- Bashar Jackson/ Pop smoke 💫 -
- Los Angeles, California -
"get away" Ny scooted away from me on our new bed making me chuckle. "you broke me"
"no i didn't. i just beat that pussy way too good" i pulled her back to me. "come here. i wanna cuddle wit' you"
"please don't try anything" she sighed turning over
so she was now facing me.
"i won't" i pulled her closer— draping her leg over mine so i could rub on her ass as she drifted to sleep.
"you cute as fuck when you wear my shit" i smiled shaking my head reminiscing that she had on my hoodie.
"i needa stop letting you fuck me" she sighed snuggling her head on my bare chest. "cause i'm so fucking sore"
"that just means i did my job" she opened her eyes looking up at me. she looked like she wanted to say something but it wouldn't come out.
"i wanna have another baby" she finally said.
"what? Nas ain't even 1 yet" i furrowed my eyebrows.
"he'll be one in 2 weeks!" she whined. "i just, i wanna get it done now so we don't have to worry about having kids in the future" she explained.
"how many kids you want?"
"3 at most. it's already stressful enough with Nas" i sighed.
"babe, you know i wanna give you what you want and deserve but another baby? this early?" she sat up
"if you don't want to then just say it" she waved me off getting out of bed.
"baby" i sighed sitting up as she walked into our new bathroom.
i would give her another baby.. but i just feel like we're not ready.
like at all.
she complains about me paying for everything but what's gon' happen when we have another baby?
"stop" i said pulling her to me after i got into our bathroom. "i love you" her back rested against my chest as i stared back at her through the mirror.
"yea i love you too" she wiped her eyes. "but that's not what it's about"
"you want a baby? you sure? like a hundred percent" i sighed laying my head in the crook of her neck. "really think about what your doing, Ny"
"i have been" she turned to me. "for weeks.. i- i want a daughter"
"okay" i hooked a finger under her chin lifting it so she looked up at me. "i'll give you another baby"
- Rodrick Moore/Roddy Ricch -
- Los Angeles, California -
"so what brings you two back in today?" our doctor sat in her chair as Vanessa sat on the paper covered bed.
"i just have a few question" Ness sighed. "If i decide to put my baby before me, are you sure that he'll live?" i furrowed my eyebrows snapping my eyes at her.
we talked about this shit. she's not putting him first.
"yes. is that what you were deciding?" Vanessa looked over at me first before looking down at her fingers and back at the doctor.
"i don't want him to die" she shook her head. "yes. that's what i want"
"what?" i stood up. "i told you we ain't doin that shit!" she sighed.
"i know. but i can't"
"i really think this is a conversation for when your closer to having the baby. i'll call if i hear anything else okay? here's more medicine for the pain" she handed ness a pill bottle. "have a good day you two"
"your serious?!" i raised my voice as Vanessa walked past me and out the door. "Vanessa" i grabbed her arm.
"would you stop?!" her voice cracked. "it's bad enough i have to make this decision!" she yanked her arm making her way out the hospital fastly.
i can't let her die bro. i can't.
she's my fuckin' wife. i don't give a fuck who i gotta lose.
once i got in my car, she was already to herself. her headphones were in and she had the blanket that she had brought with her this morning before we left the house.
the drive home was silent. i didn't even know where to start.. i need her. she's my whole fucking world and she's gonna give up on herself for our baby? it doesn't make sense. we could make another one.. it doesn't have to be like this.
when we got home, she went straight upstairs while i stayed downstairs on the couch. i don't know what the fuck i'm supposed to do.
the kids are at my cousin's house. i'm picking them up in an hour but i wanted the check up to just be me and Vanessa.
hearing footstep, i turned around seeing she was at the bottom of the steps with her head down and playing with her nails.
"bae come on" i chuckled. "come over here"
she went to sit next to me but i pulled her onto my lap so she straddled it while we stared back at each other.
"i love you, Vanessa. so fucking much and if you leave me, i'm going with you" she furrowed her eyebrows.
"what? baby you have kids"
"me?" i furrowed my eyebrows. "we"
she sighed.
"i know you ain't just say some dumb shit like that" i mugged her.
"roddy.." i shook my head getting her off my lap before standing up and making my way to the kitchen. "Rodrick i'm talking to you!" she argued.
"and i'm DONE listening!" i raised my voice at her. "i'm done talking about you dying! i'm done with it! i can't even begin to believe that you would kill yourself over our UNBORN son! babe i know it hurts, but would you rather die and never see him grow up, or live and see your son grow up?"
"it's my body!" she stood up.
"and it's OUR son!" i groaned running my hands up and down my face. "goddamnit" i sighed walking to the island propping my elbows on it rubbing my face.
"This is ridicul-"
before she could finish, i grabbed a vase on the counter throwing it as hard as i could onto the floor hearing her gasp as my blood boiled and the glass shattered.
i don't know where the fuck that came from, but all i know is that she's pissing me the fuck off.
hearing her cries, i looked back up seeing her standing with her head in her hands, sobbing as kilo barked.
i needa fucking smoke or sum. this shit way too much for me.
walking past her, i grabbed my keys off the couch and headed out the door.
i was so over everything and anything at this point. it felt like there was no point if Vanessa was gonna die.
she's my fucking world. and she wants to kill herself.
i knew i shoulda never given her that damn baby.
we moved too fast.
we're still moving way too fast.