Lagpas hating-gabi na'y gising pa rin si Erika. Sa dami ng nangyari ngayong gabi at sa samu't-saring emosyon na dama ng dibdib, hindi niya magawang matulog. Her heart is crying out for Alex. That burning hatred in his eyes, the hurting was too much for her to bear. All she wanted was to be with him to take some of his pain. But that accidental kiss made her feel awkward. She acted as if nothing happened kahit na sa loob-loob ay nawindang ang buong sistema niya.
How can something so fleeting bore so deep in her memory? Aniya sa isip. She should forget it. She should sleep on it. Pinilit niyang ipikit ang mga mata pero ayaw dumating ng antok niya.
It's been two hours since she was home but she still could not forget that kiss. Sa tuwing pipikit siya'y ang labi ni Alex na dumikit sa labi niya ang paulit-ulit niyang nakikita. At paulit-ulit na tinatambol ng malakas ang dibdib niya. Nanggigigil na kinagat niya ang unan. How could this happen to her? She shouldn't be like this. For God's sake, it's like an incest! Alex is like a brother to her!
Erase your thoughts! Utos niya sa isip nang makita na naman sa balintataw ang mukha ni Alex na dumikit sa kanya. She used to dream that her first kiss would be romantic. Under the moonlight, in a field of flowers or with fireworks. Napabuga siya ng hininga. Instead, she had it hidden under the window drapes that smelled dust- very old dust! And with a guy she does not love!
Well, she loves Alex but not that kind of love.
Smack lang naman iyon, aniya sa isip. She can't consider it as her first kiss. Plus, it was an accident!
Ngunit hanggang ngayon ay tinatambol pa rin ng kaba ang didbdib niya at ramdam pa rin niya ang labi nito sa labi niya. It was so soft and yet it was electrifying. Bakit gano’n?
Napabalikwas siya bigla ng bangon nang biglang tumunog ang celphone niya. Ganoon na lang ang pagkadismaya niya nang makitang si Lance iyon. Ang pinakamamahal niyang date na iniwan siyang bigla sa ere at ni hindi man lang siya nagawang ihatid pauwi. Wala siyang planong sagutin ang tawag nito ngunit tila wala itong planong tigilan ang pag-dial ng number niya kaya napilitan siyang sagutin iyon.
"Erika, I'm sorry," bungad nito kaagad pagkasagot niya.
"It's late, Lance," aniyang hindi maiwasang maghinanakit dito.
"Please tell me you forgive me. Hindi ako makatulog kakaisip sa'yo."
Natigilan siya ng saglit nang mahimigan ang desperasyon sa boses nito. Was he really that affected? She’s just his date, not his girlfriend. Nawala tuloy bigla ang hinanakit niya sa binata. "It’s okay, Lance. You don’t need to worry about it," aniya.
"Can you meet me outside?"
Kumunot ang noo niya at napatingin sa labas ng bintana. Nasa labas ito ng gate nila, nakasandal sa kotse nito. Nanlaki ang mata niya.
"Aren't you supposed to be home? Lance, it's late. Papagalitan ako ni Mommy at Daddy."
"Just five minutes. Please, I'm begging."
Hindi siya sumagot.
"Please, Erika. Just five minutes."
"Let's talk tomorrow, Lance," aniya.
"Please, Erika. Hindi ako aalis dito hangga't hindi kita nakakausap."
Muntik na siyang magdabog. How could he be so difficult?
"Or I could ask your Dad's permission," anito. Nakita niyang papalapit ito sa doorbell.
"Okay! Okay! Lalabas na ako. Five minutes, okay?"
Hindi na niya alintanang naka-pajama lang siyang lumabas. She sneaked out through the back door at maingat na hindi makagawa ng ingay. Paglabas niya ng gate ay kaagad siyang sinalubong ng yakap nito. Napangiwi siya dahil amoy-alak ito.
"Oh, Erika, I'm so sorry."
"You're drunk, Lance."
"I’m not drunk, I just smell like one," His voice was in pain. Kumalas siya sa pagkakayakap nito ngunit hindi nito binitiwan ang mga kamay niya. She almost melted by the way he looked at her. It's like Lance like she has never seen before. "I have planned a lot for this day. I was anxious but I was determined to make this a night we won't forget. As you see, it didn't work as I planned. I ruined this night just so I could make an impression to the circle of people who could help me succeed in my chosen field."
"It's okay," mahinang sabi niya. Hindi niya akalain na ganoon ka-importante para kay Lance ang gabing iyon. Kanina lang, naglaho halos lahat ng nararamdaman niya rito. But seeing him now melted her heart. How can she resist that oh-so handsome face that looks so sad? It makes her want to hug him tight.
"No, it's not okay. Because I felt bad about it. I didn't even dance with you the whole night. I didn't even had the chance to take you home."
She let out a nervous laugh. "It's not as if it's our last date, Lance."
Natigilan ito sa sinabi niya. "You really mean that? Y-You don't hate me?"
"Disappointed, maybe. But hate? No." How can I when at this very moment I am falling in love with you? Aniya sa isip.
He let out a sigh of relief. "I was too scared you won't ever go out with me again. I promise this is going to be the last disappointment you will ever have with me."
Isang tipid na ngiti ang isinagot niya. "It’s late, I have to go back inside," paalam niya kahit na gusto pa niyang manatili roon kausap ang binata.
Tumango ito.
"Good night," aniya saka tinalikuran ito para pumasok na sa loob ng bahay. Ngunit natigil ang paghakbang niya sa sumunod na sinabi nito.
"I love you, Erika," anito.
Nanlaki ang mata niya sa narinig. Napalingon siya rito. Namumungay ang matang nakatingin ito sa kanya. Is this for real? Love ba talaga ang narinig niya? Hindi like? How can it be? They never shared a special moment together. All they shared were few smiles and few talks during summer visits and special occasions. Love? Really?
"I've loved you since you were ten. When the wind was blowing your hair as we flew kites together that one summer. Hindi na kita nakalimutan simula noon. And I promised myself that I will do everything to make you laugh everyday as I saw you laughed that day.”
Oh...em...gee! Pakiramdam niya'y nalunok niya ang dila. No, aniya sa isip. He’s drunk, remember?
"You were just too young for me, then. So I watched you grow. But you had Alex and I thought you were into him. I just found out recently that you were just best friends so, it got my hopes up. I know you are still young, but I just can't wait to tell you how I feel."
"Lance..." tanging nasambit niya dahil hindi niya alam kung ano ang itutugon. Hindi pa rin siya makapaniwala sa naririnig.
"You are not required to say I love you, too. Not now. Because I will make every effort to make you fall for me."
But I want to. I want to say I love you, too. Aniya sa isip ngunit hindi niya magawang isatinig. She admires him, yes. She loves looking at him even when he makes her heart beat so fast. She likes being with him because his presence can make her happy. Is this love?
"Have I told you that you looked beautiful today in that gown?"
Kiming napatango siya. It's one of those moments she keeps in her happy thoughts box.
"And you're as beautiful wearing your pajamas."
Namula siya sa sinabi nito. This is another moment to add in that box.
"And you're most beautiful when you blush."
"Alex said I should not trust the words of a drunk man. You will probably forget all of these tomorrow."
Lance gave her a teasing smile. "Looks like someone is worried."
Nag-init ang mukha niya. "I'm just saying-"
"I'm not drunk," seryosong sambit nito. "I wouldn't be able to drive all the way here if I am."
"Fine. But it doesn't change the fact that you smell like alcohol."
Tumawa ito saka hinaklit ang bewang niya at hinila siya papalapit rito. "That smell came from my shirt. Somebody spilled drinks on me. And I really wish that I am, so I would have an excuse of this strange behavior of coming to your house in the middle of the night. Because this is not how I usually behave. But you got me foxed up, Erika. You can really drive me crazy."
"Sounds like alcohol talking to me," she said with a nervous laugh. Paano'y ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib niya. Nanlaki ang mata niya nang inilapit nito ang labi sa mukha niya.
"Do you smell alcohol from my mouth?" tanong nito na halos ilang pulgada lang ang layo sa mukha niya. Nag-init ang mukha niya nang mapatitig ito sa labi niya. "You can taste it from my mouth, too," halos bulong na sabi nito saka hinila siya ulit hanggang sa dumikit ang labi niya sa labi nito. Dampi lang iyon noong una. His lips were firm and warm and his breath felt hot in her face. She could not taste alcohol from his mouth but why does she feel intoxicated? He started nibbling her lips and she felt lost. Hindi niya alam kung paano tutugon nang unti-unting lumalim ang halik nito. The last thing she saw was the moonlight before she closed her eyes and surrendered to the sweetness of his kiss. It's her first real kiss. Napahawak siya ng mahigpit sa balikat nito dahil biglang nanghina ang tuhod niya. His kisses turned her legs into jellies.
"I love you, Erika," bulong nito nang maghiwalay ang labi nila.
Napayakap siya ng mahigpit dito. She could feel his heartbeat was racing too. "I think I feel the same way, too, Lance." Hindi niya napigilan bigkasin.
Napatitig si Lance sa kanya. He looked as if he was about to cry and then his face brightened with that handsome smile. "It looks like I just had a girlfriend."
"But I'm not yet allowed to," biglang sambit niya. Ngunit sa isip niya'y nakikinita na niya ang sariling nagpapaalam sa mga magulang. She will make a very good bargain. She will make it to the top of her class. She will let them see that Lance is good for her.
"I'll wait. Kahit gaano katagal, maghihintay ako," anito at kinintalan siya ng halik sa noo. "You don't know how happy you made me today."
Mas hinigpitan niya ang yakap rito. Ilang minuto silang nanatiling magkayakap. She suddenly was not afraid. She felt safe and secured within his arms. Nakalimutan na niya ang oras. She just feels so in love her heart wants to burst out with joy. Nang magpaalam si Lance ay tila may pakpak ang mga paa niya habang papasok sa loob ng bahay. She just had her first kiss!
Nakangiti siya nang humiga sa kama. Ngunit kumunot ang noo niya nang tuksong bumabalik pa rin ang pagdampi ng labi ni Alex sa labi niya sabay naalala niya ang amoy ng alikabok. She just had her first real kiss under the moonlight! How could she still recall that?
Ipinikit niya nag mata at napangiti nang makita ang gwapong mukha ni Lance.
"I love you, Erika," that memory will be on replay until she falls asleep pero tila malabo siyang makatulog. She's too happy!
Nakangiting kinuha niya ang cellphone at kaagad nagtext sa bestfriend.
Alex, u wont blv it! Lance just said he luvs me and he kissed me!