It took me a little while to come to terms with the fact that I won six Grammys. I don't think it sunk in until I got the awards in the mail at the beginning of the month. When they came it took me a while to figure out where to put them all. I took all of the old awards from the beginning of my career off the book shelves I have next to the fire place and put them in a box. I replaced them with my AMA's and the VMA's and placed all of the Grammys on the mantle. It's going to take a lot for me to move them.
The past two months have been full of selfcare. I've been going to physical therapy to build my endurance back up along with weekly therapy sessions with Doctor Blake. My doctor's appointments have also now become monthly which I'm happy about. They will probably stay like that for a while because they want to track the progress of the regrowth of my liver. The week after I came home from New York I had a follow up appointment with my throat doctor who cleared me to start singing again. I was super happy about that because I wanted to get back to working on my album.
Today is actually my album release day. Once I was cleared to sing again, sing I did. I went right into working on the rest of the songs for the album and pumped them out pretty quick. Most of the other work on the songs was done already so it was just the matter of cutting the vocals. After the vocals were done on each song I sent the album to Toby for approval and then the album went to get mixed and master.
March 19, 2021 will be forever in my mind now. The day my first true album gets released. I ended up titling it Alone in a Room because of how much weight is on that song. It means a lot to me and I want people to focus on that one track in particular. The album cover art was a picture Nikki took of me in my bathroom sitting against the white wall.
During the process of finishing the album Thea was right by my side. On good days and bad she was always right there giving me a dose of reality whether I wanted it or not. I feel like it definitely helped me get the album done faster. Sometimes I would sit around and play and change a song for days when I should have just left it alone in the first place. Thea helped me with that.
On days when I wasn't working on the album Thea and I worked on wedding plans. We picked at date, May 8th of this year and it was coming up sooner then I think we both realized. At first we didn't really know where we wanted to get married. I've never been to a wedding so I didn't know what to expect. Thea already went through this once before so she suggested hiring a wedding planner and I'm so thankful she mentioned it. It took a lot of the stress off my shoulders with planning everything.
We hired Emily just after we got home from New York. She gave us a lot of suggestions and we ending up booking Wychmere Beach Club in Cape Cod. We got to tour the venue and saw how beautiful the place looks at sunset and thought we had to book it. Last week we went back to venue to preview and taste test the menu. We also nailed down the décor and color pallet we wanted to go with. The center pieces were going to be floral arrangements and that was about it when it came to décor.
Even though I had plenty of money to cover anything we might want to include, I didn't want to overdo it. I always liked the simple look of things; less is more when you plan it right. With this being her second wedding, Thea also didn't want it to be a major production either. Thea decided that she didn't want to wear her police uniform, she wanted to wear a dress. I was all for it.
Along with wedding plans we also decided that Thea is going to move in with me. She has been basically living here since we got home from the hospital so I thought it would be the next logically step for now. I've told Thea I'm open to moving somewhere new in Salem if she wanted but for the moment she's content with moving into my house. We have been starting to make room for things and rearranging furniture in the house as she brought more and more over. Thea hasn't put her house on the market yet and I'm fine with it. I also told her she doesn't have to sell it if she doesn't want too.
But back to today. I almost couldn't sleep last night because of how excited I was for the world to finally get to hear the album. I had a few things I needed to do today for press that Alyssa set up and I wanted to go out and buy a few hard copies of my album. Under doctor's orders I still can't drink so there will be no bubbly for myself or Thea tonight but we are having a few people over my house to listen to the album top to bottom and it will be a good night.
Once I woke up, Alyssa called to give me the times I needed to be on air with a few radio stations and then I'm going to be answering questions on twitter for a while before I was free for the rest of the day. After I made myself a cup of coffee I went off to the studio and got ready for the few radio interviews I had to do.
In the middle of them Thea walked into the studio with a plate of pancakes that had a smiley face it on. It definitely put a smile on my face and so did the kiss she left me with when I was supposed to paying attention to the question I was just asked. We got sidetracked on the call for a few minutes talking about my relationship but I was able to steer it back to the album once I gave up a few details.
The radio interviews took till about noon and would be airing all day over the different time zones in the States. During the last radio call, Alyssa had started the hashtag for me to get questions about the album. So after the last interview was over with, ask Ash was trending worldwide. I had plenty of questions to choice from and a few Alyssa specifically wanted me to answer.
About a half an hour into answering questions Nikki and Thea both came into the studio. They pulled me away from my laptop and brought me downstairs. When I got downstairs for the first time all morning, I saw they hung up a banner from the ceiling that says congratulations and flowers all over the place.
"Did you guys rob a florist?" I asked and smiled.
"No, they just started showing up this morning. The biggest one is from Toby and the label. There are some from a bunch of artists though." Nikki said as Thea pulled me into the kitchen to check out all the different arrangements waiting for me on the island. You could barely find Stevie and Nicks through the jungle of flowers.
Before I started to go through them I stepped back into the living room and made Thea and Nikki stand under the banner. I snapped a quick picture of them and sent it out on social media. Album release day and I come downstairs from working all morning to find these two decorated. So blessed to have them in my life. Taking a little break from the Ask Ash chat to go through everything.
Just as I put my phone back in my pocket I heard the doorbell ring and I turned to answer it. Standing in the doorway was another delivery guy holding an edible arrangement of fruit. I signed for the delivery and brought the fruit into the kitchen. I plucked a couple of strawberries from the top of the arrangement and started to pick up some of the cards that were stuck on the flowers. Eli, Nicholas and Sydney, Toby and the label, Halsey, Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift and that's where I stopped. So much love from fellow artists almost brought me to tears. I pulled my phone out and took another picture but this time I mainly got all the flowers in it before posting it to social media. The amount of love from my fellow artists brought me to tears going through the cards. Thank you guys so much for taking the time to send me these. I tagged a few people who sent me flowers and put my phone away.
I went through a few more cards before going back upstairs to the studio to finish off my Ask Ash chat. Alyssa ended up calling just as I finished to let me know the album official went number one on the charts. I couldn't help but do a little happy dance as Alyssa told me about some of the reviews from music critics that have come in so far. All of them have been overwhelmingly positive. Most of them have a different favorite stand out song and I just loved that everyone saw a different piece of themselves in the album. Alyssa also went on to tell me that the album has also went number one in a lot of different countries around the world. Almost too many to list.
After my call ended with Alyssa she warned me that Toby would be calling. It was not even five minutes later that he called and he gushed at the success of the record so far. People wanted to hear what I had to say and I was ready to hear their reaction. After the call with Toby I got dressed for the day in a left over tour tee shirt from my time out with Halsey and a pair of capri jeans before meeting Nikki and Thea downstairs.
Both women were waiting for me to go out. Malia actually made a surprise appearance when she walked out of my bathroom with a backpack on her shoulder.
"I got out early today and Nikki told me to come over, I hope that's okay." Malia said as she finished tying her hair up in a loose pony tail.
"I'm surprised you don't have a key already; you're welcome here whenever you want Malia." I said and gave her a hug.
During the early days of coming home from the hospital, Malia basically lived here with us. We have become closer during the time she stayed here and she is starting to feel like another little sister to me. But it also had its downsides. Thea and I both knew Malia was suffering from nightmares from the shooting. At first Malia tried to deny it and blew us off when we tried to discuss it with her. We both gave Nikki some tips to help her girlfriend. Finally after a few bad ones that woke all of us up Malia accepted the help we were trying to offer her. She took a small leave of absence from work and started going to therapy to work through the trauma from that night. No one is ever 100% healed after a trauma like that but I could count on one hand how many nightmares Malia has had after starting speaking to a therapist.
"Actually she does, I gave it to her after you guys came home from the hospital. With working weird hours and always running in and out of the house Malia got locked out one night so I gave her one so that wouldn't happen again." Nikki said after I broke away from Malia.
"Good, now come on, I want to see if Looney Tune Records has any copies of the album in stock." I said and put on Asher's Boston Red Sox hat before grabbing my car keys and walking out of the house.
All three women followed me outside and got into my car. Looney Tune Records is the last record store in Salem. When Asher was alive it was his favorite store in town. He would spend hours there hunting for new records to play. Looney Tune also had a small stage in the back of the shop and did little concerts for various bands who needed a place to play.
The shop wasn't far from the house and I pulled into the parking lot full of excitement. Just as I got out of the truck Nikki stood in front of me with her camera in hand.
"What are we doing here Ash?" Nikki asked.
"We are here to buy my new album, come on." I said and pushed Nikki towards the front door of the shop.
We walked inside and saw a few other people inside the store. I paid them no attention and walked over to the shelf that contains all the new releases. When I saw my face staring back at me I smiled. There were a few copies of CDs sitting on the shelves and only one vinyl left. I picked up one copy of the CD and the last vinyl and looked at the packaging. I never got a final copy just the prototypes at home.
"Are there any left?" I heard a voice say behind me. I turned around and moved out of the way of the two teenage girls crowding behind me.
Both of their eyes lit up when they saw stand and grabbed the remaining three copies of my album. They started giggling while looked over the packaging. Just when I was about to duck out of there way one of the girls turned around and her eyes locked on mine. Her jaw dropped and she reached out to and grabbed her friends hand. Her friend looked in at her then turned to look at me.
"Hi" I said and smiled at them. "Do you guys want me to sign those for you?" I asked pointing to the CDs in their hands.
"Oh my god yes! Please!" The friend said and handed me the CDs.
I walked up to the checkout counter and asked to borrow a marker. The manager handed me a marker and said hello to me before walking off to the back room. I've known Todd for the longest time since I always used to come in with Asher and my mom.
"What are your names?" I asked and uncapped the marker.
"Rhea, R-H-E-A." The friend said and I signed the album to her.
"And yours?" I asked looking at the girl who first spotted me.
"Daniella, with two L's." She answered.
"Do you have another friend who you're buying the third album for?" I asked and handed Daniella her copy.
"Yes, Joanna, she is actually running here right now." Rhea said and I signed the third copy for them before handing it over.
"Have you guys listened to it yet?" I asked as Todd came out from the back with two boxes in hand.
"Do you think you have time to sign some of these Ash? This is the last box I have because they have been flying off the shelves." Todd asked and placed the boxes on the counter.
"Yea I've got time Todd and that's great to hear. Back to the album though, have you guys heard it? What do you think?" I asked the Rhea and Daniella.
"It's honestly one of the most thought out albums I've ever heard. The album tells such an amazing story it sucked me in right away." Rhea said and I turned my attention to Daniella.
"After you dropped your first EP I was hooked. Don't get me wrong your old music wasn't bad, it just didn't have meaning. When you announced that you were releasing an album I knew it was going to be just as amazing. I listened to it start to finish at midnight when it came out and sat in my room and cried. It hit so hard in the gut that I didn't know what to do with myself." Daniella said.
"Do you guys have a favorite song yet?" I asked.
"Beautiful Anyway." Both girls answered.
Before they could say anything else another girl around their age ran into the shop and looked around. Rhea and Daniella called their friend over and she freaked out when she saw me. Daniella handed her her signed copy of the album and I chatted with the three girls for a few more minutes. We got some pictures together before I paid for their copies of the album and they were on their way.
I stuck around the shop for a little while and signed some more copies for Todd. We got to catch up as I signed and it was nice. I haven't been here in a while but I know that Thea loves this store. One of the first things Thea moved into my house was her record player along with a few of her favorite records. We were actually listening to Stevie Nicks album Bella Donna when we decided to name our goldfish Stevie and Nicks. Todd actually sold Thea an original press of the album years ago and it's on a lot in the house.
So while I signed away, Thea looked around the shop while Nikki and Malia went to Dunkin Donuts across the street. It took about a half an hour to wrap up with Todd and almost took me longer to pull Thea away from looking at records. I bought my copy of my album and told Todd to give me a call if he wants some more signed copies.
Before we went home I posted the video Nikki took of me buying my album at the record store. I also let it slip that I signed some more copies of the album and left them for sale there. We also took a trip to Target and I bought a few more copies. I signed the rest of the copies they had on the stand and posted about them as well.
When we finally got home the house smelled like flowers and placed my new CD and vinyl on my book shelf with the rest of the collection. We stopped to pick up lunch on the way home and got to hear a little snip of one of the interviews I took part of this morning before they played my first single off the album, Shadow of the Day. We sent this song to radio first as we thought it would do well for a first single. The second single will be Alone in a Room and the third is going to be left up to the fans. I want to see what they are saying about one of the more positive songs before I make the decision. Right now I'm leaning more towards Beautiful Anyway.
After lunch I started to move some of the flowers around to try and balance the smell out in the house. Thea helped direct me which arrangements looked better where and once I was done I sat down on the couch next to my girl.
"So how does it feel?" Thea asked and wrapped around my shoulders.
"Like all my hard work is finally paid off and now I'm going back to the drawing board for the second album that I'm going to need to start making soon." I said and put my head on her shoulder.
"Well how about for tonight you just focus on all the success of Alone in a Room and then worry about the second album when you start writing for it next week." Thea said.
"That sounds like a good plan, if only I have someone to help me focus on that." I said and kissed Thea's neck.
I felt Thea smirk and she kissed the crown of my head. We didn't get too much more time to ourselves as my doorbell rang. Nikki came out of the kitchen and opened the door to reveal Lindsey and Scarlett standing there. The first party guests to arrive for the night. It wasn't long before more people started to fill my house.
a/n: song on the side is Shadow of the Day by Linkin Park, a song that is on Ashlyn's album. And since the day is finally here, below is what songs i pictured she wrote and release for her album. and yes i spent a ridiculous amount of time putting these songs together and arranging them in an order that that reads like a story. Enjoyyyy
Hungover - Kesha
Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park
Stay - Miley Cyrus
Leave Out All the Rest - Linkin Park
Hurricane - I Prevail (Acoustic)
Breaking Down - I Prevail
Paranoid - I Prevail
Alone in a Room - Asking Alexandria (Acoustic)
This is me Trying - Taylor Swift
Don't Blame Me - Taylor Swift
Fast Car - Tracey Chapman
Glitter - Patrick Droney
Broken Parts - The Maine
Beautiful Anyway - Judah & the Lion