"You don't know, babe
When you hold me
And kiss me slowly
It's the sweetest thing
And it don't change
If I had it my way
You would know that you are
You're the coffee that I need in the morning
You're my sunshine in the rain when it's pouring
Won't you give yourself to me"
- Daniel Caesar
"Yeah we're definitely renting out a venue for the next party." I sighed in exhaustion while plopping down on the couch. The party ended a couple hours ago and we're just now getting done with clean up. I grabbed my phone off the coffee table and went to check on the birthday post I made for Brae earlier since everyone always claims I ignore them on social media.
brynnbaker Happy Birthday Mama! You've been such a light in my life and everyday has been an adventure with you. You're five today and best believe we're going all out for you. The world is yours and I'm going to make sure you never forget that. Mommy loves you, Braelynn.
I liked the comments from the people I knew and even responded to a few of them before navigating to Gabe's page to see what he posted.
g_baker5 Five years of fatherhood, five years of your beautiful smile, five years full of I love you's, five years of blessings. It's my lil mama's birthday.
I liked his post and continued scrolling until I came across a post from theshaderoom reposting something from Lisa. I quickly took a screenshot of it before reading what she wrote.
prettymamacita Five years ago I gave birth to this little girl and was getting paid hush money to take care of her up until a couple months ago when the big lawyer lady Brynn decided she was ready to be a mother and made Gabriel take my daughter from me. Don't believe what you see on social media, these hoes are weird in real life. Happy Birthday Brae.
> theshaderoom Looks like #GabrielBaker's rumored mistress had some things to get off her chest regarding his wife #BrynnBaker
"What the fuck is that?" I heard Gabe's voice and slightly jumped because I forgot he was sitting next to me.
"Reach out to Noel and have him send you a screenshot of her original post. I just sent you a screenshot of what Shaderoom posted." I went back to theshaderoom and sent them a direct message telling them to delete the post due to ongoing legal restrictions. I waited a good minute before refreshing their page and seeing that the post had been removed.
"Aye, go on Lisa page and screenshot that shit she posted about Brae. This bitch outta her fucking mind. Then she stealing pictures that I posted to put on her page. Bet money she don't have no original pictures of Brae. Raggedy ass." I leaned over and laid my head on his back, listening as he vented on the phone with his brother. I wrapped my arms around him and slipped my hand under his shirt, rubbing small circles on his stomach.
"It's something really wrong with her." I heard Noel say on the other side of the phone. Gabe's phone volume is always super loud.
"Then that bitch on here spreading lies about my fucking wife. My lawyer about to have a field day with her ass. Matter fact, let me call him right now. I'll check back in with you tomorrow." He ended the call and called up his lawyer.
I stayed silent, letting him take the lead. If he wants me to step in then he knows I'm right here. As much as I want to take the lead on this I know it's something he has to do. He needs that reassurance that he's protecting his family as a man. I realized that when I seen that he added me into his gag order when he didn't have to.
"Yeah, I just sent you some social media posts from ole girl that violates our agreement. Can you serve her a cease and desist and I want her in court as well. I want her to pay for every single violation she made." He exchanged a couple more words with his lawyer before getting off the phone and leaning back, trapping me between the couch and his back.
"Babe!" I screamed, trying to push him up. He started laughing, causing more of his weight to push down on me.
"Some days I wish you were a hood girl so I can send you after her."
"So basically you want me to be a dog?"
"This is why I love you. I knew you were going to say something like that." I slipped from behind him and moved to lay in his lap.
"Fighting isn't going to do anything but mess up my career. I can humble you, hit your pockets and restrict your freedom of speech just by filing a document. Meet me in a court room where I get paid big bucks to argue. There's more power in that for me." His fingers went into my scalp and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling.
"I'm tired, but I'm trying to dig in them guts." I didn't respond because I'm already nodding off from him massaging my scalp.
"Our appointment is in the morning." I yawned, snuggling closer to him. We're finally getting our analysis results from the fertility specialist so we'll know if we're able to try for a baby again, or if we have to look into other alternatives.
"I know. I can't wait to get the green light to stop pulling out."
"I've been thinking, and if I'm not able to carry a full term baby then I'm just going to get my tubes tied. I hate the false hope."
"Don't speak that into existence. I'm not just hoping for good news, I know we're getting good news. Even if they gotta snatch one of them eggs out of you and I have to beat my meat in a cold brightly lit room, it's still good news because it still ends with us having a baby." I rolled my eyes and turned around so I could look up at him.
"You know what, I'm starting to regret reading you that article on surrogacy." I joked. I reached up, running my thumb across his bottom lip.
"You touching on me like you want to have some sex." I smiled up at him admiring the way his eyes sat low.
"Let's go take a shower, babe."
- | -
"I know this isn't something that you want to hear, but the good news is that it is treatable and you will be able to carry your own baby. You have a uterine abnormality called antiphospholipid syndrome, also known as APS. It's a mild case so we'll be able to treat it during pregnancy since that's when it seems to have the strongest effect on you. I'm going to start you right away on a daily dosage of aspirin. This will help thin out your blood cells to prevent clotting during the pregnancy. I'm also going to prescribe you a dosage of heparin as well." I tightened my hold on Gabe's hand while listening to my doctor go over a prenatal plan.
"Even if you make it full term you are at higher risk of giving birth to a still born. I don't want you to worry too much about that because we're going to be doing frequent check ins to ensure you give birth to a healthy baby."
"How exactly can this effect her? I don't want her killing herself in order to carry a baby. Her health is important and if it's a large risk factor than I'd rather we look into other alternatives." I leaned into Gabe's side, laying my head onto his shoulder. I'm glad he asked because I was too afraid to. I want to say that I carried my own baby, but at what cost?
"It can develop into catastrophic antiphospholipid syndrome. It occurs in less than one percent of those with APS. Symptoms could include blood in urine, abdominal pain, seizures-" Gabe held his hand up, stopping her from continuing.
"Yeah, we aren't doing it. I made a promise to protect her from any pain and suffering. If I lose her I- I'm not even going to think that way because we're not doing it. Can we go over safe alternatives to where the baby will be biologically ours?" I looked down at our connected hands, trying to psych myself out from crying.
"I would suggest surrogacy. We do work close with a trusted and very private agency. I can bring in one of our counselors and she can provide you with profiles of a few candidates. Our agency does require the surrogate mother to sign a NDA to ensure your complete privacy. Would you like to look into that today?"
"We can do that." I spoke lowly, still not fully processing all the information we just got.
"I have a couple more questions before we get into that." Gabe spoke up. I lifted my head, looking over at him in curiosity. "What is the cure for APS? Like is this something she has to deal with for the rest of her life?"
"Unfortunately, there currently isn't a cure for APS. For treatment I'm still going to prescribe her the same medication. Usually a low dosage of aspirin every day, regular exercise and a healthy diet will help maintain it. Again, I'm sorry to be the one to have to deliver this upsetting news to you, Brynn."
"I'm just relieved that someone is finally giving me answers. I want to look into preserving my eggs so that I can possibly get my tubes tied. I don't want the fear of possibly getting pregnant knowing how my husband and I are with each other." She nodded, jotting down notes onto my patient file.
"We will have to collect eggs for the surrogacy process. We'll try to collect as many as we can and perform the procedure. You are very young for the procedure, but considering the circumstances I'm not going to try to sway your decision. I'll go speak with the counselor now as well as put in your prescription to give you two time to talk over everything." As soon as she stepped out of the room I broke down.
Gabe immediately wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. As much as he tries to assure me that this doesn't make me less of woman, it still hurts. I still feel like I don't measure up.
"Talk to me, Mami."
"I just- I feel like I've been standing in the middle of this ring, and I'm fighting. I've been fighting for years, but it's against myself. No matter what I do I never have the upper hand. I never win no matter what, and I hate that it's me on the other side of the ring because I can never place the blame on anyone else. I only see me because I blame myself for everything. It's my fault none of my parents cared enough to try. This is my fault. I didn't want to leave you, Gabe. I just wanted you to be happy with someone able to give you the children I couldn't. I'm sorry for not hearing you out. I'm sorry I can't carry a child for you, for us." It's the only way I knew how to explain it. It always feels like I'm fighting against myself to just be normal.
"I can't stand when you talk like this about yourself. You can't help the shitty hand that you get dealt in life. It's fucked up, but it's not your fault. You turned that shitty hand into a success story. You have a fire ass career and you're amazing at what you do. You're still giving me kids, regardless of if you're the one carrying them, they're still your eggs. You're the realist woman I know, Brynn. I'm still in awe at the fact that I get to be married to you. You're perfect, mami. I'm obsessed with your mental, your aura, your physical. Every single thing that makes you who you are. That pain and trauma shaped and built you, but I'm not going to allow that shit to define you."
"I love you so much, Gabriel. I've felt this magnetic pull to you since the first time I laid eyes on you. It's why I would always sit next to you in class. You made me feel safe and at peace. I would push myself every class to just say at least hi to you. I never wanted to speak to someone more in my life and you were a stranger. I was so afraid that I wouldn't have the courage to speak before the semester ended and I would lose you. I was afraid of losing someone I didn't even know. What I'm trying to say is that even when I didn't know you I felt protected around you. If you didn't say no just now I would have still tried for the pregnancy. Again, your instinct was to protect me. I don't get that energy from anyone else but you." I swiped the tears from my face, but they only began to fall harder when I seen his own eyes watering.
"Just know that the protection you feel from me comes from the strength I get from you. I got your back for life, ma. I mean that shit." He pulled me onto his lap and began kissing all over my face.
"I think I feel better now." I smiled, puckering my lips for him to kiss.
"You think? That doesn't sound too confident for me." He started kissing around my face more aggressively, bringing a goofy laugh out of me.
"Okay, okay. I definitely feel better now. Let's find us a lady to carry our baby." He pulled back, giving me a toothy smile.
It happened, Lisa did what we expected her to do. How do we feel about what she said in her post?
Brynn finally got answers from her doctor. Do you agree with the decision Gabe stepped in and made for them?
We got a more in depth look of what Brynn's been dealing with emotionally. What are your thoughts on what she opened up to Gabe about?