"Jocelyn...?" I spoke the name softly, carefully as the two of us sipped the coffee we were having in a private room. It had almost been a week since I had the deal with him and my time was nearing to an end. His mother, a lovely woman of 47 looked up from her cup and smiled at me softly.
"Yes Valerie, my dear?" Her voice was meek and small, a voice trained to never raise.
"How do you... How are you... how does your...-" I found myself at a loss of words, not knowing how to raise the subject. Of all the things I had thought about in the past week, it was obvious of my dumb self to think of a plan to ask the main damn question.
"How am I okay with my husband controlling me? Ruling over me? Owning me as if I'm a possession? Treating me like a toy? Degrading me if I retaliate? Humiliating me if I speak up? Are those the questions you're looking for dearie?" Her voice was calm unlike the swirl of emotions in her eyes, one most clear among them, sympathy and other some, which hid behind her wise loving eyes- pain and bitterness.
I knew it.
"Why do you not fight?" She shrugged helplessly, placing the cup down and holding my hand in her as if trying to assure me. My heart broke for the woman as she smiled a loving teary eyed smile while looking at my hands, a shuddered breath heard in the room as it was taken to clam herself down.
She was in pain. She was in so much pain.
My hand rested on her shoulder, trying to comfort the woman that had treated me like her own child the second she had laid eyes on me. The woman that had given me hope, false hope I knew- that if something were to happen she'd have my back. The only person in this house I felt safe with. The only person in front of whom I had let my guard down.
"I did. God I did. He just got more... forceful. He's my soulmate Val dear, I can't help but love him. And after a year or so of fighting against him, I just couldn't anymore. How could I? I'm just a woman who was mated to a man feared by all. I had my own fears. I had to give it up. So I did."
"Slowly, gradually, I just willed myself to stop caring about it. William is worse than my boy. He... hurts. I couldn't take it anymore. All I wanted was my mate and then... when he said he'll be the mate I wanted once I-" A bitter smile took over her features as she spat the next word out, her face twisting into that of anger I didn't knew she was capable of, "submitted to him. So I did. I just wanted my mate dearie. Just that comfort which unfortunately only he could provide." God it was too similar.
She broke into soft cries, not a sound leaving her lips as I realized that she had got herself to keep it quiet. A few tears left my own when I realized my life would be the same. Hugging her tightly, I let go only after she had quietened down.
"I can't live like that." I whispered quietly, my voice clogged up. I can't. I can't.
"You'll get used to it." She spoke calmly, running her hand in my head with a sad little broken smile.
I shook my head no as we fell into silence.
"You want to tell me why you were asking?" She asked after a while, blowing her nose and looking at me pointedly, the voice too prideful to let me feel pity for its owner anymore. She may be hurt but she was wise.
Way too wise.
I decided to just tell her the truth, too mentally exhausted to make up something.
"Your son and I made a deal." She stiffened, her eyes hardening just the slightest bit. I wouldn't blame her if she hated me after this.
"He told me to see if you were happy living like you are and if you are, I'd have to submit to him; if you aren't- he'll accept me for me and not try to..." I let the sentence trail, knowing she'll get the drift.
Her arm shot out to hold mine again, her fingers clutching my hand to dear life as her wide panicked eyes looked at me through fresh tears. I wanted to cry, knowing what she'll next ask of me.
"You can't tell him the truth. He'll hate his father! Please don't tell him Valerie, I'm beggi-" I cut her off with a sad smile, nodding as I accepted my fate. Tears spilling from my eyes, I nodded and cried the words out, "I know. I know. I won't. I get it. It's okay. I get it."
Then I fell on the floor crying.
***
That night when he came into the room, I was already in bed, crying in my mind at the cruel fate.
As usual, he shuffled around the room for a while and then came to bed and wrapped an arm around me, not a word said between us while I worked on my ability to speak normally, not wanting to say it but not having any other way out of this.
"You were right." My voice was foreign to my ears when I spoke, tears escaping my eyes silently as I handed my life over to him.
Come on Valerie, it never would've worked anyways. Even if you had won, he would've agreed because of the deal, not because he actually accepted you from his heart. It would have been half-hearted.
Meaningless.
Empty.
Yes, but at least then I wouldn't have to do this myself.
I repressed myself from shuddering as tears wrecked my body while my soul broke, whispering into the darkness of the night and accepting the bitter cruel reality. "I give up. You were right. You win."
I had never thought I would give up so soon.
My life would never be the same again.
I was flipped around, the light to his side of the table coming on as he looked at me with fury in his eyes. His eyes trailed down my cheeks, his fingers brushing away the never ending tears.
"Why?" He asked, accusation in his voice confusing me.
"You were right." I couldn't bring myself to say anything else. I dropped my eyes, showing him my submission as tears and silent sobs raked through my body.
"Valerie?" I look up hesitantly, the chilly notes in his voice drawing me in and scaring just as much. His eyes clashed with mine- anger, disbelief and pain reflecting in them. "Don't ever fucking lie to me!" He yelled, grasping my chin and drawing my lips to his, punishing me.
"Why the fuck were you willing to sign over everything you live for just so you could protect me from a truth I was unaware of!?" He asked, pinning my hands above me once he stole all air out of my body.
Eyes wide, I looked up at him as his fist grips my hair. "How do you know!?" I ask incredulously, sputtering the words out.
"I have my ways." He ominously said, kissing the side of my face where my tears were now drying. "Tell me. Why give up when you would rather die? Why give up when you know you can't live like that?" His last words made me realize he had actually heard the conversation between his mother and I, my eyes widening further.
He pulled me more into him when I stayed silent and hissed. "Tell me!"
"I thought you won't order me around anymore?"
"You've admitted defeat." He deadpanned, my heart sinking. He was actually going to hold me up for my words.
Well what did you expect? You know his want for owning you is more than his want for you.
"That was before I knew you knew the truth!" Not giving up.
"You lied. Consider this punishment." His voice held finality and I knew he wasn't going to back down. The path down my cheek that had dried up with hope was once again met with wetness, all ruined. I gulped anymore tears back, looking away from his eyes.
"Exactly my point. Why the fuck would you do it when it breaks you inside Valerie!? What's the reason that made my stubborn little warrior fall? Tell me!" He spoke angrily, wiping away my tears with a gentleness I did not know he was capable of.
"I-I don't want to come between you and your father..." I mumbled, making myself barely audible so that he won't hear me. He stilled for a moment before his grip on me tightened and he spoke the next words softly, painfully, "...Like I did."
I shook my head, telling him that wasn't his fault.
"Of course it is." He sighed as he got off me, sitting beside my laid body as he cupped my cheek.
"It's not. You may have done a lot of things that I blame you for, this isn't one of them. This is all dad." I spoke bitterly, somehow not liking the sad look on his face. I should've enjoyed it, he had hurt me a lot, I should enjoy his misery, but I bloody couldn't!
"Come on." He tugged at me half-heartedly after looking at me for a few minutes, a determined expression on his face. His hand held my much smaller one into his large rough one as we walked down the stairs, his voice booming for everyone to gather in the main hall.
Nervousness wrecked through me, making me stop and put my foot down to stop us and ask him what he was doing. Was this another one of his ruse to humiliate me? Hurt me?
His only response was a comforting squeeze on our intertwined fingers.
Once down the stairs of the lavish mansion and right in the middle of the main hall, he turned around and crashed his lips on mine. Not angrily, not punishingly, not harshly but with care, with need, with sweetness. And for the first time I let the small part that had always wanted to kiss him back to satisfy a primal need in me that arose because of the bond, take control and kiss him back.
My one hand that wasn't in his went around his neck that was bent to reach my small frame compared to his tall looming one as I let instinct take over and move myself against his mouth. For that one blissful moment I gave into the weakness and pried for intimacy from him.
I had to support myself by placing my hand on his chest once we parted because of breathlessness as he spoke in an even but authoritative tone that you couldn't miss.
"You all probably know her already, but if you do not; She's Valerie Gunnar, my soulmate, your queen. You treat her just as you treat me. You respect her, honor her and obey her. You treat her words like you do mine. Her wishes are your commands; her words the ultimate law. A word spoken against her will be punished with a death by my hands and any disrespect shown to her will receive my wrath. Accept her as your superior for she is my equal. Anyone that disagrees step forward."
His expression was perfectly calm and controlled while mine on the other had hand turned full of disbelief, eyes wide and mouth gaping. I had not expected him to publically accept it. All I had wanted was that he treat me as an equal rather than a subordinate.
"You're really serious about this?" I ask disbelievingly, eyes wide at him.
"I am. It's about time I start working on the things I fucked up, won't you say?"
"I-I-I- don't-t-" Yep, my brain had stopped functioning.
"It's alright my little warrior, no need to say anything. I understand you're overwhelmed." He whispered, mirth clear in his voice.
"Rex... I really don't want you to regret this tomorrow morning and then crush my hopes later. Please take your words back if you don't mean them." I whispered insecurely, making sure no one would hear me.
In response, he wrapped an arm around my waist and hoisted me up to bring his lips to mine hungrily. Clutching his forearms for support, I loose myself into the pleasure being so intimate with mate brought, the bond we had been playing around with growing strong as we connected ourselves together.
"That is the first time you've said my name. Say it again." I smiled still breathless, whispering it out again.
"Rex." He pulled me in for another one of those toe-curling kisses, my mind jumbling up at the way he stole my breath. I knew why he was so crazy about it. Saying his name was me accepting him. Accepting the fact that this man was my soulmate. The man I am bound to for life.
I hadn't wanted to accept the reality till a 20 minutes ago; but now the situation was different. I will be in equal power. He was ready to compromise.
"Let's go and sleep, yea-"
"You cannot be serious son!" Uh-oh.
Eyes that had been looking down at me with care and all things warm and fuzzy suddenly turned as cold as ice and as sharp as emeralds, cutting the man on its receiving end in half.
Thankfully, I was a woman.
"She has corrupted you so badly in the matter of weeks! Is that what I taught you? To crack under the slightest temptation? You're a man! You cannot give equal power to these weak little wom-" Okay, now we're back to angry.
"Weak little your ass! How dare you call me wea-"
"You fucking slutty bitch It's about time someone put you in your place. You pathetic little wh-" He pulled his hand back once near me, making me flinch instinctively. I was pushed back before the fist could hit me, the movement making me open my eyes, just in time to see Rex's fist flying back and hitting his father square in his face.
The man crumpled to the floor for a second and when he got back up, there was blood oozing out of his jaw while it lay unhinged. I couldn't help but cringe at the sight. Rex pulled his fist back again, about to hit him again when I interfered. By stupidly getting involved physically.
Maybe jumping in between hadn't been the best idea.
One second I was in between those two and the next I was looking at a fist flying at me with enough force to break my jaw in half. I flinched, expecting the pain to blossom as I stood and thought of how stupid I was for jumping into a fight.
Instead of a punch that would have knocked me out the second it hit me, I was met with a hand that pulled me away roughly.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing jumping in between!? I could've hurt you!" He yelled as he pulled me into him impossibly, as if to assure himself I was still there and not gone.
"He's your father. You can't just hit him like that." I whispered, my lips close to his ears in this position.
"That will be discussed later. Take him." Figures moved from around us, his father's enraged shouts slowly melting into nothing as he was dragged out of the room.
"Do not ever jump into a fight like that Valerie! It's dangerous! Not everyone has that much control over their movements! You could have found yourself seriously injured had it not been me that was striking!" He whispered harshly, admonishing me as he pulled us upstairs.
Smiling, I followed him, a part of me screeching in delight as one beautiful thought rang clear in my mind.
It was a start. A start of us.