Sirius woke up thrashing in his bed, a cold sweat covering his body. He knew his nerves about the Quidditch game against Ravenclaw he would be playing in a couple hours. But that's not what his dream had been. Though the more he properly woke up the more the details of his dream slipped away, some imagines stayed burned in his mind.
His mother had been laughing though laughing really wasn't the right word for it. It was more of a cold evil cackle. His brother had been dressed in all black robes, and Sirius only knew it was him when he ripped a distorted mask off his face. His parents cheered when he did so. The only other thing Sirius remembered was a large snake coiling around his body.
He took some deep breathes before sitting up. He was worried he had woken his friends but there was no movement in the dormitory, and Peters snored echoed as they usually did. However when his eyes scanned over Remus' bed he realized the curtain was drawn and the bed empty.
Sirius checked the time and as expected it was the middle of the night. And concerned forced Sirius out of bed, and he whispered.
"Moony?"
To Sirius' surprise he heard a light rap on the window and looked over to see Remus sitting out on the ledge, a cloud of smoke surrounding him. There was a small sort of balcony that, though they weren't suppose to, the boys sat on occasionally. They didn't that often though, Peter refused to, as he wasn't big on heights and there was no barrier to stop him falling. And Sirius, and James rarely used it as it was too small for them to both sit without basically being on top of each other. Sirius however was curious as to what Remus was doing, so he wandered over to window opened it and climbed out.
Two sensations hit Sirius immediately. The first was the cold. It was only a few days before Halloween and the chill of October could be felt during the day and at night without the sun and with a friece wind it was freezing. The second was a smell. Sirius was sure he hadn't smelt it before, and also wasn't sure if he liked it. It had a strong earthy tone to it, and it seemed to be attached to the smoke incircling Remus.
The ledge was so small Sirius sat with his legs over Remus circled up a little. Remus' longer legs hang off the end of the balcony. Once Sirius was settled Remus reaches behind him and closed the window.
"What is this?" Sirius said waving his hand at the smoke.
Remus raised his hand and Sirius saw for the first time the cause of the smoke.
"Ohh I know this one. It's a muggle thing. I've seen people smoking them in Kingscross, and I read about it in Muggle studies. A cigarette right?" Sirius said a little smug.
"Sort of" Remus said with a light chuckle at Sirius attitude. "Those usually have Tabacoo in it. This has Weed."
Remus raised it to his lips, and Sirius found himself completely entranced. Remus cheeks howled out as he took a deep breath in. As he held the smoke in his lungs tipping his head back before releasing the smoke with a puff above him. Sirius was sure he had never felt anything that made him feel the way watching that moment had. And he had to tear his eyes away.
"It relaxes you" Remus said.
"Why do you need relaxing?" Sirius asked quietly. Worried he was distributing Remus peace. But Remus still seemed relaxed taking another long drag from his cigarette.
Remus waved his hand up at the moon, and Sirius realized how large it was. Since finding out his friends secret Sirius had become so aware of the moon cycle. But he knew he would never be as aware as Remus was, whose whole life was define by the stupid thing.
"I'm sorry" Sirius said, but Remus merely shrugged clearly not wanting to talk about it.
"Why are you up?" Remus asked looking at him with slightly red but still knowing eyes.
"Nervous about the game I guess" he stated but when Remus continued to look at him he added "and I had a bad dream."
"About the game?" Remus asked.
"No my family" Sirius said shaking his head and looking down. Sirius expected Remus understood he didn't want to talk about it in the same way Remus didn't wanna talk about the full moon. Sirius wasn't sure if it was the cold air or Remus' presence but his head started to defog from the panic of his nightmare.
"Aren't you freezing?" Sirius asked already shivering. But once again Remus just shook his head.
"I don't really get cold. I think it's a werewolf thing. Warm blood you know." Remus said but he looked at Sirius shivering and opened his arms. So carefully Sirius crawled to Remus and he did notice how warm it was being close to him.
"I didn't know that" Sirius said.
"You never asked" Remus replied. He seemed so relaxed and Sirius was jealous, he still had aneixty pulsing through him.
"Can I try some?" Sirius asked shyly.
Remus looked mildly surprised but nodded.
"Just hold it to your lips and take a deep breath. Hold it in your lungs a moment and breath out." Remus explained passing the joint to Sirius.
Sirius took the joint carefully between his fingers and tried to copy what Remus did exactly. However as he tried to exhale he started to cough as the smoke burnt his throat. Remus gently raised a hand and rubbed Sirius' back.
"Sorry should have warned you about that" Remus said softly. And Sirius realized how close together there faces were. He felt a light blush coat his cheeks. He took another long hit from the joint before passing it back to Remus. They went on like this for a little while and slowly Sirius felt his whole body relax and his mind suspended in a gentle state of calm. He found himself leaning more and more into Remus who kept a long arm wrapped around him. Sirius wasn't sure if this was to make sure he didn't fall, or keep him warm. But It only relax Sirius more.
"This is Great stuff" Sirius said smiling in a hazy way up at Remus. "Muggles have got some good ideas"
He was no longer nervous about how close their faces were. He enjoyed getting to closely examine Remus face. His eyelashes where so long, they left shadows down his face from the small candle Remus had lit and enchanted to float in front of them. Sirius tried to remember when each of the scar on his face. He knew there were some he had before Remus started at Hogwarts. And some of the bigger ones Sirius remembered him getting. But most of them were a mystery. In his mind altered state Sirius couldn't stop himself from reaching up and brushing his finger over some of the scars.
"I think maybe you should go to bed Padfoot." Remus said a light blush on his cheeks, as Sirius continued to dreamily run his fingers along the scars. He knew Remus was right and he should go to sleep. His eye lids were heavy and the relaxation from the weed had made his whole mind want to be asleep. But he was so comfortable and moving to his bed meant leaving Remus arms.
Sirius did however wake up in his own bed to James shaking him.
"How can you be asleep right now!" James said in his panic voice he reserved for the morning of Quidditch games, and whenever Lily Evans looked at him. "Get up, we have to get to breakfast."
Sirius Wonder briefly how Remus managed to carry him through the window, and get him into bed with him waking up. He guessed he had been really out, he had been so tired. When he glanced over at Remus he was grinning at him and flexed his arms in a joking manner that made Sirius smile.
Then the reality of his first Quidditch game hit him and he jumped up. And started getting ready. Once he was dressed the four boys headed down to breakfast together.
Sirius and James parted ways from Remus and Peter to sit with the rest of the Quidditch team. Sirius watch as Remus took a seat next to Lily Evans and Alice. He missed the calming presence his friend had on him. Being around the rest of the team only made him realize how many people were relying on him. The atmosphere the surrounded the whole team was tense. Most of the team didn't eat much but just pushed the food around there plates. A couple times someone would come up and pat someone on the back and wish them luck. Once a ravenclaw booed them but James hit em with a quick hex it shut them up.
Once they were done eating they headed down to change, and get ready for the game. Most of the time was spent in a tense silence. Geordi, the keeper, was so nervous he put his red Quidditch robes on backwards. Sirius' nerves were mounting faster then he could handle. His legs were shaky and his mind muddled. After quick pep talk from team captain Julia, the team got ready to walk out on the pitch. James stood beside him and knocked his shoulders against Sirius in a friendly manner though Sirius could tell he was also nervous.
"You ready?" James asked with a smile.
"I guess" Sirius said "I don't know how you deal with these nerves."
"If I tell you, you'll just make fun of me." James said.
Sirius turned to him surprised.
"You have a secret!" Sirius said "oh my god I knew you were taking Felix Felicis"
"Shut up" James said as a couple of their team mates glanced over at them suspiciously. "No it's just a umm coping strategy I guess"
"You gotta tell me Prongs" Sirius said turning to him with desperation "I feel like I'm gonna fall right off my broom and let everyone down. Please."
James looked at him with a leveling gaze.
"You promise you won't make fun of me" he said.
"Promise."
"I listen to the sound of everyone going up to the stands. I focus on that." James said closing his eyes as if to demonstrate.
"Great so I think about how many people will see me fail" Sirius said rolling his eyes.
"Okay this is the part where you have to not make fun of me" James said and Sirius nodded again "I just think of how Lily is up there, I know it's silly but it both makes me want to play better and feel calmer."
A part of Sirius did want to make fun of James, for his sappiness. But of all the weird shit James said when it comes to Lily, Sirius actually found this one kinda sweet, though he'd never tell James.
"Well I haven't been in love with Lily Evans for 6 years so that doesn't super help me." Sirius said.
"Theres gotta be Someone in this school you wanna impress." James said. "Probably me"
Sirius totally disregarded the last part and closed his eyes. He tried to think of Harriet the pretty Hufflepuff girl Sirius had been flirting with. But Sirius knew she liked him, he wasn't cocky but he was aware that most of the girls in the school did. He tried to think of a time Harriet made him calm and happy, but that train of thought just made him think of sitting smoking last night with Remus. How calm he felt in the chill of the night with Only Remus to keep him warm.
And he found it did bring him peace.