Annie's been on a happy high since I told her my... plan. I think it's actually quite stupid and her parents are gonna think she's insane but she's happy right now and that's all that matters to me.
"When did you guys start hanging out? I thought you like died, Grace, I didn't see you for forever, no one was poking fun at you either." I nod, clearing my throat and taking a sip of Sam's drink.
"Uh, I was living in Florida with my aunt and cousin," I tell Kyle, taking Sam's hand in mine. "I needed a break from this place."
"Sam was getting on your nerves, wasn't he?"
I smirk, turning to Sam. "Yeah he was, he gets too emotional for me sometimes."
Sam shoots me the dirtiest look possible before continuing to do whatever the hell he's doing. He slipped his fingers under the rips of my jeans and has been rubbing small circles on my thigh. Not that I'm complaining, it's comforting.
"How long have you guys been dating?" A boy named Ian asks. I gulp, turning to Sam.
He turns to me, smiling. That's when I notice the look he's been missing all this time. The way he looked at me like I was his world before I left had gone and ran out of pigment in his caramel eyes. I could see it was coming back but it still hurt that the adoration had worn over time.
I get it though, I was gone, we didn't hang out every day like we used to and I think my adoration for him wore too. Now, I know mines back, and I know his is getting there. But I have this feeling that it's going to disappear soon. It the same feeling I had when I first got to the clinic. I didn't understand the feeling then but I do now.
"Just a few days actually," Sam said, his fingers slipping out of my jean rips and interlocking with mine. I flash him a quick grateful smile. At first, I think that he says that to avoid other questions but I change my mind as I think back to when I got home.
I got home a few days ago and when I got to the house, we kissed in his car so... does he think we're dating? I don't mind if he does, I want to date him. I'd love to have the privilege to call him mine. But sometimes it's not always that simple
And because I know nothing's ever simple with us, I also am aware of the fact this dating thing is going to be tough. Especially to talk about.
The boys continue talking but I drown them out, leaning my head on Sam's shoulder. I'm having fun, I guess, I like hanging out with his friends and I like how comfortable they are with each other. The feeling of wanting to do more rushes through me but I ignore it, not feeling up for anything anymore.
Great, now I've gone and went into depressing mode.
"I think we're gonna head back now, it's past Grace's bedtime." Sam's voice makes its way to my ears and I can't express how happy I am to hear them.
"Like she has a curfew or an actual bedtime?" One of the boys asks Sam. Sam slips off his jacket, draping it over my shoulders as he wraps an arm around me. Sam kisses my hair, playing with a piece near where he has his arm settled.
"She has a curfew for like one or two am, I think," Sam tells the boy. "But I gave her a bedtime because she gets cranky if she doesn't get her sleep. Plus, she has trouble sleeping sometimes so it's good for her to have an even sleep schedule."
I smile at his words. It's weird how he knows I still sleep at the time he told me would help my not so insomny-insomnia last year. He picks up my purse from the couch and slings it over a shoulder, nodding bye to his friends.
"Why don't you talk about me like that? Or carry my stuff?" A girl asks Ian. I'm guessing they're dating but I wasn't paying enough attention to know.
Sam looks down at me, "You wanna go say bye to Annie?"
I shake my head. "I'll text her later, she's probably busy with her boyfriend anyway."
When we're in the car an awkward silence takes over. I'm torn between talking and turning on the radio. So I do both. I turn up the radio to a low volume, my lips parting as the words are ready to leave the back of my throat.
"You seemed upset in there." He speaks up before I can. He's got his hand on my lower thigh as I pull off my sneakers. "Did you feel uncomfortable with my friends? I tried talking about stuff you liked so you could talk to but you just kinda ignored the topics."
I smile lightly. "Thank you for thinking of me. And sorry I wasn't paying attention, I've been in my head all night."
He frowns, turning out of the neighborhood. "Why? Did something happen?"
I decide I'm not ready to tell him about Florida so I just shake my head, putting my hand over his where it lies on the gearshift. "I just think I chose the wrong day to come out." I rub my thumb over his knuckles before bringing his hand to my lips. "Maybe we'll get 'em next time, Sammy." I sigh.
He pulls our hands to his lips, kissing mine before settling them back on the gearshift. "Maybe, Gracie. Maybe."
❛❜
When we walk into Sam's house, his dad and mine are talking in the living room. Mrs. Winters is playing a game on the Xbox with Maddie. And Grant seeing as he came downstairs to yell at Madison for killing the wrong person.
Sam has my purse on his shoulder and my shoes in his hand and me on his arm, practically holding on for dear life. I'm incredibly tired and I just want to drop dead asleep on the floor. Sam hangs his jacket and my purse on the coat rack, placing my shoes on the floor, and toeing his own off.
"You have big feet." I giggle groggily. He smiles at me, picking me up like a child. Which I guess I am. I wrap my arm and legs around him as he strokes my back and walks us over to the couch.
"Did you guys have fun?" Sam's mom asks. I nod against Sam's shoulder. Though, I doubt anyone saw. Sam takes a seat next to his mom, fixing me in his lap. I snuggle into him, my feet are all that's between Sam and Mrs. Winters. "You want a blanket baby?"
"Yes, please," I whisper, nestling my face into Sam's neck. I wish I could fall asleep and wake up to this smell every morning. He smells like love.
~~
I love how messy Grace's hair is. Even when she thinks she's tamed it, a piece will spring through and so will a groan from her pretty lips. I wish she was awake so I could kiss them. In private, of course. PDA in front of my family isn't on my schedule today.
She looked kind of iffy all night, like she was holding something back and I know she was close to telling me in the car and also held back. I can't decide if it's because I told my friends we were dating or something else.
"Does she always just fall asleep like that on you?" Grace's dad asks me. I nod, continuing to braid her hair. It's just a small piece but it's large enough to get three sections and pretty damn good braid if I do say so myself. Which I do. Say so myself, that is.
"Sometimes, she gets drained pretty quick. She's kind of weird, to be honest. She'll down a cup of coffee and fall asleep a few minutes later. Or she'll do this thing where she..." I trail off at the look not only Mr. Rieder, but everyone else in the room gives me. I shrink into my seat, finishing the rest of Grace's braid. "Sorry."
Grace's dad chuckles. "No, keep talking, I want to hear what you have to say about her."
I sit up a little straighter, nervous to talk about her to everyone. So I focus my attention on her face and imagine I'm telling her how I see her.
"Well, she's great. Obviously. You could tell from miles away. I mean, physically? I don't care much but fuck she's beautiful. Her dimples and smile go just perfect together. And the way her smile always reaches her eyes even when she's upset is honestly incredible." I tuck a piece of hair behind her ear, running my thumb just under her jaw. Her lips are parted and her chest rises and falls at a slow pace. I pull the small pudgy part of her sweater out of the jeans she'd changed into at the party.
"Her hair is crazy but not at the same time. It's always pretty and it shapes her face in the best way possible even when it's an untamable mess. It's the prettiest color that can't possibly look better with her pretty ocean eyes. And not to push it Mr. Rieder but no matter how much she convinces herself that her body isn't good enough, it is. It's beautiful. She's beautiful."
"Sounds to me like you have quite the crush on her." My mom nudges me. I place a small kiss on Grace's forehead.
"I don't," I tell her truthfully. "If I liked her, I'd say I think of her twenty-four-seven or that every little thing reminds me of her."
"If I liked her," I continue. "I'd tell you how she could tell me to do the dumbest shit and I'd still do it for her."
"But I don't like her. I think maybe I love her. And yeah, I've told her that. But I don't think I've really understood how much until just now."
"I don't like her because I'd show you how much I think of her twenty-four-seven, it's the most evident thing if you look close enough. I love her because instead of having to tell you I'd do anything for her, I'd show you, I'd jump off a damn building to prove it to the world. To prove it to her. Because she's my world. And that sounds dumb as hell because I'm just seventeen. But I mean it with my whole heart."
When I look up, I find Maddie teary eyed and wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "You seriously love her?"
"Yeah. I do."
Mr. Rieder rises from his seat, taking slow steps toward me. When he's right in front of me, he outstretches his arm, holding his hand out for me. I place my hand in his and he gives me a firm shake.
"From now on, I'm on your side, Samuel. That means, from here on out, you're the only boy I want to see her with, the only boy I want her to talk about."
"Trust me, sir. I'm warning myself too."
"Rex, Sam. You can call me Rex." He gives me a smile, kneeling down and placing a kiss on his daughter's cheek.
"You're name's Rex?" I snort. He turns my way and for a second, I'm sure he's going to kill me.
"Yes, it is. And I'll take that shit I said back, shithead."
Why does everyone keep calling me that?