Trigger Warning: Anxiety, suicide attempt(?).
I keep running, I don't know where I am. Is this still the school? What happened? Why did I run? I don't know where I am but all I see are walls and windows, doors.. classrooms.. Is this my school? Why am I running?
I hold on to the wall, bending over as I try to breathe. I can't take any oxygen into my system, it's killing me. My heart is beating faster every time I try to breathe, I'm really lightheaded.. I need someone to calm me down..
It's because of him, he lied. He fucking lied! I was relieved to hear him say that he won't change anything! But he fucking lied to me! Kenma.. he lied to me.. Why? Is he finally really tired of me already? Does he hate me now?
I look down and found a child, she looks like me. She's crying. Why is she crying? Just suddenly a kid approached her and pat her head, she— he sat beside her, smiling as he said something to her. The little girl turned to him with pouted lips and puffy eyes.
"She hates me.. I thought she was my friend.."
"There there.. She said she's at the rooftop, let's go."
It must be nice to have a close friend as a kid. The kids ran so I had to follow them, they might get lost! This school is huge, I'm the student council president so might as well run after them. Their parents might look for them.
I try calling out but surprisingly it's like I'm muted. I just followed them instead, I do hope I can help them. The little girl seems to be continue crying as the boy guided her to the rooftop. They're so tiny that their hands are cute too, I won't disturb them.
I quietly followed the from behind, just watching over them as they walked up the stairs. They must be playing hide and seek, then the last one's at the rooftop. Where are their parents though? I hope I won't get scolded for not bringing them back right away.
They struggled with the door so I helped. Just like I thought, there's another cutie up here. She's also tiny— they're all so cute! The boy and the girl approached her, the little girl hiding behind her friend. Awe, is she scared?
"Heaaa! Get up here! There's a toy behind it!"
The little girl that was behind the boy, slowly showed herself. She gave the boy a look and he gave her a pat on the head, letting her go to their friend. The boy followed her and stepped up the chair and on to the concrete.
I just smiled as I watched them, what kind of toy is there? The boy and the girl stepped on the concrete, looking behind it for the toy. Suddenly, the other girl pushes the little girl and the boy tried to reach for her. Wait— this is the fucking rooftop!!!
I rush to them and step on the concrete, reaching out for the kids that were— where are they? "(Y/n)!!!" I turn around when I heard a voice call out to me. I slipped, falling off the concrete. I held on to the edge but I can't hold on much longer. "Fucking! (Y/n) reach your hand out to me.. please!"
I don't know who.. I look down and found myself hanging from the top floor. "H-Help me!" I try reaching out, my other hand slipping off the edge. I close my eyes, expecting to fall and die, but they caught my arm.
"Fuck! Lev get your ass here!" Lev..? I felt another hand grab me, my arm slipping from their grip. "(Y/n)! Please hold on.." He or she grabbed my wrist, making it easier for me to grab theirs too.
They pulled me up, failing for a few times before getting me back to the floor. I fell on someone but I'm too lightheaded, I can't see who it is. The person hugged me tight, feeling them cry on my shoulder. The scent...
"I saved you..." I tried to break away, never thought it'd be easy to get away from their grip. I support myself with my hands, my chest heaving from the anxiety attack that I was having. The person's arms slowly got off me, making it easier for me to back off.
"We need to call an ambulance now!" I turn around, holding my head when I felt excruciating pain. What's happening?
My face falls on the person— Kenma.. I back away to see him unconsciously laying under me. He's pale. "Kenma.. Wake up.. K-Kenma..." I try shaking him awake, why isn't he reacting to me?! "Kenma.. Kozu....me.." I completely fall on him, blacking out after I felt a hard bang in my chest.
I blacked out. What happened to me? I saw two kids going to the rooftop, then I saw another one when we got there. They were playing then suddenly the little girl pushed the other one and the boy followed her, he tried to save her. Why did the little girl push her friend..?
Why was I up there? Why was I suddenly hanging and holding on to the brittle string of life? Why am I still alive? But... who were those kids? They all seem so familiar to me, it's like I've been with the three of them but I don't recall when.
The girl looked an awful lot like me, not just her looks but her attitude.. her personality was all me. Timid and shy, weak.. she was crying over her friend. She's so much like me, why did I see them? Where did the kids go? Are they safe?! Wait did someone try to rescue them?!
How did I get to the rooftop? How... I was running away.. I ran away when I heard Lev say that Kenma changed everything, the wallpaper.. my contact name.. I ran away because he lied, he lied to me.. He said that he wouldn't..
Was the one year of being with me a waste of time? Was I really just a mistake? Did he regret everything? No, he said.. He said.. he said he loves me! But why did he change them? He told me he wouldn't! They're all just lies..?
I slowly open my eyes, hearing the oxygen circulate— why can I hear that? I look around and saw someone's heart rate being monitored.. why can I see that? I'm on a bed, it's uncomfortable.. Am I home? I move my arm, feeling a needle in my skin. Wait.. am I the patient?
I sit up, looking to my right and found a pudding head with his eyes opened wide. Sure enough he cried and pulled me into a hug, hand on my head, stroking up and down as he cried. Why is he here? Aren't we on break? Or.. didn't we break up?
"You fucking... idiot.. why did you do that..?" I slowly wrap my arms around him, unsure if I should or not. I felt a plastic tube when I hugged him, why does he have that..? The IV thing.. "I fucking love you, why the hell would you kill yourself?" He asks, gently pushing me away to look at me.
"I wasn't trying.. to kill myself." He said he loves me.. is that a bluff again? "Why are you here..? Aren't we over?" He held on to my shoulders, looking down and back up, shaking his head as he cried more.
"I used a different phone.. that's all that there is.." Why is he crying so much? But again.. the IV thing..? "(Y/n), don't kill yourself because I made a mistake.. Please, I love you." I wasn't trying to take my own life..
"There were kids... I was trying to save two of them, they fell.. but I think.. I fell instead." He cupped my cheeks, head falling to my shoulder. He's really crying.. it's not an act. He changed his phone.. but he.. "Where's your actual phone?"
"That's not important.. I thought I was going to lose you." I hug him close, patting his back to help him calm down. I brushed his hair and kissed the top of his head, but he never stopped crying. "I'm sorry.. because of me—"
"You did nothing.. I hallucinated.. It's not your fault—"
"But if I didn't change anything, if you never heard anything.. this would've never happened!!" My eyes widen as I was taken aback from his sudden reaction, he raised his voice at me.. because he's scared. I bring a hand to his cheek, cupping it to give him a kiss. He needs it.
His face feels hot, his lips are.. rough when they're usually soft.. His hands are cold and they're pale. I back away and looked at his face, seeing that he really is pale. What happened to him? My hand's just on his cheek when he held it, he's still crying..
"We really need a timeout now, don't we?" I ask, seeing him shake his head and bite his lip. "Only a few days to get ourselves back together? Hmm?" It was your plan, Love. But now you're protesting. "A week, Kenma.. we need it." He wrapped his arms around my waist, crying on my shoulder like a bothered baby.
"(Y/n)..?" I hum in response, patting his back as he quietly cried on my shoulder. "Do you still love me?" I hummed again, feeling him kiss my neck. "I love you too..." Hmm, says he who told me not to answer in a whim. Kenma...
Kenma's touching me everywhere like an innocent child trying to catch his mother's attention. He's poking my cheek, rubbing my lips, even my boob. He's pinching my nipple but not because he's thinking of it, but he's acting like a complete baby.
"Squishy squish.." The hell?
He's still trying to calm down, and still innocently squishing my breasts. Playing with them as if he never knew what they were— as if we never had sex! He's now mumbling baby words, "abha.. mhla.. ngaha.." He's out of himself.
He suddenly wraps his arms around me, making me look at him. I don't know if I should be annoyed or what. He's smiling and he looks like an actual child! He looks so cute that I want to treat him like he's a toddler. He kissed my cheek repeatedly, giggling like a baby.. jeez Kenma!
He continued to lean on me with his arms around my waist, still acting like a lost child. The door suddenly opens, revealing a Russian boy and an actress. Kenma squished my breasts, innocently rolling my nipples.
Lev turned red and covered his face, Maki was the same. I whisper into Kenma's ear that he shouldn't do it but he whined and pouted his lips. I give him a kiss and he's still frowning like he wants to keep playing with my boobs.
"U-Uhm.. K-Kenma-san's good to go once he uhm.. finishes the bag." I nod, biting my bottom lip while he continued to touch me. "Jeez Maki, I'm getting a... on. This is making me.. uncomfortable." I apologetically smiled at the two of them, furrowing my brows at the pudding head.
I pause for a moment to eye his face. I cup his cheeks and he lets go of my breast, looking so shocked to have me suddenly act like this. "You're the child.. the little boy.. you're the one that I saw." Kenma tilts his head to the side, confused by my words.
"Maki..." Lev groaned, begging his girlfriend to pay attention.
"I'm going to help him with that. We'll be back." I covered Kenma's ears but he held my hands and pulled them down, he's back to normal. "Next time, don't ever be touchy in front of this baby. He's an easy target."
Kenma ignored them and buried his face in my breasts, sniffing me. Maki and Lev left the room, probably off to help him calm junior down. I just played with my boyfriend's hair, feeling my gown get wet by his tears. I must've scared him off.
"Will I get my turn?" Wow, the switch is creeping me out. "Just once, before we take a break.. I'll use my phone this time.. I promise you, we're not going to break up. I love you, please believe me." I nod and kiss his forehead, seeing a smile form on his face.
"Why'd you change your phone?" He took a deep breath as he backed away.
"Seeing your face made me cry.. also.. are your hands okay? You had cuts.. Can I take a look?" This is a whole different version of Kenma. It's the scared, delicate, timid Kenma. He took my hands, kissing the cuts on my palms. "I'll stay over for a week.. while your parents are away.. then we'll take a break.. I won't leave you on your own."
"Alright.." He smiled.
They let me go around 2 AM and now I'm back home, Maki was the one who stayed with me while Kenma got his things to stay for a week. Lev's also here, they're both sleeping in the living room already. I'm still waiting for my pudding head to come.
The doctor told me to stay at home and rest before going back to school, so that means I won't be going to school later. Since the boys need to be at the gym to train, especially Kenma, Maki decided to stay with me instead. I hope I'm not burdening people too much.
I'm wondering, from all of the moments that I went crazy and things like this happened.. is this what someone told me before? About bringing pain to my friends? That was by far the scariest event that ever happened to me, to occur to everyone.. is it that one?
I turn to the door when I heard it squeak as it was pushed open, finding the pudding head with a gym bag. I sit up and open my arms wide, asking for a hug from him. I'm going to be extra clingy this week. He smiled, placing the gym bag on the floor before embracing me.
He brought me up to place me farther to the center of the bed for him to sit on the edge. My arms are just around him as I smiled against his chest, it's only been a day or two but.. I already missed him so much. See how getting used to a person's warmth makes it hard for you to be away from them.
I felt the urge of crying, but I'm not sad, I'm most certainly glad. I thought that we were over.. I love him too much for me to let go.. I sound so cheesy, I actually cringe at my own words, but I really do love him.. an awful lot. I've been speaking like this ever since we got together.. his impact is just huge.
"Kenma.. I'm sorry." He backed away, arms still around me as he eyed my face. His brows were furrowed, and his eyes were full of nothing but curiousness and worry. "For worrying you again, this time.. it was probably the worst we've gone through.. right?" I smile sweetly, tears rolling down my cheeks.
"I worry because I care about you.. it's nothing to be sorry for." He kissed my lips, pulling me with him as he laid down. "Can you tell me more about when you were hallucinating?"
I paused for a while to think of what I saw. I told him that I saw a crying little girl then, he came and pat her head. The 'there there' part was so cute.. Can't believe that Kenma was like that. I said that I just saw the little girl with another little girl, and him.
I really thought they were playing hide and seek! I'm still surprised to see the little girl push her, and for Kenma to try and save her. I wonder if they really fell or it's just because I was out of myself that I saw them falling off the school building. The setting, was no mistake, at our school.
As I told him about, he was caressing my cheek or my arm, brushing my hair and kissing my forehead. I think he only made me tell him the story to help me fall asleep, his methods are crazy but they always work on me. He really knows what to do with me.
I woke up, well not really, was only waken up by Kenma when he told me he was going to leave for school already. I think he kissed my forehead before he left, I don't know.. I was half-awake. I slept again to rest more, it's been such a long time since I've felt so well rested.
Maki woke me up when it was already 12 PM. She brought me food to my room. I apologized for that, it's as if she was my maid but she just smiled. If she has a family of her own, and she'd have kids.. she'll be a very caring mother. I can tell that she'll do a great job.
"Kenma didn't simply faint, it was cardiac arrest." No.. Pudding head.. "Honami was around so he was lucky that someone knew CPR."
"Am I only burdening him? I might be the death of him someday.." I ask, worried at the sound of him nearly dying.
"To Kenma, you're never a burden. That's how much he loves you." I pout my lips and she fed me, I couldn't eat on my own, my hands were still healing.
I suddenly remembered what happened to Lev and Maki yesterday. I just had to ask. "Did you guys jerk off last night?"She placed the bowl on the side table, turning to smack me hard on my arm. "Oh you did."
"Kenma was touching you! But it was weird, he looked like a baby." I nodded in agreement. "I don't know, Lev was just.. let's not talk about that."
I couldn't take a shower so I kinda waited until someone could help me out. Maki offered to help but, we both immediately felt awkward so we decided not to. She just wiped my arms and my forehead with a damp towel. The only one who could help me is him, weird right?
I was eating pistachios as we watched a movie on Netflix, it was peaceful since it was just the two of us. She was multitasking, she would ask me about the sports fest. I didn't have a choice but to answer, though Kenma would probably scold me once he finds out.
My phone started ringing and it's none other than my pudding head! A smile forms on my face, immediately asking Maki to help me answer it, my hands were dirty. She already picked it up but I couldn't hold the phone, it was painful. She put it on speakerphone, leaving the room to not hear me speak to him.
"How are you? Have you eaten?" I hum in response, smiling at the sight of his caller ID. "You sound happy, what are you two doing there?"
"I'm happy you called, dummy." I answer, getting worried when I suddenly heard him coughing. "You okay? Kenma? Love??"
"I'm fine.. I'll head there straight after practice." My smile grew wider every time I heard his voice. It never fails to calm me down. "Do you need anything?"
"I need you to help me take a shower." I could hear him coughing again. Is he really alright? I'm worried.. "Love are you sick?"
"No, just baffled at your words." What? About taking a shower with him? He already cleaned me up last time. Maybe it's still awkward for him. "I'll help, after.. I'll see you tonight, I love you."
"Okay.. I love you."
I'm cringing but more than that my heart's jumping. I feel like my stomach's doing flips, only he could ever make me feel that way. It's kind of weird for me too, about how I'm so into him. About how I'm so in love with him.. and how he is with me.
I may have said it before, but out of all the guys.. Kenma was the person I least expected to become my boyfriend. At most, I thought of guys like Takeuchi-san or Kuroo-san becoming my boyfriend. Kenma was to withdrawn so I could've never imagined of things developing between us.
I wonder if Kenma was sure about me. Guys that are withdrawn like him, it's hard to believe that they'd ever have a crush on someone and fall in love. Did he really love me way before? It's just weird, I was pretty confident that Kenma would stay the way he is.
I made a bet with some classmates before about him getting a girlfriend, turns out that haha I'm his girlfriend. We can never judge something based on only one side, never knew Kenma also had a thing for girls.. well he is a guy too, just thought that he was different from everyone else.
I already asked permission from Kenma if I could study while I'm at home, I wasn't doing anything and I was pretty bored. He let me so Maki's currently teaching me whatever the hell I should be studying. The exams are tomorrow! Kenma would message us the topics they were taught today and it was a big help!
Felt sleepy by 4 PM so Maki let me rest, she was really like a mother that I nearly cried. I miss my parents, I hope they come home sooner. It's like I'm slowly entering the world of 'friends over parents' but of course, my family still comes first. My mom was pretty worried to heard me almost die, I love her so much.
I'm such a peculiar being for being able to determine my boyfriend's scent despite being in the state of sleep. He smells good, way better than any perfume. "Good evening, Love." I sit up and sat in between his legs, moving over to lean on him. "Maki left with Lev earlier." I just nod, having him caress my arm.
"Kozume.. Kenma.." I giggle just from the thought of what I'll be saying next. "Kozume.. (Y/n).." I emphasized my name, smiling when I felt him kiss the top of my head. "Will it be possible?" He hummed in response. I poke his cheeks, backing away to see him.
Kenma tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, cupping my cheek as he pulled me in to kiss my lips. My hands went to his hair, carefully grabbing his roots, still couldn't hold anything properly. He gently pushed me down to the bed, sucking my bottom lip as we kissed.
Our heated make out session went further when he grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled the piece of clothing over my head. He brushed his hand down from my chest, going down to my abdomen, moving back up to my breast. He gently cupped and squeezed it with his hand, his thumb playing with my nipple.
I pull him to me, attacking his lips with mine. I'm feeling a bit needy, (Y/n) calm your horses down! He spread my legs with his knees, pulling my shorts and panties off me. I frowned when I was completely bare under him while he was still fully clothed! I try pulling his shirt off but I immediately wince in pain.
"Let me do everything." I swallow the lump in my throat and nod, seeing him take his clothes off. He got them off and he did do everything.
I fall to my side, looking at him as I catch my breath. I can't breathe so he pressed his lips against mine, blowing air into me. It somehow helped. I give him a kiss and he laid beside me, pulling me close to him. I kiss his chest, looking up to kiss his jaw. Our bodies are so sweaty but we're not minding it.. I feel sore.
"I took it quite far, I'm sorry." I shake my head and tiredly smiled at him. Well I could've protested, but I let him. We really should stop doing this.
"You need to calm down sometimes." I say, chuckling as he carried me to the bathroom to get cleaned.
Kenma washed my hair thoroughly. He does it the same way he dries my hair! I almost fell asleep on him as we took a bath. I would wince in pain whenever my wounds came in contact with soap water, I wonder how long it'll take me to have them healed.
He got me clothes from upstairs so I waited as I sat on the counter, completely bare. There was no other choice but for him to help me get dressed, I couldn't hold anything with my wounded hands. He also dried my hair for me, would kiss me if I ever winced in pain.. he did everything.
Kenma let me take a nap on the couch while he cooked us dinner, if only my hands didn't get cut.. I would've cooked for the both of us. I kinda asked mom to teach me how to cook. I wanted to know how, it was embarrassing to Kenma that he knows better than I do!
Kenma's reason for knowing how to cook was extremely heartwarming. I couldn't stop smiling when he told me his reasons, not just with cooking but everything else. He told me he wanted to know how to so that he would be able to take care of me, and that's exactly our situation right now.
I felt the edge of the couch sink so I looked to my left, finding him sitting and smiling down at me. I tried sitting up as I used my hands, whining when I felt my wounds sting. He had to help me up instead. From cleaning, cooking, taking a shower and to even eating.. he's helping me.
"Kenma, I love you." I kiss his cheek, seeing the corners of his lips turn up. "Hey, I'm not trying to be pessimistic or anything.. but if we do part not because we wanted to but because we have to.. don't stress over me. I love you, even if we'd be apart." He puts the bowl down, turning to look at me.
"We're not going to part.. but if we will, I will involve myself in your matters. Because I love you." He nuzzled my nose, making me chuckle from the feeling of his nose on mine. "That is if, our situation was because we had to."
I now feel so bad for Kenma. He even had to help me brush my teeth and wash my face! I'm lucky I have him as my boyfriend! He let me go upstairs first, giving me a goodnight kiss before I ran up to my room. I fell asleep almost immediately, I feel so well taken care of.
It took him some time before he was able to come upstairs and sleep, he probably washed my uniform for me. Tomorrow's the exams and I think I was able to study with my best friend's help, and of course Kenma's.
I got to school a bit worried about how I'd be taking my exams, I was practically handicapped so I don't know what to do. But they let me take it by having the teacher write my answers for me, I took my exams in the council room. It made me nervous since, I was alone with my teachers.
The exams passed and I ranked third, more events came until it was summer. I sprained my ankle during sports fest and Kenma had to give me a piggy-back ride on the way home. During Inter High, we lost during semi-finals so yeah that was kinda.. sad.
Despite everything, I thought Kenma wanted to leave the team as soon as the season ended but, he decided to stay. Summer was fine, I spent most of the time with my family and the rest with him, or with everyone else. The summer camp was also a thing so..
Honestly it felt empty. Kuroo-san, Bokuto-san, Sugawara-san.. the rest of the third years weren't around so it felt a bit quiet and empty. But more than that, I felt sad knowing that it's our turn next time. We wouldn't be there for the camp and for the others. Kenma teased the hell out of me hmph.
Ena seemed fine now, she also told us that Kuroo-san's been drinking less alcohol which is a very good thing. Honami and Yamamoto, still trying to fix themselves. The only ones that were rarely arguing were me and Kenma, then Maki and Lev. I hope Honami's okay.
Karasuno, they are getting better and stronger. It's sad to hear that they didn't make it to nationals. I actually felt bad for the other teams, the powerhouses were replaced with new ones. They had new contenders for the finals, and so did we.
My birthday passed and Kenma, that little shit, brought me to Setagaya City! I saw Yamashita-san again! They both stared at each other and it was funny to see two people looking a lot like each other. Kenma asked if he was the guy that went to the arcade with me and I just smiled.
Kenma's birthday is nearing now! This year, I will bake him apple pie and buy him a video game. I was thinking of buying him the Nintendo.. something, since he always tells me about it whenever he gets excited. I'll definitely get it for him. Just you wait pudding head!
Kenma and I are playing video games in the living room, and I'm already winning! But he doesn't want me to win, now he's using dirty tricks for me to lose! He'd either tickle me or cover my view, or even steal the controller! But right now, he's squeezing my boob to distract me!
"Kenma, don't squeeze my boob." I complain, he's just laughing. "Love!" I chuckle as I lost because of what he did, falling to the floor with him on top of me. "You're naughty!"
"Hmm? I'm naughty?" We both chuckle as he attacked me with kisses.
"Yes you are. I swear if you do that again I will do the same." He furrowed his brows but he was still smiling. He leaned in and pressed a kiss on my lips. "I love you.." He chuckled, our foreheads against each other's.
He continued pressing kisses on my lips, slowly it turned into a sweet make out session. He was just kissing me, smiling as he pressed his lips on mine. He would even plant them on my nose, cheeks or forehead, wherever he felt like planting them.
He rested his forehead on mine, smiling down to me while he eyed my face. I smile sweetly as I kissed his face, hearing him chuckle or even giggle from my kisses. He caught my lips with his, nuzzling my nose when he pulled away. He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, kissing down from my forehead, nose and lips.
"Wait here, I'll make us pancakes." I nod and he pulls me up to sit, giving me another kiss. "I love you, (Y/n)."
"Kozume.." I hold his hand for him to stay, pouting my lips and giving him the puppy eyes to act cute. He raised both his brows as he waited for me to continue speaking. I kiss his cheek and giggle when he gave me more kisses. "Kenmaaa." I pull him back down, chuckling when I heard him grunt.
"What is it now?" He chuckled, trapping me in between his arms as his hands rested on the edge of the couch. "You're being cute, what do you want?" I open my arms, smiling cutely as he embraced me. "What are you a baby?"
"You like it when I act like this.." I backed away a little to see his face, seeing nothing but love in his eyes. "Will you love me even.. if I'm not by your side?"
"When you go home, you're already not by my side. That happens almost everyday unless you stay over, and I still do so what's with the question?" He cupped my cheek, taking out the piece of eyelash that was on it. "Are you doubting me again?" I shake my head and smile.
"I just wanted to hear you speak in a romantic manner." I say, giggling at the sight of him scrunching his nose. He gave me a kiss, taking my arms off his neck.
"You hear me speak like that everyday, you're just lucky you're my girlfriend." He pat my head and tied my hair back, kissing the top of my head before going to the kitchen.
I played with his phone while waiting for him to finish. We're alone at his place since his parents were away for the day. I'm on the couch, taking random selfies that he'd love to have. I pause when I saw a message from my mom, and his. My heart sunk..
Mother: (Y/n)'s tumor might be growing more than we expected. Please take care of her for me..
Mom: Your girlfriend will need surgery, and she might lose her memories. Take care of her while we're not around.
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