"So, what you're saying..." I started, grasping, swallowing, and regurgitating this weird information being provided to me, "is that your uncle's gonna take Donny in from now on?"
Aubrey nodded glumly and slumped over the desk in front of me.
We'd met three quarters of the way through short break this morning. The Dean reluctantly handed me over the keys to the science lab room so we could hang somewhere Aubrey felt safe. Really, I just wanted to spend a few minutes alone with him and enjoy his face.
Even though we had English together first period, he stayed with Ikeisha and I stayed in my usual spot with Ben. We hadn't spoken again since watching Jesse's grand finale and I left Aubrey to speak with Horse-Face. On top of being informed about our final poetry assignment before upcoming end-of-year exams, I had to worry about what they'd talked about and how Aubrey felt.
Pressured? I didn't know. To be honest, I wasn't really sure that Aubrey'd even accept the apology. Donovan wasn't the sincerest person in the world.
But there he went, taking me by complete surprise.
Forgiving him so he could stay in school was one thing, but him living with Aubrey's uncle was another. They didn't live together, right? He definitely didn't like Horse boy, but was it that bad? Aubrey looked pouty and frustrated, but also confused.
Maybe he didn't even know why.
His hair fell over his face, so I brushed it back behind his ear. His tense expression softened a little, but those underlying emotions didn't disappear from his eyes. "Hey, what's wrong?" I asked. "Is it that bad?"
"I always wanted to live in my grandads house," he shrugged. "Especially after my accident, I always knew it'd make me feel closer to him even though he's gone. Like, just being there, y'know? Close. Now Donny gets to and I never did."
Aubrey must've known and accepted the obvious reason he couldn't: That he had two loving parents to care for him and provide him with a safe home. I didn't need to say it. He knew, and his confusion was why he still felt this jealousy even when he knew. Even bullies like Donovan needed to be safe.
I'm no psychologist but the way I saw it, Donny lashed out and hurt others because of how his dad lashed out and hurt him at home. No different than Aubrey retreating and becoming reclusive since his accident, or me dicking around whenever I had dumb feelings I didn't wanna feel.
It was all subsequent.
There was less than a minute until the bell rang. I wished we could spend the whole day like this, even at big break, but I promised I'd at least catch the guys up on everything that's been going on. I'd been ditching them a lot these days so I owed it to em. Seeing Aubrey looking so sweet in front of me like this, it was amazing that I could even think of anyone else right now.
Sometimes I amazed even myself.
Aubrey glanced at me, probably noticing my lingering stare. His face pinkened just the tiniest bit when he turned his face slightly. I didn't want him to turn his face away even an inch. "So um, aft-"
I pulled his chin and leaned forward over the desk, bringing his lips on mine. They went stiff for all of two seconds before melting into a kiss. Guess I took him by surprise, but he was just so delectable. Like a pavlova or something. Remembering that the bell was about to go off, I pulled away first.
Now he was pink enough to pass as an uncooked chicken.
His eyes flickered back up to me after a second of catching his breath. "So ah, after s-" The bell cut off what he was going to say. I tapped the keys and heard them jingle inside my pocket.
"Gotta go hand the keys back to the Dean," I said. "You leave first and I'll lock up. See you whenever we have another class together."
I kissed him once more on the cheek before he scooted off his chair and headed to the door. "Whatever, shorty," he grumbled and headed out.
"Oi, I'm still growing y'know!" I yelled after him. "And I'm average height! I'll be taller than you, so you better be prepared for it, ya punk!"
Damn, hitting with the height thing. He sure knows how to bring a good man down. After handing Mrs. Anderson back her keys, I headed to Drama class. Everyone was already sitting on the floor in a circle, so I crawled into a free space while the others shuffled back for me.
"You're late," our eccentric and upbeat drama teacher said.
"A queen is never late, Ms. Rose," I answered, leaning back on my hands and stretching out my feet. "Everybody else is simply early."
She nodded approvingly. She was by far the most down-to-earth teacher in the school. Some people even skipped class to go practice in the drama room and she'd be here helping them. The same way Mr. Hardy was passionate about poetry, Ms. Rose really, really freaking loved drama and theatre.
Ikeisha slid out from her spot and scooted across the floor towards me. She whispered to one of the other students beside me and squeezed into their spot. Everyone around the circle adjusted themselves again. We often sat and worked together in Art and Design class, and we sat together with a group of girls in this class, but this was the first she came to me just like this.
Ms. Rose instructed us to choose a partner and do some buddy exercises. Ikeisha clung to my arm, claiming me without hesitation. When everyone spread out on the carpet, we sat on the floor linking hands with the toes of our shoes touching. We swayed gently back and forwards, trusting each other with our weight. It was a weird exercise we did before every lesson.
"What d'you think about our poetry assignment?" Ikeisha asked.
"It's poetry, duh," I said, as if that explained it all. "You?"
"Mm, I like the fact we have two weeks to prepare it, at least."
Considering the plans that I had for my poem, I probably needed a lot more than two weeks to prepare. But I was dedicated, committing so many extra hours outside of school. This was going to be something Aubrey wouldn't ever forget. Then it was exams. Then it was holidays. Then it was our final year.
My palms were getting sweaty and I hated the feeling.
"Know what topic you're gonna do?" I asked, "hang on a sec."
Everyone around us was chattering, swaying back and forth. Ms. Rose stood beside a couple of girls and was happily chatting away with them, too. This atmosphere was such a nice change of pace.
I wiped my hands on my shorts.
"Let's hold wrists instead," she suggested. I nodded and lightly gripped hers. It was nice just chatting during this exercise since sometimes it could be quiet and awkward. Doing this with Ikeisha let me blow some steam. "Um, a little birdie type poem sounds cute. Or a nature setting of some kind. Maybe something to do with my cultures. I have no idea yet. What about you?"
My bum was getting sore. Even though the floor was carpeted, I was at least ninety percent sure it was concrete underneath it. I shuffled a little while I considered topics I could do for mine. The first thought that occurred to me was Aubrey. The second thought that occurred to me was how much I liked Aubrey. And the third thought was how much I wanted this to mean to him.
But I thought back on our conversation earlier. How he felt about horse-face staying with his uncle and how he'd deal with these conflicting emotions. How we all dealt with ours. Our outlets, our consequences, our projection. Even something like that could be interesting to explore. But could I make something like that sound beautiful for him?
I didn't know.
"Hmm... I like the idea of something philosophical or like, psychology. Heartwarming and uplifting but like, magical."
"Sounds like you have a vague idea," she said, smiling way too prettily.
"I gotta make sure I pass with a bang," I agreed. "It's my best subject."
"And d'you know that we're gonna have to fill out Uni prep cards sometime this week? Mr. Hardy's planning them for tomorrow's Tutor Group."
"Uni prep cards?" I asked. "What're those?"
"We write our top five universities we wanna get into. Also things like career or job prospects, all that jazz. Then they'll help us form plans and choose electives next year."
The whole idea of it sounded morbid. Casually reminding me I was already sixteen and still had absolutely no idea what I'd wanna do when I graduated high school. Couldn't they bother us with it next year instead? Maybe we were coming "of age" or whatever but I was still a baby.
A baby.
A delicate flower who wasn't ready to be mowed by the tumultuously revolving mower blades of time and adulthood. The world wasn't ready for me yet.
And I wasn't ready for it.
"Sounds, um... Terrifying," I finally managed.
Ikeisha giggled. "Have a think about it anyway," she said, reassuringly. "It's more just giving yourself and the school an idea. That's all."
So she said.
But that did little to ease my mind for the remainder of the day. Me and the guys sat in a circle on the field throwing the ball around. Liam headbutted sometimes, Goose would catch it with his chest but it'd land in random places. If it came near my foot, I'd despondently kick it so it'd roll two centimetres away. Since catching them up with everything, I'd run out of things to say.
My mind was so preoccupied. Life was finally beginning to catch up to me. I wouldn't be sixteen and stupid forever.
I'd be seventeen at the end of November. This whole year I could've gotten my driver's license, but I'd been too busy goofing around to even think about it. Only in the last little while have I started to become what I'd like to consider a decently functional human being. And that's only since meeting Aubrey.
It's been what, a few weeks?
I had to grow. Physically and mentally. Study for final exams. Prepare final assessments in each class. Prepare senior goals. Get my license. Figure out what I was going to do with my life. But no matter what I thought about, it all kept coming back to Aubrey. What'd make him proud of me? What'd make him stay with me? What'd make him have faith in me?
What could I do, what could I do?
"Charlieeee, you're off in the clouds," Goose said, bringing me out of said clouds.
I looked at him, smiling listlessly. "Yeah, my bad."
"Ben, too," Goose said, looking at Ben beside him, but across from me.
Ben was staring absentmindedly out somewhere behind me, which his chin pressed into his hand. He looked glum. But hearing his name, he let out a breath and sat up straight to look at Goose. "What about me?" he asked.
"Staring out at nothing. Or ah, something. Someone, perhaps?" Goose teased.
Curious, I looked back and saw Aubrey's group sitting on their usual spot on the concrete steps outside the administration office. The two rugby giants Manu and Rangi were tackling each other with Trey wedged between them, but he barely seemed to notice since he was deeply entranced with something over here.
I looked at Ben who was now looking away, grumbling slyly.
Or rather, someone.
Maybe that's something else I should try add to my list of already exhausting responsibilities. Set those two up. They spend so much time just staring at each other and not actually busting out any moves. It's gonna drive me mental really soon. How long has it even been since Ben mentioned Ikeisha? He's been so preoccupied with her brother. Lol.
When I saw Aubrey sitting on the lowest step beside Ikeisha, with her leaning on his arm as she played on her phone, every other thought seemed to escape me. His blonde hair appeared luminescent under the sunlight, with a white halo ring around the top of it. He looked beautiful; and every question along with every doubt in my mind seemed to still at the sight of him.
The consequent realization surged through me, propelling me with excited energy. Now I was even more excited for sign language class tonight, and for the poetry presentation in two weeks. Anything I wanted, whether now or in future, was just to be with him and be the best I could for him.
That was it.
All I could be sure of now was how badly I wanted Aubrey Keats.
*
When after school snuck around, Aubrey caught me just before I left the school gates. He caught my wrist and said my name through breathless panting. Had he been running to catch up with me? I don't think I'd ever seen him run before despite how slim he was. And he ran for me. I smiled proudly at the thought.
"Charlie ah, you wanna hang out today?" he asked, scratching the back of his head. "You could come over to mine and if you want you can maybe stay-"
My smile faltered. Oh my god he was inviting me around. I could be going home with Aubrey Keats right now. Nothing in my mind felt better than that idea. But I'd already committed to the sign language course and my surprise for him. Although I didn't mean to show it, my face fell. How could I explain it?
As he studied my expression, his enthusiastic but still shy expression faltered.
"Oh, um," I began, trying to think of how not to give myself away. "Sorry, I can't today."
"Oh," he answered, smiling. "That's fine. Just ah, thought I'd ask."
Yes, yes, yes of course ask. Ahh. Was it too late to get Mum her refund? Screw the surprise, I wanted to spend every damn second available with Aubrey. Wait, no. I wanted to show him just how special he is. In a way that's different and memorable. I had to stick to this without giving anything away.
It was just two weeks, and I still had Friday's and weekends off at least. Plus I'd still see him at school either way. Maybe our groups should just merge. Why were we still hanging separately when most of us were connected in some way or another? I'd have to find a way to bring that up sometime.
"Another time," I assured him. "For sure. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Alright," he nodded. "Shorty."
"I'm still growing," I reminded him as I took off out the gate. It's not like I was really that short. He was just tall.
The walk from school to the School of Sign Language center took about fifteen minutes, but there was a small shopping complex with a pharmacy along the way. Not that Aubrey calling me short was getting to me, but I became curious to see if there was anything that help boost my growth.
Hypothetically.
And hypothetically, there were in-sole boost pads that could make someone appear taller. Among that selection were growth and hormone pills that'd help me along puberty. Well, as someone who'd just received pocket money from their parents, I figured this was a decent investment. I'd be a hot and strong man for Aubrey by the time we were out of school.
He'll see.