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EMERY.
I don't think I've ever been so excited for school before. Cole is going to show me his ear rape today. He denies that it's ear rape but if it's music then it most likely is. I hate music, at least from what I've heard. Maybe I just hate rap music because it's played at an unreasonably fucking loud volume at parties. Sure, call me a fucking grumpy grandma, but I hate noise.
Silence is what calms me, and music is the exact opposite of that. But Cole assured me that I will love his music, whatever it may be. He never gave me a band name or singer.
I swear, if he plays one of my mom's fray songs I'm going to vomit. Don't get me wrong, her songs are fine, but she plays them way too fucking much while she cleans and I know every single word of that whiny ass song Look After You. It was a cool song at first but now... I can't get it out of my head half the time and it annoys the shit out of me.
I put my black boots on and fling my bag on my shoulder before going downstairs for breakfast.
Mom has already put waffles on the table for everyone, and I am the first to get downstairs. "Where's everyone else?"
"Auden is in the shower and your father had a long night so I'm letting him rest." She replies, sitting down at the table.
I hesitantly sit down, nodding slightly. I hope she doesn't think we're magically best friends since I was nice to her last night. I just didn't feel like lashing out on her in front of Cole. But she did come in without knocking. I could've been fucking naked for all she knows.
I roll my eyes at the thought, and stick a syrupy piece of waffle in my mouth. She looks up, and I can already tell she's trying to think of something to say. "I'm sorry for walking into your room without knocking last night. I wasn't thinking."
I nod, looking at my waffles. I see her frown, but I feel no sympathy. She knows what she did to me, and I plan on reminding her 'til the day I die. Just like she reminds me every time I look at her. It's her fault he's gone. Her fault.
Not only that but she's so fucking controlling! She won't let me make prime decisions for myself. She better mind her own fucking business when I'm out tomorrow night. They have parties every night but I've been so fucking busy and tired to attend one these last few days. I also have been trying to avoid Chris as much as possible, but I know he isn't going to let go that easily. I'm surprised he hasn't texted me today. "It's fine." I mumble, and shrug. "I have to go."
I fling my bag back on my shoulder and leave my plate on the table and head towards the door. "Have a good day, honey." She calls, and I slightly smile at her effort. I get that she's sorry. But sometimes she acts so fucking oblivious, and that's not going to change what happened. It's so fucking infuriating when she tries to crawl into my personal life and fucking help me as if I'm unable to help myself. I don't need her help.
She probably wouldn't even help me. If I told her personal shit, she would probably die; If I told her about Chris or possibly about how Cole makes me feel giddy. She'll make me feel like I'm committing a fucking murder. it's simply easier to just leave her be and ignore her.
Once I get out of the house I pull my red plaid flannel from my bag and slip it on, I see Cole walking from his house across my yard and I wonder why he doesn't just use the sidewalk. Not that I care if he walks on our grass. "Why don't you put your jacket on inside? It'll save you from getting cold."
"Because my mom will make a big deal that I'm wearing colors. She might even take a few photos while she's at it."
He huffs an amused chuckle, "gotcha." He then holds up a CD without a cover and I lift my eyebrows.
"That's it? One CD?"
He nods and gets in the passenger side, I in the drivers. I press the CD button and he places it inside the slot. It sucks the CD into its machine, and I can't help but be a little nervous. What if it's actually good? Damn it, then I'll have it stuck in my head...
This is me singing. I wrote this. ^ (imagine a guy singing lol)
Something starts to play, something that sounds like a heartbeat. Then piano, and a voice that sounds familiar, "what kind of friend would I be if I just moved on,"
I lift my eyebrows and turn to Cole to see him examining my reaction with a red face. "Attended your funeral just because you're gone." It sings. What the fuck?
Soon the beat changes to a happier beat, "all the stories that you told, about your future when we grow old." The lyrics are still deep but the beat is lighter more happier. I smile softly. Okay, maybe this is good.
"Do you like it?" He asks, and I think for a moment.
Suddenly the entire song goes quiet, and seconds later it's just a piano. "Take a look in the mirror what do you see?"
I think about all the times I have looked in the mirror and seen someone else staring back at me. The first time I gave myself to Chris as payment: My hair was disheveled and I had rings under my eyes from lack of sleep. My stomach was churning with anxiety, guilt, and regret, and my face was so pale I looked like a fucking ghost. The time I found out Tailey slept with my boyfriend: My eyes were bloodshot red and my fists were white with anger. My nose was scrunched and my eyes were red with fury. And worst of all, the time I gazed into the mirror and what gazed back was the purple and blue bruise on my face from—
"Em, you okay?" Cole asks, leaning towards me and I look away quickly once I feel a tear escape my eye. I wipe them, and I nod my head.
"Good song, Neighbor Boy." I say simply, putting the car in gear and quickly, probably even dangerously, pulling out of the driveway. I want to get to school quickly so I can get out of this fucking suffocating car.
He stays silent for a moment before nodding. "Um..." he stutters and I don't have the strength to look over at him. "I wrote it."
I smile softly. Of course he did. Of course he wrote a song that gets to me emotionally. It's as if he knows everything about me without me needing to tell him a single thing. That's what makes his presence so comforting. I feel like he understands without judgement even though he doesn't know anything that I've done. If he did... he wouldn't stay around for much longer.
◉‿◉
During lunch, I contemplate whether I should sit with Tailey and Marisa or not. Tailey is such a bitch, and the thought of looking at her fucking face makes me want to choke her out.
I then see Cole glance around the obnoxiously small room before setting his tray down, along with his bag. He sits down and picks at his food.
I could sit with him, but then Tailey and Marisa will wonder why I'm sitting with someone they think I despise so much. While I try to decide, Cole's eyes meet mine and he waves slightly.
I ignore his small awkward wave and quickly decide that sitting outside for lunch sounds fucking lovely. I twist around and head for the outside world. I packed my own sandwich so I don't have to eat the shit they serve inside. The scruffy lunch lady probably puts poison in the food. And if the lunch lady would poison anyone's food it would be mine. I told her, "your food is shit" the first week of school and she has hated me ever since. I didn't regret saying it though, and I still don't. That food is shit!
"Hey, why are you outside?" I hear someone ask and I shrug.
"Because it was fucking loud." I reply, looking over to see Cole in a white hoodie with his hands in his pockets. The hoodie looks nice, I didn't notice he was wearing one this morning. Was he wearing it this morning?
"No I got it from my backpack." He answers my thoughts and I'm immediately on alert. Shit, he really is a mind reader. Oh, fuck no. Either he's psychic or I'm speaking my mind again. Shit.
Instead of bringing attention to my panic, I change the subject. "Why are you out here?"
He shrugs, "it's loud."
"Fucking loud, huh?" I chuckle, teasing him for being so pure. I've heard him cuss but he rarely does. It makes me think he has brain issues. Who doesn't curse? I'm sure he curses in his mind at least. However, my mom doesn't curse much either. Maybe they are alike.
He kicks at the rocks on the gravely pavement. We are standing just outside the exit, where a small square of cement lies, acting like a little porch. "Uh... what are you doing tomorrow after school?"
I squint my eyes at the brown haired boy, before looking up to search my brain. "I'm going to a party. You're coming with, right?"
"I thought bringing me to a party was a mistake..." he trails off and I chuckle.
"Well, if you keep me in a good mood then you can tag along."
He shakes his head. "No, uh... how about instead of going to a drinking party we go to a birthday party?" He asks and I can't help but burst out laughing.
"Aw is it your birthday, Neighbor Boy?" I tease, and he smiles.
"No, it's my cousin's tenth birthday party and I'm going to be the only seventeen year old there." He explains, before looking dead in my eyes with so much confidence I'm not sure if he's kidding with me. "Will you come with me?" Immediately once he says this he looks down, losing his confidence. "So I won't be the only one, you know?" He sways on his feet and I push his shoulder.
He looks up at me confused and I nudge him again. "What is that? A yes? No?" I chuckle lightly and nudge him again. He's got to be fucking with me. Usually guys ask me to come to their place, not a fucking ten year old's birthday!
I laugh again, lost on why he isn't laughing with me at his stupid joke. "No?" He looks totally lost, and I stop laughing looking at him with shocked eyes.
"Wait, you're serious?" I ask, lifting my eyebrows. He nods, looking at me as if I'm insane for thinking differently. Well fucking kill me now. I don't want to tell him yes because that just pushes me further into this hole of him thinking I have feelings for him, but I don't want to say no because I honestly don't want to go to a party tomorrow night and see fucking Chris.
"Fine." I say, looking at the ground and he frowns.
"You don't have to go."
"No, I want to. We'll take my car. But I'm driving because no one drives my car except me." I point at him sternly, and he chuckles.
"Right. I remember." He smirks, and I huff. It's not something to be all fucking snarky about. "That means I need your number."
"What? Why?"
"Because if you are going to drive then I need to send you the address somehow." He says simply, sticking his hands in his pockets to fish out his phone.
"I could just use your phone!" I scoff, and he shakes his head.
"Your car, your phone. That's the rules." I look at him as if he has three heads. "What? I don't make the rules."
I huff, exchanging my phone for his. I type my number, and hand him his phone back. I look at his contacts and find he put his name as:
Neighbor Boy 🏠
I chuckle, looking back up at him, and just on time, the bell rings and we say goodbye and run to class.
Well, he ran. I fucking walked my own fucking pace because I don't care about my fucking classes. Also, the fucking teachers can't get me to do fucking anything unless if I fucking want to!
Oh, and I'm fucking smiling now.
◉‿◉
𝙰𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛'𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎
Describe Cole in three words.
Chapter eighteen: Nov. 13, 2020