TESSA.
I sigh with relief as Emery shuts the door behind her. Finally some alone time with Hardin so I can figure out why the hell he's giving me the cold shoulder. Right now he's in the basement working on his books, but all this morning he was so distant.
We did have a huge fight last night, and I'm not talking about the one on the sidewalk.
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I had just finished my big marathon of friends, and was now headed upstairs to see what Hardin was doing. He never came back downstairs after Emery told me he was helping Auden with homework. I assumed he decided to just go to bed, maybe read a book. I hoped he wasn't avoiding me. I don't know why he would. I didn't do anything.
I slowly creaked open the bedroom door. It was around 10:00, so I was sure he wasn't asleep. The lamp was on, and in his hands he had his notebook, scribbling inside of it, writing some sort of story.
"What are you writing?" I broke the silence, and he looked up at me.
"I didn't hear you come in." He ignored my question, and I shrugged, walking over to my side.
"Sorry." I mumbled, although I'm not sure why I apologized... I decided to come up with a reason. Maybe I should've apologized for mentioning our daughter to the young man, even though I still believe Hardin is being very over dramatic about the whole situation. "You know, for mentioning Emery to the boy."
He rolls his eyes, letting out a big sigh. It peeved me that he was being so moody about this. "So you agree that she shouldn't be around him?" He said somewhat loudly.
I rolled my eyes. Was he listening to himself? I thought I was controlling, but he's way worse! I actually have reasons to be worried about Emery when she's out past 12, but Hardin trying to keep her away from men is ridiculous! "We can't control who she hangs out with!" I shouted. I caught myself and instinctively covered my mouth.
He huffed. He snapped his book shut and placed it on his lap. "You know, I could say the same thing to you! You fight with her every single time she's out later than twelve. You know what she's probably doing? Drinking, and partying with guys college age. So I think we both have the same problem, you just don't know it." He pointed the book at me before flinging it onto his nightstand. I know Emery better than that, and I still don't believe she's out partying. It has to be something else.
"So why are you overreacting about a boy who isn't college age!" My voice is in a shouting whisper, and he runs his hands through his hair.
"Because, college age or not, they are all the same! They all want the same thing. They want her mouth around—"
"Stop! Don't finish that. God, Hardin." I shook my head, putting my face in my hands. It was so overwhelming.
"Exactly! I'm trying to keep my cool here."
"Yeah, well what if that's what she's doing every night? Why aren't you trying to keep her away from that?" I asked lowly, and he shakes his head.
"I try not to think about that..." he trails off, and I roll my eyes at him.
"Here we have a chance to actually know the guy she's hanging out with, and you'd rather her hang out with guys at parties?" I was so confused by his reasoning.
"What if he's like Robby?" He threw his hands up, and I shook my head. He knows Robby's name is off limits. Honestly, I was surprised he mentioned his name. Robby's name is much more triggering to Hardin than it is Emery, being that Hardin actually despises him. Instead of entertaining his idea, I ignored him.
"She won't stay yours forever, Hardin. She has to grow up sometime." I said quietly as I began to slip my jeans off. I was tired. I wanted to sleep.
"You're such a fucking hypocrite." He muttered under his breath, and I felt my heart clutch at how hateful his words sounded.
"She'll actually find a future with a boy. Robby just wasn't that boy, so I think my reasoning for lashing out on her about coming home past curfew is fine enough. You need to get your facts straight before you yell at me about something I didn't do." I said lowly. My tone came out harsh, and I'm glad it did. He deserved it.
"I don't want her to go through what we did— what you did." He said quietly. I ignored the hint of pain in his eyes, and I shook my head.
"That's not our decision."
It went silent for a moment as I slipped my shirt off, taking off my bra and throwing it in the dirty hamper. I looked over to see Hardin watching me, although he didn't look at me with his normal 'I love your body' face. He looked at me with a sad, confused expression.
"What about Auden?" He questioned quietly, and I glanced over.
"What about him?"
"You told him to focus on school more than girls. What makes Auden so different?" He furrowed his brows, letting me know he's genuinely curious.
"He's eleven, Hardin. He has time to experiment in that arena when he's older. Right now he should use his smarts and focus on grades."
"But if he wanted a girlfriend would you let him have one?"
I scoffed, "I don't know. Girls are crazy manipulative, and he'll probably only get his innocent heart hurt."
"Now you know how I feel about Emery." He mentioned, his voice monotone. I look up at him, confused at his odd behavior. I guess he is right though, but that doesn't make me side with him, it makes me feel stupid for telling Auden to focus on school more than a social life.
"Well, then I guess it would be okay if he had a girlfriend then." I nodded, and he ran a hand through his hair.
"I told Auden that he should get a girlfriend." He said, and I stayed silent as I thought about it. "I had girlfriends when I was his age."
"No, you didn't. You fucked everyone at your age." I rolled my eyes, and he examined me for quite some time before sighing and pulling the covers up closer to him.
"I want to sleep." He said, and I crawled over beside him.
"Can I have your shirt first?" I asked, a huge smile plastered on my face.
He looked at me for a moment before rolling his eyes and taking his shirt off. He almost seemed hesitant. What is up with him?
I kissed his cheek to maybe make him feel better, and crawled into the blankets as he took off his black skinny jeans. We got comfortable, and I leaned my cheek on his shoulder.
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He never gave any affection back though. It makes me nervous to what he might be thinking...
It was the same this morning. I woke up, turned over to rub my hand on his soft chest. Once he woke up, he quickly got out of bed saying he had to get to work. It kind of hurt that I got no affection back from him.
I inch closer to the basement door, entering and walking down the creaky steps. There's no way he doesn't know I'm coming down... great.
"Hey," I greet him, and he mumbles a small raspy 'hey,' but he doesn't turn around to look at me. He's being so odd and it's freaking me out. "What's up with you?"
That's when he glances over his shoulder to look at me, his eyebrows furrowed. "Nothing. What'd you mean?"
"You're just being distant this morning..." I say, "and last night." I add, and he shrugs.
"I'm just tired and I have tons of work."
I giggle, trying to lighten up the mood. "Oh, so all of the sudden you have tons of work?" I say in a teasing tone and he only nods.
"Yes, I have to send something to Vance. He's been expecting a draft for three days now."
My eyebrows lift at the information. "Three days? You missed a deadline?"
"Yes, now would you please." He begs, and I sigh. There's no getting him out of his work to talk, and it's probably best if I leave it be.
"I just want you to tell me you aren't mad at me. We're okay right?" I ask pleadingly. I don't even care that I sound like I'm desperate.
His eyes meet mine for the first time since I came down here, and he smiles softly. "We're good." He says softly, and I smile at him.
I peck his lips, and he turns to look at his computer screen again. I guess he's back to writing his books on Word. "Okay, good. I'll go make you something to eat and bring it down here for you."
He nods, and I do one final rub of his back before going back upstairs. I have the whole house to myself. Except the basement, of course. I guess I'll make a huge meal for him and I. Maybe he'll let me sit down there with him while he eats so we both don't have to eat alone.
With that plan in mind, I begin cooking.
Chapter seven: Oct. 9, 2020