Tuesday, December 31, 4 pm
Well ...
This was ...
Unexpected. Empowering. Liberating.
And nobody seems to be angry with me. Dad gave me a big hug and said he was proud of me.
Michael even came to the stage and KISSED ME IN FRONT OF ALL THE CAMERAS! IN FRONT OF THE WORLD!
And I have a feeling this isn't the last time he did something like this. Because I think that we are now ... a super couple. Now there is nothing to stop us (I mean, my grandmother has approved ... no magazine will ever dare to write who I should be dating instead). We are now like Brad and Angie. Like David and Victoria. Like Beyoncé and Jay Z.
I still can't believe what happened. Nor understand it. I mean, I was SO nervous before they called me on stage. My hands were shaking and the cards I was holding were totally sweaty. I was totally sure that I would trip on my way to the microphone. Or that my heel would break (it happens way too often with me).
"... Princess of Genovia, Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo!" I heard them calling me and the crowd started cheering.
"I cannot do this," I whispered to Michael.
"Don't be silly," he said and kissed my temples. "Go. Just speak from your heart. And remember, I will love you no matter what happens, ok?"
And so I stumbled onto the stage, waved at the crowd, shook hands with the minister and directors of the shelter and SPCA.
And then I found myself standing in front of the microphone. There were people everywhere. Maybe not all Genovians came to see me speak, but at least 90% did.
No, I didn't find it stressful at all.
"Hello," I said in the tiniest voice and the voice in my head was going just read the cards! Go on! You can read, you know you can! Just read them!
And then another voice went just don't read too fast! Don't read too fast, they have to understand what you are saying!
If this isn't a sign of mental illness, then I do not know what it is.
"Animals, our pets, are always there for us. When we are sad, they comfort us, when we are happy, they make us happier. Every time we get home, they are happy to see us. They never let us down,"I started and tried to ignore the voice in my head that joined the choir, only this one was screaming JUST DON'T LOOK AT THE PEOPLE!
But you know, the more you try to suppress something, the more likely you are to do just that thing. So I looked up.
And the afternoon sun shone directly into my eyes.
And I guess I had a revelation.
It was totally movie-like, you know, when a light bulb lights in one's head.
I suddenly thought of a million different things.
I remembered that time Michael called me and I was totally freaking about, well, everything.
"You are putting too little faith in yourself. You can do everything you want to as long as you try."
"I'm just saying, Michael, without this whole royalty aspect, things would be so much simpler."
"Maybe ... but can't you see how much you can actually do as a princess? I know it is annoying to have the world following you everywhere and pay attention to everything you're doing. But have you ever thought of what you could do with that?"
"I already am promoting Sebastiano, Michael," I said.
"You could do even more than that, Mia. Every time you go to some party dinner, everyone wants to take a picture of you or have you say a few words in a camera, right? Well, for example, you could say something about the humanitarian crises in Somalia. 90% of people watching wouldn't even hear what you said because they'd be too distracted by the dress you're wearing. That 10 % would hear and think, hmmm, what is she talking about? And they'd google it and read about the situation in Somalia. 9% of those people wouldn't do anything about it, for whatever reason, but that 1% would – whether they would donate to some charity or even go to Somalia to do some charity work. Whatever they did, they would make a difference – and it would be all because of you, Mia, you can change the world. All it takes is one sentence. Imagine what you could do with two or three sentences or the whole speech. Not only you have a will to make things better - you have the power, the resources to do so. Yeah, your personal freedom might be suffering at times but what about the freedom you can give to others?"
And then I thought of Andrew's wedding and the talk Harry, René and I had in that wedding salon.
"By your logic, it is best to just say screw you, tradition and do things your own way, in a completely unconventional way?" I asked.
"Seriously, BC, it wouldn't hurt if you thought so too," René said.
"Leave it, René. He isn't saying anything, Genovia," smiled Harry.
And Harry's words after the wedding.
"Mia, please tell me you learned something from this wedding?"
I had no idea what he was talking about at the time but now, now it made sense. I mean, Andrew totally said it to me but I thought he only meant himself. Now I knew I was totally Andrew before he decided to come out.
"Thanks to you, Mia, I finally realized that the greatest and most difficult thing in life is to be true with yourself. If it wasn't for you, I would still suppress my real self in order to please my family and be the ideal son my father wants me to be."
I thought of Grandmere in the morning.
"Just go on that stage and be you. Because you, Mia, equal a great princess. You fight for the good and that is what princesses do."
And then Michael again:
"Just speak from your heart."
I guess I was like a kid on Piaget's theory of cognitive development. A kid who was on Pre-operational stage for so long. And his experiences kept gathering and gathering and then one day, without a warning, he reached Operational stage – he realized it is not just about one aspect of the situation, not only about him.
Suddenly everything just fell in its place.
And everything was so clear.
Just like the cloudless sky I was looking at.
Suddenly I felt disgusted with myself. I was holding cards with a speech somebody else had written for me. A speech that was nothing like me. That was nothing like what I wanted to be, what I wanted to represent.
I was doing something that was against everything I was, against everything I wanted to represent when ... when I could make a difference. Like I made a difference in Andrew's life. Like I made a difference in the lives of the cats in the shelter. Like I made a difference in the lives of the fishermen when I got rid of the alga.
Everyone can make a difference in the people around him. But not everyone can make a difference in the lives of people all over the world. I, as a princess, have a rare privilege to do so.
And I WANT to make a difference.
Maybe this wasn't what Grandmere meant when she told me to be myself. It was quite possible that she would hate me for doing it.
But I knew that I had to. There was no other way if I wanted to live with myself.
So I put the cards down.
"I have this speech written but I don't think it represents what I want to say. I mean ... as you all know, I didn't find out I was a princess until I was fourteen ... and right from the start I was like nooo, I cannot be a princess. I was nothing like princesses you see on television – they all have long wavy hair and are super pretty, they have this grace around them and they are basically perfect. I was nothing like that – my hair was in this weird triangle shape, my body was disproportionate and I was completely incapable of talking in public. I prayed no one would ever find out I was a princess. I mean, I totally calculated everything – I would only have to be in princess when I would be in Genovia. And with Genovia being relatively unknown in America, chances of anyone ever seeing me performing royal duties were practically zero. But, you know, I am terrible at maths so it wasn't a surprise really when one morning pretty much the whole world knew who I was.
And right after reporters introduced me to the world, somebody asked me why I was hoping no one would ever find out I was a princess. He said that it wasn't a bad thing.
Honestly, I thought he was being an insensitive jerk.
I mean, everybody thinks being a princess is such a great thing. I mean, I get to wear beautiful dresses that were especially designed for me. I have people doing my hair and makeup. I get to travel the world and see different cultures. And, of course, I get to wear the tiara and everybody thinks that I can get whatever I want.
People don't even think about everything else that goes along with a royal status. They don't know how annoying it is when wherever you go, people follow you with cameras. The world follows your every move and everything you do finds its place on the cover of magazines. Therefore, you have to be careful to always be on your best behavior. If you have a bad hair day, stylists from all over the world will criticize you. You can't even go to a friends' wedding without newspapers reporting it was you who actually got married because tabloids see sensational stories when there really aren't any.
Your royal status pretty much becomes the most important part of you, nobody cares for the person you really are, for your interests and goals. Everybody thinks that because you are a princess, you are something extra special and therefore, things or people that would be perfectly ok for everyone else - maybe even perfect - are just mediocre or even not good enough for you. People have this representation of what a real princess is, what she likes, what she wears and who she dates.
It takes your freedom away. You cannot do anything without thinking what if somebody sees me? Will it look bad for Genovia if I do this?
And for a long time, until today actually, this aspect of me being a princess, prevailed in my mind, you know, the I wish I wasn't a princess and could live normal life aspect. I saw the fact that everyone is watching me as the worst thing.
But now I wonder – if the whole world knows that this dress is Sebastiano Grimaldi's creation pretty much the second I step on stage, then maybe the whole world will also hear the words I am speaking.
And now I know what 'being a princess is not a bad thing' means.
If I say how sad it is that langurs are critically endangered, maybe people will listen and maybe something will be done to save them.
Because you see, this is me. I am not the dresses I wear, the perfect hair or makeup or flawless skin. That is what everybody thinks I should be because that is what fits the world's vision of being a princess. But I refuse to let the princess part be the dominant aspect of me. First and foremost, I am a person, my own personality just like you, just like your friends. I am a perfectly normal person who just happened to be born in a royal family. I am no one special; in some aspects, I might be even totally mediocre.
And I am tired of suppressing myself, of trying to be who everybody else expects me to be, just because of the title I have. I am more than that; I deserve to be more than that.
I want the world to realize that we, royals, are just like you. And if you need to follow us, then why don't you focus on something besides our hair or clothes – why don't you listen to what we have to say?
And what I want to say is that don't ever be afraid of being who you are. Stop being afraid of what people around you will think of you. If they judge you, it is their problem, not yours. If they don't accept you for who you are, then that's their problem, not yours. We do not need people who want us to fit their idea of us – we need people who love us for being us and who think we are perfect just the way we are. Don't suppress yourself so that you can fit in – why would we even want to follow social norms and be like everybody else if we can be ourselves and therefore perfect? The greatest and most difficult thing in life is to be true with yourself.
I am going to be me and a princess at the same time and I encourage you all to just BE YOURSELF.
So, yeah, this is what I want to say today.
Oh, and save the langurs."
After I stopped talking, for a moment everybody was quiet the crowd was intently looking at me, as if not too sure of what to do. It lasted just long enough for my mind to go oh noooo, why didn't you just read the speech?
And then ... it was like an explosion, everybody started clapping and cheering and shouting my name.
I swear, I was so overwhelmed I almost fell backward.
Then my dad came onto the stage. I thought he was about to yell at me what was I thinking but instead, there were tears falling down his face. I am not kidding. And he was looking at me with pride in his eyes.
And then Michael walked up to me, wrapping his arms around me and swirling me around.
"That's my girl," he said smiling and gave me a big kiss. And the crowd started cheering even louder.
Then the director of Genovian SPCA gave me this totally cute kitty as a thank you for doing so much for the shelter. And I totally started crying because it was just the sweetest thing.
I am totally taking her to the New York with me. I already have chosen a name for her – Lulu.
Really. I still can't believe just how good the whole speech thing turned out. I still have no idea how it happened.
Tuesday, December 31, 5 pm
Wait – I can't do this! I can't take Lulu with me to New York! Louie has just started liking me again! He is going to hate me FOREVER if I just bring a new cat with me. It might KILL him!
Tuesday, December 31, 5:30 pm
"I am sorry, Princess," said Vigo when I asked him if I can leave Lulu here, "the palace is not equipped for a kitty. We cannot keep her here."
"Keep her? She is not an object, she is a living creature!" I shouted. "And how can you say she cannot stay here? This is a PALACE, for crying out loud! We have pools, saunas, bowling area and 32 rooms! HOW CAN YOU TELL ME WE CANNOT HAVE A KITTY HERE?"
"I am sorry, Princess. I am sure you can find her a better home."
EXCUSE ME, BUT I AM THE PRINCESS. I AM A MEMBER THE FAMILY THAT OWNS THIS PALACE – AND THEY ARE TELLING ME THEY CANNOT GIVE ONE ROOM TO LULU?
I need to think of something – but what?
Tuesday, December 31, 6 pm
Wearing a dress that totally hides the fact that I am not that gifted in my chest area is great and all, but I still feel better when I change into Sebastiano's 'I just wanna have some fun/ And I'll do it until I'm done/ I'll tell it to the world/ I've just begun having my fun' shirt.
Shame I am changing again soon, this time into a short cocktail dress, for Grandmere's annual New Year's Eve party.
I can't believe I will finally, after so many years of longing, get to kiss Michael exactly at midnight.
Speaking of Michael, he just took me in his arms.
"I love you, Thermopolis, very much," he said, "but just so you know, I do not appreciate being called an insensitive jerk."
Oops.
I guess I am gonna have to make it up to him now.
Or not ... somebody just knocked.
Tuesday, December 31, 6:15 pm
It was René.
He came to tell us Grandmere canceled her party. Instead, he and Harry are going off to visit some of our cousins down the coast and Michael and I are invited to come along.
Which means I can finally have an evening off with Michael.
Can this be? This is totally too good to be true!
Tuesday, December 31, 6:15 pm
Wait – this is so wrong.
I can't let her do this.
Not after she was so broken this morning.
I need to do something.
Tuesday, December 31, 6:30 pm
"DON'T YOU DARE SAY SOMETHING TO HER!" screamed René when I told him I can't let Grandmere cancel the party she has been preparing whole year.
Yeah, whatever. I am obsessed with fixing problems, haven't you learned that yet?
Tuesday, December 31, 7 pm
"I just don't feel like having a party," Grandmere sighed when I confronted her with the cancellation.
She wasn't in her bed anymore. Though she was still in her sleeping gown, she was at least sitting in her armchair in her chambers, with an even more petrified Rommel on her lap.
"Grandmere, but everybody was so looking forward to your party! You know your parties are the best!"
"Amelia, I need some alone time. I think I deserve it, after everything I had to endure this Christmas, don't you think?" she looked at me sharply.
Which, I mean, you have to admit, is true. Pretty much everything that could go wrong this Christmas, actually did go wrong –
- Arne turned out to be a cheating jerk.
- Her granddaughter sneaked out of royal dinner, only to climb a tree attempting to save a cat only to crash to the ground and almost killing herself.
- The said granddaughter ran off to a gay wedding.
- The said granddaughter was photographed running around with bottles of wine in her hands and wearing a wedding gown that cost three hundred bucks.
- The said granddaughter dyed her hair orange.
- It turned out that the said granddaughter was once again dating a guy she had broken up with over a year ago much to her's delight – and not only that, the said boyfriend came to visit her in Genovia, with the help of her own SON.
- Oh, and not to mention, it was revealed that the said boyfriend is now rich.
- Annual royal portraits were canceled due to granddaughter's hair color.
- The granddaughter had to wear black/grey dresses because it was the only matching her hair.
- Her Persian carpet was ruined (in her mind)
- Sebastiano has left the building in order to pursue a success on his own.
- The granddaughter once again decided to ignore the prepared speech and ended up telling the world that she doesn't care what the world thinks of her.
I take the blame.
She totally deserves to be a bit down.
"Look, if this is about the speech..."
"Yeah, about that ..."
I was totally prepared to hear that I was going to have to memorize the whole family tree of the Saudi Royals.
"It was a great speech, Mia. Very inspiring ... very in the spirit of Renaldo women."
And then I just knew what I needed to say.
I knelt down in front of her.
"Grandmere ... and you know what I think? I think true Renaldo women do not sit around in their rooms after a guy they liked turns out to be a jerk. They put on their best clothes, get their hair and makeup done, and they prepare the best party the palace has ever seen and rock the remaining hours of this year, making the guy wish he had been smarter."
Yup.
I am totally on a roll today.
The party has been un-canceled.
But I am going down the coast to visit some of my cousins with René, Harry, and Michael.
But mainly with Michael.
I know Grandmere will do just fine without me.
Tuesday, December 31, 9 pm
I just got a text a text from Lilly:
Nice speech, POG, you finally got it. By the way, please tell my brother he is totally paying for a Spring Break trip down to Cabo for Kenny and me.
"And you call me insensitive?" Michael laughed when I read him the text. "That wasn't a NICE speech. That was a GREAT speech."
And he stashed my cell back into my purse and kissed me.