Hey guys-
I am *appalled*. The amount of people who came OUT OF BUTTFUCK NOWHERE literally SHOOK ME TO MY FUCKING CORE.
So, before I continue, I'd like to welcome all the newcomers. This wouldn't be made possible for all the people who were here before, who spread the story around like wildfire. I'd like to thank HellenWilder, Claudia, sorbetdreams, -rainygreys, harryrongeorgefred, natalie1929, sunny397, borderzs, ratsharty, rileyzzzzz887, KaylinSteichen , _ObriensWife_, hfcyhnfdf, grxupie, yazmin0210, hkl1210, mmgykm, and the two Tik-Toks that mentioned the book.
Initially, this book was supposed to be SMUT and SMUT ONLY, but my mind took it to another place. Ideas kept growing, and once the ideas start growing I seriously can't go back.
I know I said it was slow burn, but I couldn't help it.
I started this book September 30th, and since then I've been updating every.damn.day. I'm so invested, and I'm so glad that you guys are, too.
I used to be able to reply to all of you, but the comments keep coming in and I can't keep up omg. So, if you'd like to reach me, my snapchat SPECIFICALLY for this book is | naomi-suki |. I will 100% respond. And if I don't, you're more than welcome to kick me in my shins.
Now, without further adieu, I present to you...
F E E L L I K E S H I T
lucille granger
They had me stay in the very top of the burrow.
A guest room, if you may.
It was better than the large cold rooms in the manor.
Right now, anything was better than the large cold manor.
Anything was better than Draco, right now.
Yesterday felt like a blur.
Though I remember every second of it.
I've never experienced pain like this.
Ever.
How do I recover from this?
I lost my best friend.
I lost my baby.
I lost Draco.
Now I truly feeling like I'm losing myself.
"Lucille?" A voice intrudes my thoughts. I turn over and see George standing by the entry with a plate of food. "I brought you waffles."
I sat up and huffed.
"Thank you, George," I mumbled.
"Hermoine insisted that you get three waffles," He added. He handed me the plate and I smiled at him. "If you can't finish it I'll be more than happy to do that for you."
He laughed.
I sort of did, too.
It was an automatic reaction, really.
"Do you mind if I sit down here?" He asked, pointing to the edge of the bed I'm in.
"Not at all, go ahead."
As he sat on the bed, the plate in my hand shook.
"I'm sorry for your loss," He mumbled, looking at the ground with both his hands in his pockets.
"And I'm sorry for yours," I responded.
"Ah, he's better off without me," George laughed, though it was more of a coping mechanism.
It was silent.
But his presence was comforting.
Hermoine barged in, out of breath.
"I'll never get used to those bloody stairs," she panted.
As she composed herself, she sat on the black futon across George and I.
"How are you feeling? Do you need anything?" Hermoine probed, flustered and out of focus.
"Um-. Not right now-. Not yet."
"Okay," she mumbled.
Silence, as I ate the waffles.
Ron barged in, out of breath.
"Bloody hell," he panted, as he took a seat next to Hermoine, "What are we all doing here?"
"Providing comfort for the beaut herself," George allured, as he flashed a smile.
"Where's Harry?" Ron questioned.
"Out with Ginny," Hermoine responded with her eyes still on me.
"Oh really? Doing what?" He probed.
"Hanging out an awful lot, if you ask me," George added.
"Harry's hands better be in his bloody pockets-."
"Ron!" Hermoine bursted, "Quiet!"
Silence.
"Luce," she breathed, "I'm sorry for being so mean to you-. I-. I regret it-. I really do-."
"'Moine, it's okay," I huffed, as I stuffed a waffle slice into my mouth, "Seriously, it's okay. Sisters will be sisters."
She sighed out of relief.
"You're not mad at me, are you?" Hermoine asked, as she unraveled her scarf and threw it on the ground.
"No, Hermoine. I'm not mad at you," I answered, "Are you mad at me?"
"Merlin's Beard, no! I'm not mad at you," she frantically responded.
"Good," I said, as I continued eating.
Silence.
"Malfoy's a real git, y'know," Ron spat, "Certainly doesn't deserve you, Lucille."
"He's always been bad news," Hermoine added, as she crossed her legs, "I'm just glad you're back here."
Silence.
They were all trying to make me feel better- and to be fair, it was somewhat helping.
I mean, don't get me wrong; I love them all.
But I just-. I just need some peace and quiet.
I need to process my thoughts.
"Well, if you ever need anything, Lucille, we'll be downstairs. Just shout down and we'll come running up-."
"I'd rather walk, thank you very much-." Ron cut off Hermoine.
"We'll come running up, alright?" she assured once more, staring at Ron with eager eyes.
"Okay," I responded lowly, "Thank you."
Hermoine got up and placed a kiss on my head, then rubbed my back.
"Come on, boys," she protruded, as the two ginger boys got up from their seat and exited the room.
As I finished the waffles, I placed the plate onto the bedside table.
I laid down and turned over, facing the wooden wall.
A simmer of chatter could be heard from beneath the floors, as it continued to descend.
I closed my eyes, in hopes that I wouldn't wake up.
***
draco malfoy
"It doesn't make sense, Draco," Lorenzo paced back and forth in my room, running his fingers through his hair in frustration, "She just lost a ba-. The both of you just lost a baby, a-and you go out and do that?"
I took a swig of fire whiskey and wiped my mouth shortly after as I listened to Lorenzo bicker about my mistake.
I fucking get it already; I made a mistake. I made a fucking mistake and I already feel guilty as ever.
"I don't know what I was thinking," was all I could say; all I could think of right now.
"Clearly you didn't!" He raised his voice.
"Why did you take her to the fucking Weasley's-."
"I'd want to get away from here if my bloody boyfriend cheated on me, too!" Lorenzo shouted. He stomped towards me and grabbed the bottle out of my hand. "No-. You're not numbing the pain with alcohol. No-."
"Lorenzo," I seethed, "Give me the fucking bottle back-."
"Are you an idiot?! You're consoling yourself in alcohol when me and Blaise are right fucking here! We're here to listen!"
"Listen?" I scoffed, "It seems like I'm doing all the listening right now-."
"As you fucking should, Malfoy! You just cheated on the mother of your deceased child-. The DAY she lost the child!"
"I lost a child too, you know-."
"And I'm not saying you did-." Lorenzo huffed, "I'm just trying to understand why you did what you fucking did, Malfoy-."
"I don't have a clue, Enzo. You can ask me all you fucking want but I can't give you a solid fucking answer-."
"Lucille loved you, y'know," Blaise interrupted lowly, "Onyx told me that she's never seen Luce tense up for anyone before. With Cedric, it was different. It was a silly little crush. A silly one, really. But for you-. For you, it was different. At first, she thought it was built on lust; built on nothing but sex, but she knew her own best friend. And it's just-. It's just a shame now because Onny had faith in the both of you-."
"See? Even Blaise can't wrap his fucking head around it-." Lorenzo snapped. "You had one fucking job, Malfoy."
"Oh, would you just shut it already?" I yelled. "I feel like fucking absolute shit, Enzo. You don't need to constantly remind me-."
"Oh, but I certainly fucking do, Malfoy. You deserve to feel like shit, Draco. I love you, don't get me wrong, but you're a bloody idiot-."
He huffed. He was frustrated.
My vision was blurred. I couldn't tell if it was the tears of frustration or my drunken self.
It could be both.
"She lost her child-. And you-. You cheated on her," Lorenzo's voice cracked.
Silence quickly emitted the room.
I need to see Lucille. I need to explain myself to her.
"I-. I need to see her-. I need to go to her-."
"Draco, don't," Lorenzo bellowed, "Leave her alone right now-."
"Don't tell me what to fucking do," I snarled, as I got up from my ottoman.
I headed towards the door, but Lorenzo quickly ran in front of it, blocking my way.
"Get. out. my. way. Lorenzo," I seethed, clenching my fists.
"Don't be stupid, Draco. You need to let her be-."
"I need to fucking talk to her!" I shouted.
"No!" He screamed. "Draco, I'm not going to repeat myself,"
"Then move!" I spat, as I shoved him out the way. "Fuck!" I grunted, as I stormed out my room.
Lorenzo grabbed my arm as I immediately threw a punch out of reflex.
And out of nowhere, he threw one back.
A stinging feeling tinged on my lip. I lightly touched my lip and looked down at my hand as I noticed blood coming from my lip.
I looked back up at Lorenzo and he was breathing heavily; almost out of rage.
The last time I ever saw him angry was when we were younger; when I broke his quidditch snitch.
I didn't have time for him. I didn't care.
I turned around and jolted down the stairs.
"Draco, get back here!" He shouted from atop the stairs.
I don't care.
I needed to see Lucille.
I needed to explain myself.
I stormed out the manor and pulled out my wand, immediately apparating to the Weasley's residence.
God, I hate that feeling of apparation. It never failed to make me sick to my fucking stomach- on top of that, my body's running on liquor and regret.
As I arrived, the tall grass swayed back and forth aggressively prior to my arrival.
Birds chirped, the air was cool yet refreshing.
This was new.
This was calm.
But I was here for one reason- and one reason, only.
I made my way towards the Weasley house and once I made it to the door, I knocked multiple times, eager to see Lucille.
I kept knocking until the door swung open.
Mrs. Weasley.
"May I help you?" her soft toned voice boomed.
I gulped. "I-. I need to see Lucille-." I muttered.
"I-. I don't think she wants to-."
"Fuck's sake," I muttered under my breath, "I don't fucking care if she doesn't want to-. I need to see her-."
"Who's that?" A familiar annoying voice chimed.
Behind Mrs. Weasley appeared Hermoine Jean Granger in the fucking flesh.
Her eyes met with mine and anger grew upon her face; almost like she was glowing red.
"What in the world are you doing here?" She seethed, lightly pushing aside Mrs. Weasley, as Mrs. Weasley backed up, avoiding the growing tension.
"Where's Lucille-. I need to see-. I need to see her," I stammered, attempting to look behind her, looking for Lucille.
"She certainly doesn't want to see you, Malfoy. I think it'd be best if you left-."
"No! I need to see her-. I need to talk to her-."
"There's nothing to talk about! You cheated on her after she lost her baby-."
"Our baby-."
"Don't you dare play victim right now, Malfoy-." She snapped, "Do you see yourself right now? This isn't about you!"
"Let me fucking see her, Hermoine," I snarled.
"No!"
"Who's there?" A soft voice interrupted. Hermoine turned around as I looked behind her.
There she stood.
She was still wearing my black shirt.
But she looked like a mess.
And it was all my fault.
"Lucille," I shuddered, "C-can we talk?"
"No, you can leave-. She doesn't want to ta-."
"Hermoine," Lucille spoke, "It's okay."
"No the bloody hell it isn't-."
"Hermoine," she repeated sternly, "Let me talk to him."
Hermoine looked back at me with her demeaning eyes, then scoffed and walk away from the door.
Mrs. Weasley followed, but shot a smug face at me before she left.
Lucille crept closer to the door, as my heart starting palpitating heavily.
"What do you want, Draco," she mumbled, looking down at the ground.
Look at me, Lucille. I need you to look at me.
"Um-. I-." I stammered, struggling to compose the right words, "I don't-. I don't know what's gotten in to me that night-. And I- I spent the whole night last night t-trying to figure out why I did what I did, and I-."
"Draco," she interrupted, "You still did it."
"Lucille, I know. Please trust me, I know I did it. But I-. But I don't know why I did it, or- or why it happened-."
"Just leave," she huffed.
She looked up at me; her eyes were empty; the green hues didn't glisten like they used to.
And it was all my fault.
"Wh-. What?"
"Just-. Leave."
"Lucille-."
"Leave!" she shouted, as her lip started quivering.
I wanted to pull her into my bloody fucking arms and never let her go; she was broken. And I-. And I broke her.
"Lucille, please-."
"Please-. Just-. Just leave," she croaked, as a tear rolled down her cheek.
Fuck, this was heart wrenching to watch.
"Lucille-. Don't you love me?" I weaned.
Suddenly, her tears stopped rolling. Her lips parted, and disgust grew on her face.
No, it wasn't disgust.
It was anger. It was frustration. It was as if rubbish came out of my mouth.
Lucille laughed. It wasn't a giggle, no.
It was a manic laugh.
"You're-. You're joking, right?" she scoffed.
"Lucille-."
"I have fucking loved you for so fucking long, Draco!" Lucille shouted, "I have gushed over the bare minimum! I gushed over the bare fucking minimum of things that you did to me! I have-." Lucille stammered, as she inched closer to me with her small fists clenched, "I have always came at your fucking beck and call, Draco! I crossed all types of lines for you! For you, Draco!"
"L-Lucille-."
"And you- fucking- cheat- on-me- the-day-we-lose-our-fucking-- baby!" She cried, as she hit my chest multiple times as hard as she could with her small fists. "You don't get to ask me if I loved you, Draco. Because I fucking did!"
I grabbed her wrists in attempt to stop her from weakly punching my chest, but she kept on flailing her arms onto me, trying to throw a punch. We absently ended up outdoors as I continued to back up from her.
"The big question is did you love me?" Lucille wailed, as her frustration grew stronger, along with the strength of her arms.
Just then, George, Ron, and Hermoine came out the house and attempted to pull Lucille off of me.
"I-." I stammered. "I do, Lucille. I swear on my whole life, I do!"
George lifted her from the waist, pulling her away from me as she manically kicked her legs up and throwing her arms.
"Then why did you do it!" she screamed through her tears, "Why did you cheat!"
"I-. I don't know!" I beckoned, inching closer as she was getting pulled away.
Ron stepped in front of me, barricading me away from her.
"You need to leave, Malfoy," Ron's annoying voice made me want to fucking smash his face.
"Stay out of this, Weasley-."
"IF YOU ever step another foot closer I will fucking kill you, Malfoy. Leave." Hermoine pulled out her wand and immediately pressed it against my neck.
I looked down at her, and her scrunched angry expression was glowing red.
"Fuck you and our acres, Draco!" Lucille screamed from behind them, as the tall ginger carried her back into the house.
"Leave." Hermoine ordered.
I backed up slowly, not breaking the eye contact between Hermoine and I.
She held her wand up high, not hesitant to use it.
And I was sure of that.
I eventually turned around, angry and frustrated.
I stomped away and pulled out my wand.
And so I apparated back home.
I had to live another day in this manor without Lucille.
****
Thank you guys for waiting patiently. I will most likely post the next chapter today, as well.
We have made it THIS FUCKING FAR AND I AM ENTHRALLED.
The Filthy Fanbase is GROWING RAPIDLY. OMG.
D I S C U S S I ON