Hi everyone. I posted about it on my message board but if you don't follow me, my bunny passed away a couple days ago. I've been a little out of it so bear with me if my updates are slower (I know I say that a lot but there's always something going on tbh).
Anyways, here's an update
...
Amelia
Seeing Harry perform on stage will always be one of my favorite things to watch. Although tonight is technically about the models, somehow Harry manages to radiate so much confidence and energy that it almost seems to turn into his show. The other performers are good, but Harry just has something about him that's absolutely captivating. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him and the grin off my face the entirety of both of his performances.
I haven't gotten to see much of him tonight. In between performances he was either rushed to his dressing room to get ready or he was talking with various interviewers. I didn't mind too much because I know he's busy with his job. Plus I hung out with Mitch a lot, as well as Sarah and the rest of Harry's band, when they weren't on stage.
As the show wraps up, all the performers are called on stage along with the models. I watch the slew of them parade on stage in their expensive sets of lingerie. I must admit though that some of the pieces are actually quite beautiful. Reluctantly, I can see an art to it and understand why there's an entire fashion show dedicated to underwear.
I bite the inside of my cheek and turn to face the flatscreen television so I can get a clear view of what's happening on stage. The models are all lined up, some waving to the audience and others dancing out of joy. Harry and the other performers stand somewhere in the middle, applauding the girls around them.
The girls are absolutely stunning, I must admit. They're tall with fit bodies and absolutely no imperfections. It's intimidating to see them all on stage at the same time, and especially when my boyfriend is standing right among them. He definitely looks like he fits in, with all of his perfection. Plus he looks so natural and comfortable up on stage.
I find myself entering the same daze I've been in and out of all night. It's the same thing I've been struggling with for a while now - concern over if Harry will eventually grow sick of me for not being as perfect of those girls he's currently with. I don't necessarily hate the way I look or anything, but I've been doubtful of just everything lately I guess. I never used to be self conscious like this but Harry's fame has just been taking a toll. The models that surround him; the constant attention he gets from both girls and the media; the comments that are made about me online - it's all becoming increasingly too much.
I manage to snap back into reality just as everyone is coming off the stage. I eagerly turn around and Harry's band and I wait patiently for his arrival. Eventually we spot him, looking handsome as ever, walking towards us with an excited gleam in his eye.
While the band claps for Harry, he comes straight into my arms. I pull him close to me and press a kiss to his temple. I can feel some of the models eyes on us, but I don't pay them any heed since Harry is the only thing on my mind right now.
"You were absolutely incredible," I tell him when we pull away.
"You think so?" He shyly asks, causing me to nod.
"Of course. Honestly, it was like going to one of your concerts. I forgot I was at a fashion show while you were on stage,"
Harry gives me a cheeky grin and then presses a quick peck to my forehead.
"Styles!" A man exclaims, coming over to us. He looks to be in his thirties, maybe. He's got thick, black hair, stubble on his chin, and designer glasses perched on his nose. "Can I snag you real quick? A couple interviewers have been asking,"
Harry hesitates slightly, his smile faltering when his eyes dart back to mine.
"It's okay," I reassure him and give him a nod.
"Okay.." Harry ultimately says.
"Great! In the meantime we can arrange for your band and your friend to go the afterparty. Then you can meet them there if that sounds good," The man continues.
I nearly scoff at the term 'friend' but I bite my tongue, half-expecting Harry to correct him only he doesn't. He just smiles and nods, probably overwhelmed with the attention he's receiving. It's been like this all night. Perhaps it didn't even register what the man had said.
"Girlfriend," a voice corrects him, only it's not Harry. It's Mitch. "Amelia is Harry's girlfriend, not friend,"
My chest feels weird when the words come out of Mitch's mouth. It shouldn't have been him that had to say it but it was. I don't hold this against Harry because he wouldn't intentionally hide our relationship, but I still feel a little pang of hurt that Mitch had to stick up for me.
"Of course, my apologies," The man is quick to say. "My brain can get so wrapped up with meeting so many people. Sometimes I forget who is who,"
"It's okay," I reply in a small voice.
I zone out a bit as the man converses briefly with Mitch and the other band members, going over where the after party is and how we'll get there. My eyes drift to the floor and then back up again, locking with Harry's whose are full of guilt. I give him a small smile to ease any worries he has. It was a mistake and I don't want him to think I hate him over it. I could never hate him.
After everything is said and done, the man whisks Harry away. I breathe out a sigh I didn't realize I was holding in and a pat on the back causes me to look up at Mitch.
"You okay?" he asks.
I nod, grateful for his friendship. We've definitely gotten a lot closer lately and I realized recently we are a lot more similar than I had previously thought. We're both more on the reserved side, which is a contrast to Harry's eccentric personality. We also both seem to have this unspoken understanding of one another. Harry does too, but with Mitch it's more of a protective older brother feel.
"Yeah," I tell him. "Thank you,"
"He's just being stupid, honestly. I know all the attention he's been getting lately has been a lot for him. I'm sure his mind is a little jumbled," Mitch adds.
"It's okay, honestly. I'm already over it," I half-laugh.
Harry's band and I are soon escorted by one of the crew members to a car waiting outside at the back of the arena. We all pile in, indulging in some of the free drinks offered, while we are taken to this club downtown. According to Mitch it shouldn't get too rowdy as all ages are allowed to attend, but he does warn me it might be crowded. That's to be expected though. I would assume a decent amount of people would go.
The club isn't what I was expecting when we finally arrive. It's elegant and tastefully decorated. I guess part of me was expecting one of those unruly clubs but I'm pleasantly surprised.
The party moved into full swing only a couple minutes after our arrival. Mitch, Sarah and I quickly went over to the bar area to steal a drink or two while we waited for Harry's arrival. I thought he would have been there shortly after us, but currently it's been about three hours without any sign of him.
I'll admit I'm starting to get irritated now. I was just impatient earlier in the night, but my irritation has come to fruition because I really don't want to be here anymore. The whole point of this trip was to support Harry and although I knew I wouldn't get to spend every moment with him, I hate the feeling of being put on the back burner. Of course it's not his fault but it would have been easier to just not have come.
I sigh and take a sip of the glass of water in my hands. Mitch and Sarah are engrossed in some conversation next to me as we linger at the bar. Eventually a couple girls come around to my other side, each of them grabbing one of the complimentary cocktails offered to us.
"I can't believe he still hasn't arrived," one of them complains loudly.
I'm not one for eavesdropping but I can't help but tune in to their conversation.
"He'll be here soon," the other girl chimes in.
"I hope. This'll all be a waste if he doesn't show up,"
"I wouldn't say it would be a waste. I mean the party is fun enough..."
The first girl scoffs. I turn my head sightly to the side to catch a glimpse of her and see that she's quite petite with a full head of blonde hair and far too revealing clothes for it to be this cold outside. Her friend is dressed more appropriately in jeans and a sweater, and she's also a bit shorter with similar blonde hair. They look like they could be sisters.
"If I don't get to sleep with Harry Styles tonight then of course it's a waste, Rebecca," the first girl seethes.
My blood runs cold at the mention of Harry's name and I grip the glass in my hand a little bit tighter.
"You can't sleep with him, Vanessa," Rebecca says, a hint of something in her voice, like perhaps she didn't know her friends true intentions of coming to this party. "He's dating someone,"
"Those are just rumors. I mean do you really think Harry Styles could be tied down? He's like the ultimate ladies man, always has a different girl on his arm. I've read it in all the magazines and I also know that I'm exactly his type. I mean I have to be according to my research and all those quizzes I took," Vanessa says.
If Harry was here, I would laugh the situation off. Clearly this girl isn't a real fan of his. She just wants to have sex with him, which is disgusting. I get the attraction of course but making this elaborate plan to try to seduce someone is too far, regardless if they're in a relationship or not. But without Harry's comforting gaze or knowing he's nearby, I feel uncomfortable. Obviously the girls don't recognize me, which is fine by me, but it doesn't make it hurt any less to hear what they have to say about Harry and our relationship.
Does Harry actually have a type? I never really thought about it or cared about it too much but standing here now, I wonder if I should be dressed a little differently or dye my hair a little lighter. I wonder if he would prefer if I were more toned or more confident with who I am. I thought I looked okay tonight but now I'm not so sure anymore.
With my head spinning, I've decided I had enough. I can't wait for Harry to show up. I need to leave before I completely break down from all of my unwarranted thoughts eating me alive.
"Hey, I think I'm going to head out," I tell Mitch and Sarah, interrupting their conversation.
Both of them from and give me a look of sympathy.
"I'm sure he'll be here soon, love," Sarah tries to console me. Both her and Mitch know I've been anxiously awaiting his arrival but I just can't do it anymore. I'm sure he got held up with something but three hours is a long time to wait.
"Maybe," I mutter. "I think I've just hit my social limit for the night and I'm a bit tired. Hopefully Harry doesn't mind but could you tell him I went back to the hotel?"
"Of course. Do you want us to go back with you?"
I shake my head.
"You don't have to. I'll be okay," I tell them.
"Text if you need anything okay?" Mitch adds in.
I agree and then exchange goodbyes as I leave to find my driver for the night to ask him to take me back to the hotel, my chest feeling heavier and heavier with every step I take. I'm just overwhelmed, I try to tell myself as I walk through the nightclub. But it seems as if these negative thoughts and feelings have been becoming the new normal for me and I absolutely hate it. I don't know who I'm becoming anymore. Sometimes I'm okay, but right now is an instance where I just want to curl up and forget the world around me.
...
Poor Amelia :( I know her thoughts might seem a little jumbled and confusing but keep in mind she's going through a rough patch so it's supposed to be that way. She kind of bounces back and forth between being fine and not fine
Hopefully the next update will be out soon!