Sunday, December 29, 8 pm
She is seriously angry with me.
I am stuck at dinner with Genovian olive farmers.
She didn't let Michael come. I asked why and she said it was because he wasn't the member of the Genovian Royal Family.
Then I pointed out neither was Natalia who is sitting opposite to me and keeps asking waiters for water because alcohol is apparently going directly into her thighs.
Grandmere said Michael had no proper clothing with him anyway.
Which, I am sorry, but Sebastiano could easily make something for him in no time.
René just whispered to me that Grandmere is probably not as upset with Michael as she is with the fact that I have a functional relationship while her consort, Arne, has still not come back from his road trip.
He said that if she allowed him to come with his blue hair (though, to be honest, the constant washing of his hair is showing some kind of effect – half of his hair is now back to its normal brown), Michael's clothing definitely wouldn't be a problem.
Then he added that Grandmere was probably worried that the farmers would be so impressed with Michael that they would completely forget to compliment her shiny and wrinkleless skin.
Besides, Harry too wasn't allowed to come so, René finished, it definitely wasn't personal when Grandmere decided Michael couldn't come.
Things are so simple in guys' minds, aren't they?
Sunday, December 29, 9 pm
My sincere apologies to the leading meteorology experts that are also here but I forgot to mention them.
They are having a lengthy discussion regarding the effects of global warming on Genovia's agriculture.
Which, I mean, is a big problem and all, but I have been telling this to everyone since I found out I was a princess. I am the one fighting for the artificial Christmas tree in the main square. I am the one fighting for free public transportation for all Genovians.
And I am the one nobody ever listens to.
Just because I didn't graduate from meteorology, it does not mean I am completely clueless.
Sunday, December 29, 10 pm
**List Of Best NCIS Moments, By HRH Mia & HRH René**
1. When Tony stops the car only to yell his lungs out.
2. Tony being high on painkillers –'my fingers are fingering ...'
3. Kate & Tony at the gynecologist's office - 'you slept with my sister', 'I thought she was you!', 'she weighs 300 pounds!'
4. Tony: 'If I needed to be cheered up I would have put super glue on McGee's keyboard.' McGee: 'You put super glue on my keyboard!'
5. Pimmy Jalmer falling down that hill / Stay in the Car!
6. Ziva licking Tony's ear to wake him up
7. 'Step down McFlowerPower, you've had your chance to speak'
8. Gibbs shooting that guy in the butt
Sunday, December 29, 10:30 pm
All formal dinners end before 10 pm.
So why is this one still lasting? Why are we now having another round of desserts and wine in the salon instead of the dining room?
Grandmere can say whatever she wants but I know it is not because she would be so fascinated with olive trees.
Sunday, December 29, 11 pm
What is Grandmere thinking? René has already started his third bottle of the evening.
There is no way this is ending well.
Sunday, December 29, 11:30 pm
René ended up dancing with this totally cute girl. She seemed to be totally psyched about dancing with a prince.
Even though René is only a prince by his title.
But whatever.
After the dance ended, René joined the Royal musicians and sang an old French song to the girl and sadly replaced some words regarding her facial beauty with words of other beautiful parts of her body.
What is even sadder is that it turned out that the girl was an under-aged daughter of the leading Genovian meteorologist.
René was escorted to his room, and meteorologist and his daughter left. Which means, no more discussions about global warming.
Now we are listening about the fertilizers.
And I am the youngest person in the room by, I don't know, 40 years?
I wonder what Michael is doing.
Monday, December 30, midnight
Is there a more boring thing than discussing fertilizers and fertile fields?
As it turns out, there is - discussing fertilizers and fertile fields in French.
Monday, December 30, 1 am
Ok ... it turned out Grandmere truly wasn't that interested in olive groves.
We got the second round of desserts because she didn't want to wait for Arne to come back to the palace all by herself. So she pumped us with chocolate and expensive wine so that our adenosine receptors got tricked into believing we weren't tired at all. We were happily chatting and singing along to the Royal Band until midnight when Arne finally showed up. Grandmere looked actually happy to see him.
I know she loves Genovia and diamond rings but this ... why would she wait up for a guy?
Could it be that she actually LIKES him?
No, not Grandmere. She doesn't like anybody.
Except maybe Rommel (I saw the checks his vet gets) - though I kind of doubt that sometimes.
Anyway, this evening Arne is bringing some people he met on his trip. One of them is a chef who, according to Arne, makes the best Normandy Pork of the Southern France. Arne insists Grandmere has to try it so Pierre has an evening off tonight.
I do hope this chef Arne admires is as good when it comes to desserts as he is apparently with meat.
Something tells me I won't be getting anything vegetarian tonight.
Again.
I mean, I know our guests and their tastes are important, but what about me? I am the princess, last time I checked?
And it is not like I am asking for, I don't know, diamond shoes or The Heart of the Ocean.
I just want dinner without meat.
Am I really asking too much?
NO ANIMAL EVEN HAS TO DIE FOR MY MEAL!
Monday, December 30, 2 am
I am not selfish. I am not selfish at all. It is not like I want Michael all for myself. I have no problem sharing him with the entire world.
But ... I mean, Dad did bring him here so that we could spend some time together. And we don't get to spend time together because the world keeps taking its share!
Sebastiano totally occupied him this evening. And he has still not let him go. Vigo told me they are in one of the receptions rooms of the palace discussing how to found a company.
Yes, at two in the morning they are discussing WORK! ECONOMY! BUSINESS!
Ok, evil Sebastiano, who are you and what have you done with my Sebastiano? You know, the slightly coocoo cousin of mine who is super fun to be around because his greatest worry is the use of polyester?
I would go find them but there are soooo many reception rooms in the palace and I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.
Here's to hoping that maybe tomorrow I will get an hour or two of alone time with Michael.
I mean today. Is it today already?
Monday, December 30, 2:30 am
I'll just stay up until Michael comes back. I'll just wait for him in his room. I mean, I need to talk to him.
I truly don't understand why Grandmere hates Britney Collection Sebastiano made so much. I mean, all the shirts are super comfortable, plus, each of them has a meaning. I feel so bad that the only way I can use them is to sleep in them. Because Grandmere would freak if she saw me wearing it during the day.
I'm Mrs. 'You want a piece of me?'
Tryin' and pissin' me off
Well get in line with the paparazzi
Who's flippin' me off
Maybe she doesn't like it because, according to her, it isn't in 'proper English'?
Monday, December 30, 8 am
I didn't get a good night kiss because I fell asleep before Michael came back. But I got my good morning kiss.
And that was pretty much it.
I wouldn't even get that kiss if I didn't wake up while Michael was leaving the room. Because, guess what, it wasn't even eight in the morning but he and Sebastiano were already off to discussing more business.
What are they cooking up? What could be more important than breakfast?
And, well, as far as Michael is concerned, me?
Monday, December 30, 11 am
It turned out the servant who caught the teapot Harry dropped yesterday, wasn't as fast as we thought.
It has just been discovered that there are some tea spots on the Persian carpet in the salon.
I think Grandmere will get a heart attack or something, because she keeps screaming that 'Dear Mahbod got it for her on a Persian market and it has a great meaning to her'.
Oh my god. We have dry cleaners in Genovia, do you know that, Grandmere?
Actually, we also have them in PALACE!
It is just tea.
Monday, December 30, 2 pm
This is not good. This is not good at all.
So I spent another hour posing for the Royal Portrait. The painter had a very worried look on his face the whole time and it looked like he was hoping to chew off the end of the brush.
Then he finally gave in.
"I cannot do this," he said.
"Why not? You did it last year already!" said Grandmere sharply.
"The colors are all off! It will not match all the other portraits!" he screamed.
"How can the colors be off?" I asked. "I was posing in this exact room last year!"
"Yes, Princess, but you didn't have orange hair! Orange hair will look too bright in the collection of portraits! It will stand out too much!"
"What are you saying?" said Grandmere with her eyes wide open.
"I am saying ... maybe we should skip one year?" said the painter carefully.
Monday, December 30, 4 pm
YES, GRANDMERE, I LEARNT MY LESSON, I AM NEVER DYING MY HAIR ORANGE AGAIN. I GOT IT, NOW CAN YOU PLEASE STOP TORTURING ME?
I had a whole afternoon dedicated to posing for the portrait; now that it has been canceled, do you think I get an afternoon off? Of course not; I am having speech lessons with Grandmere and Vigo.
That's right, for that speech for the shelter tomorrow.
I just have to memorize it. I don't need a whole afternoon of practice!
I mean, Vigo even said that I can READ it! Exactly! They are so afraid that I will forget what to say and end up saying something ... well, something like how good the parking meters are that I am allowed to just read the speech.
And, I mean, given the fact that I am about to graduate from high school next year (given that I pass the Trigonometry, that is, of course), every rational being would think, hey, the girl must know how to read, no need to make her read it again and again!
But no, not Grandmere and her evil accomplice!
Now they are telling me about the correct position of my hands during the speech (I am not kidding. Who cares what I will do with my hands?).
I reminded them that we were late for lunch and do you know what my own GRANDMOTHER told me?
"Amelia, we have a fine dinner in the evening and skipping a meal won't do you any harm."
And then in the evening, she will say something like, Amelia, you would look so much better in this dress if you had any hips!
I can't win. I just can't win.
Monday, December 30, 5 pm
René humiliated the royal family last night with his erratic behavior (even I am not afraid to say it and I am, according to pretty much everyone, super kind and forgiving).
And yet it seems everyone has forgiven him.
I know, he is René and he does those kinds of stuff all the time but – WHAT DID I DO TO THAT WAS SO MUCH WORSE THAN WHAT RENE DID? I mean, he is free to walk around the palace as if nothing has happened while I ...
Seriously, what did I do? What did I do that was so bad that I don't even get A MINUTE with my boyfriend?
I am so desperate I would be totally content with a single minute. Not a make-out session, I would just like to see him. Just a second of smelling his neck would reassure me that somehow I will survive this dreadful dinner that's staring in an hour.
I mean, I took a peek in the kitchen and THERE'S MEAT EVERYWHERE.
Monday, December 30, 6 pm
I can't believe I am actually saying this, but it is the truth.
I feel sorry for Grandmere.
I really do.
Because it turned out ... one of the people Arne brought along is none other than Contessa Trevanni.
And he brought her along as his date.
Yes, DATE!
To a dinner hosted by a woman who has had a special chemical treatment of her face done especially for HIM.
He walked in the palace with Contessa in tow, looking all happy. Bella, her granddaughter, was following, with her usual sad expression on her face.
"Clarisse!" he exclaimed, "come meet Contessa Trevanni!"
I thought Grandmere would throw them both out. Seriously, she had that look on her face. But I guess then she remembered that princesses do not throw people out, mainly because they never lose their cool.
I don't know what upsets Grandmere more, the fact that Arne does not seem to like her or the fact that he seems to like Contessa Trevanni.
I know how terrible it must be for Grandmere. I mean, she put so much effort into this Christmas with Arne and all and ... I don't know, she does seem to really like him, no matter how alien it sounds (she has been obsessed with rich men before but never to this extent. She usually tried to show her men how great Genovia and its cuisine are; she never had Pierre make national cuisines of her men's country). And now he came to dinner with her worst enemy as a date.
I know how it feels. I remember how much it hurt when I saw Michael and Judith together that time we went skating. And especially how terrible it was when it turned out they were in some sense more than friends.
Grandmere didn't mention that they already know each other and neither did Contessa. They just smiled to each other and they wore the fakest smiles I have ever seen. I think that if the two of them would be alone in ...
Wait – what is going on?