JIN POV:
Seeing (Y/N) smile is a relief, something I'd needed to see and known it when the smile of her lips curving up, eyes expressing amusement and humour allowing that worried feeling to abate slightly, filling it with relief that whatever silent musings she'd been lost in have lost their grasp on her.
It had been a pleasant surprise to see her standing outside the shop- the look of slight confusion, adorably set on her features, but almost immediately I'd sensed that something wasn't right. Something was different in the way that her silence this time was deafening and grating to my ears, the way her silence had revealed that there was some thoughts occupying her mind- given the vacant almost glazed look in her eyes as she'd worked, mindlessly helping sort out the deliveries of CDs and records, stacking up music sheets and even fixing up the already filled shelves.
It was as if she was intentionally occupying her mind- trying to replace whatever was bothering her by doing chores, busying herself up in the monotony of stacking and categorising. But to see her slowly return into a more animated, alert state had eased a knot I hadn't known had tied itself around my heart- worry bleeding away bit by bit.
And it was just instinct and habit to want to invite her to eat lunch with me and Yoongi; something pushing me to make sure she ate, wanted to make sure she was taking care of herself, the image of her shadowed, pale face flashing back to mind. She wasn't completely back to her normal- to the way I'd remembered her before she'd vanished; cheeks rosy and full and eyes bright, but she was getting there, slowly and bit by bit.
When we return and Yoongi turns to her, expression bright and pleased as he says he can help her now find some music, I don't know whose smile is brighter- is it (Y/N) with the way her lips turn up slightly, expression soft or is it Yoongi whose gummy smile comes out in response as the two walk further into the shop, Yoongi talking to her intently.
The two appear some time later and Yoongi leads her to the counter, dealing with her purchase himself- fingers deftly packaging the record for her; dark eyes following her after she smiles and waves goodbye, eyes watching her receding figure until she disappears from sight.
Yoongi looks deep in thought, contemplative. But I've seen that look and recognise it easily. It's one where he's wondering about something, when his mind is busily whirring away.
"What is it Yoongi-ah? Don't for a second think you can get away by lying to your hyung." I say as I step around the counter, plopping down on the stool.
He turns, leaning against the counter as he looks at me.
"Just...I never realised how deep her thoughtfulness is and how much kindness she has." He confesses.
"What do you mean?" I ask, head cocked.
"She came in looking for music that was inspired by mythological influences. Said it was because Joonie had given her a book on them and she wanted to see what it was he found so interesting and scary." He says, lips curved in a small smile.
"What's scary?" I ask, curious.
"Some sort of mythical sea creatures. She asked if I had any music based on such stuff. And I remembered we had a small collection of classical music based on it." He says easily.
"But...what I didn't know was that she would go to such lengths just so her and Joonie can talk more about it. She's really sweet and thoughtful- so happy and willing to indulge him like that." Yoongi muses.
The mental image of her dedicatedly listening to music, listening to it to get an idea of what it is that Joonie was so passionate about, just so they could talk more about it was incredibly sweet- made my heart swell with fondness for her, for the way her silent ways of thinking of others just gave more reasons to want to gush over her. To want to smoosh her cheeks between my hands and finally know if they were as smooth and soft as they looked, whether if I hugged her would she fit perfectly in my arms. These thoughts and urges were growing day by day.
There was something about her that just invited me to want to grow close to her, to want to shower her with the easy casual tactile comfort I gave to others, simply because I wanted to. Wanted to see her always smile.
Always silently drifted to her when I was trying a new recipe, or contemplating baking. Wondering how adorable she'd look flitting about the kitchen, how she'd have that look of cute determined focus.
And made me excitedly anticipate our next baking lesson.
-----
I wave goodbye to Yoongi, departing with a warning to be home at a reasonable time today or he'll be denied cuddles from any of us. I see him nod- trying and failing to hide his sweet smile as he turns to serve a customer.
But rather than heading home I head over to Tae's studio, to check up on him and see how he's getting on.
"Tae-ah." I call as I tap on the door to his personal studio, waiting for his affirming 'come in hyung' in his deep voice before I type in the pin, opening the door as I head into the large spacious studio, having to stray further in to catch a glimpse of him. Sitting with his head bent over something on the table, computers lit up with different shots.
I head over, snaking my arms around his shoulders, leaning over- pressing a kiss to the side of his head, peering over him to see the prints lying on the table.
"New project?" I ask.
"Just trying to experiment with new equipment- seeing which lens and cameras work better with what shots." He says, hands fluttering over the glossy shots that lie on the large table, close shots of flowers, large shots capturing different parts of the day and even some of our house- different fragments of our rooms and us as we go about our daily life. They're all beautiful, there's no doubt about that.
"They all look great though." I say.
He laughs, a beautiful melodic sound.
"Hyung you're just biased." He teases, eyes finally meeting mine- sparkling with warmth and affection.
"No way! They are!" I insist, even if he looks unconvinced.
He stands up, moving away from the table he'd been pouring his attention and focus into, reaching over to hold my hand.
"I'll show you good photos hyung." He says, leading me over to a corner where there is a pile of photos spread out across. They're all captured moments of Tae smiling and looking into the camera, ranging from deep penetrative stares that seem to bore into the lens and ones where they appear to be candidly shot, snippets of Tae as the person he is, the person we love. Smiling as he peers up at the sky, pointing animatedly to something, head turned to shoot the person behind the camera a bright smile.
He's right- they are beautiful. Beautiful snapshots and moments of Tae being captured through a camera, he looks at the person behind the camera with a look of fondness, sweetness, and gentleness- it's the look you give to someone close, someone who means a lot to you.
"Who was behind the camera?" I ask, leaning forward to pick one up, smiling fondly at the brightness that Tae exudes in the photo, clothes of a vintage style yet suiting and matching him so well as if they'd been designed with him in mind.
"(Y/N)! These are the first set of photos she took of me. She's really talented isn't she?" he asks, tugging my hand and looking at me with bright animated eyes.
I nod.
"She really is, she's captured you beautifully." I murmur.
There's something real and natural and simplistic about her style- but something that is still captivating, managing to make Tae the highlight, the focus of each photo- the setting merely a background there to help bolster the ambience she photographs.
If he hadn't told me I would've felt as if it had been Kookie behind the camera, or someone else- someone who captures Tae simply as he is. And yet somehow she's managed to do that too.
"She's really talented and sweet and kind. Do you reckon she'll share her recipe for hot chocolate with me- it's the best I've tasted hyung." He says, distracting my train of thought, drawing my attention to the reusable takeout cup he's now holding, staring morosely and wistfully at it- as if his yearning look will procure said hot chocolate instantly.
"Was the one Hobi made not good?" I ask, teasing as I nudge him.
His eyes widen.
"Of course it is hyung! But (Y/N)'s one is just...wow." He breathes.
And for an odd second, for a split moment I feel as if that wow wasn't directed at her hot chocolate.
But maybe I'm just overthinking and reading into things.
HABAEK POV:
I'm heading out to meet Namjoon when I see (Y/N) trudge in, looking a bit tired but smiling and happy, nonetheless.
"Where've you been? You left before breakfast." I say lightly, her head rises to look at me- shooting me a guilty look.
I continue to tie my laces, giving myself something to momentarily occupy my hands, even if all I want to do is sit her down and ask her where she's been.
But from the relaxed look on her face it's clear whatever she's busied herself with, whatever she's been doing as a distraction has clearly helped her. It hadn't been only me who'd woken up surprised and worried to a sparkling house, things sorted out with a systematic organisation and carefully placed ornaments- it was the handiwork of (Y/N), and we both knew what that meant.
She was still thinking hard about last night.
I spot the wrapped package in her hand.
"What's that?" I ask, jerking my head towards the package.
"A new record I got from a music shop." She says, albeit with a touch of nervousness and feigned ease- forcing her voice to remain level and calm.
"Ooh. What genre? What's it called?" I ask, leaning forward to take it.
"Alluring death. It's meant to mimic or capture the essence of a siren's song. I was curious how much truth is in it." She says nonchalantly, but I can feel the spark of pain that lights up her eyes as she speaks, see the fact that the words hurt for her to say it. That the disguised hurt is in the tightness of her shoulders as she shrugs.
Namjoon's words have really ended up leaving an impression on her. He doesn't realise but as someone who (Y/N) had begun trusting, had began seeing as a friend- for him to unknowingly talk about sirens had struck an extremely sensitive spot. And he didn't know just how hard those words had hit close to home.
"(Y/N)..." I say softly.
"What? I just wondered how close it was to the actual siren song, how alluring this call to death must be." She says simply.
I sigh.
I wish I could stop her destroying herself like this, I wish day by day I didn't have to see her breaking down, crumbling. I wish that if there had been a way- that she could've been saved from this miserable fate.
She's our baby. Not just mine and Mi-sun's, but to the other sirens too. She was turned the youngest, she was still 22; trapped in that state. She was our baby siren and to see her hurting and struggling to see herself as anything less than a monster tore me apart- bit by bit, day by day. She had her opportunity at life stolen away from her too soon, too cruelly- and it seemed like no matter how much we helped, we couldn't heal the massive tear the Ocean had caused, we couldn't help her heal fully it seemed.
And that thought beyond anything else was the most devastating.
"Oppa you don't need to worry. It was just curiosity...I'll be heading to dance later- so I might not see you when you get back. Have fun and take care." She says, walking over to kiss my cheek before heading up the stairs.
And yet all I can feel is worry. Even if it is curiosity, it was of the morbid sort- a sort of self-punishment she was unknowingly inflicting on herself.
And what hurt even more was that despite her suffering, grievances, and pain- she was still trying to be strong, still trying to be brave.
And the thought that she was trying to repress those feelings just made me feel like I'd failed her somehow, failed myself when all those decades ago I'd first seen her- laughing brightly in a gallery hall on a cruise ship and thought that there was this beautiful innocence about her that should be preserved, that there was this feel she was untouched by the horrors and realities of the world. And had first felt that need to want to protect her and look after her.
It seemed that though centuries had past- I had ended up failing still. That everyday was a reminder I'd failed to protect her.
----
"Namjoon you look like you've been here a while." I say as I enter the large spacious office space he has, books and notes scattered haphazardly in an organised mess across the large table.
He looks up, blinking from behind his framed glasses.
"Ahh yes. Come on, take a seat." He says, gesturing to the many chairs that sit around the table. I take one next to him.
"Oh...is that book a new research one?" I say, commenting on the one he's cradling in his hands.
His cheeks turn slightly pink.
"No...I was taking a break. It's the book (Y/N) got me. I'm really enjoying it." He says happily, lifting the cover to allow it to come into view.
I smile back.
"How's she getting along with hers? I was nervous picking the book...I really wanted her to be as happy as I was when I unwrapped mine." He says, eyes bright with optimism.
Seeing him like this, I really don't have the heart to even tell him a single thing. All the thoughts I had of carefully hedging some sort of advice to give to him vanishes. I can't just ruin his happiness, he's blissfully ignorant- and that's how I'll leave him be.
"Oh what? Sorry." I say, realising that Namjoon's looking at me, awaiting an answer.
What did he say?
"I said do you know if she's enjoying the book?" he says, looking eagerly at me.
Internally I sigh. That I can't tell him the truth. That no-one can ever know the truth.
I nod.
"She didn't even make it to bed, she stayed up reading- couldn't pry the book from her hands." I say. It's not a lie, I'm just not including the tears as she'd opened it, the insecurities his message had unknowingly brought to surface and the way her grip had been tight and unyielding because she was insistent to read just what it was the world portrayed us to be.
He beams, overjoyed with the answer, and sets aside the book in his hands very preciously and reverently- keeping it carefully placed aside from the stack of papers and files.
"So...about that new research into long-term trauma and physical impairments..." I say leaning forward to engage him in a conversation.
One that will last hours, will have us pulling and targeting each single strand of information, try to unpick it as much as we can to try and add to our understanding.
I deal with being a siren by investing all that time and energy that threatens to veer into dangerous territory into working instead. By researching, by trying to make differences no matter how small and insignificant they may seem. Mi-sun and (Y/N) can tease and joke for all they like that despite centuries, I've never given up my thirst for knowledge.
But the truth is because I've been hunting for an answer to a question I've held in my head for eons.
Because all this research, if even a shred of it can help (Y/N) become more comfortable and accepting of who she is, will mean that these decades didn't pass for nothing.
Because the long-term trauma (Y/N) has suffered by being turned into a siren gave her the physical impairment of speech- because try as she might, she just can't bring herself to talk to others.
But with Namjoon I found my hope rekindling- I found that perhaps I could find a way to help her slowly be eased out of her shell, out of the self-made prison she's trapped and locked herself into.
And maybe...just maybe our research will be the key that frees her.
That opens the door to the dungeon her mind is trapped in.
It's as our conversation dwindles down that Namjoon suddenly poses a question to me.
"What made you want to research Habaek ssi?" he asks.
The answer doesn't need to be thought about, wondered over, turned around over and over in my mind.
The answer has always been in front of me.
"I thought maybe an answer was out there for the question I've had in my mind the longest. So set out to find it." I say simply.
Though the story behind it is anything but simple. Anything but easy. Anything but merely a desire to quench my thirst to know.
"And if you can't find the answer? There are some mysteries the world can never explain? That books can never reveal the truth to." He says.
He's right. Books can never tell the truth about us, can't explain why it is the Ocean veers on that extremely fine line between being controlling and demanding to feigning softness and gentleness, neither can any book explain that sometimes lifetimes aren't enough to overcome some traumas.
"Then I look anywhere and everywhere until I do. And I won't give up until then." I say.
There's something soft, understanding and contemplative in his expression- eyes speaking silent volumes.
And then he nods.
"Well then I'm with you on that. I'm going to be here until you do find the answer you've been searching for." He says.
And somehow I find myself wishing that it's in more ways than one. That he's not only sticking it out with me, but that he also remains by (Y/N)'s side.
And here I see a Namjoon that's silently sensitive and understanding. The intellectual man who I'm glad came across my project proposal and accepted.
Because now it's not one person's efforts but two that'll strive to help (Y/N), that will try and find a solution for her.
(THERE YOU GO! NO (Y/N) POV BUT HABAEK'S ONE WAS ENLIGHTENING- I HOPE FOR SURE!! MY HEART AHCES...HABAEK HAS BEEN RESEARCHING WAYS TO HELP HIS BABY, TO HELP (Y/N) TRY AND LIVE A NORMAL LIFE, TO LIVE WITHOUT THAT GUILT AND HAUNTING HOLD OF TRAUMA. AND TBH IT JUST MAKES ME HATE THE OCEAN MORE...THAT HE'S SPENT HIS ENTIRE SIREN EXISTENCE TO HELP (Y/N) AND IT'S ALL COS OF HER IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND I HOPE FOR SURE NAMJOON ENDED UP REDEEMING HIMSELF- WE LOVE HIM BUT HE WAS SAYING THE WRONG STUFF, SO NOW HE'S SAYING THE RIGHT STUFF!! AND JIN! WHAT'S THIS I SEE? IS THAT THE BEGINNINGS OF CRUSH FLOATING IN THE AIR, IS THERE SOMETHING GOING ON THAT JIN IS 'OVERTHINKING' I WONDER?? AHHH! SO EXCITED- LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS MY LOVES!! LET ME KNOW IF YOU MANAGE TO CATCH JUST WHEN IT WAS THE PLATONIC STARTED TURNING INTO SOMETHING ELSE AND FOR WHO?? STAY SAFE AND TAKE CARE AND ENJOY MY LOVES!!)
QUESTION...SOMETHING THAT BOTH MAKES YOU SMILE AND MAKES YOU WONDER?
Mine is...the way my mum says she can't have breakfast without me, or like have tea so she spends like hours sometimes waiting just for me to come so she can tell me. It makes me smile with how cute she is as she says it, the way she asks and looks at me but makes me wonder just how can she wait hours rather than spend five minutes to do it herself?
Borahae! 💜💜💜
PurpleQueenie <3