The night had fallen beautifully and the glass covered balcony overlooked at the sky clear of any clouds glimmering with the tiny stars. Shehnaaz sat besides Sidharth on the cane swing holding her mug of coffee
The silence between them was eerie as they sat their sipping on their coffee. The garden was nothing like Shehnaaz had seen it earlier and yet it was so familiar and warm. The lights were dim out there, the swing was on one corner, a two seat small comfortable place. The plants covered the wall in front of the swing and there was another small sitting space below it covered with fairy lights emitting pearl white light.
Shehnaaz could not believe her eyes, this small thing meant a lot. Their first meeting at their home when they sat in a gargen much alike this one way past midnight. Shehnaaz smiled remembering this and slightly turned her eyes too look at Sidharth whose lips were curved into a sweet small smile and knew he was thinking about the same. The time then was so different, the way they just sat their through the night slowly cherishing memories of past, sharing their happy moments and who knew it was way back then when they were tied together with the stars at witness, their hearts felt calmer in each other's vicinity and that was what had set the stone of their relationship. Trust, possessiveness, attachment ce later on and maybe....her heart beating against her chest trying to propel her to accept buy the brain froze..maybe left uncomplete..though she knew what it was but her insides churned, refused, scared prohibited her to even accept to herself.
'But what is the problem? He is all what you need, your home?' her heart tried to scream.
'But what if this spoils everything, destroys the peace, my safe home, what if' .....and her insides were now summersaulting. 'It is so beautiful this way, but for how long? Love is inevitable but still why put it in words, what if doing so turned everything.' 'He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I won't spoil, I can't....this is beautiful' she told herself. The fight inside her brain ached her heart. She wanted to wrap around him, wanting him to hold her tightly. The feelings are sometimes so difficult to accept, so scary. She was burning inside, her past had rendered deep marks upon her, the marks so deeply embedded in her. She feared not loving which every cell in her knew she had fallen for him...she feared accepting it, she feared him, leaving.
She closed her eyes trying to slow down her pace of heart.
'Yaad hai...' Sidharth broke the silence. Shehnaaz turned to look at him. He was still staring at the sky. He continued, 'Punjab m jb hm Tere garden m baither the?'
'Hmm' Shehnaaz said looking away from him, at the sky.
'Kbhi socha bhi nhi tha uss time kbhi aisa bhi ho skta hai' he continued after a second's pause. Shehnaaz let out a soft chuckle.
'Maine bhi nhi' she said with honesty.
The silence fell again but soon Sidharth spoke again.
'Sach bolun, ye hoga nhi pta tha but JB wahaan baatein ki na mujhe nhi yaas usse pehle kb ki, kiske saath ki...kuch alag that...jb Bigg boss m pehli baar mile tb bhi lga tha but'
'M wahaan mehmaan this?'
'Hmm'
'M ek Sach bolun?'
He turned towards her now and smiled.
'M na bhut bdi fan thi, Kya vo die-hard fangirl bhut pehle se...the se jb se tu mere liye shiv tha, ideal husband?' she completed with chuckle.
'Matlab? Shiv ideal husband tha m nhi hu?' Sidharth frowned. Shehnaaz turned again to sky.
Sidharth sat there looking at her, moonlight serving as a natural highlighter gleaming against her skin. His heart urged to hold her, kiss those shining cheecks, the eyes reflecting the moonlight making him miss a heart beat. He was so into the moment, so blessed to have someone besides in beautiful yet lonely night. He could not muster himself to tell her how these peace, homely feeling was being exploited out there, how to tell her it doesn't matter, how to make her face it. He was lost when she rested herself on his chest letting him support her body weight. She folded her legs and one of her hand rested on his thigh.
'Tujhe m ek btau?' she asked looking still at the sky.
'Hmm' he said trying to resist his urge to hold her and kiss her.
'Mujhe na aise baithna bhut pasand hai, aise jaise abhi, Tere Dil ki dhadkan sunti hai' Shehnaaz didn't knew why she said tht, it was as if someone else spoke for her but she still knew they were true, they were from the very depths of her heart. She shifted closer to him wrapping her arms around him and closed her eyes. His beating synced with her's. He sat transfixed weighing her words, he felt his arms close around her, his heart screamed and he knew she was there to calm him with such a power that she held the power to his smile as well to cause him pain.
'Shehnaaz log na baatein krte hai, bhut kuch bhut baar sirf dukh phunchane k liye. Pr tu na akeli nhi hai....kbhi hogi bhi nhi...promise kiya tha uss din jb hm chat pr bast kr the the...tb se jb se shaadi k liyr haan bola tha...' Sidharth took a deep breath to enable to speak further. Shehnaaz's hand rested on his cheek.
'Kya hua' she asked still in that calm voice. Sidharth shook his head.
'Promise kr'
'Kya?'
'Promise kr ki logon ki baaton, faltu ki assumptions or abuses ya questions se kbhi khud ko affect nhi kregi'
'Kya hua hai Sidharth?' she still was calm playing with his hair.
'Meri life na Sana, aisi hi hai...tu bhi jaanta hu ki same field m hai...pr agar meri wajah se tere..'
Shehnaaz finally turned to look at him, her face still gleaming with moonlight, calmness stretched over it.
'Kbhi nhi' she said with a surity
'Pr Shehnaaz..'
'Agar koi hm dono m se ek ko Chun kr dusre pr ungli uthaye uska Matlab ye to nhi ki Karan vo hai, Jo vo bol rhe vo Sach nhi hai na...vo(she paused) shayad galat hai...bura bole...jruri nhi na ki dono pasand hi ho hum'
'Pasand ki baat nhi hai Sana...manta hu ki hm ...main tu nhi kbhi bhi kisi ko bhi dusre ko pasand krne k liye keh skte...krna bhi nhi chahiye pr..'
'Sidharth pta hai...Mai sochti thi ki meri wajah se tujhe koi...aur vo ho bhi rha hai..pta hai mujhe...hr koi alag hai...aur ye social media dheere dheere samjh aaya mujhe hai hi aisa'
'Tbhi I like staying away from it'
'Jitna bura hai utna acha bhi to hai...usse jtada acha hai...pyaar milta hai...kitna..tujhe pta hmare fans kaise hmare liye trend krte hai, almost he roz, comments, edits, videos....itne pyaare pyaare...tu bhi to kitna pyaar se apne fans letters or messages pdhta hai...Mai jaanti hu negativity ko tu bhot ignore krta hai pr' Sidharth twitched.
'Sun...ignore krna sirf na reply krna nhi hota... Tu bhut sochta hai Sidharth'
'Conditions aisi hai baby' Sidharth said trying to defend.
'Hmesha rhengi to...shayad hmesha aisa hi chle to?'
'm kafi krta hu but...'
'ajeeb sa gussa aata hai?' shehnaaz asked and he nodded. 'Mere saath bhi aisa hi hota hai...Mai to Sachi bolun tang as kr kbhi kbhi ro bhi deti hu....thi...ek time tha'
'Hmmmm...m koshish krta hu bs'
'Time lgega' he nodded. 'Dheet hone m' Shehnaaz chuckled. Sidharth laughed out loud and nodded. He knew these things were words she was telling herself too, she too had an idea about it all and she needed him not to tell it's ohkk, but to show her it didn't matter, walk with her.....through this.
'Upar dekh' she broke the silence that had fell again. Sidharth looked at the sky as now Misty grey clouds made a translucent surface over the sky...it was over more mesmerising. The clouds veil swayed around sometimes covering the quarter of moon that was shining and sometimes leaving it totally free for view. Shehnaaz kissed his neck at the adam's apple making his breath hitch. She didn't knew what made her do that...it was just a strong urge against which his brain put up no questions. Sidharth kissed her forehead and let his arms around her loose for her to properly adjust in between his arms.
The puzzled outer world doesn't seemed to be interesting to him nor to her, their inner quests with a strange combination of comfort was all that engulfed them. They were close to each other, and their sycing heart already knew how hard it had fell for the other one but as peaceful was this fact so hard was the verbal quest, not when both could not hurt the other, lose the other.
'Shehnaaz andar...' he wanted to ask if they could go inside and sleep but she was already asleep curled up beside him, her mouth turned in the slightest o and Sidharth with all us might stopped himself to peck on her beautiful lips. He pulled the chair and rested his feet on them letting himself drift to sleep with his head resting on her's.
****
3 months later:
Time is the most powerful might in this entire universe. As time flies it brings changes in this world, healing and at the same time turning into new prospects.
Sidharth sat cross legged on the sofa in his room, consumed in reading a script on laptop...the curtains are drawn away and the light of twilight is casting a beautiful look on the room. The room was chilled as the temperature on air conditioner was set far below Shehnaaz would permit but it was still an hour for her to come.
'Maa' Sidharth shouted.
'Coffee bna do please' he said with same volume to make himself audible.
There was no response but he knew his mother had heard because he could hear thenouce of the vessels in kitchen. He continued reading. He decided to go and pick up Shehnaaz after drinking a cup of coffee. He sneezed and remembered how they had got drenched in rain last day while coming back home from a small coffee shop at the country side while they were returning from shooting, it was actually his shoot but it was merely a few hours shot so hetook her along even after her denying.
He smiled softly. It was one of the lady rains of the retreating monsoons as the oppressing October sun kept shining overhead.
The door opened and Sidharth looked up at the noice, 'Shehnaaz' he looked at her entering with a mug of coffee.
'Mujhe call kyu nhi ki agar jaldi free ho gyi thi to' Shehnaaz kept his cup in front of him and crossed her arms over a chest with a peircing look on her face. Sidharth wandered how she could make him feel so in love and intimidate him at the same time, it was rare... something that only she could do. He fumbled for his phone at once. 8missed calls and he face palmed immediately.
'Sorry' he mumbled. She kept staring without a word, her anger was another thing he had fallen in love with. He got irritated at times and the others he would simply tease her to irritate. Their arguments were so often that the family had a laugh at their childish quarrel every second or third day. But the best was how the day would never end without resolving the problem because they had realized how they couldn't sleep without their breaths intermingling.
He bit his tongue and looked at her in eyes, firey yet so lovely.
'Silent pe tha' he reasoned out.
'Tch' she made an irritated sound.
'Sorry baby, who dropped you by the way' he said pulling her down to make her sit on his legs that we're resting on the table in front.
'sssssss' she made a noice of pain but almost immediately refocused her expressions.
'vo Kaushal..' she began but he was already checking her arm.
'ne drop kr Diya...kuch nhi hua Sidharth bs tune thoda for se pakda to...'
'Jhoot mt bol...shooting jldi kaise khatam hui?'
'Aaj ka shot ho gya to khatam ho gyi' but he wasn't listening. He frowned 'kahaan giri' he asked noticing the red mark on her shoulder going to her back.
'Tch...'
'Bta' he said as almost an order.
'Cycle ka scene tha....unbalanve ho gyi'
'What..... Sana tu..'
'Meri glti hai...aur jyada nhi lgi'
'Kahaan lgi?'
'Peeth pe aur tummy pe' she sighed 'pr kl to there ho jayegi...kl waise bhi off de dia meri vajah se' she looked sad.
'Koi baat nhi jaan...m ointment lata hu...aur Nisha ko bulau kunki peeth pe..'
'Nhi...Ghar pr kissi ko mt btana....kl waise hi Gauri ka birthday hai to acha hai off hai...'
'Kaisa tha shoot Sidharth said as she sat besides him stretching her feet.
'Acha tha..teen mhino baad koi proper shoot tha to thoda sa alag sa feel tha' she smiled now putting her feet on his lap and his automatically began pressing them. He nodded with a smile, Shehnaaz had done advertisements and a photoshoot but she had given a little break from other projects, still she was extremely busy all the time. She recently signed a short film titled 'Taali' celebrating life of women who dream, not thinking that they are gender restricted. He was proud of her and today was the first day of shoot.
'Coffee pi Sidharth thandi ho jaayegi' Shehnaaz said. 'Aur haaye rabba ye room kitna thanks kr rkha hai...sss..' she said wrapping her arms around her. Sidharth didn't take another moment to increase the temperature of room by a few degrees.
It was a nasty shade of blue turning purple surely by morning, Shehnaaz winced as she stood in front of her mirror in bathroom examining herself. The back injuries seemed more of scratches. Shehnaaz looked at herself examining her body halfway through changing into her night dress. She had lost considerable amount of weight but she remembered how Sidharth kept telling her that he missed her wooshy cheeks. The thoughts brought a smile with them.
Marriage life was not a straight path but it was exciting as they had begun their journey, it was like wandering in a vast sea that kept seeming to have no end.
This chapter was such a satisfactory one, they growing and I am sure as you'll read the next you'll feel the strength of their bond
I hope you liked it ❤️ ❤️