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T H R E E
M O N T H S
L A T E R
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Touch starved
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Kitioma Hadlee
"Hey, darling," Kane catches me in an empty hallway. I flinch on instinct and he frowns. "What have I told you about flinching in public?"
"S-sorry," I stammer quietly, my straightened hair that I did not choose to straighten falling around my face.
"And don't let your hair fall around your pretty face," He takes my chin roughly, and I wince.
"Yes...yes, sorry. I'm sorry," I quickly brush the hair from my face. Kane gives me a smile, a smile I used to love so much, but now sends fear down my body.
"Good. Now, what are you doing in this hallway all alone?" Kane asks suspiciously.
"I was walking to my next class," I say nervously, my voice soft.
"Are you sure you aren't meeting up with someone else?"
The old me would have replied 'No, I'm not sure and I'm probably lying to your face you idiot.' The new me, however, mumbles, "Yes. I'm not meeting up with anyone."
Kane raises his hand and I flinch, cowering away against the stone wall. "Don't lie to me, Kitioma."
"I'm not! I'm not, I promise!" My voice comes out weak, as it has failed me over the past few months.
Just one more month, Kiki. One more month and you'll stop being flawed and be the perfect girlfriend for him so he'll stop hitting you.
A harsh hit comes into contact with my cheek, and I fall to the ground, not daring to make a noise.
"Get up," I pull myself up, these actions a routine to my tired body. "You know I'm only doing that because I love you, right? I'm making you into a better person," I nod, and he cups my bruising cheek. "Make sure to cover that up. Now go to your class."
Kane presses a kiss on my forehead. I don't react in any other way but gathering my books and walking down the rest of the hallway. My cheek throbs, but I am used to it by now.
Double potions is my next class, and the halls are empty because I am late. I don't know how Kane caught me in the hallway, I don't know how he seems to appear by my side every time I'm talking with a friend, or how he managed to even get Marlene to stop talking to me altogether. It scares me, he scares me, he scares me more than Tom ever did. Hell, Tom seems like a saint compared to Kane's everyday beatings. How was I supposed to know when we started dating the week after the duel incident that he was a heartless monster?
He seemed so kind at the quidditch field...heck, a few days later he got Gabriela expelled for using crucio illegally, even though it took a whole month to actually go through with her expulsion. But I should have listened to Marlene and never talked to that boy. But...but I deserve it, right? I deserve his beatings. It's not abuse, that's illegal. Kane wouldn't do anything illegal, right?
I mean, I understand why he does it. A hit for not coming to his quidditch matches. Another for avoiding him at lunch. One more for not meeting up with him in the hallway. He's just trying to make me a better girlfriend. I mean, I don't know anything about relationships. Sam never hit me, but Sam also broke things off. Tom and I were never in a relationship, but he kissed me and even had sex with me, and he likes to throw me against walls or choke me.
Maybe it's normal? I didn't think it was, at first, judging Tom's motives to kill me, but the more it happens with Kane, the more normal it seems to become.
But I don't see other girls flinch around their boyfriends...
Maybe they don't hit them as hard? I don't know. I do know that I deserve it. I haven't been a good girlfriend. I should have come to his quidditch match. I should have met him in the hallway. I should have sat with him at lunch. It's what good girlfriends do, and I'm not being a very good one, am I?
It makes sense. Him hitting me. He's making me into a better girlfriend. I'm sure after both of us graduate and I live with him, he'll stop, because by then, I'll be the perfect girlfriend. The perfect wife. His perfect little girl.
I knock on the heavy dungeon doors. Professor Slughorn opens them, in the middle of talking about some potion. He trails off when he sees my bruised face. "Why, Miss Hadlee, this is the fourth time you've been late to my class and come in with a bruise this week! Are you really that clumsy, or should I be...concerned?"
I keep my head down as I feel all eyes on me. "Just tripped in the hallway. Nothing special," I shove my way past him, heading to my usual seat.
"Miss Hadlee, we have new seats," Slughorn says. I look up, he's pointing to a seat next...to...
"I...can't sit there," I say slowly. "He's a Slytherin..."
"Yes, we're mixing it up for the next month or so," Slughorn says absentmindedly. I let out a loose sigh before heading to the seat next to Tom. Luckily, Kane isn't in my year, he's a year older than me, so at least I'm not put with him. But...Tom is still bad. Kane is just worse because he hits more. Still, though.
I take my seat.
"What happened?" Tom whispers as soon as I sit down.
"I told you, I tripped on the way here," I mutter, keeping my eyes on the desk in front of me.
Tom stays silent for a moment before simply saying, "We're making Amortentia today, the love potion?"
I nod. "Ok."
I see him frown out of the corner of my eye. "What's going on with you? Ever since...well, I don't know, ever since you started dating that boy, you've been acting different?"
"How?" I snap, my eyes flashing with fear, but my voice angry. "You...you're just jealous because your 'protecting' job was taken away when Kane exposed Gabriela and became my new protector." Does he know? No, he can't know. If he knows then he would try and take Kane away from me, and he can't do that, he can't do that because I love Kane. I'm nothing without him, I need him.
"Kiki..." He says in a low voice, but it doesn't seem dangerous, but rather laced with pity. Why would he pity me? He did the same thing to me but in a different way. He choked me, he slammed me against walls. This is not different. Well, not much different. Right? Right, it's not different. But I don't love Tom, I love Kane.
"Please follow the instructions written in the book, page 375," Slughorn says. When Tom reaches out to grab the book, I make a tiny flinch, thinking of Kane's hand flying to hit me.
Tom puts the book down. "Kiki." I don't look at him, clenching my eyes shut in fear over his tone. "Why did you flinch when I put my hand out?"
"Because...because you-" I stammer. "You- I thought you were going to hit me."
"Why would I do that?" Tom murmurs, picking up the book once again. "Sure, my anger gets out of hand sometimes but I would never actually hit you."
"You've...you've choked me before! And slammed me up against walls, and- and you've- you tried to kill me in the astronomy tower," My words are rushed, tumbling over each other, fearful that Tom might think Kane did something, that Kane will be taken away from me.
Tom sighs. "Can we talk about this after class?"
"Kane is meeting me, I'm not sure he'd like to see me talking with other guys," I murmur. It slips out before I can stop myself.
"Why wouldn't he let you?" Tom's voice is almost as quiet as mine, tight with anger or annoyance, I don't know.
"Because he's afraid I might cheat on him, I don't know. I've never asked. We better get this potion going," I let him take the book again, and he flips the pages over to the middle of the book titled 'Amortentia'.
He carefully adds ingredients while I silently watch, the slowly, steady movements of his hands somewhat calming. "Done," He finally says, and Slughorn comes over to check his work.
"My my, this is perfect! Congratulations. Would you like to take a wif, Mr. Riddle?"
Tom scowls. "I doubt-" Then he stops, and I see his eyes flit over to me for a second.
Weird.
He shrugs, leans forward, and sniffs the potion. The entire class stares at him. "Well?" Someone finally says.
Tom shakes his head. "Do you seriously think I'm going to tell what attracts to me in the front of the class?"
Maybe it was the old me acting, but I shrug and snatch the vial of potion from him. "I can, in case anyone wanted to know what it's like." The fumes run into my nose. "Um...let's see...chocolate...quidditch fields...the sea" My eyebrows furrow. "Campfire smoke...and...pine needles."
I quickly put the potion back down, people laughing around me. I keep my eyes on the table as Slughorn dismisses the class. I hurriedly pick up my books, avoiding eye contact with everyone and everything. I exit the room, mixing with the rest of the people.
Someone grabs my arm and I flinch away, my back running up against the wall, my face pure fear. "Chill, Kiki, it's just me," Kane says, a smile on his face. We start walking down some of the hallways. The hallways are soon clear, and Kane smiles once again. "What'd you do in potions?"
"Amortentia," I reply quickly.
Kane raises an eyebrow. "Oh?"
"Yeah, nothing special," I hug my books to my chest, avoiding his eyes. I realise no one else is in the hallway, and dread fills my body.
Kane takes my chin roughly, eyeing the bruise. "I thought I told you to cover this up?"
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't have time!"
A harsh hit comes out of nowhere, spilling my books across the floor. A kick comes to my side and a whimper escapes my lips. "Do what I tell you when I tell you."
I nod, tucking my hair behind my ear, quickly gathering my books, my body in pain. "I'm sorry."
Kane eyes me, smirks, and says, "See me at dinner. Love you." He walks off, leaving me in the middle of an unknown hallway.
I glance around quickly, but Kane is already gone, and with him, the sunlight. Potions is my last class of the day, and I usually walk back to my common room with other people because I hate the dark.
"Kiki?" A voice says. I quickly turn around, my books dropping from my hands once again. Someone starts to help me pick them up, setting them in a stack.
"No, Tom, don't, it's my..." I trail off as he looks at my face quizzically. He spots the bruises and takes my chin, but unlike Kane's grip, it's more...gentle.
Gentle? Tom Riddle? No, that can't be right, this must be a dream.
Tom tilts my chin up, evidently looking at the blood that must be bleeding out of my split lip. He traces his thumb over my lip, examining the blood. A pause, my heart skips a steady beat as his eyes narrow, staring me dead in my eyes.
His voice is as quiet as in potions, but this time, I can hear his anger barely restrained. "Who did this to you?!"
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