I can sleep.
I just choose not to,
for I have fallen in love with
the way my mind plays in
the dark night with thoughts of
You. - mustafa tattan
Okay.
I haven't been completely honest with you all, and for that I'm sorry (not really), but I need you to hear me out.
You've probably noticed the amount of time skips and blank spaces recently in what I've been describing, filled with nondescript banter, and that's because I wasn't present for some of the things that were going on at that moment. I was bouncing back and forth every day between working with Dabi to find recruits and helping Tomura and the League with a certain gigantic being.
Something big has been happening that I didn't think would get to be this serious.
I hate admitting that I'm scared... but I've already broken down so many times in this damned book that I might as well just come out and say it. I am. I'm scared.
Now I can't hold it in anymore, so here's what's been happening throughout all this.
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ABOUT A MONTH AND A HALF EARLIER - BEFORE THE HERO BILLBOARD CHARTS
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Dabi slid the door open, and I followed close behind, entering the League's hideout, and he glanced up at everyone, slumped on the couches and chairs, scowling.
"You're all just kicking back? Really? We're apparently the only ones pounding the cement looking for new recruits."
"Oh, hush." I elbowed him. "We have the one applicant that could be promising."
"Him? I highly doubt it."
"Too bad that you legitimately roast every applicant, and haven't given us any fresh blood!" Twice cried, where he and Toga were digging through a box of old jewelry.
"They were all worthless-" Dabi began to hiss, but I cut him off with a defusing smile.
"They didn't have ideals."
"They were trash. Living day to day with no goals." The patchwork male huffed, shaking his head.
"Maybe you're just bad at reading people, Dabi. Maybe Y/N should get more applicants." Toga smiled sweetly, and Dabi clenched his jaw.
"You are definitely not someone to talk."
I plopped on the couch beside Tenko and winked as I snatched a piece of his sushi. It was cheap stuff, but it tasted pretty damn good after being out in the cold all night with Dabi, who refused to use his flames to help warm me up. He rolled his eyes, and I snuck into his head, shifting through his thoughts, and he was completely aware of it. He was thinking of when Kurogiri, before he was arrested, pulled us both aside, telling us that there was a power that Master left behind for our protection and to support us, and that if Tenko or I gave him the order, he'd retrieve it.
I didn't want to make that call, and I wasn't really in a position to, as Tenko is Master's official successor, and I didn't ask about it, even when Kurogiri was gone, because that was all the explanation I needed. I briefly mentioned this back after the Hassaikai situation.
It'd been on my mind a lot lately. Tenko being Master's official successor, I mean. I've always been aware of that; from day one I knew and understood that Tenko was the top dog, but as I've gotten older... I wonder what I am. Master didn't need to take me in, and if he did, the doctor he worked with could've just taken me if he didn't want me to be with Tenko, but he did, and I still don't know why. I clearly play a role in the master plan that I'm unaware of.
"It's been about a month since Kurogiri got caught." I said, and Tomura nodded, munching on some sushi. All eyes of the League focused on us as we spoke.
"He failed. That's that. I can't find the doctor either. No luck there."
"Kurogiri was basically you guys' babysitter." Toga grinned as Twice clasped a necklace around her neck. "You must miss him. And what's so important about this doctor anyway?"
"He was Master's personal doctor." Tenko replied, his fingers brushing over Father, which was on the couch on the other side of him. "The only way to get in touch with him was with the computer at the original hideout, because he was behind the creation of the Nomu."
Yeah. That doctor... from my nightmare.
"He also..." I flinched, closing my eyes and lowering my head, trailing off. Flashes of old memories flooded my brain; unforgiving, calculating eyes staring at me through goggles, cold metal clamps holding down my skinny ankles and wrists, tanks filled with numerous subjects around the room, the crisp white of his lab coat, and so much more. Anxiety knotted its way into my stomach and chest, and I exhaled, continuing. "... performed almost all my surgeries by Master's side. They worked together on me most of the time, but there were a few operations where I was just with the Doctor. It was horrifying."
Everyone was silent, and I could feel Tenko staring at me, but I refused to look. My surgeries are one of the very few things that Tenko doesn't know much detail about.
"Well, I ruined the mood. Sorry guys. We need him for firepower, technology, and Nomu."
Nobody looked convinced.
"That's disturbing, what you told us about... Are you-" Compress started, and I shook my head too quickly, stopping him before he could continue.
"Traumatized? Yes. Racked with PTSD and anxiety? Yes. But he can help Tomura, and the rest of us, so I have to ignore all that. Okay?" My voice was strained, but the League knew well enough to drop it. "I'm bouncing back and forth between working with Dabi on recruiting and with you all on this situation, so I'm a little stressed."
"That still doesn't tell us where we're going with this." Spinner suddenly stepped forward, darkness in his eyes, and my hand was on my pistol before I realized what I was doing. "I'm only here because Stain inspired me!"
"Huh?!" Tenko's lip curled in disdain.
"Trust me, Spin, we've heard." I glared at him. "Stand down, man. We already did this dance."
"You don't have any idea, Y/N!" He yelled, and I gritted my teeth, becoming more and more irritable by the minute. How many times is this damn lizard going to complain about the authority and leadership of the League? "I grew up in a really crappy place, very backwater. Stuck in the wrong damn century. I was just the 'Lizard Freak' there! I was nothing! It wasn't until I saw Stain on TV, that I had something to fill up the emptiness inside me! He was trying to change society himself, and I couldn't take how suffocating the world was anymore! That's why I joined up with you all!"
"So what you're saying is that you're just an empty cosplayer?" Dabi asked sarcastically, not expecting a serious response.
"That's right, totally hollow!" Spinner snapped, and his footsteps were quickening, crossing the room towards Tenko. "I don't understand why we are just sitting around doing nothing!" His angered screams echoed through the room, and I understood completely where he was coming from, but the second he grabbed the front of Tenko's shirt, yanking him forward, I was on my feet, the barrel of my gun pressed to Spinner's head. He ignored me, as my response was predictable because as his right-hand woman, we are always protecting one another, and he obviously wasn't going to hurt Tenko, and Tenko would've killed him already if he wanted to.
Everyone was silent. Toga seemed bored, though, and yawned, which made Twice yawn, scratching his face through his mask. Dabi and Compress were watching us three wordlessly.
"I wanted a new life! A new start! To accomplish my goals and ideals! I was ready to be inspired, so tell me, Tomura Shigaraki! Where are we going?!"
"Spin... Stand. Down." I said, voice steady and even. His grip loosened on Tomura's shirt, but he didn't release him, still staring at him, waiting for his response.
"Like I said..." Tenko began, his voice a slightly agitated growl. "He-"
A loud crashing and rumbling noise shook the building, cutting him off, and Spinner immediately released him, all of the League besides Tenko and I looking around, confused. I glanced over at him, his glassy red eyes masking a grim excitement, and nodded.
"I don't even wanna know if that's the doctor." I stretched my arms over my head after I put my gun back in my holster, strapping my weapons to my legs over my tight black dress pants. "Everyone, c'mon. Gear up." Everyone did; Toga grabbed her blood canisters, Compress pulled his jacket on over his vest, Spinner tied his mask again and adjusted his weaponry, Dabi and Twice just kind of stood there, and Tenko placed all of the hands on his body, slowly covering his face with Father. We all followed him outside, and the second we stepped out of the building, it was destroyed behind us, a huge, hunkering figure rising over the rubble.
"I've been looking. I've finally found you." The low, demonic voice boomed, pointing a massive finger in the direction of Tenko. "I've been waiting for the signal... Are you the one who had succeeded All For One?! I am devoted to him!"
"I guess this is the power Kurogiri spoke of." I stared up at the giant, whose eyes narrowed the second he looked at me. Before I could dodge, his rock-like hand swung out and swatted me away, sending me flying into the rubble, body slamming into the bricks. My vision doubled for a split second, and I wobbled to my feet, only to be knocked down again. The League braced themselves to move, but Tenko and I held up a hand at the exact same time.
"Is All Might's child supposed to be here?" He hissed. "In honor of All For One, I will kill this girl."
"This must be the thing Kurogiri set out to find." I heard Compress say in surprise. "Why is it trying to kill Y/N?"
"Some assistant you were, man." I coughed, wiping blood from my lip. "You definitely aren't as devoted to him as you think, judging by the fact you're threatening to kill me. I'm the girl that Master basically adopted all those years ago."
"All For One... has placed this... child in power, alongside All Might's kin?"
The League all nodded, and he stood back as I raised my hand, energy tingling at my fingertips, and projected my thoughts into his mind. I showed him all the surgeries, all the battles, all the training Tenko and I went through to make Master proud... everything. I expected him to stand down, but he stomped his foot onto the ground, sending a rippling effect around us all.
"Tomura Shigaraki, prove that you are worthy. Y/N L/N, if you believe fit to stand at his side, prove you are worthy."
Shit.
His hand swung up into the air and crashed down onto the ground near me, and I threw myself out of the way, cocking my head to the side, sending a ton of rubble flying towards him. He stumbled a little, but then brushed it off like it was nothing, swatting at me again and making sure that this time, my face slammed into the ground. I could taste my bloody nose and lip, and it wasn't too enjoyable.
Toga helped me up, and Compress, alongside Tenko, rushed towards the giant, but as Tenko ducked, the giant grabbed Compress in one hand and tossed him through the air like it was again, nothing, and of course, aimed at me, so I caught Compress with my mind, straining so he hit the dirt, skidding along, and not miles away from the fight.
Out of nowhere, the giant began sobbing, holding his head.
"I want to accept him! Why, tell me why... Why is he so weak?!"
"He isn't making any sense." Spinner said, confused.
"That's kinda insulting, Tomura. Are you just gonna take that?" I stumbled over to them, leaning on Spinner as I regained focus, and noticed Tenko's eyes dart down to the radio on the ground nearby, the one that the giant had around his neck before he attacked us. It was pitchy, but it was making a noise, over and over.
"<...ga...ra...ki...>"
"Is the radio trying to say your name?" I asked, sniffing.
"You're gonna get blood on me, Y/N." Iguchi said quietly.
"Sorry."
Tenko stared at it, eyes narrowed, and it began to speak, clearer than before.
"<You seem to be at a loss, Tomura Shigaraki.>"
My eyes widened at the voice. It was his voice. That voice. From... before.
"Doctor." Tenko replied, and I made sure that my voice didn't shake.
"Doctor."
"Did you just say 'doctor'?! Like, the one we're looking for?!" Spinner yelled, and I nodded, glaring at the radio.
"That's him."
"<Y/N, is that you?! Shigaraki, Y/N, are all your pals there too? How are you?>"
"Yes, it's her," his voice became almost dangerously low, before returning to the normal scratchy huskiness, "and we're fine. Just about to be mincemeat." Tenko looked at me meaningfully, and I dipped into his head, hearing his thoughts.
There aren't any more surgeries, Y/N. You're fine. Okay?
Okay. I replied back, obviously not so "okay".
Be convincing, damn. Ugh, come on, Tenko. Make this easier for me.
Alright, I'm fine. Just gotta keep my eyes on the prize.
You do that.
I cut off the communication, rolling my eyes, as the giant began to move around again, our attention focused on him. He was still crying, and lifted his hands above his head, smashing them into the ground and creating another small avalanche. I used my telekinesis to lift a huge hunk of cement from what previously was our hideout, blocking Tenko, Spinner, and I from getting hit by any rocks, then leapt out of the way to safety.
"I want to accept him, One For All! But I... I can't!" The giant screamed.
"Why not?!" Tenko hissed.
"<I take it you've met Gigantomachia. He's a big supporter of All For One. Even used to be his bodyguard!>" The doctor laughed over the radio. "<He's one of the people All For One trusts the most! With his super-durable body, he could handle multiple quirks without even being remodeled, unlike Y/N!>"
"Wow, thanks, doc." I rolled my eyes.
"<That was in no way meant to be offensive, Y/N! You also have your role to play.>"
"And what is that, exactly?!" I snapped, bounding over beside Dabi, working by his side to try and topple Gigantomachia. I grabbed his arm, trying to pump as much energy into his fire as possible.
"<In due time, miss. In due time. When All For One was weakened by All Might, he knew his defeat would one day be inevitable, so he hid Gigantomachia away. Such careful planning! And all this happened just a few years after he picked up you and Y/N, Shigaraki. No matter what might happen to him, he made sure that his hopes and dreams lived on.>" The doctor sighed, and it crackled over the radio frequency.
"Yeah, call me crazy, but I'm having a hard time seeing this as some generous gift." Dabi shook his head, his extra-powerful flames building around us. I shielded my face and crouched on the ground as he readied himself to strike.
"<Nice insight, Dabi. I'd say you're right! Gigantomachia is loyal to All For One to a fault. So loyal that the idea of Shigaraki or Y/N measuring up to his old master hurts him. He doesn't think any of you are worthy.>"
"I guess we'll just have to kick his ass and prove we're worthy." I laughed as the fire roared around us, swallowing Gigantomachia's hunkering form.
"<That won't be enough for now.>" The doctor said suddenly, and I looked over at Dabi with alarm. How did he know? "<Hmm... let me see...>"
With a roar, Gigantomachia ran through the flames like nothing, charging us.
"Not very effective, Dabi!" Toga cried, and a voice suddenly replaced the doctor's over the radio... one I knew all too well.
"<Machia...>"
Tenko and I whipped around, almost in perfect sync, and were side by side in seconds, listening intently to the voice. Giganto dropped to his knees, holding the radio close to his chest and rubbing his head against it.
"Master..?" I asked, confused.
"<A recording of All For One's voice is plenty to calm him down.>" The doctor explained, and Tenko scoffed, crossing his arms.
"We don't want this guy."
"<Oh, you don't?!>" The doctor laughed, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "<He could be quite handy in the future. Open your eyes, boy. Kurogiri has been babying you for far too long.>"
"Ouch. That's harsh." I teasingly elbowed Tenko, and he cracked the tiniest of smirks.
"<Hmph. Give me just a minute...>"
"A minute for what?" Toga asked, looking at me questioningly. I shrugged. Twice burped, really loudly, and the blonde giggled, glancing at him. "Burping, Jin, really? Gross... Urp."
"Not again..." I whispered in annoyance, and gagged as a thick, sludge-like substance threatened its way up my throat. I doubled over, coughing it up, vision doubling. The sludge continued to cause me to puke it up, allowing it to cover my body, and I remembered the Kamino incident before it overtook me completely, making everything stinky, dark, and sticky.