People make mistakes all the time.
No one is clean. No one is pure.
No one can escape from the darkness within ourselves.
And my mistake was thinking otherwise.
I had thought that running away was going to fix things, that it was going to allow me escape from the darkness that I had built throughout my whole life.
I thought that I could escape his dark embrace.
I ran and that was my horrid mistake.
I should have stayed.
--*--
I was a mess.
My feet were aching with a need to rest and my hair was twisted and tangled, framing my tear-stained face. It was as if my look was trying to tell me that I was actually insane. I had gone overboard now with no chance of ever returning.
And I couldn't help but believe it.
I tried to quicken my pace as I desperately made my way through the never-ending growth of trees. The place was growing darker, making me feel even more helpless than I already was.
I looked back, expecting something to jump right out at me but was met with complete darkness all around. Just the trees, the shadows... Nothing else.
But I could feel something... someone... watching, gazing....
Chasing.
But there was no one there no matter how hard I looked.
With a strangled sob, I turned my gaze to the front and pushed myself even harder. I felt so frightened, the feeling of being watched etching deep into my bones and burning deep within my veins.
It was like the forest was closing in on me all at once.
Capturing me...
Embracing me...
My chest tightened as if a cold hand wrapped itself around my heart and squeezed it painfully and I fell to the floor, struggling to breathe as the world spun around me. I felt the gentle breeze as it caressed me skin, whispering lightly into my ear.
'No escape...'
'There's no escape...'
"No. No. No." I gasped out, clawing at my chest weakly with one hand and clutching my hair with the other as the words pounded inside my head. "Stop! Please! Please... No!"
But the whispers never faltered. They only grew louder... and Louder... and LOUDER.
And the breeze only grew stronger...and Stronger...and STRONGER.
I wailed and I cried out, but no one came. The pain didn't stop. My lungs continued to struggle to grab whatever air it could to breathe.
I guess this was what it was like to face your end.
All of a sudden, the cold swept in and the world turned silent. The whispers stopped, the pain ended, and I found myself breathing in and out easily, but it just made me more scared.
I curled into myself, my eyes darting around me to find something... anything to tell me what really was going on.
The cold air encased me in an inescapable embrace and I shivered and shook as I struggled to think straight. It was getting harder and harder due to the fact that the temperature was dropping even further and the woods were getting darker and darker.
"Please...please..." I found myself begging, but for what?
Then his rough voice cut through the chill like a dark blade, but he was nowhere to be seen.
"You ran."
I crawled back, ignoring the sharp twigs that were digging into my palms as I tried to find him through the dark haze that shrouded the trees. Darkness....
"You ran!" He repeated, this time sounding angrier, his deep voice taking in a rough edge that made me cower back in fear almost unconsciously.
"I-" I managed to choke out before a deep growl cut me off, the cold turning up a few notches higher. I scrambled backwards until my back collided harshly with a tree and I went to clutch onto the trunk with all I had.
"I told you not to run away from me. I told you!"
I sobbed out loud, pressing myself further against the rough surface of the tree. "I'm sorry, Adrian!"
He didn't reply, and the silence that settled between us was deafening... threatening. I couldn't help the fear that grasped hold of my heart and filled it with images of how this could end. How this could end horribly wrong.
The silence stretched on for what seemed like forever and I grew uneasy, afraid that Adrian had left me to fend for my own out of his anger, but somehow... I knew that he wouldn't do that to me.
Adrian was not one to run away.
So where was he?
"A-Adrian?" I tentatively called out, releasing my grip from the tree behind me to reach a shaky hand out only to be met yet again with silence. I curled my outstretched hand into a loose fist then dropped it onto my lap, as I tried to blink away the tears.
After a few moments of silence, I whimpered. "I'm scared, Adrian. Please..."
"Damn it!" He yelled, his voice now somewhere closer which had me jerking in surprise. His voice ricocheted off the trees, creating a loud echo that rung in my ears. My head whipped to where the sound came from, but still... he was nowhere to be seen.
"It's all my fault. It's all my fault." He chanted over and over again, like he was speaking to himself. He sounded tormented like he had done something wrong.
But he's done nothing bad...
He's always been good to me even when I've been mean to him.
None of this was his fault.
"Adrian, you've done nothing-"
"Exactly!" He snapped harshly, cutting me off before I could even finish. "I've done nothing all my life but wallow in my self pity. I've done nothing but hate myself and what I am, but I haven't done anything to even try to fix this. I never even tried to control myself, my temper, this beast... And when I met you, I was still the monster I always have been. I tried to change... change for you but even if I have changed, this beast still resides within me. I still can't control myself and I'm scaring you. Even if you deny it, I know I am. I know I could've done something before we've met but I didn't. And even if I know that I'm scaring you right now, I can't even allow myself to let you go. I won't allow it! I can't!"
His words stunned me, leaving me breathless yet shattered in ways I couldn't describe. He wanted me to...stay?
"B-but I..." I took a deep breath, shutting my eyes. "But what if I don't want you to let me go?"
Silence... In that silence, I instantly started regretting my words and I wanted to take it all back. He probably thought I was insane for thinking those thoughts. He probably thought I was a disgusting freak. But hadn't he said that he didn't want to let me go?
"Then why did you run? Why did you try to escape if you want to stay with me? I don't need you to lie to me, Raine!" He gritted out, breaking the silence that surrounded us.
"Because it hurts. It hurts a lot and I don't think I can take it, Adrian."
Somehow, the world seemed to grow darker and I could practically feel the anger that Adrian was probably feeling.
"Is it me, Raine? Am I causing this pain? Just tell me what I'm doing wrong and I'll fix it, I swear! It's my fault... isn't it?"
The way his voice cracked at the end made my heart stop painfully and I felt so broken... so broken... just like how he sounded.
"No, Adrian... It's my fault. I'm just hurting myself by doing this."
"Doing what, Raine?"
I couldn't answer, the words I wanted to tell him and the feelings I wanted to confess were all clogged up in my throat with no way out.
I love you...
But even as I tried to form the words, I found myself just choking them right back. Why?
Because I knew that he'd hate me. He'd throw me off to the side like a broken toy that he just got tired with.
'Love? Ha! You don't even deserve me.' He would say, and even just the thought of that made me want to tear my heart out and watch as it bleeds out on the forest floor.
I won't be able to take it.
Not now.
Not ever.
"Tell me, Raine!" He demanded, getting impatient with my silence, but I'd never say it. Never.
"I-I can't."
"And why the hell not?! Just tell me, Raine! We can fix this toge-"
"No we can't. I know we can't." I sobbed into my dirty palms, not being able to hold myself back. I knew I sounded desperate and I knew I looked deranged but I couldn't find it in me to care. I blinked, staring off into the trees as if Adrian was there.
"Because once you find out, you won't be there to help me fix it.... You're going to leave me."
All of a sudden, a huge gust of wind blew in, sending the fallen leaves on the floor flying up into the air in a flurry of action. The winds howled and the trees creaked as they leaned back from the intensity. I clung onto my tree, trying hard not to be swept away along with the leaves as I shook with what I understood as fear.
The darkness washed over me...
And the harsh winds stopped, allowing the swept up leaves to make their slow descent back to the ground. I cringed back and shut my eyes, expecting Adrian to suddenly yell out in anger but instead, his soft, broken whisper caressed my ears.
He was so close... so close that I could feel his warm breath wash across the side of my face and neck and the warmth that he always gave embrace me, making me shiver despite myself but even so, I refused to open my eyes.
"Why don't you understand, Raine? I'm never going to leave you no matter what you say... no matter what you do...." He took a deep, shaky breath before he let it out, his lips lightly brushed against the shell of my ear.
"I love you."
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Author:
Well... yeah, I know this is super late but I'm currently being faced with writer's block so whenever I try to write something, it ends up coming out as...cow poop. I'm really really sorry for that, and I hope you guys could forgive me. Anyways, I hope you guys loved the chapter and I know I should have ended it waaay differently but it just came out like...this. So yeah, thanks for all the support from the beginning and I hope that the year 2015 would prove to be a great year for all of you guys!
-ShiningWaters