Monday, December 30, 7 pm
My boyfriend looks so hot in the tux.
Yes, Grandmere said it was ok for Michael to come to the dinner tonight. I don't know what made her change her mind but I DO NOT CARE!
"Where have you been all day?" he asked me after a big kiss.
"No – where have YOU been all night AND all day?" I said. "What were you doing with Sebastiano?"
"He made me a tux," he shrugged.
"Right. I might actually believe that if I hadn't seen with my own eyes how fast he is with sawing," I eyed him suspiciously.
"You'll find out sooner or later," he smiled at me all mysteriously, "now, while I am happy to talk about your family, I would actually prefer to kiss you again."
I think Agnes and Rosagunde cried in their graves as I dropped the subject and let him kiss me. I mean, he looked so HOT! And he smelled so NICE! Women might really not need men to be strong and independent, but I don't think it hurts to have a man.
Especially if he is as hot, smart, funny and nice as Michael.
Monday, December 30, 8 pm
We just finished with the soup and the main course is being brought.
I'll just say that it won't be my fault if by the end of the evening the dress looks way too big on me.
Monday, December 30, 8:30 pm
Arne is totally losing Grandmere's affection. He just asked Sebastiano who his hair stylist is because he totally loved his half-up half-down Mohawk.
Grandmere nearly dropped the fork in a very un-princess-like matter.
Monday, December 30, 9 pm
This dinner is getting weirder and weirder.
I mean, yeah, Grandmere is still ignoring Michael.
Natalia, Dad's girlfriend, finally found someone she can talk to during formal events (she is a nice person and all but she knows nothing about olives trees or economy) – Kjetil's girlfriend, Greta. They are discussing this very expensive French cream they bought because it was supposed to make their skin tighter but instead, it left them with a terrible rash (that's society's crazy obsession for beauty and perfect skin, everybody!).
Kjetil hasn't moved his eyes off his iPhone (no, wait, actually he did – when looked up when I sat down, saying he thought I was still being treated in hospital for the tree incident - which was mean and all but at least he didn't sell the pictures he took with his phone to the media).
René hasn't learned anything from last night, he is still happily drinking and telling me all he knows about Bella (apparently, she is no longer engaged to some waiter dude from Belgium. She also wasn't accepted to some fine Swiss school. Contessa is supposedly putting her under immense pressure since she has to find a proper husband if she wants to continue living the high society life)
Harry is demonstrating in just how many languages he can ask for a hot bath (he might know Korean but I know Irish).
But that's not it.
What's weird is that Grandmere does not let Arne talk about his hunting days. Nor about food. Nor about what he has seen on his road trip. She even just smiled impatiently when he complimented her hair.
She is too busy verbally batting Contessa Trevanni.
I mean, it is no mystery, Grandmere can be and usually is verbally abusing and all but she never does it in public, as a princess.
She is seriously upset. I think she thinks Contessa Trevanni only agreed to come as Arne's date because she doesn't want Grandmere to catch him.
Seriously, the two of them are worse than two high school girls (and I would know since I am a high school girl):
Grandmere: Elena, did you know that my granddaughter has been chosen as People's Favorite Royal this year? And she is not even eighteen!
[Ok, why does she keep saying this to everyone? I don't want to be World's Favorite Royal! I want to be known by, I don't know, my writings or my activism regarding endangered animals (LANGURS!) or environmental worries!]
Contessa: yeah, I don't find it that surprising. People usually go for best dressed, best hairstyle types. Paolo Metzanni is her stylist, right? I hear he is very good. And with a proper dress, I think everyone can look their best. Even if their best is way beyond their normal self.
[I never said I look good or anything, this was totally evil coming from her! Both Dad and Michael are sending really ugly looks in her direction. And Paolo is THE BEST!]
Grandmere (ignoring her): and the nicest thing is that Amelia doesn't even care about being voted as the most beautiful or the most popular royal! She is too involved with many humanitarian causes to care about pointless things like this! Did you know a new animal shelter is opening tomorrow thanks to her? Her charm has found enough generous donators so that the SPCA could build a completely new shelter in Genovia! And it is not just animals she is concerned about! Thanks to her, recycling bins are now found throughout Genovia. I believe we are the only country in the world that has only recycling bins. She is a great environmentalist. This summer she is once again planning to throw snails in the bay so that the alga won't grow! Do you know how many fishermen will get their livelihood because of her selfless actions?
[As nice as it is to hear Grandmere say this about me, I know she doesn't really mean them. She hates those snails. And she does not care about the fishermen. All she cares about is looking better than Contessa Trevanni.
But she is having a really bad evening, with Arne betraying her and all, so I guess I will let her use me as a bragging object.
Again.
BUT THIS TIME IT WON'T END WITH ME DANCING WITH RENE!]
Contessa: I am sure she is doing it all for her love for Genovia. My Bella here, she has been volunteering in hospitals since she was sixteen. She is helping disabled children and even spends time in orphanage socializing with poor children there. She teaches them how to read, ride the bicycle, everything. She is selflessly devoted to poor children!
Grandmere: have I ever told you that Amelia is most likely going to Sarah Lawrence? I would have gone to that school if I hadn't married her grandfather ... it is one of the finest school in the world, don't you think?
[Colleges? AGAIN? I have no idea where I will go to. I mean there are so many factors to consider ... besides, with my SAT math score ... though, as Trisha said, I will get accepted everywhere.
Because I am a princess.
But then again, I would much rather go saving whales.
Yeah, I too think I will have to pick a college eventually.]
Contessa (with the fakest happy voice I have ever heard – these high society ladies are so good at faking things, aren't they?): how lovely! Bella is too busy to attend college right now. With all her charity work and volunteering in hospitals, orphanages, she rather devotes herself to the poor than to textbooks.
Grandmere: she wanted to go to that Swiss school if I am not mistaken? How she could not have been accepted, is beyond me. What was the reason again? Something to do with skiing inappropriately or something? Please remind me, I cannot remember ...
Contessa (suddenly frowning): well, Clarisse, as far as I know, you hired a guy who coaches professional skiers to teach your dear granddaughter to ski and yet she ended up with a sprained ankle. I think this tells a lot about her skiing skills.
[Seriously, who else knows about this?]
Grandmere: she was skiing just fine! It wasn't her fault if a poor dog ran towards her! Of course she couldn't ski over him or something, it would kill Rommel, he has such a fragile body! She rather sacrificed herself than hurting the animal! Can you be more selfless?
[Wait – did she just admit her dog was the reason for my sprained ankle? Before today she kept saying the guy she hired sucked at coaching?]
Contessa: well, Bella here is going to Zambia in the summer. She will volunteer there in a village, work in a hospital and oversee a construction of a new school.
[Is it just me or are Kjetil and Bella secretly sending looks to each other's direction? Contessa is too busy trying to look good in comparison to Grandmere to notice and, well, everyone else is enjoying the Beef Tourtiere]
Grandmere: it is so sad, the situation the African children are in, don't you think? Amelia has been sponsoring a village in Somalia since she was fifteen. A girl from that village is actually going to Cairo this year to study medicine. She would have never gotten this opportunity had it not been for my dear granddaughter. Oh, and the wonders she has done for sea creatures! She has been a devoted support and donator to, what is it again, Greenpeace since she was fourteen! Every time you see the activist saving whales, you know it is all thanks to my granddaughter and her daily contributions! She is surely making a difference on this planet! She is so selfless, so in love with everything living that refuses to even wear brands that use real fur! And she doesn't eat meat! She rather starves the whole dinner than eats meat!
Arne (looking totally freaked): well, speaking of meat, this was delicious. What do you say, should we take a break? Maybe have some wine before the desserts?
So now we are in salon, waiting for desserts to be served. And we will keep waiting until Bella shows up.
She probably went to fix her make up or something.
Monday, December 30, 10 pm
Strangely, Kjetil too disappeared. Seriously, can they both just come back so that we can have the desserts and then go our separate ways? I mean, my boyfriend is here and I am stuck in a room of much older people who keep talking about battling recession.
I would much rather play Seven Minutes in Heaven in one of the closets in the hallway with my boyfriend.
Shame my boyfriend seems to be more into talking about economy.
Monday, December 30, 10:30 pm
Desserts are getting cold.
Our chef for the night is getting impatient.
Monday, December 30, 10:40 pm
Servants go searching for the missing couple.
I go look for René because, let's face it, he usually causes trouble in the Genovian palace.
I find him in one of the hallways, having a sliding in socks competition with Harry, Sebastiano, and Francois.
Which, you gotta admit, is still way better than anything else he has done this Christmas.
Monday, December 30, 10:45 pm
I got talked into joining them for a round.
But just one.
Monday, December 30, 10:55 pm
Ok, five. Or six, I lost count.
Francois is winning big time. Though Harry was so close to beating him but unfortunately, in his would-be-winning slide he lost balance and crashed into a weird-looking sculpture that, according to Francois, is actually my grandfather's favorite English Beagle.
Monday, December 30, 11:10 pm
Apparently, I wasn't the only one thinking this dinner thing would be so much more fun if it included Seven Minutes in Heaven.
Bella and Kjetil were finally found making out in the janitor's closet.
Kjetil's girlfriend, Greta, theatrically left the palace, calling airlines to get a first-class ticket back to Oslo.
Arne suddenly ran out of his hunting stories.
Contessa Trevanni's eyes are still widened with horror.
Grandmere isn't even trying to hide glee on her face.
And we are finally getting desserts.
Yaaaaaaaaaay.
Monday, December 30, 11:30 pm
"Janitor's closet, huh?" whispered Michael into my ear after we sat down for desserts. "You know what that reminds me of?"
"Brooms?" I grinned.
Monday, December 30, 11:50 pm
Contessa didn't let her granddaughter leave the table and hide in her shame. She had to sit next to her grandmother, sitting straight though it was obvious the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Her partner in crime was slowly sipping wine, not looking terribly upset or anything.
I haven't seen Grandmere so happy in a long, long time; she wore a malicious smile in her face throughout desserts.
Then she cleared her throat and I could see Contessa shriek.
"Well, Elena, while your granddaughter is sneaking around well-heeled men in order to be a well-provided-for mistress since, let's face it, the chances of her being married well are basically zero, my granddaughter is going to marry a guy who became a millionaire from his own creation that saves lives before he turned 21."
After she finished, there was a silence in the room for a few moments. I mean, it took a while for her words to sink in.
And when they did, I basically just dropped the spoon and stared at her with my mouth open.
Did she just say ...
"Alright, thanks for dinner, it was good!" exclaimed Harry quickly, "let's go, shall we?"
'We' meant me being dragged to the kitchen (when will people realize that the sight of meat does not calm me down? It is psychologically disturbing!). They sat me down on the counter and one of the servants out another piece of chocolate cake in front of me. Michael knelt down in front of me.
"Well, I gotta say that was the best dinner I ever attended," grinned René. "Clarisse is getting better and better at organizing these!"
"What did she just say?" I said. I looked at Michael. "Did she just say that she ... approves you?"
"If by him you mean his millions, yeah, I think she does," laughed Harry. "Come on, Genovia, drop the mask, it's not like this is some big surprise!"
I looked at him puzzled.
"Huh?"
"Jesus, Harry, we are talking to a girl who one year ago thought he hated her!" rolled his eyes René. "BC, I do realize none of us here possesses any quality knowledge when it comes to science and stuff, but it is not really that difficult to understand - the guy reinvented heart surgery. REINVENTED! And do you know what happens to people who reinvent something? They get RICH and FAMOUS! Look at Bill Gates or Steve Jobs!"
"She's not technological type, René. Look at Madonna who reinvented pop, or Britney or Beyoncé – they all reinvented music in their own way ..."
"Harry, stop comparing him to pop artists! What we are trying to tell you ... people who invent something get rich. VERY RICH. And if it's saving lives, it is just the cherry on the cake. Come on, even you can't be that dense!"
"I never thought this could make Grandmere..."
"Well, luckily you have a GENIUS here doing all the thinking for you," said Harry and pointed to Michael.
Michael just smiled modestly and took my hand.
"Come on, let's get out of this nuthouse, what do you say?" he said to me and his eyes sparkled.
"You call it nut house, I call it fun," laughed René, "Harry, I don't think Clarisse will let her guests finish the wine, you in?"
"Absolutely," grinned Harry.