Thank you to Genetic pudding for the lovely cover :)
Noah POV
I've gone so cold, gone so deep into that place my insides feel frozen.
The colossal fight over. The strongest part of me, the fittest due to the constant use, has won over that small part of me that feels so lost now. So depraved.
And even though I'm cold and numb the triangles of fabric still tied around my chest seemed to be filled with a heat that won't be extinguished. That heat won't let me find the contentment and focus that I normally find here. I'm kept getting drawn into thinking of her, of tonight, of her warmth in my arms.
She was going to kiss me, she wanted to!
Part of me rejoiced, the other part recoiled. My Father's face forms in front of my eyes again as clear as day as it did with her, his commands repeating over and over again. All women are the same, do not trust them. Do not let them touch you.
As soon as her body touched mine when I knew she was seeing me that way, my body went into overdrive, I wanted her so badly but I was hyper inside and I was absolutely certain I would have hurt her, there was no way I could contain that raging part. I imagined biting down on her lips and I just couldn't be near her. To hurt her would be worse than anything. I close my eyes and wince at how strong my father's rules are implanted in my every fibre. It's fucking ridiculous.
For the first time since it all happened I say it out loud. "I hate you." But hearing it makes me realise it's not true. I don't hate him, how could I for wanting to spare me from the shit he went through.
The last time I was this cold, I almost annilihated Seth's father, I wanted to, I was going to, the only thing that stopped me was the police pulling me off. There's another fear for the pile, that feeling, I liked it. Paying revenge for what my Father went through, what my Mother went through by herself, it felt good. I can't imagine it's normal to feel good while doing that. But that feeling got me through my time in juvie.
I will get through this, I just need time.
Hearing a jumble of loud voices, I look up to discover I'm parked out front of Tommy's gym, I always end up here when I need to let loose, talk about being on auto pilot. There's a group of guys rowdy and restless waiting in front of the takeway shop next door. Stuffing my keys and phone in my bag I yank the zip across and get out, ready to beat a punching bag until I can't lift my arms for another hit. I need to black out.
I want to go back to her, it's not safe. It's safe here, Tommy knows me, can deal with me.
Slamming the door I hoist my bag over my shoulder and head for the gym door, Tommy's squat figure blocks out the light as he opens the door.
"Hey Princess!" a jeering voice calls out. "Show us your tits!"
"Oh look, what a pretty boy," another calls. My body stills before I tell it too, it doesn't worry me I'm wearing Avalon's bikini top. I promised her I would, so I will. It's the only thing I really have of her. They continue even though I'm sure I look like a blatant warning sign. The desire to sink my fists in to them right now is almost overwhelming, but if I do and I get caught I won't get to see Avalon. I turn to them, letting my eyes rove over their sneering faces, if I knew them, like I do Seth's gang it would be fine, we don't involve the police on each other, never have, never will... but these guys, they might. I can't risk it now.
"Noah," Tommy's voice sounds from the door. "Leave it son, not worth it."
Deep breaths I tell myself. Think of her, think of her snuggling in to my chest, the feel of her fingers in my hair.
"C'mon baby, your dressed to kill. We wanna have some fun," one guy walks up to me. The coldness flees into my fists, I never feel them in a fight until later.
"Noah," Tommy warns.
I see her face, believing in me, backing me, teasing me. I'm far from being a 'yabby' right now. Closing my eyes for a second I let the moment when she is walking up the road to 'prove it' to me replay, the way she looked so innocent but daring. The feel of her heart racing against me, the way she bit her lip. She's worth it.
I force my body in the direction of Tommy's, he nods with an encouraging smile. It's one of the hardest walks of my life, every cell wants me to fight. It's like trying to halt a wave, I'm amazed I'm succeeding. In reality the only thing stopping me letting loose is that I'd do anything to make sure I see her again.
Tuning out from their jeers I mentally push myself to drag one foot down in front of the other. I'm so stressed and pent up that my body is literally warring my brain to let it indulge itself. My heart wants Avalon. It's getting stronger with every step I take. Something inside of me revels in the fact that I'm avoiding confrontation. It's satisfied.
They go on and on, their voices getting stronger and stronger as they close the distance. My breathing becomes slow. If someone ever talked to Avalon like this I would rip his tongue from his head. If that Cayden guy ever dares to show his face around here, I will break every bone in his body and then skin him. My anger heats up just thinking about him, I have to shove the thought of him near Av from my mind. I seek the deadness of that place to help me.
Tommy looks half shocked but mostly relieved as I find his eyes.
I can do this.
Then one grabs at the one thing they shouldn't. Av's bikini top.
(-_-)
"I'm not sure what's gotten in to everyone tonight but it's pretty crowded in there mate, you may want to take that off," the cop nods at the bikini top on my chest now splattered with blood. "You won't be getting into court tomorrow that's for sure. Big back log."
Great. The way I feel now it's like I've lost everything, that her top is all I have in this world. Gently, I reach behind me and struggle to undo it. The cop raises his hand to help but drops it to his side at me warning glare. I slip it over my head and bunch the soft fabric in my hands. The cop raises an eyebrow and then leads me to the busy cell, indicating for me to enter.
I don't bother looking at anyone, I'm too gone to care. If I hadn't screwed up before, I am royally screwed now. There's a huge chance I'll go inside now for a long time.
I've lost her. All for some drunk arseholes, I've lost her.
I react the only way I know how, I find that cold place and venture deep down into its depths, further than I have ever been before. The sweet numbess floods my entire being and I feel myself shutting down every wisp of emotion, every dream and every thought of being with her. My feelings are locked tighter than this cell.
I'm colder than this cell. I have to be to survive what's waiting for me behind bars.
Seth POV
I wake suddenly as my arm reaches in a daze to grip my bedroom wall. The earth is shaking and rumbling. Even though I've never experienced one, my foggy brain is screaming Earthquake. Instead of finding a wall my hand grips something else, I open my eyes to see my fingers firmly gripped around Outlaw's leg.
He raises his face from a bucket and turns to me, he doesn't look like he will attack me but he doesn't look totally amused either. I let it go hastily, rolling away from him just in case. Av spent half the night teaching me how to read simple horse body language. I check his ears, they aren't laid back, but he does swish his sparse tail. I'm uncertain what that combination means, so I don't move. He blows a puff of air out of his nose and then allows his head to disappear into the bucket again. I can hear his lips shuffling whatever is in there around.
Personally, I'm still surprised he can stand. He walks very wobbly but he's standing. Every time he looked like he was going to fall last night my stomach clenched wondering what the hell I would do for him. I feel like I've done three thousand sit ups. I certainly didn't want to wake Av up, she look absolutely buggered last night.
When we got back last night she ran straight to see Outlaw, hugging him and talking to him. Outlaw stood there oblivious to the fact probably every male that has ever met Av would die to be in his position. Instead, he looked like he was just tolerating it. Like he was beyond feeling anything from her touch. That he wasn't surprised by all this effort going into him to save him. He seems a tough character, not like Amber who literally fawns over Avalon, delights in being near her. Outlaw is aloof. To me he doesn't seem like the other horses, he... I don't know how to explain it. He has attitude or something.
Harry told her once we sat down in front of the TV and handed out the takeaway containers Sue had given Av, that the vet had rang and finally told them the results. Ulcers, I think and something else they had to be watchful for, liver something maybe. Harry and Flea had already started him on the medication needed. Avalon seemed relieved, she must have been, she slept for about five hours without moving.
I haven't been to many peoples houses, I tend to hang at my own because it's got everything I need, Sam of course never bothers to ask me to his and after last night I understand why, so it was kind of a surreal experience to be there with the three of them. My Mum always says she loves me and she does, I know it, so does Dad but... last night I wondered if their love had conditions. I purposely didn't anyalse mine because I didn't want to know the answer.
It's a weird thing to see a teenager be completely open and when I mean open, I mean open. She told them everything about the night including putting Viagra in the VIP's pavlova. I guess though it's weirder to see 'parental' figures crack up about a prank like that. Later on they pulled out some plan for Harry's farm, from what I gather times must be going to get tougher selling the cattle.
None of them talked when they ate Sue's food, they groaned and moaned but no talking. I realised I had eaten it with the VIP's and didn't even notice what I was eating. This time I took the time to taste it, and realised for the first time how lucky I was to have this every night. Av said she was going to steal Sue away, Harry and Flea joined in with her scheming until I had to remind them I was sitting there.
Warily getting to my feet, my back stiff from sleeping practically on the ground, I wander over to the shed door to see a shitload of cows being pushed through into a paddock, the three amigos on horses looking happy as riding through the swirls of dust and the bellowing of the cows. They work in a perfect team and I can't help but watch Avalon. I remember Sam's words when we first saw her ride, that she was made for it.
Cherokee is whirling around in the small paddock, revved up to the max. One of the dogs cuts through his paddock and chases it with his neck all long and low and ears back. I'm not going near him, no way. Outlaw is enough for me. I'll try not to visualise Av riding him tonight practising with Tina for some mounted games thing. Av talks about it like it's exhilarating but it sounds bloody dangerous on a horse like that. Tina's horse seems calm compared to that blur or energy going nuts in the paddock right now.
My eyes stray to Flea. The dude was practically dead in that hostel compared to now. He looks like he's a completely different person, he doesn't look so grey and translucent. Or frail on the verge of dying in his sleep. Looking at him now cracking the whip and whirling on Zoey's horse, it's actually hard for me to think he was even in the hostel. He still has a lot of life in him.
I frown. It must have been horrible to be put in there when he could still do all this. I guess he'd have to start believing he was pretty much the walking dead himself being in there. Nobody better damn well put me in there when I'm old, I want to surf until I die out there or something.
Pop is in that place.
"Seth? You okay?" Av looks concerned as Amber prances in front of me, eyes on the cattle. I step back away from her jigging feet.
"Not really," I say startling myself.
"What's up?" Av asks running her hand down Amber's dusty neck, murmuring softly to her. Amber's ears flicker in Av's direction.
I think of my house, with six empty bedrooms, I think of my Pop teaching me to surf. I think of my attitude of viewing him as a burden.
"I suck," I blurt out.
"What?" Av chuckles. "That movie wasn't too bad last night, or my pillow."
I was her pillow and she was referring the 'Tomorrow when the war began' which I bought for us to watch because I thought the main girl reminded my of Av.
Av checklisted some of the similiar things as the movie went on, drives tractor - check.
Rides motorbike - check.
Shoots - check.
Brown hair - check.
Chainsaw - check.
Blows things up - check.
Has an asian friend - check.
Has an italian friend - check.
Would fight - check.
Eats two minute noodles and vegemite - check.
And that's about all.
Av said that she wouldn't have gotten all sad or funny about protecting her land. Then she told me stories of how they have these stock huts all around there station, they had to take the ammo out of them when some guy got loose and bury it, but they could live out on their land for ages under attack. God Nathan scares the shite out of me.
Apparently, people feel that way close to him too. When she rang her older brother, Angus last night to check up on how the farm was going, he bought up Nathan. I hear him say that Nathan's getting pretty bad, did she really want him to come down there? To let him loose? I felt like grabbing the phone and yelling 'No!' Av of course was like 'yeah, we'll have a ball together. I can't wait.' Great. Not.
"I was just thinking of Pop, in the hostel," I mumble.
Her face darkens under her hat, and she looks up at Flea whose chasing a cow into another paddock. He's whooping and cracking his whip. When she looks back she suddenly smiles at me and I feel like I've just uttered a campaign winning sentence or something. She's literally beaming at me like, I dunno, I waved a wand and made Outlaw 100%.
"Come here," she beckons and I slowly advance as Amber swings her head around to watch me. Av leans down when I'm in range and hugs me.
"Get him out then," she smiles sitting back in her saddle.
"I can't, it's Mum's call," I run my hair through my chest. In my head a million reasons form up like a tsumami why he can't come. A lot are to do with me. My time. My life.
"Talk to her about it then," she pushes.
"You heard her last night, Av. Once she has made her mind up it's over, she won't change on this," I lean my head against her leg and feel amazing sensations as her hand runs through my hair. I'm tired, I'm sore. I need more sleep. This is very unlike me to think of all this stuff. I'm not sure I like it. Half of me wants to go back to the me where I only think of me. It's exhausting thinking of other people.
She lifts my chin. "If you really believe there is absolutely no chance Seth, then do the next best thing. Help me make that shithouse place better for them. Help me give them something to wake up for every morning. Harry and Flea all say that being around young people really invigorates them. Take your Pop out surfing, visit them. Say you'll help me. We'll start with the painting, I'll ask someone to stay with Outlaw and we'll paint on Friday night. Are you in?"
My eyes find hers, glowing with that fire she has. That fierceness that makes you swallow.
It's now or never Seth.
I nod, my heart beatly oddly. "I'm in."
A/N - Happy Australia Day !!
Poor Noah... :( things aren't going his way and he tried so hard for Av. Woe betide anyone that wants to take that top from him... eeeekkkk. Wonder if he'll ring Av with his phone call?
And Seth huh? Starting to think of others!! WTH??? I wonder what his Mum will day about that.
Bit of a poll... who here is a Noah fan?
A Seth fan?