Let me be the one you call
If you jump
I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
***
Jeongguk climbed the stairs to the third floor of the building, feeling the characteristic sensation he felt in his belly every time he met Taehyung.
When he finally stood in front of the man's door, he exhaled aloud the air he had been holding. He felt strangely nervous, as if it was his first date with a girl he had had a crush on and didn't dare to take the first step.
He hadn't seen him and hadn't only spoken to him for a day, but he felt a strange longing, the kind of feeling you get at the thought of happy moments of your childhood. Only he knew Taehyung was not an old memory. The tattoo artist was more like an intrusive song that, once listened to, is still in your head, with the difference that after listening to such a song for a while, you want to tear your hair out of your head, as long as the insistent song finally flew out of your head, and he enjoyed thinking about him.
All Sunday, he recreated in his head the fairy tale he had invented for him. The very thought of it also made a smile on his lips now. If only life were as easy as in children's stories... Maybe now he would be sitting on that damn black Ducati, riding with him towards the setting sun.
He sank his right hand into his thick, dark curls, combing them to make them look good, and smoothed his shirt and suit jacket, which as usual fit perfectly on his shoulders, hugging his strong chest. He wanted to look good.
With heart beating strongly, he knocked on the door. He waited a moment, but no one opened it. Confused, he looked at his damn expensive watch - a gift from Lisa for his last birthday. He was even ahead of schedule, so Taehyung should still be here.
He knocked again, but when it met the same effect, he raised his hand and grasped the doorknob. He pushed against it carefully, and as he expected, the door swung open. As soon as he pushed them, he heard a baby cry, followed by Tae's soft, velvety voice. He bit his lower lip instinctively.
He had a weakness for that color. Taehyung had a beautiful voice. No matter what the boy said, he could listen to him for hours, as long as his ears were caressed by that deep timbre. Almost enchanted by this wonderful sound, he pushed the door harder and slipped inside without asking.
As he closed the door behind him, and it slammed loudly, the tattoo artist looked at him with his dark eyes full of surprise. As soon as he realized that Jeongguk was the intruder who had appeared without asking, his gaze softened immediately. He quickly pointed with his hand for the boy to come inside, and he looked at his son again.
“Jae, what's going on?” he asked in a warm, protective voice.
The boy was sitting on the table almost fully dressed, only his feet still bare, and Taehyung held his little socks in his hands while Jae literally poured his eyes out.
“I-I don't want to...” gasped the little one, still crying.
“Little tiger, everything will be fine. Nothing will happen to you.”
“J-Jae wants with dad...” the boy continued to cry, sniffling.
“Jae, Daddy can't stay with you today. When you come back from kindergarden, we'll watch The Lion King together, hm?” he said gently, carefully wiping the tears from his son's cheek with his thumb.
“J-Jae doesn't want to go to kindelgalten...” he cried again.
Hearing his son's words, Taehyung sighed loudly and nervously ran a hand through his fiery red, still slightly tousled hair, then looked at Jeongguk apologetically. Brunet approached them and stood next to them, leaning his hip against the kitchen cabinets. His slim, athletic body, as usual, was decorated with some expensive suit in which he looked incredibly beautiful.
“Sorry,” the tattoo artist said quickly, glancing at him. “I think we have a little crisis today...”
“What's happening?” Jeon asked carefully.
“I do not know. Usually he likes going to kindergarden. Jae is a very cheerful child, he rarely cries and likes his friends in kindergarden, but today he keeps denying and crying that he doesn't want to go,” he explained in a clearly worried voice. “I do not know. Maybe it's because of what happened recently. He got really scared and maybe he is afraid now. I don't want to force him, but I can't stay with him today. I have a full day session and cannot cancel it. I fucking need this money. Today I'm collecting the car from the repair and I have to pay the bill. Namjoon's father is charging me at cost, but I still don't have enough free cash,” he said resigned, looking at his son, who was still flooding with tears.
Jeongguk said nothing but only approached Jaesung. He stood in front of the little one, then smiled gently at him.
“Hello, little tiger,” he greeted, and the little one just sobbed, still crying. “How about staying with me today? Your daddy has to go to work, but I can stay with you and we can play, hm?” he said softly.
The little boy blinked his large, red-crying eyes a few times, then nodded his head vigorously.
“Y-yeas... J-Jae w-wants...” he choked out. “Jae w-wants with Googie.”
Jeon looked at the tattoo artist and smiled at him.
"Is that alright with you?" he asked.
"Gguk... I can't ask you to do this. You have your life and your responsibilities. You can not go to work to look after my son."
"Tae, it's not a problem. I have a few contracts and agreements to go through today. All I need is a laptop and I'll get it. Jae is going to eat or watch a fairy tale and I will look at it. He got scared on Friday, it makes no sense to force him to go to kindergarden, if it is not necessary. I can really take care of him. It's not a problem..." he explained.
"Gguk, you are my... friend," he said carefully, a little hesitating at the last word. But now there was no time to consider what their relationship actually was, and what title he should actually give him. "Not a babysitter. I can't use you like that," he finished.
"You said yourself Yoongi took care of Jae's sometimes," Jeon interjected.
"But that's different. You are…" He paused for a moment, not knowing how to put it into words. "You just found out about Jae, I don't want to use you. You've already done so much for me..."
Brunet without thinking reached out and grabbed his hand.
"Tae, you're not using me. If anything, it is this little tiger who is crying his eyes out now, he joked. "Look at him. He needs to stay with someone today who will make him feel safe. And that's really no problem, huh?"
Taehyung was silent for a moment, shifting his gaze from the beautiful, now serious face of the brunet to the tearful face of his son, then he moistened his lower lip with his tongue and bent down gently to look his son in the eye.
"Jae..." he began. "You wanna stay with Gguk?" he asked, even though he knew the answer perfectly well before his mouth spoke the question.
He felt terrible using Jeongguk in this way, but felt even worse looking at his baby's wet eyes. Jae was a very cheerful child. He hardly cried at all, so he knew the little one was really having a hard time today, and he didn't want to force him to do something he didn't want to do.
“Y-yeas, Jae wants with Googie,” the boy repeated.
“Well. Then you will stay with Gguk today,” he agreed. “Will you stop crying?”
The toddler nodded and Tae wiped a tear that rolled down his cheek with his thumb, then wiped his snotty nose with a tissue and kissed the tip. He sank his tattooed hand into his son's soft hair and stroked his head several times, trying to calm him down. When Jaesung finally calmed down a bit, he took one of the baby's legs in his hands and began to put on a blue sock with brown teddy bears on it. As his hands carefully tugged the cotton fabric, his eyes found the gaze of Jeongguk's dark irises, who was watching them closely.
“Are you sure?” he asked again in a low voice.
“I am,” the brunet confirmed without hesitation. “Has Jae eaten breakfast?”
“No. Ever since he saw me getting dressed for work and getting him ready for kindergarden, he has been crying. I barely had time to dress myself,” he confessed.
“Okay. Get ready and I'll do something to him. Then we'll take you to work, right, Jae? Shall we take your daddy to work?” he asked, looking in the direction of the little one, who finally stopped crying. Now he was only sniffling slightly, but his breathing had already calmed down. The little boy nodded his head. “What do you want to eat? Cereal with milk?” Jae nodded vigorously again. Jeongguk took the boy's other sock from Tae and put it on his foot. “Go get ready or you will be late soon,” he ordered, laughing gently at the tattoo artist.
Since they didn't have to drive Jae to kindergarden first, they had more time, so they could get ready. When Tae had his affairs fully settled, Jeongguk prepared milk and chocolate flakes for Jae. The boy clearly calmed down. His eyes were still red, but he had stopped crying and was eating his breakfast well.
Jeon watched as the toddler scooped the milk on his own, then carefully slid it into his mouth. Brunet noticed that the little one had a new patch glued on. This time with funny pink rabbits that looked exactly like his beloved Cooky cuddly toy, which he had the pleasure of meeting on his first visit. In addition, the toddler, when eating, looked exactly like Taehyung. At the sight of it, he smiled to himself. Jae was a miniature version of his dad.
Jeongguk turned on his heel and searched several kitchen cupboards for coffee, and when he finally found it, he began to brew a fresh portion for himself and for Tae. Soon the kitchen and living room were filled with the intense scent of roasted Arabica beans. Brunet took the pot in his hand and began to pour the coffee into two mugs.
“Jeez, please tell me what I feel are not olfactory hallucinations!” a voice said suddenly behind him.
Before he could turn around, however, Taehyung approached him and, standing behind his back, peered over his shoulder. His chin was almost resting on the brunet's shoulder. Jeongguk held his breath. The tattoo artist was so close that his strong chest almost pressed against his back. He could feel the heat radiating from his body and the masculine, overwhelming scent of his perfume. Masculine, fresh, with a slightly citrus note. Not too strong, not too bland. Just perfect.
“I-I made you coffee,” he gasped embarrassed, silently pleading for the man to move away from him as soon as possible.
Not that he didn't like it. On the contrary, it was too nice. He felt an almost painful desire for those strong, tattooed arms to surround his waist, pressing him against his hot flesh even tighter, until they melted into one.
Why, being close to Lisa, had he never felt anything like this?
The girl was beautiful, and it was obvious he liked her. Nobody could deny her beauty. However, he noticed that the sexual attraction between them had decreased significantly. He didn't know if it was because they had been together for so long or because the girl had changed her appearance over the past three years. He couldn't explain it.
Being close to Tae felt completely different. He longed for his closeness, but was also afraid of it. He was afraid that if he had allowed him to come close for once, he would never be able to push him away again. He was so fucking fascinated by it that it couldn't be normal.
“Maybe hiring you as a nanny would not be all that bad,” the redhead said, grabbing one of the mugs with hot liquid in his hand.
Under the influence of such intense movement, Jeon was again swept by the delicate cloud of the tattoo artist's perfume. Jeongguk snorted under his breath at his words, then turned to him, leaning his buttocks against one of the kitchen cabinets.
“Haven't you said recently that you don't like women babysitting you because you're not four?” he asked teasingly.
“Women,” he repeated. “You're not a woman, are you?” He replied with a question to the question, his dark eyes narrowing sexy. “Besides, maybe I could make an exception for you,” he added, shrugging his shoulders and taking a few sips of coffee.
“Oh! What did I do to deserve this?” The brunet asked, laughing.
“Driving me, delicious pancakes, coffee, being handsome and making my time pleasant? Choose yourself,” replied the tattoo artist.
Jeongguk felt himself getting hot, and even though he was holding a mug of steaming coffee in his hand that almost burned his fingers, he knew well that it wasn't because of that. Not knowing how to react, he dipped his mouth in a dark liquid, but his gaze involuntarily moved towards the red-haired man. As expected, the tattoo artist stared at him with his dark, intimidating gaze.
“You don't get compliments often, do you?” Kim suddenly asked, though in his perfect mouth it didn't sound like a question at all, and Jeon knew full well it wasn't.
After the boy reacted every time he gave him a compliment, he was convinced that it was true. He just didn't understand why that was so. Jeongguk was perfect in every way. He was smart, brilliant, funny. The way he dealt with Jae or Yoo was downright loving, and on top of it all - like the icing on the cake - he was so damn handsome and sexy. He had a face as beautiful as an angel and a body that would surely send him to Hell for all the sinful thoughts that had looking at it.
“You shouldn't be telling me such things...” he gasped, embarrassed.
“Why? I'm telling the truth.”
“You're embarrassing me,” Jeon admitted.
“I love to embarrass you,” Taehyung replied, as if teasing him.
“You are horrible.”
“I think I'm fuckin adorable,” that said, Kim smiled at him with that boxy, damn cute smile of his, and Jeongguk snorted to himself.
The arrogant asshole was right.
Again.
“Let's go, or you'll be late for work,” he said, finishing his coffee.
He didn't look at him, fearing that when he saw his intense gaze again, he would be ashamed like a stupid teenager. Never before had anyone made him shy as often as this man, and the worst part was that the tattoo artist seemed to be having the best of it.
“Have you finished eating yet, tiger?” He asked Jae, and as the boy nodded, he carefully wiped the rest of the milk and cereal on his face. He did the same with his hands, then took him in his arms and walked with him toward the hall. “I'll put some shoes on him, and we can go. You probably haven't eaten anything, so we'll have time to buy you some breakfast on the way so you won't starve during your work,” saying that, he put the little one on the cupboard in the hall, and he crouched down in front of him and began to put on his sports red shoes.
Taehyung smiled to himself as he watched the dark haired man put his son's shoes on. He dipped his lips in already lukewarm coffee and finished drinking it. It's amazing that Jeongguk made him exactly the coffee he wanted without asking. The boy had to remember the instructions he gave him when they first met together.
Jeon straightened up and, without asking, reached out for a small denim jacket and began putting it on Jae. When the boy was dressed, he shook his hand and, grasping his hand, looked at the tattoo artist, who was still standing in the doorway, watching them closely.
“Will you be able to put on your shoes yourself or should I help you too?” he asked, teasing.
“I can dress by myself, but sometimes you have to help me undress,” replied the tattoo artist, winking at him, and Jeongguk nodded in disbelief and sniffed loudly under his breath.
“You're fucking indecent, Mr. Kim,” he scolded.
Taehyung smiled under his breath, leaned his back to the brunet and began to put on his shoes without a word. Jeongguk's dark eyes involuntarily slid down to the tattoo artist's ass protruding in front of him, hidden behind the fabric of his black jeans.
The redhead was slim, but his ass was perfect. The shape was insane, thick and so indecently sexy. Tae, as if feeling his gaze on him, stuck out his buttocks even stronger for a few seconds, then made a gentle circle with his hips, and Gguk cursed silently, quickly moistening his lips. The tattoo artist straightened up quickly, grabbed his leather jacket and slung it over his shoulders almost on the run, and opened the door. Leaving the apartment, he looked over his shoulder at the brunet and raised the corner of his mouth in a playful smirk.
“And you say I'm indecent? It was you who almost undressed me with your eyes while holding my four years old son by his hand,” he said and without waiting for an answer, left the apartment.
Jeongguk chuckled under his breath.
It was the honest truth.
He had undressed him in his mind in twenty different ways and did not regret it for a moment.
***
“If you need anything, or if Jae is too annoying... just bring him here. I'll manage somehow,” Taehyung said, peering into the Mercedes through the lowered window.
“Tae...” Jeon groaned, amused.
His soft, raspberry lips decorated with a beautiful smile. The tattoo artist wanted to slide deeper into the car and grasp it with his lips, drinking the sound of that sweet, soft laugh from his mouth, but he merely grasped his lower lip in his teeth, nibbling it nervously.
“I said that I can handle it,” the brunet repeated for the umpteenth time, wanting to calm him down.
“I should probably finish around five o'clock, but I have to pick up the car on the way, so I'll probably be around six,” he explained.
“Focus on your work and don't worry about anything. You will do a beautiful tattoo and knock your client off their feet, hm?” Jeon ordered, and Tae nodded.
“If you want, I'll buy something to go for us, and we'll eat together when I get back,” he suggested.
“Okay,” the brunet nodded, placing his lips again in this wonderfully sensual bow.
“I love you, tiger,” said the tattoo artist, ruffling Jae's hair with his hand. “Be good and listen to Gguk, okay?” he added, and Jae looked at him with his big, innocent eyes.
After the morning rush of tears, his eyes were still a little red, but the boy acted as if he had never cried. He was strapped in a car seat in the back seat of the car, and he was holding Cooky in his hands, who wanted to go for a ride with them and take Tae to work.
“Jae loves too,” said the little boy, and Taehyung laughed softly.
“Gguk...” the redhead began, looking at the driver, but stopped, not knowing what to say. For a moment he searched through all the words he knew for what he wanted to confess, but none seemed appropriate. “See you tonight,” he finally managed.
He didn't know why, but one of the first things that crossed his mind was “I'm gonna miss you,” but he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud.
Recently, when Jeongguk called him in the middle of the night, he told him that he was thinking about him, but it turned out that admitting certain things is much easier when the world is covered in darkness.
He had always believed that the nights were the best. They lead to the most honest conversations, the most beautiful relationships. At four in the morning he could tell him something he would not have dared to confess at four in the afternoon.
So he only smiled gently and said nothing more, turned on his heel, then ran towards “Kinky Heaven.”
He didn't turn around, but Jeongguk couldn't tear his eyes away from his insanely beautiful figure. Even when the scratched door leading to the studio closed behind him, the dark-haired man was still looking at them thoughtfully. It was only Jae's mumbling that pulled him out of this strange trance. He turned a little harder behind him, placing his hand on the headrest, and looked at the toddler sitting in the car seat.
“What now, tiger? Are we going to the park?” he asked.
“Yeah! Please! Googie and Jae are going to the park!” the boy called, and Jeon laughed out loud.
“Okay, let's go.” That said, he turned and started the engine.
***
“Aaa!” Jae shouted, laughing out loud and jumping up and down in glee.
They had been in the park with Jeongguk for almost three hours. First, the little one played with the other children in the sandbox, then they went for a walk to a small pond where they met a family of ducklings. Now they were standing next to the breastbone feeding the ducks with bread while the little one was laughing and squealing all the time. Brunet crouched next to him and gave him chopped pieces of bread so that he could feed the animals gathered around them.
“Do you like it?” He asked, and the little one started laughing again with a melodious, childish laugh.
“Look, Googie! Look!” Jaesung called, pointing his little finger at one of the ducks closest to them.
Jeon stroked the baby's head as he combed his hair, then placed his hands on his hips and looked down at his laughing face. His smile was so similar to Tae's.
“You wanna go to the playground? There are such large swings here. Yoo loves them.”
“Yes! Jae wants! Jae wants!”
Jeongguk got up and stretched his hand towards the little one, who grabbed his hand. Brunet moved cautiously forward, heading in the direction of the playground. He walked slowly, taking his steps carefully so Jae could keep up with his pace. The toddler was walking vigorously, looking around curiously.
When they reached the place where there was a playground, the boy's eyes lit up in delight, and the dark-haired man smiled widely. In fact, the place had many interesting facilities, but when Yoo came in here everything else paled in comparison to the swings. Yoo was old enough to swing on her own, but Jae was too small to handle a swing like this.
So Jeon approached one of them and took the boy in his arms, then he sat down on it and sat him on his lap. The little one squealed with excitement again when the brunet began to swing them. Slowly and gently at first, then harder and faster. Jae chuckled, waving his little feet. After a while, Jeongguk also laughed. Loud and free. It's been a long time since he felt as wonderful as he had now, holding this little boy in his arms.
When he finally slowed down, he let the swing slow down on its own. Still they rocked gently. Brunet looked at Jae and hugged him tighter, then kissed him gently on the forehead exactly where the patch with bunnies was glued.
“Do you want to eat something?” he asked softly.
“Ice cream!” the little one shouted.
“I should have expected this,” Jeon said, laughing out loud. “That's so like your daddy,” he added, thinking of the rebellious red-haired tattoo artist and ruffling the baby's hair. “Come on, then.” He stood up as he spoke and set Jae down. He grabbed his hand again and walked with him towards the small ice cream stand. “What ice cream do you want today?” he asked.
“Jae wants a stlawbelly,” Jaesung replied.
“Okay, you will get a strawberry,” he nodded.
“Oh my! What a cute little one!” a woman's voice suddenly called, and Jeon looked up in surprise and a young girl appeared to his eyes.
She may have been in her twenties, had long, dark hair in a slightly mahogany shade, tied in a ponytail, and a flowing, slightly pink dress. She was pretty, even very.
“Thank you,” Jeon replied, stroking the boy's hair.
“Is that your little brother?” she asked.
“No. This…” Jeongguk hesitated for a moment, not knowing what to say. He wet his lower lip with his tongue and ran his hand over the boy's soft hair again. “This is my son,” he said finally.
He didn't know why he did it. Why did he call Jae his son?
The boy was wonderful. He envied Tae such a son. He wanted to be such a great father like a tattoo artist was. He wanted someone to love him as much as Jae loved Taehyung and as Tae loved his son. He wanted a family like that.
The girl looked very surprised at his words. Probably because he looked very young, but he didn't care.
He felt fucking good.
***
Taehyung slipped his hand into his pants pocket and took out his lighter. He ran a finger over the igniter, waiting for the lighter to spit out an orange-yellow flame. He put his cigarette to the fire and took a long drag to set it on fire, then leaned against the wall and ran it through his fiery red hair. He felt a persistent pain in his neck, he had been tattooing for several hours, and only now he managed to get out on a quick cigarette.
He puffed again and for a moment wondered what Jeongguk was doing now. He wasn't worried a bit about the boy failing to take care of his son. Jae was a well-behaved kid, and he could see how great brunet was with kids when he looked after his niece, and it didn't need to see anymore to know Jae was in good hands. Still, he thought about them all the time. He only had a short break, so he took out his phone and dialed Jeongguk without hesitation.
“Hahahah you little tiger!” the voice suddenly laughed into the receiver, and then he heard some strange sounds like a loud patter.
Taehyung was completely confused for a moment. It took a short time for him to realize Jeongguk had picked up the phone, but the words were not directed at him at all, and probably at Jae.
“Hello?” he said to the receiver after a short moment.
“I have a cigarette break for a few minutes and wanted to see if you are doing well,” he explained.
“Oh! Hey,” Jeongguk greeted. Taehyung was surprised how suddenly the brunet's voice lowered as he realized who he was talking to. “It is great. You have nothing to worry about. We were at the park, on ice cream, and then drove home. Jae ate, and now we're painting,” explained the boy. “I hope you don't mind, but the last time I was in your art studio, I saw that you had body paints and I allowed myself to take them...” he began suddenly, less confident. “If that's a problem, I'll just buy it back or...”
“Take it easy, Gguk. Me and Jae also paint a lot. He loves it,” Tae said, smiling. “What are you painting?” he asked curiously.
“Jae transformed into a tiger and I... Hmm... Apparently your son thinks I look like his stuffed animal because I look like Cooky,” he confessed, snorting gently.
“Oh, boy! Jeongguk as a sexy bunny? I wish I were there. What would I give to see it myself,” he said half jokingly.
“It's probably not quite the bunny you imagine,” he chuckled, laughing in his beautiful melodious voice into the receiver.
“Probably not, but I wish I could see it anyway,” he replied honestly.
“Who knows, maybe one day your dream will come true,” the brunet suddenly said.
His voice, as if touched by a magic wand, suddenly changed from a cheerful, playful tone to a sexy, low purr, and Taehyung felt fire spread through his body. Even though the boy didn't say it outright, he was sure he didn't mean Jae's version of that bunny at all.
Since when did Jeongguk flirt with him so shamelessly?
“Do you know that as an artist I have a strongly developed imagination?” he asked, though he hadn't expected an answer at all.
“I am curious if the realities would match your imaginations...”
Taehyung wet his lips with his tongue and shifted a little nervously. He felt his whole body on fire. Why did this initially innocent conversation take such an unexpected direction? He was standing in front of the door leading to “Kinky heaven”, he was about to go back to tattooing the client, and he felt the growing excitement caused by this indecent conversation and did not want to end it.
“You're so fucking sexy, I wouldn't even dare to think otherwise. You are like the fulfillment of all the wildest dreams. Especially the indecent ones...”
“You're a flirt,” Jeongguk said.
“What if I told you that I only flirt with you?” he teased him.
He took a drag on his cigarette and ran his index finger over the lower lip of his mouth, wishing to run them over those brunets and feel their intoxicating, addictive taste again.
“Should I believe it?” he asked carefully.
“Many things can be said about me, but I certainly cannot be accused of lying. My bad tongue has caused me problems more than once.”
“Was our kiss one of those problems?”
Taehyung felt a strange pressure in his lower stomach at the boy's words. He hadn't expected Jeongguk to say something like that. Until now, it seemed as if they were going to pretend that the day never happened. He didn't mention it either, even though he kept thinking about it and didn't know if he would ever be able to forget it.
Was Gguk thinking about it too?
Was he imagining his lips on his? His tongue curling around his tongue in a sexy dance?
“I could have such problems every day,” he admitted honestly.
“I must admit your tongue is pretty good at dealing with... with...” The boy trailed off, embarrassed. “With problems,” he finished, and Taehyung laughed, then bit his lower lip.
“Are you trying to tell me I kiss well?” he asked, feeling a sudden rush of daring. He took a quick drag on his cigarette. He knew he should be right back, but he didn't want to stop the game. “Are you telling me you liked the way my tongue brushed against yours, dancing wildly with it?”
“T-Tae... I-I'm taking care of Jae... We shouldn't be doing this...”
“I have to go back soon and focus on tattooing my client, and now I'm convinced that I will only be thinking of you. You make it damn hard to forget about you, Naughty Boy...” he confessed.
“D-do you like it?” he asked suddenly. “Do you like to think about me?”
“I love it.”
“Thank you,” the brunet said, and Taehyung laughed again. Only Jeongguk could answer “thank you” to such a confession. “I must go. Jae wants to say hi to you,” he added reluctantly, before Taehyung could add more.
“Oh you are seriously a Naughty Boy. You awaken all my senses and disappear?”
“I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better, we're both in the same situation now,” he joked.
“Dad!” a child's voice suddenly called, and Tae grinned.
“Hi, tiger. You are having fun? Daddy misses you,” he said in a warm, protective voice.
“Jae too! Googie is a bunny!”
A bloody sexy bunny, Tae thought, and bit his bottom lip.
“I love you, little tiger,” he said. “See you soon. Be good, okay?”
“Jae is always good,” the boy replied. “Bye Bye!”
“Bye, honey,” he said goodbye and hung up.
He took one last drag on his cigarette and was about to put it out when he suddenly felt someone's presence.
Yoongi.
He didn't even know how long the boy looked at him and how much of his conversation he heard, but at the sight of him he felt his cheeks burn. The tattoo artist took out his cigarettes and slipped one between his lips while watching him closely, squinting his eyes.
“If I hadn't heard you talking to Jae, I would have thought you just quit dirty talking with someone. What's with you being all flustered?” he asked half jokingly, half seriously.
“W-what? I'm not flustered,” he protested, putting out his cigarette and running a hand through his fiery red hair.
“Did they call from kindergarden again?”
“N-no. Jae didn't go to kindergarden today. In the morning he burst into tears saying he didn't want to go, so he stayed home.”
“Oh, he must have been scared by that accident,” Yoongi agreed. “Your mom is sitting with him now?” he asked, though it was more a statement than a question.
“Actually...” he began, not knowing if he should say it. “Jeongguk is with him,” he finally confessed, spitting out the words so quickly that it took Yoongi a moment to get through to what he said.
The blond tattoo artist was clearly surprised by his words. He blinked rapidly a few times, then puffed on his cigarette as if he needed a moment to digest his friend's words.
“Jeongguk,” he repeated incredulously. “That Jeongguk? That sexy, goddamn rich brunet you're supposedly not into?” he asked, teasing, and Taehyung rolled his eyes.
“He's... He's fucking perfect, Yoongs.”
“Yeah, and fucking taken. Jimin said he and his fiancée were getting married in a few months.”
Taehyung sighed loudly and ran a hand nervously through his hair. He felt frustrated. Common sense told him that he should at most limit himself to friendship, but the better he got to know him, the harder it was to stick to that resolution. He was torn between what he wanted and what needed to be done.
Was it all just in his head?
After all, Jeongguk flirted with him, admitted that he liked their kiss...
“I know it's wrong and I really try to keep my distance, but I don't want to give up on him. My life is so fucked up. Since Jae was born... I haven't had much good in my life, and he's... He's good.”
“Tae, you're like a brother to me,” Yoongi said suddenly, looking him straight in the eyes. “I don't want to see someone hurting you. Don't let him hurt you.”
The redhead looked at him with his dark eyes, not knowing what to say.
He knew Yoongi was right. Nothing good could come of it. The boy was in a relationship. A man like Jeongguk wouldn't date with someone like him. It wasn't a modern version of Snow White, or any other children's fairy tale or a romantic comedy from Netflix. There was no happy ending here. At least not for him. He was well aware of this. He could feel it in his bones.
He should stay away from him. But he also knew in some new, recently discovered part of himself that he wouldn't do it. He can't. He was drawn to him as much as an alcoholic to a sip of alcohol, or a drug addict to the next shot. He needed him like water and like air. And slowly he realized that he could not and did not want to resist it.
He wanted to lose himself in it.
Yet another, this more sane part of his consciousness was shouting at him not to do so. It was like stepping on the edge of an abyss without protection.
The catastrophe was imminent.
Only one question remained...
How spectacular will it be?
***
As a rule, on days like this, Taehyung would go to his mother now, who picked up Jae from kindergarden in the afternoon, while he finished tattooing his today's client and drove to pick up the car from Namjoon's father's garage. This time, however, he headed straight for his apartment.
He felt strange at the thought that when he opened the door someone would be waiting for him, but he would lie to say he didn't like the thought. He had been alone with Jae so long that he had almost forgotten what it felt like to go home and see someone is waiting for him. Even being with Jiwon, he's almost never experienced it. After Jae was born, he usually returned to an empty house.
Now, however, it was enough for him to approach the door of his apartment, and the melodious sound of his son's laughter crept into his ears, accompanied by another, equally resonant but not so childish. At that sound, he felt a strange pang in his heart at the thought that it was only a moment as fleeting as cigarette smoke.
No matter how much he wanted it, Jeongguk did not belong to his world, much less belong to him.
He reached out his hand and pressed the doorknob. He opened the door gently and listened to the two voices for a moment, letting the sound of their laughter become an imprint on his memory. Only after a short while, he pushed it harder and slipped inside the apartment. He quickly took off his shoes and entered the kitchen, where voices were heard. He stood in the doorway and leaned against him, studying the view carefully before his dark eyes.
Jeongguk was sitting at the table in the kitchen and Jae was sitting on his lap. They were both painting something on a piece of paper. He studied them for a moment, trying to remember every little detail. How the brunet's dark hair fell over his eyes, like his soft lips, curved into a gentle smile, like his big male hands gently holding Jae's tiny hands. After a while, the brunet whispered something in the boy's ear, and then stroked his head, kissing his cheek gently. Taehyung blinked several times, feeling a strange burning sensation under his eyelids. Jeongguk and Jae looked like family. He bit his lower lip instinctively, trying to keep it from trembling.
Suddenly Jae looked up to see him, a beautiful smile lit up his little sweet face.
“Daddy!” the toddler shouted.
Hearing his words, Jeongguk looked up and for a moment their eyes met. Brunet smiled gently and helped the impatient little boy to slide off his lap. Jae started running towards his father. Taehyung crouched down and let the toddler fall into his arms. He picked him up, taking him in his arms and pushed the dark locks from his face, then kissed his reddened cheek.
“And how did you do, tiger? You were good?” he asked softly.
“Yes. Jae, very good,” the boy replied. “Jae... Jae and Googie were in the park and on the swing. And then Jae ate and painted...” he said excitedly.
“Ooh, did you paint? Will you show daddy what you painted?”
At his question, the little one shifted restlessly in his arms, so Taehyung set him down on the ground. The little boy ran towards Jeongguk, who was still sitting at the table.
“Dad! Come!” Jae urged, and Tae laughed and walked towards his son.
“I brought us a gimbap, so if you want to stay a little longer and eat with me...” saying that, he put the food on the table and looked at Jeongguk. The boy got up and held out his hand towards the package. His hand brushed against that of the tattoo artist for a brief moment, remaining in contact a little longer than necessary.
“I'll spread it over our plates,” he said, slowly taking his hand away so that his fingertips ran over the back of his hand.
“Jae was good?” he asked.
“Very good,” the brunet confirmed and began to reach plates from the kitchen cupboard. “He's a sweet kid,” he added, turning his back to place the food on the plates.
Taehyung looked at his silhouette. His waist was so narrow that he wanted to approach him and wrap his arms around it. The boy was dressed smartly, but he noticed his tie was gone. Several of the top buttons on his black shirt were undone, so he could see his neck. For a moment he had a wild urge to move close to him so that the brunet's strong back would stick to his chest, and he could bow his head a bit, hiding it between his shoulder and neck and inhaling the scent of his body into his lungs.
“Thank you for the clip,” he said suddenly, and hearing his words, Jeongguk turned to face him.
The tattoo artist took a step forward, closing the gap between them. Gguk was clearly embarrassed. He didn't know what was causing it. Memories of the video he'd sent him or the fact that they were standing so close they were breathing the same air, but it was fucking cute. Brunet tilted his head a little more forward, and strands of his dark, almost black hair fell over his equally dark eyes. Taehyung felt like reaching out his hand and sinking his fingers into his soft curls.
“Did you like it?” the boy asked, only giving him a quick glance.
“I didn't think you would be such a cute bunny,” he confessed, looking at him carefully.
“It was Jae's idea. Apparently your son thinks I look like his bunny Cooky,” he joked, still feeling the tattoo artist's intense gaze on him.
“I think I'll set it up for my phone wallpaper,” he said, as if to embarrass him even more.
Jeongguk quickly looked up and looked at him questioningly.
“W-what?” he gasped, making large, startled eyes as the tattoo artist laughed out loud.
He studied him for a moment, then took another step forward and held out his hand. As his fingertips met the brunet's soft skin, Jeon held his breath. The tattoo artist ran his thumb carefully over his cheekbones, then smiled at him gently but didn't remove his hand.
“You have some paint left on your cheek,” he explained.
Taehyung wiped the paint from his cheek, but his hand stayed on it a little longer than necessary. Only when Jae ran up to him and wrapped his arms tightly around his legs, the boy took his hand and took his son by the shoulders, simultaneously lifting him up.
“Look!” cried the little boy, showing him the piece of paper on which he had created his drawing.
The red-haired man looked at the paper covered with the painting and sighed with delight.
“Oh my! It's beautiful! What have you drawn here?” he asked, watching his son with interest.
“This is Dad!” The little one said, pointing his finger at the red-headed figure.
Yeah. He could have guessed that, Tae thought, and smiled broadly.
Next to him in the drawing was another stick figure. As he guessed, this little man was surely a little artist of this masterpiece himself, but nevertheless let his son tell him about his drawing.
“This is Jae!” said the toddler, confirming his earlier assumptions. His gaze shifted to the figure standing on the other side of the little man. The figure was more muscular than he was, with dark hair, and was holding Jae's other hand. “And this is Googie,” Jae explained, a big smile on his face. “Googie's holding Jae's hand,” added the boy, pointing at their joined hands.
Taehyung pushed the little boy's hair out of his eyes and looked carefully at his son's face.
“You like Gguk?” he asked, even though he knew the answer.
However, he wanted the brunet to hear it.
“Yes. Jae likes very much,” the boy confirmed. “Googie painted too,” he suddenly added, and freed himself from his father's arms again. Tae set him on the ground and let Jaesung lead him towards the table. “Look!” Saying this, the boy held out another sheet of paper.
Taehyung picked up the paper and was literally speechless. He had expected to see a drawing that was similar in quality to standard adult human drawings, but what he saw literally stole the oxygen from his lungs. The drawing was made only with a pencil, but the way the lines formed the picture was literally breathtaking.
Throughout his life, Taehyung saw many talented people, but he had not seen anything like this in a long time. Every line, every shading was almost perfect. He was almost jealous that this masterpiece had not come from his hand.
Jeongguk came to him to design a tattoo for him and when he spoke to him he was sure the boy had a picture in his head of what the tattoo was supposed to look like, but he didn't expect that he was talented enough that he could easily design it himself.
He was fascinated. He wanted to see more. He wanted to see the boy create something beautiful before his eyes.
Additionally, what Jeongguk chose as the subject of his work made his heart beat twice as fast. The drawing showed him crouching in front of Jae. They both had beautiful broad smiles on their faces. It shocked him, however, in what details the brunet painted his face, as if he ran his fingers over it a thousand times, remembering it so precisely that now he knew every curve almost by heart.
He just didn't know it was really like that.
Jeon recalled his image in his mind absently. He ran his fingertips over his perfectly straight nose with a delicate little mole on the tip in his mind, tracing the line of his jaw and tracing the shape of his wonderfully carved soft lips so many times that he was able to draw it with his eyes closed.
“Jeongguk...” Tae whispered, not knowing how to put into words what he felt at the moment. “It is incredibly beautiful. Did you really draw it?” he finally asked, as if it were the work of his four-year-old son.
“I-it's nothing,” the brunet choked out, clearly embarrassed that Taehyung saw that he had drawn him.
“I haven't seen anything like this for a long time. If you painted it, you've got talent. Damn a lot of talent,” he said, clearly excited. “Why didn't you tell me you paint too?” he asked.
Tae looked even more embarrassed, as if his parent had caught him doing something he shouldn't have. He stroked his neck with his open hand and laughed nervously.
“Because I'm not drawing,” he gasped, nervously.
“How not?” the tattoo artist asked, surprised at his words.
The drawing in his hand was amazing. If he were its author, he would be damn proud that something so beautiful was his creation, and Jeongguk seemed embarrassed as if he did something he shouldn't have done. Taehyung, however, felt a sudden rush of excitement overwhelm him. He hadn't seen anything so wonderful in a long time. He approached the table and grabbed a blank sheet of paper and one of the pencils and approached Jeongguk again.
“Draw something,” he asked.
Jeon shifted nervously, not sure what to do. He didn't know why he painted this drawing. After they had fun painting their faces with body paint, Jae wanted to draw something for Tae, so he prepared crayons for him. However, while the little one was working on his drawing, his hand suddenly just grabbed the pencil next to him and almost unconsciously began to sketch something on the piece of paper in front of him. Soon the lines on white paper began to form a familiar face - Taehyung. He couldn't help himself, it was stronger than him, as if some strange power had made him paint it.
He painted it with his eyes almost closed, recalling that wonderfully beautiful face he could not forget. He was convinced that he would never do it again, that his fingers had long forgotten what it was like to create something, but his body seemed to remember every move carefully. The pencil glided without thinking, creating an image from his memory - their joint visit to the zoo and the moment he wanted to remember forever - the smile of the tattoo artist. So cute, slightly rectangular, uniquely beautiful.
But now it felt as if someone had suddenly pumped all the air out of the kitchen. The walls seemed to shrink, the ground parting beneath his trembling feet. He heard his shallow breathing pounding in his ears, and it seemed as if everything was spinning. He blinked a few times, trying to keep his nerves under control and the sudden panic attack, but the longer he stood there, the more he fell into the abyss.
“I-I can't,” he gasped, feeling his throat close. It was as if the words were spoken by someone else and not him, as if he had suddenly lost control of his own body.
“What?” Tae snorted, amused. “Gguk, this is beautiful. Please, I want to see you paint...” he added in that deep, gentle voice that almost invaded all the senses.
Jeon shifted nervously again, feeling his body tremble uncontrollably and his palms sweat with nervousness. The tattoo artist, unaware of it, held out a pencil towards him, and Jeongguk grabbed it reflexively. His trembling hand wrapped around a thin object that seemed to weigh almost a ton in his hand. His breathing became even more shallow, so much so that he felt as if he was just going to suffocate. The compressed lungs could not receive even a small dose of oxygen.
Jeongguk looked at his hands, and for a moment he thought they were stained with blood. He blinked again, and he saw his pale, smooth skin again, but even so, his hands began to tremble so much that the pencil slipped from his hand and fell to the ground next to his feet. He looked up as if seeking help, and his gaze met those beautiful, almost black irises in which he wanted to drown. He wanted to say something, but it felt as if his lips were glued. He ran his tongue over his now slightly chapped lips, trying to contain his bloody wild beating heart that was almost tearing his chest, but it seemed that nothing would help him anymore.
“Gguk?” the tattoo artist began suddenly, with obvious concern painted on his beautiful face, but he was unable to answer.
He opened his mouth, but unable to speak, closed it again. Instinctively, he stepped back enough for his buttocks to find support in the kitchen cabinets. He was afraid that if he didn't, he would simply fall to the ground, as he had done a million times in similar attacks. His head was spinning so much that he almost staggered on his feet.
“Gguk, are you okay?” Tae asked, scared, looking for any confirmation.
“I-I don't draw,” he choked out, even though he was well aware of how ridiculous and downright absurd his words sounded in this situation, but he couldn't say anything else now. “Don't ever ask me to do this again,” he added with difficulty, feeling that he was slowly regaining control of his body, though enough to finally be able to move.
The redhead blinked, surprised at his words. Jeon tossed the block of paper against his chest as if silently asking him to take it from him, and Taehyung grabbed it reflexively. Brunet pushed his body away from the cupboards and quickly moved towards the door, running towards it almost like drunk, tugging on his own feet, which did not want to cooperate with him. He heard Tae called his name but was unable to stop.
He felt as if he heard the sound of crushing metal again, the sound of breaking glass, and screams. He could smell blood.
He tugged at the door handle and ran quickly outside. As he ran down the stairs, he could see out of the corner of his eye that Taehyung appeared on the doorstep, calling for him to stop, but he couldn't do it. If he stopped now, it felt as if his past would catch up with him again, and he would be back in that damn wreckage of a car, stuck, waiting to be consumed by darkness, despair and remorse.
***
Taehyung stood paralyzed in the doorway for a moment. His heart pounded in a chaotic rhythm in his chest. He didn't know what had just happened.
When he saw Jeongguk turn pale and gasp for breath, he got bloody scared. When the boy lunged towards the door, he almost instinctively ran after him, calling his name, but the brunette didn't stop.
He wanted to run after him even to the end of the world to make sure everything was okay, but he couldn't leave Jae unattended, so he stayed. He had a thousand thoughts in his head at once. He analyzed everything he had done since he got home, searched his mind for anything that might offend him, but he couldn't understand what had happened.
Jeongguk had a panic attack. He was almost one hundred percent sure of it, but he couldn't explain or understand what might have caused it. Did the fact that he asked him for a drawing upset him so much? Or that he couldn't believe that Gguk could create something so beautiful?
When, resigned, he finally turned on his heel and strode back into the apartment, Jae was standing at the table exactly where he had left him. He also looked scared. The little one certainly did not understand what had happened and why Jeongguk suddenly ran out of their apartment.
“Jae,” he began, cautiously, approaching his son. “Come to Daddy,” he ordered, seeing that the little one was scared and almost on the verge of crying. Jaesung ran toward him without hesitation, and Tae gripped him in his arms.
“Why was Googie shouting?” asked the little boy, and his big, dark eyes glazed gently. “Jae was good,” he said sadly.
Taehyung smiled gently at the little boy and wiped the tear that started to slowly roll down his reddened cheek with his thumb, then kissed him gently.
“Oh, tiger. You didn't do anything wrong. Gguk just had to go, you know? He remembered something important and that's why he was so nervous,” he explained. “Will you show me your beautiful drawing again?” he asked, and the little one nodded.
So the tattoo artist walked over to the table and took a drawing of a boy from it, then turned it around so that the little one could see it too.
“Tell your dad what you drew, huh?” he said softly.
“This is dad,” the toddler began, without a trace of sadness. “Dad has red hair.”
“And that's you?” Tae asked, pointing to the little man whose figure he was holding by the hand.
“Yes. This is Jae,” the boy confirmed. “A-and this is Googie. Googie is holding Jae's hand,” he explained, and Taehyung smiled at him again.
He ran a hand through his soft, dark hair. His gaze, however, almost involuntarily wandered towards the beautiful drawing, sketched only with an ordinary pencil, and again before his eyes was the image of a brunet who could hardly catch his breath, as if he was fighting for his life.
On an impulse, he slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He quickly selected the appropriate entry from the contact list and pressed the green button. He waited for a few signals, but as expected, Jeongguk didn't answer. Resigned, he put his cell phone back on the table, then sat down on one of the chairs, placing Jae in his lap.
On his way home, he literally couldn't wait to see Gguk and Jae. He wanted to sit down with them and eat the gimbap he'd bought along the way, but now he had lost all his appetite even though he had not eaten almost all day.
“Will you draw something else for Dad?” he asked, pushing a blank sheet of paper and crayons towards the little one.
Jae immediately grabbed one of the crayons and began to paint. The boy clearly had a passion for art after him, and he was sure that when he got older, he would also paint beautifully. It was already evident that the little one had inherited his talent from him, despite the fact that so far his pictures were typical for children of his age.
As the little one was creating something on the white sheet, Taehyung wrapped his arms around him tighter and pressed his head against his shoulder, inhaling the delicate, still childish scent of his body. He also sensed the sensual note of Jeongguk's perfume on the little boy's clothes and felt the strange pressure in his chest again.
He wanted to call him again, even though he knew the boy would not answer. He only hoped that someday the brunet would trust him enough to tell him why he ran out so suddenly and let him make that what was pressing his chest so tightly, not allowing him to breathe, would disappear with his help.
He wanted to be the one to heal his soul, even though he knew it was probably too much.
For the rest of the evening, Taehyung was absent-minded. He couldn't focus on anything, though he was trying hard not to keep Jae from seeing it. They painted together and then finally he ate one roll of gimbap and made Jae dinner. After taking a bubble bath and disguising Jae in his teddy-bear pajamas, he wrapped the duvet around the baby and sat down on the floor next to his bed.
He read him one of his fairy tales, until the little one finally surrendered to Morpheus and sailed away to the land of dreams. When he was sure that the little one had fallen asleep well enough that he wouldn't wake up as soon as he moved towards the door, he got up from the ground and walked cautiously towards the exit. He left the little's room and closed the door behind him. Almost instinctively, his hand searched for his cell phone, and he looked at the display, hoping that maybe Jeongguk was trying to contact him, or at least sent him a short text saying he was fine, but his inbox was empty.
He picked his name again from the contacts list, hit the dial button, waited a few dull beeps, then slipped the cell phone back into his pants pocket, sighing loudly. He ran a hand through his hair, feeling the frustration rise in him. He entered the living room, which was now shrouded in twilight, and quickly picked up Jae's toys from the carpet, taking them to the box in which he kept his cars and other toys, then turned off the TV and walked into the kitchen.
There were still two Jae's drawings and a pile of colored crayons on the table, so he started putting them back in the box, then looked at the sketch made in ordinary pencil and met the gaze of his laughing eyes. He reached out and lifted the picture, pushing it under his careful gaze.
His face was reflected perfectly. He was surprised that the boy had even painted a small mole on the tip of his nose and under his right eye that other people usually didn't even notice.
As an artist, however, he saw something else as well. Jeongguk has certainly paid the most attention and time drawing one particular element - his lips. They were so polished, as if the brunet remembered their texture, as if he knew how soft they are, where their curvature rises up when he smiles gently, as if he remembered it a million times in his memories. For a moment he felt a strange pressure in his lower stomach at the thought.
Did Gguk think about their kiss when he painted them?
Almost unconsciously, he ran his tongue over his lower lip as if he wanted to taste Jeongguk's lips on it, but he felt only the bitter taste of disappointment and loneliness.
Resigned, he grabbed a packet of cigarettes and slipped one between his thirsty lips, then headed for the small balcony. It was already dark outside. The air became much cooler. He bowed his head slightly and stuck the tip of his cigarette into the fire his lighter spat out, then took a long drag, seeking the nicotine for solace. For a moment his vision grew dim as his mouth puffed smoke from his lungs.
Taehyung ran his fingers through his red hair, then took another puff. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, tilting his head slightly back, revealing a beautiful lotus flower tattoo adorning his slender neck.
He still couldn't understand what had happened and why Jeongguk had rushed out so suddenly without even explaining why.
His hand found the phone again. Taehyung took out the device and quickly searched the gallery for the video that Jeongguk had sent him shortly after their phone call today. He turned on the play button and after a while he saw a brunet with Jae sitting on his lap. Their faces were painted with paints. Jaesung was styled as a little tiger. His little face took on brown and orange shades, interspersed with black stripes here and there, Jeongguk was painted like the boy's favorite mascot - Cooky.
A beautiful, broad smile adorned his face. And although his handsome face was covered with pink paint, and he had a rabbit mustache and nose painted in, he was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. His smile was overwhelming, illuminating his dark eyes with a million stars.
“Say hello to Dad,” the boy said in the video, and Jae looked straight into the lens.
“Hi Dad!” he called, and began waving his little hand vigorously.
“You miss him?” The brunet asked.
“Jae misses you so much!” the toddler confirmed.
“Come back soon. We miss you,” Gguk said, staring straight at the camera with such intense eyes as if he was looking straight into his soul.
After a while, however, the image of the boy was obscured by Jae's little hands, with which the boy grabbed the phone to put it to his mouth and put a juicy kiss on the screen, which was met with a thunderous brunet's laugh. After a while, the clip was over.
Taehyung smiled to himself and took another drag on his cigarette. He liked the way Jeongguk said “we miss you” while looking right at him, using the plural, as if he was speaking for Jae and for himself. He didn't know if the boy was aware of what he said or it was a deliberate or completely unintentional choice of words, but he liked the way they sounded and the way the boy's tongue seemed to caress each vowel.
He has always believed that longing is the greatest measure of love. People have told others too often that they love them.
Throwing words too easily, making empty promises. Taehyung never confessed his love to anyone. He avoided such words, knowing the responsibility they carried.
People shared their feelings too easily to others, to tell them that they loved them when they didn't even know the meaning of the words, but when someone said they missed you, they usually spoke of their true feelings.
He took a last drag and stubbed out his cigarette, then went inside the apartment. He didn't know what to do with himself. It was too early to go to sleep, but his apartment suddenly felt terribly empty, as if Jeongguk's disappearance had left a huge hole that no one else could fill.
Suddenly he heard a soft knock, and at first he wasn't sure where it was coming from and what the sound was, only after a short while he realized it was a knocking sound on the door. Surprised, he blinked a few times, frowning his eyebrows.
He wasn't sure if he had actually heard it, or if only his senses had decided to play with him. For a moment he stood almost paralyzed. But when the knocking sound crept into his ears again, he started towards the door. But he made it as hesitant as if there was some serial killer lurking on the other side, waiting for his innocent victim. He flipped the lock and swung the door ajar, but as soon as he realized who was on the other side, his heart began to beat like crazy.
He wanted to see him so much that now he couldn't believe that the boy was really standing in front of him.
The raven haired boy looked shattered, his dark eyes red and slightly swollen, as if from crying, but he looked less shaky than when he had run out a few hours ago. Taehyung watched him for a moment in silence, unable to speak. Only when he realized that he was keeping Jeongguk in the corridor like a total moron, did he open the door wider so that the boy could enter the apartment.
“Oh! Sorry,” he cried, laughing in embarrassment. “Come in,” he added, and the brunet shook his head.
“N-no... Can we stay here?” he asked softly.
The tattoo artist looked around instinctively, then nodded and stepped out into the corridor, closing the door to his apartment behind him. He felt a bit awkward and didn't know how to act. He suddenly felt an almost irresistible urge to smoke again, but merely slipped his hands into the pockets of his black trousers.
“I'm sorry...” he suddenly snapped, and Jeon looked at him in surprise.
The last thing he expected was to hear such words from him. Taehyung had no reason to apologize. He was perfect. So damn perfect that when he thought about it all, he wanted to cry. It was he who acted like the last idiot and landed his frustration on him.
“If I did something that...” the tattoo artist began.
“No, Tae,” Jeon interrupted quickly. “You have nothing to apologize for. I should be…” He broke off, not knowing how to put it all into words. “Will you sit here with me for a while?” he asked softly, pointing to the stairs.
He felt upset that the tattoo artist might decline his offer. He jumped on him as if whatever had happened was his fault, while Tae was so wonderful to him and entrusted him with his greatest secret and treasure, which was his son to him.
“I'd like to tell you something,” he added, his voice slightly trembling.
He was upset. He was concerned that Tae might change his mind about him, but wanted him to know. He never told anyone about it. Even Lisa. But he felt a strange need to tell him the truth.
“Of course I'll stay with you,” the redhead replied without hesitation, then settled down on the stairs.
Jeongguk took a deep breath and sat down next to him. He took a seat so close their bodies were almost touching, even though it was not necessary at all. He could feel the heat radiating from him, their thighs touching gently. They sat there for a brief moment in complete silence, broken only by their troubled breathing.
“I haven't painted anything for ten years. Anything. Even a stupid, horribly ugly man made of a circle and a few lines,” he finally confessed.
He stared straight ahead as if he feared that if he looked at him, he would break into the million pieces he had been desperately trying to keep together for so many years.
“Why?” the tattoo artist asked carefully.
He didn't want to press him, just help him open up and let him know that he can trust him. No matter what he was going to tell him.
“My father comes from a wealthy but very conservative family. They wanted him to mate with the daughter of family friends who were just as wealthy and just as powerful, but he met my mother and fell in love with her head over heels. She came from a poor family. He got involved with her, against all odds, renouncing his inheritance. My mother was an artist. Painter. When my father lost his fortune, it was very difficult for them. However, my father was well-educated, wise and hardworking. Eventually one day he ran into an idea that resulted in a dynamically developing company related to new technologies. Soon my brother also appeared in the world, and after a few years me. When I was a few years old, we moved to Seoul. My brother Seokjin was always in good contact with my father. He had similar interests, he wanted to pursue a career in the industry our father was involved in. He wanted to be a businessman, manage the family business and help his father. I was different from an early age. Technological news did not interest me at all. I could watch our mother paint for hours, ask her about paints and brushes. I was able to sit in my room for days, transferring to paper what appeared in my head. But my father thought it was a waste of time. He wanted me to do something important that would provide financial security for both myself and my future family. When I dreamed about the Academy of Fine Arts, he dreamed of me taking his place as CEO in the family business. When I was fourteen, there was a competition in Seoul where the main prize was...”
“A scholarship to the Academy of Fine Arts,” the tattoo artist finished for him, then laughed sadly at the memory. “I urged my mother to take me there, but we couldn't afford the trip then, so I never got there...” he explained.
“I also dreamed of being there and also never got there. We lived in Seoul, my family was already literally sleeping on the cash back then, so that was never a problem. The problem was my father, who thought it was a waste of time that I shouldn't be dealing with crap and stupid ideas that didn't get me anywhere. I was supposed to be the CEO of one of Seoul's largest and most successful companies, not pretend to be an artist,” he said coldly, recalling his father's exact words.
He felt a growing nervousness, his hands began to sweat, so he instinctively wiped them against his strong thighs hidden under the black fabric of his elegant pants, then sucked air into his compressed lungs and continued.
“On the day of the competition, my parents quarreled very much. I remember it clearly, they hardly ever argued. But that day my mother said that as parents they should support our passions and that she wants me to go to this competition. She believed I had a talent, perhaps even greater than hers, which is why she believed in me so much and supported me in every possible way. My father probably never saw any of my works. He was against this expedition and therefore this quarrel broke out between them. As a result, my mother decided to take me there alone. I was sad about the circumstances under which it took place, but at the same time happy that I would be able to fulfill my dream. I couldn't be more wrong... When we were driving the car...” He broke off, feeling his throat tightening so tightly that he couldn't breathe again.
Suddenly he heard that Taehyung, sitting next to him, exhaled loudly from his lungs, as if he wanted to start breathing for him now and before any words left the mouth of the tattoo artist, Jeongguk knew that the boy had put the pieces of this tragic puzzle together into one coherent whole.
“An accident...” The tattoo artist whispered.
His voice was so wonderfully soothing that the dark haired man felt his eyes sting from the tears welling up in them. He forced himself to go on, though his voice trembled more and more under the tragic memories.
“A drunk driver hit us,” the boy confirmed. “Do you know that almost every driver in an accident instinctively turns the steering wheel to turn the car over with the passenger's side and find himself as far away from the threat as possible? Instinctively, he wants to save himself. They don't do it on purpose, it's their instincts that decide for them. Therefore, the fatality rate among drivers is always much lower than that of the person sitting next to them. The desire to survive is so great that they instinctively try to protect themselves first... But my mother turned the other way, trying to protect me at all costs. The car hit her, pushing us onto the railings separating the street from the green belts. I don't remember much about that moment. The sound of metal crushing, the sound of glass breaking, the metallic smell of blood and a scream... The force of the impact was so great that my mother...
With each word, the boy's breathing grew shallow, as if he was about to die here in that empty, dark staircase, sitting on the cold concrete steps next to the boy to whom he had revealed more about himself in a few days than to Lisa in the last three years. He had the feeling that the ground was sliding from under his feet, that he was falling into a dark abyss, until suddenly something stopped him...
A strong, masculine, tattooed hand tightening around his own...
And for the first time in ten years, he had the feeling that he wasn't falling at all, that he had finally found someone who could and would save him...
If only he allows him to...
Instinctively he gripped his hand tighter, entwining his fingers with those of the tattoo artist as if his life would depend on it and maybe it was like that at the moment.
As he thought about what had happened, every time he felt as though he was still in that wreckage, pinned to his place, waiting to die, now for the first time he thought that perhaps there was someone who would finally free him and it will let him breathe again.
“Everyone thinks the impact was so strong that my mother died right away. I've never told anyone that, but…” He continued, his voice trembling. “It's not true. I... She died before my eyes. I wanted to grab her hand or do something to show her that she is not alone, that I love her, but I couldn't move... Our car crashed into the railings, one of them punctured the car body and crashed into my back, stopping on the shoulder blade. My body was jammed. I couldn't move, but I saw everything... I remember almost nothing of what happened next. Apparently, when the paramedics pulled me out of the car, I screamed all the time and then did not speak to anyone for two weeks. My father signed me up for therapy. My therapist believed that painting could help me, since it was something I loved so much, but I couldn't paint. All I had to do was pick up a pencil, and I was having a panic attack, I thought I was in this wreckage again, so I stopped even trying. It took a long time to recover, both physically and mentally, but I didn't go back to painting. Since the accident, my father has become cold, distant towards me... I think he blames me for what happened then and I know he is right... It's all my fault.”
“Gguk,” the tattoo artist said finally. Their hands were still intertwined. “Don't even think that,” he protested.
Jeongguk finally dared to look up and looked him straight in the eye. He noticed the tattoo artist's dark irises glistening faintly from the tears that had accumulated in them, and he wanted to touch his cheek, wiping it off the wet mark left by a lone tear.
“If I hadn't persuaded her to go to this competition...”
“Gguk, you were a child who wanted to fulfill one of his dreams. Your mother knew you were bloody talented, she loved you and that's why she believed in you so much and supported you. It wasn't you who killed her, it was the drunk driver, and I'm sure your father doesn't think so either.”
“He hardly ever looks at me as if he can't bear to see me. Even when he looks at me, it's like he's looking through me and not at me. I think he regrets that it was she who died, not me in that car crash... I did everything he wanted and expected from me, so that at least once... that he would tell me at least once that he was proud of me that...” His voice broke, so he paused for a moment, trying to suppress the tears from his eyes.
“Is that why you do everything as he imagined? Are you trying to make it up to him for what happened? Gguk, your mother wanted you to make your dreams come true. The most beautiful way you can honor her life is to live your life to the fullest. She wanted you to live. She wanted you to breathe deeply and laugh out loud and not live up to the expectations of others and be miserable. Now you live as if you never survived this accident, as if you were still trapped in the wreckage of that car and if you continue living like this, you will suffer even more.”
“I thought I would never paint anything again. First I had panic attacks whenever I looked at the paint or picked up the paintbrush, until I finally stopped feeling the need,” he continued, his hand almost unknowingly started to play with the tattoo artist's tattooed fingers, but Taehyung allowed him to. His hands were perfect. Masculine, slim, strong and delicate at the same time. “But when I saw you paint... For the first time in ten years I felt a tingling sensation in my fingertips... I felt an urge to paint as beautiful as you... I don't know what happened today. Jae insisted on painting, so I took some face paints and painted his face as a tiger first, and he made of me that pink bunny he loves so much. I had a great time not even realizing that I was painting something and then Jae started drawing this picture for you. He was sitting on my lap drawing, and I suddenly felt that I had to draw what appeared in my head. I felt I had to do this. I saw everything so clearly. Your eyes, your smile, your lips... I took the pencil in my hand and I just started drawing you, but I don't know if I will be able to repeat it...” he confessed.
“Gguk, you don't have to force yourself to do anything and I'm sorry that I... For pushing you so hard,” replied the tattoo artist.
“You did not know...”
“I should have known better.”
“Tae, you don't even know how much you're doing for me,” he confessed. “And this tattoo...”
“It's for her, isn't it?” the redhead asked, and Jeongguk nodded, though he knew the tattoo artist didn't need a confirmation at all. They understood each other almost without words. “I hadn't had time to tell you before, but I was checking my schedule and talked to Yoongi. He can take my clients tomorrow and then I can start tattooing you. I know it's so sudden and you probably need to go to the office tomorrow, but...”
“No. Let's do it,” the brunet interrupted him quickly. “Please tattoo me,” he asked, and the tattoo artist squeezed his hand tighter and smiled gently.
“I would be honored to do this for you,” he said softly.
***
Ayashee:
Jeongguk's past has finally been revealed. What do you think about it?
Did Jeon do the right thing by confiding in Tae?
Is he right to blame himself for the accident and think that his father also thinks it's all his fault?
Will he finally find relief by fulfilling his requests and expectations?
Or is Taehyung right in saying that he should finally begin to live life to the fullest, as his mother wanted him to?
Will this event bring them even closer together?
Will something good come out of their relationship?
Or are they slowly moving closer to the catastrophe as Tae thought of it?
I am curious what you think 😁
xoxo