Colton's been acting weird.
Like not the funny kind of weird that we'd all laugh at him about. The kind of weird that's making me think there's something wrong between us.
He's acting distant and he's not talking to me. Just me. He's fine with the boys and my dad and Cheri, but when it comes to me he barely says a word.
"Is it me or was Colton acting weird?" I question Beck as he and I clear off the table after dinner. It was our night to clean, the rest of our brothers left to do whatever it is they do and our parents went to living room to watch their usual Wednesday night show.
"He seemed fine, maybe a little quiet towards you," He looks up at me front he plate he was scrubbing "Why? Something wrong between you two?"
They still had no idea about Stanford. I've been trying to tell them, but every time I tried I chickened out.
"Go talk to him," My twin tells me "I got this,"
I just nod, placing the last plate in the sink before making my way up to my little brothers room. He was just sitting on his bed playing with an old tennis ball.
"Hey," I squeak
"What's up?" He huffs. Okay, so he was mildly annoyed with me. But why?
"Are you mad at me?" I question "Because I'm really sorry if I did something, I haven't been myself, and it's not an excuse if I was mean to you, I'm just having a hard time and-" I start to ramble. I had no idea why he was acting this way and I just wanted to know why.
"When were you gonna tell us you were leaving?" He cuts me off, just about slapping me in the face with his question.
"Wh-what?"
"I heard you and dad talking on Saturday B," he states "and every day I've gotten more and more pissed off at the fact that you haven't said anything to us." He says now looking at me "I have always had your back, and now you're leaving in two weeks and didn't even feel it was right to tell us right away?"
"I'm so sorry Colton, I just, every time I've tried I chickened out," I plop on the bed, sitting next to him
"Why?" He questions "It's gonna come out at some point, might as well give us time to at least say goodbye other than the day of,"
"I know," I nod. He was completely right, this isn't just me it's effecting, it's everyone.
"I don't want you to go yet," he huffs, his eyes brimming with tears "I don't want any of you to leave yet,"
"We gotta go bud," I smile sadly. We may fight and argue, but we really do love each other. He was my little brother, figuratively, he looked up to me.
"Yeah but it's so soon," he sniffles
"I'm sorry,"
"No I know why you're doing it," he wipes his nose and eyes "I just wish things were different,"
"Me too bud," I nod "I wish everything was different, this shit shouldn't have happened"
It wouldn't have if I wasn't a dumbass.
He just starts crying and the only thing I can do is hug him.
Arrex and Ace and Beck have all been struggling and we've all been there for eachother, but no one was there for Colton. Jordan was our best friend and brother, I guess it kind of just slipped our minds that Jordan was as much one of Coltons brothers as he was ours.
"It feels like everyone leaving and I can't do anything to stop it," he sobs
"Hey-hey where's all of this comin from?" I question. Sure it was partially me, but I was the only one leaving right now, just me.
"Lenny's moving," he says "She told us prom day when we were all together after all of you left to take pictures,"
"What? When?"
"Next month, her dad was just transferred last minute to an office down in Florida," he wipes his eyes "It feels like I'm losing everyone I love and I just don't know what to do,"
"You aren't losing us," I state looking at my little brother "I will FaceTime you every night, and once I'm settled out there you can come and visit whenever you want. And Lenny? You guys just have to talk, talk everyday if you have to, just because she's far doesn't mean your relationship or friendship or whatever that may be," I grin and so does he, just shaking his head slightly. "has to end. You just both put in that effort,"
He just nods, looking down at his hands.
"I love you B," he snuffles
"I love you too shithead," he smiles at this and it's right there that I know things will be okay with my brothers, even if I'm states away.
"Hey, what are y'all talking about?" Beck questions as he enters Coltons room
"He's just a little sad," I say, looking at Colton
"I get it," Beck nods "This shit sucks," he huffs
"Oh are y'all talking about how much you hate life right now?"Arrex snorts humorlessly as we walks in followed by Ace. "Cause me fuckin too,"
"Were you two crying?" Ace questions
"Just a little bit," Colton huffs wiping his eyes "Lenny's moving to Florida next month," he adds and looks of surprise all cross the boys faces.
"Dude I'm so sorry," Arrex frowns. We didn't know what they were. Friends? More than that? We never knew and we didn't ask, they had their little thing and they were happy.
"That stuff is hard as hell," Beck nods
"Yeah it is," Colton nods "I've just been sad about that shit and Jordan and I just , I don't know, I've just been feeling a little alone lately,"
"I'm sorry bud," Arrex looks as if his hearts about to break. He's like me, we both take care of our siblings before ourselves, so when we miss something, we feel like it's our fault.
We feel guilty.
"Don't be, you've all been dealing with everything with Jordan and Beck and graduation, I wouldn't have expected you guys to realize," Colton shakes his head "I never talked to you guys because of that,
"You know you can talk to us about anything right? Anytime anywhere." Ace says "We're your big brothers and sister, we'll always have your back,"
"Have each others back," Beck adds "We're family, no one deals with shit alone. There's no secrets between us,"
"Not anymore at least," Arrex snorts. He and I had big enough secrets for the rest of us between his relationship with my best friend and my relationship with his.
Colton just glanced at me as A says this.
Well fuck.
"Okay actually, one last secret," I wince "I-I uh decided to take the early move in," I spit out
"Are you serious?" Ace looks at me "Like really?"
"Yes," I nod "I wasn't going to do it but I have to do something, I-I can't stay here guys," I shake my head
"We get it," Arrex nods "Everywhere I look it's like I see him,"
"Exactly! I can't function, everywhere I go I'm reminded of him. All I want to do is cry and lay in my bed and not do anything at all and I can't be like that." I start rambling again "I'm so sorry guys but I just-I can't stay here, I need to forget,"
"Are you sure that's the right-" Ace starts to say but I cut him off
"Yes. It is," I nod "So, in two weeks, I'll be flying to California,"
"That soon?" I look at my older brother to see a frown on his face
"Are you going Beck?" Colton questions
He'd been quiet since I told them. As if wrapped in his own thoughts. He looked sad, but we all did these days.
"No, I can't leave," he shakes his head "I'd love to go with B, but I just can't right now,"
"I understand Beck," I shrug. He felt just as much guilt as I did.
He blames himself but he shouldn't. This was my fault and every day I wake up and see the pictures hanging on my wall Or the streets we used to ride our bikes down or the or the numerous places we'd go to mess around, I'm reminded of what I did.
I'm the reason my best friend is dead and there's no taking it back.
"I understand Beck, you don't have to explain," I shake my head "We're all dealing with this differently and I just, I can't stay here anymore,"
"We support you B, one hundred percent," Ace tells me
"And we always will," Arrex musters up a grin
"And besides Beck will be there in August anyway so you guys will be together then,"
Well that's a relief. They weren't mad and the understood. I honestly don't think they had the energy to be mad, there was no point in being pissed over something like this.
"Exactly," I nod "I've been trying to tell you guys since Sunday but I chickened out every time,"
"You can tell us anything B," Ace grins
"Yeah, if we don't like it, well I think we've learned by now to talk about our issues," Arrex chuckles lightly and I can't help but grin. After the whole blowup of them finding out about Co and I, we realized how stupid all of that was and how easier it would've been if we'd just talked everything out from the get go.
"I know guys," I nod "Im planning on telling the others tomorrow,"
"Does Co know?"
"No he doesnt," I huff "I'm terrified to tell him, he'll support me right?"
"Dude you could murder someone in front of him in broad daylight and he'd say you didn't do it under oath," Arrex snorts "To him, you do no wrong, he'll definitely understand,"
"I hope so,"
"I know so," Ace chimes.
We were all quiet, sitting around Coltons room for a minute. It's been a while since had one of our sibling talks. Hell it's been a while since it was just us. Usually we have at least Co or Em here.
"I love you guys," Colton says out of nowhere
We didn't say it nearly enough, and now more than ever I think we all needed to hear it.
"We love you too,"