When I returned to the kitchen, the boys were all helping out to get plates, forks, spoons, cups, and the food on the table. They all looked rather handsome in their dress slacks, button down shirts, loafers, and their hair slicked back with palmade.
"Oooooh," Johnny expressed when he saw me enter the room in a dress from the back of Mama's closet that I had saved for just this kind of occasion and a pair of her shoes I was wearing for the first time today.
Timmy looked up and whistled, with a gleem in his eye and a smile on his face.
The other two boys, also looked to see what the commotion was about. They joined in as well, indicating their enthusiastic approval.
The dress was a casual, vintage 50's style under-the-knee length, shirt-waist garment in a bold red color and featured a V neckline, pleated bodice, and short sleeves.
The skirt flared out greatly, drawing one's eyes toward the shiny, patient leather, candy apple red, pumps on my feet.
I had paired the outfit with matching lipstick, large plastic red hoop earrings, and pulled my hair up in a high ponytail.
"Wow. You look beautiful," Jimmy gushed.
"Yeah, very pretty," Jessie added with a grin.
Timmy didn't say anything, but I knew he approved of my look, since the fabric of his slacks did nothing to hide a growing bulge.
Yeat again, I wasn't looking for it, you just couldn't miss it.
I walked around the table to the seat at the opposite end from Timmy. It was where mom used to sit and had become my seat, now that she was gone, the same way Timmy had assumed Pa's seat once he was gone.
"If you guys'll pick your jaws up off the floor, and take your seats, we can eat," I announced as I smoothed the back of my skirt and took my seat.
"Can I open my present before we start? Please," Johnny begged me, pointing at the wrapped box on the counter.
Timmy exhaled, and stood up to retrieve the box. I think he was happy that the attention was finally off me. It had obviously made him quite uncomfortable.
"I guess. I can't see why not," he shrugged, briefly glancing at me for concurrence.
I nodded and he handed the package to Johnny, before returned to his seat.
While Johnny fumbled with opening the gift, Timmy kept glancing over at me. I didn't know what was in the package and I guess he anxiously awaited my reaction.
This caused me worry about the content of the box.
When Johnny finally got the wrapping paper off, it was revealed to be a shoebox. Johnny removed the lid and pulled out a piece of cardboard.
He turned the cardboard over to find a set of beautiful hair bows attached to the other side.
His eyes grew wide, his cheeks turned red with embarrassment, and his head dropped in shame.
I gasped.
What was this and how did Timmy know?
I looked across the table at Timmy, trying to find an answer in his face.
At the same time, Johnny reached back in the box and pulled out one of a pair of sandals with bold, pink, tule flower blossoms on the top of each one.
Just as quickly as Johnny had picked the sandal up he dropped it back into the box and tears began to trickle down his cheeks. He hurried around the table and buried his tear soaked face, in my bosom.
"What's going on, Timmy." I demanded.
"I-I thought I had done the right thing."
"By buying him these things? Why did you?"
"Well, when I got off work, I headed to town to get him a present. I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to get when I got there, but I knew I had to get something. I parked in front of the bank and crossed the street. That's when I saw old man Johnson."
Johnny looked up at me. He didn't say anything but I knew he was thinking about my promise to him that Mr. Johnson wouldn't say anything.
Timmy continued, "He started telling me how he saw the two of you today and how pretty you both were. At first, I didn't understand what he was talking about. Who, other than you could he be referring to as pretty, Kerin? Then I remembered Johnny was home with you today, so it had to be him. My guess was confirmed when he asked me how long Johnny had been wearing dresses."
"What did you tell him," I anxiously inquired.
"Just that it was something new he wanted to do and we let him because today was his birthday."
"Wow, for not knowing, that's pretty good."
"Yeah. So, I was walking through the store, trying to decide what to get him when I saw the shoes. I figured, he might like them to wear around here. And the bows were an impulse buy. I saw them and didn't really think about it. I just figue he'd probably appreciate them."
"I don't want to be a girl," Johnny announced with frustration, his voice trembling. He turned to look at Timmy and added, "I just like pretending sometimes."
"Oh, I'm sorry. So you don't want this present? Do I need to take it all back?"
Johnny didn't answer. He just looked at me.
"Timmy, he wants to keep it. He just needs to know that you and Jessie and Jimmy will accept this side of him and allow him to dress up whenever he wants, without judgment."
"Well, I think my position is pretty clear or I wouldn't have bought what I did. Jimmy, Jessie, tell your brother you're okay with it as well."
I noticed Timmy didn't ask them what they thought about it, instead he told them what to say. It was his way of making it clear that he wouldn't tolorate it any other way.
"Yeah, bro, we're okay with it," they both told Johnny.
"Alright then, it's settled. Let's eat."
Forks started to fly as we all began to dig in.
There wasn't much conversation while we ate. In fact, there wasn't any talking, until Timmy finally broke the silence when he cleared his throat and asked a question directed at me.
"Do you remember the last time mom wore that dress?"
"I remember seeing her in it a couple times, but I don't remember what the last occasion was. I know she only wore it for something special and I think I only saw it on her maybe three times."
"It was mom and dad's twentieth anniversary," Timmy began to explain. "Only a month and a half before he was gone. Dad took Mama to that little diner over in Wenonah, then a drive-in movie just like they had done for their first date twenty-two years earlier."
"I do remember that. I also remember how happy Ma was when they returned. If you hadn't known any better you would have thought they had just returned from their first date. It was beautiful."
"And you're beautiful in it, just like Mama. In fact, you look just like she did in her old high school photos."
I smiled, took a bite of a rib, and began to think about how good it made me feel to know I looked like Ma.
All kinds of memories of Mama came flooding back. As I continued to eat, I contemplated how every memory was something else about her I admired, every thought something wonderful.
She was an amazing woman and I wanted to be just like her, as much as possible. Her's were big shoes to fill, but at that moment I knew it was my destiny and I wanted to emulate her as much as I possibly could.
At that moment I realized it was pointless to hold on to the possibility I would ever live another day of my life as a boy.
I pondered the gravity of that thought and came to terms with what it meant. It was then that I knew I was ready to completely shed all vestages of my male life and totally transform myself into the young woman I knew deep inside, I was destined to be.
Aimlessly pushing a bite of sweet potato around the plate with my fork, I called out my older brother's name while not looking up from my plate, "Tim."
"Yeah?"
I paused for a moment, took a deep breath and simi-confidentially continued, "Do you think maybe you, uh . . ."
Another pause.
I looked up at Tim, currently looking down at his own plate.
"You think you could maybe . . . invite your friend over for dinner one night this week?"
Timmy's head shot up and he peered at me with squinted eyes.
"Are you serious?"
I confidently looked him in the eyes and replied, "Yeah, I'm ready."
the end