Can’t believe I’m actually standing in Marshall’s kitchen, his house isn’t anything like I expected it to be, it’s not vulgar or crass, not draped in gold, rather it looks like a large lived in family home. The kitchen is huge and I can see cereal boxes and sauce bottles behind glass doored cupboards.
The refrigerator he’s currently lost in is huge, you could park a bus in that thing but this house is clearly lived in.
No housekeeper or staff to greet us at the door, there is security Marshall let me inside and a huge man dressed in a black uniform appeared and disappeared just as quickly when Marshall spoke to him.
There are photos framed and hanging on the walls, photos of three different young girls taken at various stages of their lives, I guessed one of these girls must be the famous Hailie, his greatest muse when he was younger, I stood looking at a photo of the four of them laughing and all pulling silly faces on the wall while he rummaged through the fridge.
“Don’t worry they won’t just pop up unannounced” without knowing he picks up on my nerves about them appearing suddenly although it’s just past midnight so I supposed it wasn’t likely.
I smile “Your home is beautiful” and it truly is.
“Thanks, now get your ass over here and kiss me” he makes his demands and I move slowly towards him, picking up my hand I’m filled with panic. Fuck! My fucking rings how could I be so stupid and leave them on. I look up slowly and instead of the anger I expect to see he’s smiling.
“I’m not stupid little one, don’t ever mistake my living unhappily in denial for stupidity. I know about this and it makes me want to steal you” his voice sending shivers down my spine till he closes the distance and kisses me gently “Tell me, its possible”.
I close my eyes, he knows something about me I’ve tried to hide but I guess was obvious and I don’t want to tell him it’ll never happen, that I can’t leave my husband, so I sidestep the question and go for what I hope is a humorous reply “You just like the mystery, the chase. once you have me, you won’t want me any more”
Marshall shakes his head in disagreement “You want the full tour?”
“Of course I do” Answering with a big grin.
I’m dragged unceremoniously throughout the rest of the downstairs area of his home and I love it, it smells like home and feels like it too and for a moment I’m jealous that Marshall’s kids will never have to sell their cars or their horse to raise money to be able to live. I push that thought aside quickly though, it’s not their fault and it feels mean to have such shitty thoughts about people I’ll likely never meet.
Thinking about the things he’s said tonight is unsettling, that he misses me and he wants to steal me, he’s been affectionate and warm. He’s catching feelings and I can’t have that on my conscious. This will have to end soon and I don’t want it to, so badly I want to cling onto him and hold on tight, I want him to steal me, the guilt I feel over that pushes down on me and makes my chest feel tight.
“So what were you doing out tonight? Looking for man to replace me or just looking to get blind drunk” he’s smirking as he speaks trying to pass his question off as a joke but he can’t hide the hurt look in his eyes that I might have been out looking for someone to replace him.
“Well if I was I failed at both didn’t I! Actually it’s my birthday as of midnight and Jane wanted to try out that new bar” and speaking of tonight I was surely going to face quite the inquisition from Jane tomorrow. Her face when she realised ‘Mike’ was in fact Eminem was the best gift ever, I could laugh about that expression for years to come.
Asking her not to use my real name earned me a strange thoughtful look too.
“Happy Birthday babe, how old are you? how about a blow job to celebrate?” He says it with such a straight face but I laugh loudly, he’s got some front I’ll give him that.
“Wow, I’m 39 and that would be a gift for me?” He nods enthusiastically, pulling me closer and applying a generous amount of pressure to my shoulder in order to get me to drop to my knees, I’m half tempted because he looks so fucking hot tonight but I refuse to let my knees buckle and give in.
“Stop” I shout out, giggling as he persists with trying before giving up with a frown, reaching up I have a need to touch his ears and the tip of my finger traces around the outline of them, I enjoy the way his body trembles beneath my fingers “You have the cutest ears Marshall, I’m glad they aren’t covered by a cap or hood tonight”
“I ain’t got no damn cute ears bitch” he swats my hand away from his ear.
“You do and can I just say how sexy your looking tonight” he actually blushes over my compliment but seriously I thought he was hot in his sweats and random t shirts but this, this was a whole other level.
Red fitted sweatshirt, light colored denim, jewellery shimmering around his neck and wrists, I could orgasm just looking at him right now and I’m smug that I get to have sex with this magnificent beast.
“Not sexy enough to get a blow job though?” he enquires cheekily.
“Your almost there” I tell him before walking away from him and out of the room, he catches me quickly, scooping me up and flinging me over his shoulder before spanking my ass harshly.
Marshall runs up the stairs with me complaining loudly all of the way up and along a passageway until I’m dumped roughly on my feet outside of a room, I eye the door wearily before turning back to him “Straight to business then!” asking him as he regards me quietly, before taking my hand and talking quietly “Not quite, I want to show you something” he leads me through a large wooden door into what could pass for an office at first sight, it’s dark inside even with the lights on, wood paneling adorns the walls and its in stark contrast to the rest of the house which has a more modern feel.
He looks at me shyly before pulling me further into the room.
The room is filled with the things I expected to see littered around the rest of the house to be honest, gold disks, platinum disks, awards that look like they might be Grammys, moon men awards and a fucking Oscar of all things.
Posters and photos of Marshall and his friends throughout the years, I look around in awe while he stands beside me, quietly and holding my hand. I forget who he is sometimes when he’s not being an arrogant pig he’s so down to earth its easy to forget.
“Are you bragging?” I’m joking but I regret it the moment that comment leaves my mouth because he looks disappointed
“No, these aren’t the important things in here” he waves his arms around at the awards and disks “Look again, find the real me”
Moving away from him I spot the book shelves are filled with something and head towards them, he follows slowly
“Comics?” I turn back to him grinning and he smiles back at me “Yeah” I pick some of them up and start flicking through them, I know that some of these are probably worth a lot of money so I’m extra careful with them, lifting one I bring it up to my nose and inhale deeply I love the smell of printed comics and old ones are even better “I love comics Marshall, when I was little I collected them”
“You did?” he sounds surprised by my admission.
“Yeah although I was more of an anti hero kind of girl, Punisher, Wolverine and Dare Devil etc”
He pulls out an Adventures of Spiderman comic “You like Spiderman though, everybody loves Spiderman”
“Sorry, can’t stand him” he narrows his eyes at me
“Get out” for a moment I think he’s serious but instead he rambles on about women not taking Spiderman seriously under his breath, sexist pig!
He walks across the room tutting and shaking his head slowly in disappointment like a bratty kid.
“What can I do to make it up to you?” I play his game knowing full well what words will leave his mouth next “My dick in your mouth!”
“God loves a trier Marshall” I giggle flicking through a punisher comic, I spot other things on the shelves little Marvel character figures, lego figures and those bobble head dolls that are dressed in various Eminem clothes from different era’s.
This guy is a geek and it’s the cutest thing, though I resist the urge to tell him that but it makes him more human in my eyes, giving me a warm feeling inside.
“You can borrow them to read any time, just take care of them” I nod, thanking him.
Marshall joins me lacing his arm around my waist “So now you know something about me, maybe you can share something about you, like a name?” He’s always ferreting around trying to find out little nuggets but he’s had two today and so the name game continues. “Well you now know my birthday and you know I share your love of comics, so I think we’re even Marshall” he scowls at me before squeezing my waist tightly “We’d be perfect together don’t you think” We really are compatible and we’d make a great couple but that can’t be “In another life Marshall” I say sadly but I don’t want to sound flippant and lead him on in any way.
“How old were you when you got married?”
“You really want to talk about this?”
He nods, folding his arms across his chest “Okay then, I was nineteen, we went to Vegas for spring break and got hitched” That was the happiest day of my life and I smile thinking back on it.
“You’ve been married twenty years?”
“Yeah seems so long ago now” I don’t know why he’s interested in any of this and I’m hoping he doesn’t try to probe any further.
“Do have kids?” shit he’s still going through with this, I’m beginning to regret not caving in to the blow job demands now.
“No, we decided early on that we didn’t want kids, we wanted our careers, to travel and we liked adventures. Selfish I suppose but it was both of ours decision”
“Ever regret that choice?”
“No I have no regrets about it at all” when we’d told our parents that they wouldn’t have grandchildren they obviously weren’t happy and I was made out to be the cold hearted villain of it all, our mother’s couldn’t understand why I as a woman didn’t want to do what God apparently put me on earth to do and procreate. I happened to think I was worth more than just being a grow bag to keep other people happy and every time I saw either of them they’d enquire if I’d come to my senses yet, especially with the old biological clock ticking away.
“Okay I’m over show and tell now, time for your birthday present” he cups his dick through his denim pants and the sight of his hand full with his goodies makes my mouth water, I’m suddenly ravenous for him and extra happy and relieved that talk time is over. I'm surprised he hasn't asked me what I was doing looking for another man to have sex with when I'm married.
I’m led from the geeky room back down the hallway into what I assume is his bedroom, its got Marshall written all over it, nothing out of place, huge bed with fluffy looking white bedding, white furniture, pale blue walls and a plush looking pale blue rug in front of a fireplace, with a huge TV screen hanging above it.
He approaches me trying to unstuck my blouse from my shorts, I fight him briefly but he stops me a sensual kiss “Not tonight little one, I need to see you”
Fuck, fuck, fuck I think looking into his eyes, I’m not gonna get away with this any longer and hold my breath letting him pull the tucked in material from my shorts, he doesn’t try to remove it straight away but his hot hands sliding slowly up my back are my undoing, it’s time he knew about me.
His hands glide silkily over my skin leaving a burning trail as he moves “you’re skin is so soft, you feel like silk” shit I’m in over my head now, He turns me so I’m facing away from him, this feels so different from all the other times we’ve done this together.
His erection pressed up tightly between us, Marshall rocks his hips lazily drawing some pleasure from our close proximity I guessed. His hands travelling up over my belly towards my breasts, halting when he landed on a knotted piece of skin.
This was it, now or never, taking in a deep breath and holding it as I turn to face him slowly, watching as the expression on his face changes slowly as he starts at my feet and his eyes travelled slowly up my body, turning from lustful to one of horror, this just solidifies the reason why I hadn’t gotten laid in three years. He snatches his hands away from me like he’s been burned, I stood unsure of what to next, his wilting erection should have been a signal to pick my clothes up and lock myself in the bathroom until he left and I could escape his house but with each passing and silent second, I felt all the more awkward and vulnerable.
He says nothing just moves away from me, not looking at me anymore.
“Just go” I whispered, it was all I could manage without letting go of the racking sob that was caught in the back of my throat, I left my clothes and fled into the bathroom, turning the shower on so I wouldn’t hear the door slam as he walked out of his room. I was crushed by the confirmation of how disgusting my broken and battered body looked, It hurt badly.
Crumpling down to the floor behind the door I tried not to cry.
He’d never forget me naked for all of the wrong reasons, standing up I looked at myself in the mirror, a thin, straight scar ran from the base of my throat between my breasts and ended just above my belly button, a scar that saved my life ironically.
The many other scars scattered across my chest and belly were jagged, varied in size and were hideous despite my best efforts at trying to get them to look better, skin grafts didn’t work all that well, the scars were too knotted in places, some were still quite red and raised even after three years had passed, they were a constant physical reminder of all that I had lost since the accident.
Except my dignity, I’d kept that up until this point anyway.
Managing to pull myself together long enough to get dressed, I leave the bathroom astonished to see him still sat on the edge of his bed, he just can’t look at me and studies his bare feet on the ground.
“Marshall....... “
He cuts me off “There’s a cab on the way for you, you can wait outside, it shouldn’t be long now” he sounds like he can’t wait to get rid of me and picking up my shoes I head towards the door, silently willing him to call me back and talk about this. I can’t bare the thought that I’m not good enough for him now he knows I’m not perfect “I’m sorry Marshall, I should have told you” and I leave unable to deal with the heavy atmosphere in the room any longer and the growing feeling of guilt that I didn't warn him.
Crucify
By
Tori Amos