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the command shuttle started to rumble and the ramp lowered soon after. kylo stepped out and immediately headed for the main control room. he needed to be in and out because he couldnt risk even seeing a glimpse of you.
he knew that just a brief look would make him disregard everything that he had been telling himself for the past months.
he couldnt let that happen. he couldnt fall for you again.
"general hux, the mission is complete- of course." kylo to the redhead with confidence.
"excellent. with or without any complications?" he knew that this would tick the supreme leader off.
"what do you think?" kylo stepped closer.
"i hope and assume none."
"well then, you are correct." he walked away and rushed over to his quarters.
he shut the door and quickly stripped of his clothes. he needed to get them off of him, they felt dirty- they felt like pure darkness.
though kylo thought that that would make him want to wear them even longer, it actually made him want to take them off faster. he made his way over to his bathroom and ran a burning hot shower.
he let his dark black hair soak under the water as he closed his eyes. sure enough, the only thing he could see was you.
but then, he saw his mother.
and then luke.
and then anakin.
he didnt waste any time to whip his eyes back open. he finished his shower within seconds and left the bathroom swiftly. he proceeded to go into his closet to get some clothing, and when he reached for a pair of pants, he had another flashback of you. it was from the time when you were screaming at him with joy to try on the outfit you put together for him.
he quickly gathered the clothes he needed and dashed out. he got dressed the. headed over to his desk. maybe writing something would get his mind off of you?
when he picked up a blank piece of paper, he instantly saw yet another event that took place previously. this time, it was of you sitting on the desk and ranting about how happy you were that jaxx forgave you. kylo walked over to his bed, where the same thing happened.
memories of him holding you in his arms. flashbacks of the 2 of you talking about literally everything.
he sat right back up and opened his door. he made his way to the closest training room, where he finally wasnt picturing you as intensely anymore.
he couldnt get you out of his head and it was freaking him out. maybe it was because he was so nervous about accidentally running into you? kylo knew that he couldnt bare to be reminded of you everywhere he went, yet he also couldn't bare getting his heart shattered either.
you continued to look at the stars from the inside of the tie fighter. hundreds of them sparkled in the sky with such beauty. you were already starting to get closer and closer to the finalizer, and your anxiety was eating at you. the thought of seeing kylo, jaxx, and etta and piers excited you, but also scared you.
what did they didnt want to see you?
you pushed that idea aside because you knew that it was false. they all cared for you tremendously, so of course they would love to see you again. you couldnt help but focus on kylo the most though.
would he still love you? he already started to confess it, but did he still mean it?
that is, if he even meant it in the first place...
you suddenly felt a harsh pang in your chest. you knew it was the force- it was uneasy.
but why?
it almost felt like you lost someone, someone very close to you. sadness already started to consume you, even though you didnt know the reason why you felt this way exactly.
your mind quickly went over to luke.
letting out a quiet gasp, your brain started to race and go in ever which way.
you started to regret not turning the ship around, even if it meant going against his word. it all made sense now: the first order tie fighters, the huge ships...kylos ship. luke had already told you that the first order was after him for a long time and they still hadnt attacked him- oh just how he jinxed it.
you were already pretty far into space, so returning back to ahch-to would be a waste of time and fuel. tears started to form in your eyes as your breathing started to become uneasy.
luke was an extremely extraordinarily, amazing human being. you knew that you would miss and grieve him dearly. he helped you, he guided you, he taught you, and most importantly...he pushed you.
he pushed you past your boundaries, and you were beyond greatful. luke skywalker was the one who healed you from your past- which was your greatest demon of all time.
he freed you, and he knew it.
you shut your eyes and searched the force for him. to your sudden dismay, you couldnt find him at all-he was gone.
you leaned farther into your chair and covered your mouth. you couldnt believe that kylo would do such thing. you couldnt believe that he would kill his uncle. an uncle who cared for him deeply, and only wanted the best for him- even if he didnt show it much.
knowing that the so called 'man you loved' killed 2 of his own blood- his father and uncle, made you question if ben solo was still there. how could light still remain in a person who committed such acts?
"may the force be with you, luke." you said outloud before breaking out into tears. you cried for a good 15 minutes, hoping that he was now in peace. then, you heard a loud beeping sound.
"destination approaching: the finalizer" you read the message to yourself.
you started to feel your head shake unwillingly. you could never see kylo now, not after what you had learned he had done. you looked out the window one last time, and then you turned your head back around.
the large ship filled the front window of the fighter quickly. you hadnt realized just how truly big the finalizer was.
almost if the order knew you were here, the shields of the ship were let down and your tie fighter freely passed right into it.
"that's weird" you muttered quietly. why would they let a lone fighter into the ship so easily? maybe they thought that you were from the mission and just got lost...in space or something.
you maneuvered the ship to the closest hangar. your hands started to sweat and you took in a few deep breaths. you landed the tie fighter not very smoothly, and you then shut the ship off. you reached over for your bag and grabbed ahold of it within seconds.
you pressed a somewhat large button that caused the ships door to pop open. before you peaked your head out, you gave yourself some reassuring sentences to try and calm your many nerves.
"it will be just fine. everything is perfectly fine." you said to yourself as you cracked some of your bones- including your neck and knuckles out of nervousness.
you cautionly got up from your seat and poked your head out. you didnt see anyone in the hangar which was bizarre- not a single general, or stormtrooper, or even janitor, but you hopped right out of the small ship without hesitation. maybe this was some type of private hangar?
you took a few steps before coming to a halt. you took a second to breathe in the familiar air that you came to miss a little.
"anddd, we are back." you smiled to yourself as you clutched tightly on your suitcase like bag. you couldnt seem to contain this huge joy that spread over you as soon as your feet touched the ground. you started to feel almost like you were radiating happiness, and you were sure that if someone were to walk by, they would be consumed by it as well.
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authors note
ahh!! i hope you enjoyed and vote/comment if you want to <33 i appreciate it like crazyyy lmaooo
-i.t