We're at the super market, it is honestly really awkward, Robbe is pretty quite right now.
- Lost your tongue ? I ask
- What ? he looks confused
- You didn't say anything since at least ten minutes, what's up ?
- Hum nothing...
He honestly doesn't look worried or anything so I say a little :
- Okayyy
He smiles.
- And you ? he asks
I frown.
- Me ?
- Yeah, you didn't say anything either, right?
He's got a point.
- That's right.
- Is there a reason for that?
- No I was just... you know like... thinking.
- About ?
- About what i should do with Britt.
- You still dont know what you want ?
- I know what I want, I want to break up with her, but... is it really a good thing ? I mean when will I meet someone that accepts me for who I am ?
He just stares at me without saying anything.
- What do you think about that ? I ask concerned
He waits a bit before saying :
- I think that you are overthinking, i mean you are a pretty good guy, what kind of girl wouldn't want you ?
- The kind that is smart.
- Come on Sander, if I was a girl I'd probably be into you.
- No need to be a girl for that.
He turns red. I giggle.
- I mean I am not just into girls... I say trying to give him a hint
There is an awkward silence, bro i lost him...
Suddenly Robbe says :
- So you've ever had a crush on a boy ?
I smile and look at him intensely :
- Only one...
He smiles a bit and we walk next to each other, we find the fresh bread for Amber and we were about to go pay when I had an idea :
- What if we take a fresh bread but yk with stuff in it ?
Robbe smiles.
- Amber wont like it thought...
- Isnt that the goal ? I ask ironically
Robbe can't help but laughing. I love his laugh, it is a cute sound that always gives chills.
We end up taking the wrong bread to annoy Amber a bit.
We go back to the house while talking.
- So hum... Sander ?
I look at Robbe.
- Yeah ?
- Hum, does Britt knows that you like...
- Boys ? I ask with a little smile
- Yeah.
- Well... no, she doesn't, I can even imagine her face if I decided to tell her ! I laugh a bit
- You think she wouldnt be okay with it? he asks
- Yeah, I dont know, she would probably tell me it is one of my many phases, that it will pass like everything...
- What do you mean "it will pass like everything" ? he asks curious
Shit. I dont really know what I can answer to that...
- Well... I dont know just like... hum...
- Just like that day at school when you weren't feeling well ?
Robbe is staring carefully at me.
- Yeah... for example.
He smiles a bit at me and say :
- My mom has been admitted in an hospital.
- Wow, sorry, that must be hard.
I love that he talks to me that way, so sensitive, it makes me think that maybe he could understand me.
I hesitate to ask something, Robbe sees it and answer to my question without waiting for me to ask it :
- She isnt mentally well, it isnt a disease or a disorder, it is just... I dont know, we never got any explanation for it... she is really depressed and paranoid about basically everything...
- I am sorry...
There is a quick silence that Robbe breaks :
- So yeah, if you want to talk, if you have something close to her just know that... I won't judge you. he assures me
I look carefully at him, he seems honest, so i just say a little "thanks" and then we walk in silence.