One week later I stand backstage at the show of my old dance team. Watching many people fill the seats in front of the stage. I turn back and walk over to the dressing room curious to see if Joanna is already finished.
Tonight she would be the lead in our performance, and in one dance I will participate in the background. Only to be a part of the group again. I only have to do some small movements, nothing comparable with the dances I used to perform.
I softly knock on her door, seeing her sit in front of a mirror. Gorgeous as usual. 'I'm incredibly nervous,' she notices but I can already see it by the way her eyes are wide open. At least that part hasn't changed about her.
'Let me finish your make-up,' I say but she shakes her head, wanting to do it herself. Again something that hasn't changed. 'By the way, someone called you but I couldn't find you,' she mumbles when she puts on a little more mascara.
Curious I walk over to my phone, seeing a number on my screen. I have seen this number a thousand times before. 'I'll be back in five,' I say and walk in the hallway to call him back.
'Luke?' I ask when someone picks up. 'Madelaine, great to hear you again. Is everything fine there? I saw you have a show today,' he explains quickly. 'You saw that?' I ask confused.
'Yes of course, whole Stars Hollow knows thanks to Miss Patty. She saw you on the website of your old dance school.' I hold my hand against my forehead, mad at myself for being this naïve. I've been telling every person I never wanted to dance again, and here I am, backstage at a huge performance. No one will believe me anymore.
'Does Jess know?' I ask after a moment. I haven't been able to call him anymore, neither has he tried to reach out to me. I thought we would change that.
'Uhm ... I'm not sure,' I can hear him doubt. 'What do you mean? Someone must have told him?'
'Madelaine, look I'm sorry to tell you but Jess has left,' Luke whispers. I hold the phone against my ear, not being able to answer him. He promised he would be in Stars Hollow when I come back. He promised to support me.
Was all of this a lie again? I feel tears in my eyes when I search through every conversation we had ever since he came to Stars Hollow but I can't find a mistake. He promised.
'O,' I finally mumble and lean against the wall behind me.
'I'm not sure how much you already know about the situation. I mean, his father came to look for him and he told me he wouldn't graduate. It made me angry, we had a deal and I-'
'I get it, Luke. Don't worry,' I whisper. 'I think he went to California for his father,' Luke admits. I can hear the hurt in his voice, even though he won't ever admit it.
'California,' I repeat and every piece of my heart breaks slowly. We keep silent for a moment, both of us deep in our own thoughts. I hear Luke breathe in and out on the other side of the line.
'I have to change my outfit,' I finally say. 'The performance starts in half an hour.'
'Yes of course, uhm ... well good luck Madelaine,' he says before I hang up. All I need now is luck. Jess is gone and I am alone, again. The moment I walk in Joanna's dressing room she sees something is wrong with me and quickly hugs me without saying a word.
'He left Stars Hollow,' I whisper. My voice shaking out of despair. 'Maybe he didn't want to,' Joanna tries to ease my pain. 'He left,' I repeat and release her in a second. I have to change, there is no other option. Maybe tonight Madelaine Scott would make her comeback. I hate myself.
(time skip)
From backstage I stare amazed at all the dancers in their costumes, each and every one of them giving all they have. There is only one dance that includes me and that one is next.
The whole time I keep thinking about him and why he did what he did. He promised to wait for me, he hasn't even told me about his plans. He doesn't care about me.
The audience claps again and the dancers leave the stage except for Joanna who lays down in the middle, waiting for the next song to start. I follow another girl on the stage and take my spot in the back, my nerves taking over.
The view of the audience, the spotlights. It all becomes too much at some point. I look down and once the lights shine on us we start moving on the rhythm of the music. All of us giving our soul to the music.
The few times I danced in the studio it had been different, nothing special. But this feeling ... I can't name it. I follow the rhythm and dance towards Joanna, the five of us joining each other in a group.
I can't hide my smile, I can't hide the joy I find on this stage. It all makes me happy. Then why did I ever quit? Joanna drags me along to the front, the two of us turning around. Our costume flying behind us. I feel great.
That moment the lights shine in my eyes, I almost stop dancing, sure that I have seen some familiar face. I turn around again and see Jess for one moment, leaning against the wall. But when the light is out he disappears. He isn't here, I tell myself.
The audience claps again, and still a little confused we run towards our dressing room. The others changing their costumes for the final dance, when my phone starts ringing. Dad.
I quickly run over to the hallway, not having time for this. My energy level incredibly high.
'Dad, I don't have time now. I can't-'. But he interrupts me. 'You have to come to the hospital right now, your mother won't be long with us anymore.' Never in my life have I heard so much pain in someone's voice. The despair, the fear.
Without saying anything I start running through the halls, into the auditorium. I can't find another escape. I run past a crowd of people and open the double doors, Joanna calling for my name. I can't stop. She is dying.