Requested by StarryKimSeokjin
i'm trying to change things up
non-idol au
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Namjoon considered himself to not be a very lucky person. He wasn't the son of a rich billionaire family, he wasn't a royal, he wasn't extraordinary in any way, he had lost his mother when he was fifteen and last but not least, he had retinitis pigmentosa.
It was a rare genetic disorder that only 1 in 4000 people got. His grandpa had had it. And Namjoon had gotten it.
In recent years, his vision had been getting worse and worse. It started out with not being able to see anything in the dark, then being unable to see things to the side (without turning his head, of course). The doctors had explained to him what was going on. The rods in his eyes were getting damaged. When the illness finished running its course, he was going to be legally blind. His case was particularly bad; he was expected to go completely blind.
You'd think that with the amount of time that Namjoon had known about it, he would've managed to accept it. But the reality was, he never truly managed to. There were times when he tried to pretend that he didn't care. Like after that one party at Jimin's place. Namjoon had tried to take the bus home by himself. The others got mad.
"I don't care what happens to me, I'm just going-"
"No!" Jungkook had stopped him. "We can help you hyung! Give me a minute, I'll drop you back home."
Namjoon stopped talking to his friends after that.
There were times when he tried to talk through it himself. He was a reporter for a small company. He could still keep his job. Yeah, maybe he would have to learn Braille and work with that. Many people did. They did fine. Why did Namjoon get so heated then? He couldn't understand it himself.
He considered himself a sensitive and dependent person. He had been dependent on his sight for so many years. Now that the reality that he was going to leave was starting to catch up to him, he felt terrified and sad.
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He gets the news about a week later. He had gone in with his dad to get an eye exam. The doctor examined his eye with an ophthalmoscope and within a few days, Namjoon found out. His cones were getting severely damaged as well. There was no going back.
He was starting to notice it. It was getting hard to identify colours and see details clearly. Namjoon liked to read. But now he couldn't make out the letters on the pages.
His dad drove him home but instead of taking him to his apartment, he took him to his house. When Namjoon asked, he simply answered that he wanted to be with him.
It was frustrating. Namjoon didn't know his dad's house as well as he knew his apartment. He tripped around a lot. He felt scared.
The bright lights started to bother him. His eyes literally hurt when the lights in the room or the sun were too bright. Even when he closed his eyes, he could almost "see" the blinding flashes of orange burning through his head.
His dad was good company. He fretted over him a lot, making sure he was eating enough food, getting enough sleep, was happy, among many other things. Namjoon felt comfortable around him, especially when he was emotionally floundering, like now.
Namjoon tried his best to eat healthy and get enough rest like his dad told him to. He tried to get excited at the cat videos that he was shown, but couldn't really see. He found playlists and listened to new music. But it really wasn't enough.
A week after his eye appointment, Namjoon came back to his lonely apartment. He counted the steps to his couch and slumped down in it. The lights were off.
That was the first time that Namjoon cried. He sobbed, truly realizing that his life would never be the same. He wished that someone would come and give him comfort; hug him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But there was nobody. Namjoon had pushed away from his dad, away from his friends, away from everybody who had tried to help. He had isolated himself.
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His phone rang. Namjoon grabbed it.
"Hey, it's Jimin. You there, Namjoon?"
Jimin didn't sound angry at all. Quite the opposite actually.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah..." Jimin giggled. "Are you free on Sunday? I got this new toaster and I don't know how to use it."
"Why don't you ask Yoongi?"
"He doesn't know either."
"Oh." Namjoon sighed.
"This is just an excuse for us all to hang out together. It's been ages since I last saw you Namjoon, how are you?"
"Good." Namjoon paused, then added, "You?"
"Pretty good, pretty good."
"How are all the others?"
"They're alright," Jimin said. "But, really, we all miss you a lot. It's lonely without you."
"You're too melodramatic."
"That I am." Jimin laughed. "I have to go soon Namjoon. It was nice talking to you. See you on Sunday. I'll get someone to pick you up."
The hang-up beep sounded in his ear. Namjoon felt a little less lonely. He had no doubt that he would feel sad and burdensome at Jimin's place, but right now, he allowed himself to bask in the sunshine of the comfort that he just received. It felt good.
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The doctors gave Namjoon high doses of vitamin A palmitate supplements to try and slow down his illness. The thing was, he should've been given it earlier. If it had been, then maybe he would've gotten up to twenty years of clear vision.
Namjoon sometimes skipped taking it. There was no real point, he thought. But there was.
He was given the option of being part of medical studies. People got paid a hefty amount for taking part in them. Namjoon was going to, but then saw what kind of procedures he had to undergo. Then he said no. Some of the surgeries sounded terrifying, like the one where they put a bionic eye inside and then planted some stimulator into the brain.
Namjoon freaked out. No. He was too scared of surgery.
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At five o'clock sharp on Sunday, a car pulled up. A loud honk sounded outside.
Namjoon had halfheartedly gotten dressed. Within a few minutes, the front door flew open to show Jin and Hoseok. They were the same as Namjoon had remembered them, maybe Jin was a bit thinner, but that was all.
"Ready to go?"
"Yeah," Namjoon said.
"You sound a bit sad," Hoseok murmured. Before he and Jin could haul him away to the car, Namjoon was given a quick hug.
Namjoon was in the car when he heard that Jin had lost his job. He had apparently been trying to look for one for the past two weeks, but without luck. There was a chance that he might get evicted from his apartment now.
"There might be an opening in my company, you can check," Namjoon said softly when he heard.
"I can't really write..." Jin said. He gave a small smile. "But, at this point, I'm desperate."
"Yeah, just apply. You might get in."
Hoseok agreed. "Trying doesn't hurt."
Jin hummed. He seemed cheerful but deep down, Namjoon knew he was worried.
It's strange how remarkably similar he was to his friends.
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"They're here!"
Jungkook opened the door. His smile got ten times bigger when he saw Namjoon.
"I missed you!" He said as he threw himself into Namjoon's embrace. The latter nearly lost his balance, rocking backwards on his heels to catch him. Hoseok laughed.
"There's lots of donuts in the dining room, come with me," Jimin said. He held his arm out to Namjoon. "Here, hold my arm."
Jimin led him to the dining room, pointing out where he needed to watch his step. Namjoon felt a little calmer.
"Do you want chocolate?"
"Of course!"
Jimin laughed. "Go sit beside Yoongi. I'll get some out from the box."
Yoongi was just as gentle as ever. He asked Namjoon meaningless questions about his job and home. There was a running joke among them that Namjoon was secretly married and had three kids. Nothing would make them stop believing it, even if he tried to tell them that he was more single than a broken pringle.
Taehyung joined them, then Jungkook, Jin, Hoseok, and lastly, Jimin with Namjoon's plate with three chocolate donuts piled on top. Namjoon was squished in between Yoongi and Jungkook, which he didn't mind. To be honest, he relished it. He missed this.
They talked about the most random things. Yoongi talked about his job at the music producing agency. If he led the conversation, it always somehow turned towards jobs and money. It was a bit "sacrilegious", in Jungkook's words.
Namjoon felt like he didn't have much to contribute in terms of content. He told the others about the novel he was planning on writing. It invoked lots of oohs and ahhs from the lot.
"My Namjoonie is growing up!" Jin commented.
"He's already an old man," Jungkook said back.
Namjoon ended up laughing. The tension of the room seemed to go down after the others joined in.
"You're twenty-eight. That's not exactly young Jungkook," Jin said.
"And you're thirty-three."
"Shut up."
They were all laughing.
There were serious talks too. How Taehyung was worried about his mom's health, how Jungkook was having issues trying to pay off his student debts, how Jin couldn't find a new job and how Namjoon was slowly losing his vision. The latter topic, especially, was very difficult for Namjoon to sit through.
Hoseok started the conversation off by asking how things were going.
"Everything is going fine," Namjoon replied, but his voice was shaky. It was so hard to talk at times. He had known them for so long, but yet...
Jungkook glanced at him. There was worry in his gaze. Yoongi patted his back gently.
"Namjoonie, if you need someone to be there with you, if you need any help, we'll be happy to do it," Hoseok murmured. He crouched down in front of Namjoon and put his hand on his knee.
"Oh..." Jin sighed sadly.
Hoseok stood up. He hugged Namjoon's shaking body as he started to cry.
"I'm going to lose everything..."
"Hey, what? No, you're not! You're an amazing writer! You're not going to lose your talent in that area!" Taehyung said.
Namjoon was deaf to the world. He gripped onto Hoseok's shirt, trying to control his sobs. It was so hard for the others to understand. He didn't properly understand what was bothering him.
"I'm going to help you out here Joon." Hoseok knelt down to his eye level when Namjoon had calmed down a bit. "I'm going to invite myself over to your house and stay there for a while until you're feeling a bit better, okay?"
Namjoon didn't argue.
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Staying with Hoseok was another reality altogether. He was an ultimate clean freak and spent hours cleaning up Namjoon's apartment from front to back.
There were perks of that too.
Hoseok helped Namjoon figure out an organization system for his cash, his groceries and his clothes.
"Remember, try to keep things where they're supposed to go. Then you won't lose them."
Namjoon wanted to screech at him and tell him that was way easier said than done. But Hoseok seemed to have already sensed that. He practically forced Namjoon to become more organized.
He helped let Namjoon's employer know about his worsening vision. Namjoon hadn't let his boss know about all the details in the fear that he would be kicked out, but Hoseok reassured him that wouldn't happen.
And it didn't happen. Namjoon's workstation was made a lot more accessible and safe.
Hoseok had a lot more common sense than he was given credit for.
He also got Namjoon to start learning Braille.
"You can do it. You're good at learning," he always said when Namjoon felt a little demotivated.
It was still hard to accept at times. But Namjoon was functioning. And he was okay. He wasn't too lonely that much anymore.
"You're still a cool person Joon. You just can't see. But that doesn't define you."
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A few years later, his life was a lot different. Namjoon was legally blind.
He had everything in his apartment memorized. Three small steps led to his bedroom. Seven steps inside led to his bed. His pillow was on his right hand side.
Hoseok had been right. It wasn't all that different. Namjoon was a regular person, just without vision.
Hoseok had passed away in a car crash just over a year ago. Namjoon found himself often thinking about his infectious smile and his caring nature. He missed him a lot. The others did too.
Namjoon owed a lot of his personal happiness to him.
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"For Jung Hoseok, who was the best friend that anybody could ever ask for."
"How is this for the dedication?" Namjoon asked.
Jin, his coworker, leaned over to look. He felt himself tear up.
"It's really really good," Jin said after a while. "You did great with this entire novel Namjoonie. Hoseok would've been so happy."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
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anybody else have that moment where they try to type "namjoon" but they accidentally type "bamjoon" instead?
requests are closed!
thank you for reading ❤
2212 words