'd need another shower.
--
The mission was relatively straightforward. A powerful businessman several villages away was holding up our supply train, and Itachi and I were to infiltrate his base and assassinate him. The estimated completion time was an entire month, most of it being spent just traveling there and back. We would have to do a few days worth of simple observation, getting the feel of the town and figuring out his routine. An A-rank mission. This infiltrate-and-assassinate style of missions were definitely up my alley.
I pack three pairs of clothes, a bar of soap, my set for sharpening and shining my katana, a couple of sheets of paper for writing a letter to my family, a canteen full of water, and some bars of chocolate. Light weight and mostly essential. Itachi-sama and I leave promptly at five o'clock in the morning. We're both completely silent, for which I am grateful. I'm contemplating a lot- mostly how my life was going. My conclusion on it so far was that it was at least halfway decent and of a little bit of value- I was still alive.
Itachi-sama and I stop around three o'clock to take a break. I sit on a rock and remove my katana and its harness from my back, setting it down next to me. Then I get my canteen and a bar of chocolate and lean back against the side of the cave we were in. Itachi-sama gets a bento box and begins to eat his food.
"Hey, Itachi-sama, there's a river that runs a few miles from here, right?" I ask.
"Yes," he mutters, glaring down at his food.
"Ah, good. I just wanted to know, in case I need to refill my canteen," I explain, even though I realize he didn't care in the slighest. After we finish eating we pack up and head out.
We reach a small village around dusk and decide to stop and get an inn room for the night. I fall into an uneasy sleep. My stomach felt a bit weird but I was tired so I just disregarded it and went back to sleep. My dreams are relatively normal, Nao popping up in all of them. I awaken in the middle of the night. Itachi-sama is sleeping away in his bed. I shuffle into the mini bathroom the hotel provided, and that's when I notice something- I was bleeding.
"ITACHI-SAMA!"
--
TA-DA!
Done. I hope you guys enjoy this! Love you kiddies!