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you woke to the sound of kylos loud snoring. you got up from the bed and walked over to check the time. your legs were still a bit weak, but they worked.
"oh shit! i got to go get ready to hang out with jaxx!" you whispered to yourself.
you didnt want to leave kylo, but you promised jaxx that you would spend the entire day with him, and the entire day started now.
you rushed to go get a piece of paper, and scribbled down a note for kylo for when he woke up. you collected your clothes that were on the ground and were on your way. before you left though, you gave kylos head a small kiss and admired his perfect, beautiful face. he looked so peaceful while sleeping most times in the day he looked stressed, or angry, or something that wasnt positive. you placed the paper on the sidetable and tiptoed out the door.
when kylo woke up, he was almost angry, but mostly disappointed that you werent there. it wasnt like this was his first rodeo before- many many times has girls left his room before he woke up, and he hadnt seemed to mind it. but this time, it was almost as if he did mind- that he did care.
"snap out of it. you guys arent even in a relationship. those are forbidden anyways and you dont need a distraction." he scolded himself.
before he got up from the bed, he noticed the piece of paper. he picked it up and started reading it.
sorry i couldnt stay buttbrains. i told jaxx last night that i would spend the day with him because i havent really been with him much lately. i hope you understand though. last night was fun and i know you will miss me.
ps. i took your shirt with me and i will not be returning it until the scent of you is fully gone.
- your favorite girl that you kidnapped
while reading the letter, kylo couldnt seem to control his happiness. all of the anger that he had when he first woke up disappeared completely. your humor always brought a smile to his face and he enjoyed it very much. but the part that got him was you saying that you would be keeping his shirt.
he didnt know why that was though...it was just you saying that you were keeping his shirt. he put the note done and started getting ready for the day.
the whole day, kylo couldnt seem to shake the idea of what happened last night. it was like it was on replay in his mind, and he couldn't stop it. dont get him wrong, he enjoyed it a lot- but he couldnt focus at all with it. lots of questions about last night arose in his mind. questions he never thought he would be asking about anyone.
what even was last night? was it just a simple hookup? why do i keep thinking about it? why do i keep thinking about her? does she feel the same way? does she love me th-
no. kylos mind started traveling to crazy places and crazy conclusions. it was very difficult to remain on the topic of work, so he decided to ease his mind, he would go to your quarters after work. that seemed to relieve his mind a little bit, but not too much. the remainder of the day, kylo just pushed all of this thoughts and emotions as far away as possible.
but the thing that struck him the most was the feeling that he got whenever the night replayed. he has never experienced such feeling. such a warm, comfy, homely feeling. last night was much different that just a hookup, and the both of you knew it. it felt different. it felt special. it felt right.
you got ready and rushed over to jaxxs room. it looked like he was already waiting for you, so you felt a little bit bad.
"good morning bud! im sorry im a bit late."
"it is whatever. lets go get some food?"
"yeah. yeah sure!" you smiled. you were glad that he didn't question why you were, and it relieved you that you didnt have to answer.
the 2 of you ate your breakfast and had a extremely interesting conversation.
"so what do you want to do today jaxx?" you questioned.
"i think we should explore more on the ship. i know that we have done that many times already, but i just know that we havent covered the entire place."
"sounds great to me!" you and him finished youe food quickly after that and made your way to the hallways.
jaxx lead the way, turning left and right and right and left. the entire walk, the 2 of you continued on with another conversation, sharing stories and asking each other questions. the entire time, your mind couldnt stop thinking about kylo and last night.
you werent new to the action at all, so it confused you why you were so hung up on it. you werent one to get attached after the act, so what was happening to you?
your train of thought was broken when you heard jaxx gasp. you looked up, and your eyes went wide.
"oh my stars!" you said with such shock.
"it is so so beautiful!" jaxx added as he rushed up one of the windows.
the 2 of you somehow ended up in a room no walls, only glass that was separated you from floating off. the view was stupendous, and you couldn't keep your eyes off of it. you saw what looked like millions of gleaming stars, shining brighter than ever.
"i cant seem to look away! i could stare at this scenery forever!" you exclaimed.
"same! same! a thousand times same!" jaxx cheered.
you finally took your gaze off of it and looked down at jaxx. he looked truly happy, a wide smile on his face. you both sat down on the floor and continued gazing up.
"j, can i ask you something?"
"yeah, sure. go for it." he replied, still fixated on the view.
"why did you out of the blue forgive me all those months ago?" you asked. you have been dying to ask him the question, and right now seemed appropriate.
jaxx's eye then travelled over to meet yours and he took in a deep breath.
"you want the complete truth correct?" he started to freak you out a bit.
"of course i do. you're kind of scaring me jaxx." you nervously chuckled.
"the truth is, kylo pushed me to forgive you. in all honesty, i am beyond grateful that he did because i dont know if i would even be with you right now. i was so naive and stupid, and i regret it deeply. he opened my eyes and told me what forgiving you was the right thing to do- and he was right."
you jaw fell open and your eyes widened. you didnt really know what he was going to say, but you definitely didnt imagine anything like this. so many emotions were running through you, and it felt as if you couldnt keep up.
you felt extremely grateful that kylo stepped in because like jaxx said- your relationship with your brother might not be how it is now. but you also felt a bit mad. you thought that maybe you and jaxx could have just solved this on your own without his help, but deep down you knew that might have not been the case. the feeling of appreciation overruled the feeling of anger, and you were okay with it. as long as the bond with jaxx has fully recovered- which it has, you were fine with whatever way it came to be, regardless of kylos help or not.
"oh wow. i didnt even...okay. thank you for telling me." you gave jaxx a small grin.
"it seems like kylo really cares about you. i cant believe im saying that, but it is the truth."
you started to blush a little. jaxx was right, it was pretty obvious. but, it worked both ways. you also cared for kylo the same amount he did for you.
jaxx and you sat there for a bit longer, talking about almost everything that popped up in each of your minds. you both then left that breathtaking room and grabbed lunch before heading back to your rooms.
"i will see you later!" you called out to him.
"bye kuts!"
you walked over to your bed and plopped right onto it. millions of things were rushing through your head and it felt as if you were going to explode.
questions about last night, questions about your relationship with kylo, questions about why kylo stepped in with the jaxx situation, all of it.
you didnt know why you felt this type of way towards kylo. you have never experienced anything like it. you always wanted to be near him, in his presence, by his side. and last night...it was like nothing before. it made chills run down your spine just thinking about it. one word to describe it?
magical.
you suddenly heard the door open and you knew it was kylo.
"hey." you huffed out.
"no insult?" he replied back.
you were just as surprised as he was when you didnt call him a rude name. it has become so normal to the both of you, insulting each other left and right.
"i guess not." you looked up at him and shrugged.
"look, i know we dont really talk about this kind-" you cut him off.
"yeah. we need to talk about last night and well...us." you said as you held eye contact for a bit.
"i agree."
"what...what was last night?" you asked him. you werent nervous to go right into it, because you both were wondering the same exact thing.
kylo didnt know how to respond, so he just answered your question with another one.
"well what do you think last night was?"
you knew that answering him with another question wouldnt get the 2 of you anywhere, so you started thinking.
a comfortable silence fell between the 2 of you because you were both deep in thought. you realized that your brain wasnt getting you anywhere, so you decided to try something that you barely knew how to do.
to speak from the heart.
"that is no denying it. we have a...bond? a connection of some sort? i havent directly told you this, but i have intense feelings for you. i know that you know this, but i, i just wanted to say it. in all honesty, this whole situation is..."
"terrifying to you." he finished your sentence. he could sense how this all scared you. these new feelings that you have never felt before, suddenly rising up. he on the otherhand, wasnt as fearful. he knew that the 2 of you could do it. do it together.
hearing him say that made you take in a huge gulp and avoid eye contact.
"but, you dont need to be. we can do this. we will do this...together." he continued on.
hearing those words brought ease. yet, it also brought terror.
ease because hearing him say such things introduced the idea that you 2 can, and will get through it. but terror, because being together would mean the possibility of him leaving you. leaving you like your family did.
the possibility of him being able to shatter your heart in a millisecond. shattering it like your family did.
that emotional trauma that your family created for you clouded each and every thought of happiness that came when you thought about you and kylo together.
they were the ones right now who were ruining this for you, and you hated it with every piece of your body. you knew that kylo would never do such things to you, but the ideas couldnt stop formulating in your mind.
you couldnt handle anymore heartbreak- it would single-handedly crush you.
but, the main anxiety of yours was him loving you. him loving you meant that he broke down the walls that took years for you to build. you couldnt have those walls taken down, you just couldnt. it would be the death of you- and you knew it.
almost on cue, the 3 raging words that you feared would come out of his mouth started to slip out.
you couldnt handle this. you couldmt bare listening to him finish the dreadful sentence that was about to come to an end.
"i love y-" just as he was about to finish, kylo saw a single tear fall down, onto your cheek.
you realized that that tear saved you. saved you from your ongoing fear of being loved by kylo.
it wasnt that you feared the love or kylo, no. you feared him gaining full control over you and being able to end you in a snap a finger.
you start shaking your head, shaking it in fright. kylo knew the exact reason of it, he could see it in your eyes.
just as he was about to go over and comfort you, you spoke up with a tone that was barely higher than a whisper.
"please, no. no kylo. no, dont do this. no."
pain was beaming off of you and shining directly at him. in an instant, you dashed out the door, leaving kylo to stare at a wall- all alone, with a breaking heart.
but it wasnt like he was the only one. you leaving that room set yourself with a breaking heart as well.
breaking at the fact that you could have had it all. breaking at the fact that you could have been genuinely happy.
deep down, you knew for a fact that kylo was the one that you truly wanted. you wanted him so so bad, yet when the chance came- you ruined it.
your past, your doubtfulness, your trauma, your pain, your fear, was what prevented what could have came. what could have came from the love between you and the man of your dreams.
you knew that you couldnt live like this. you knew you couldnt survive like this. you knew that you couldnt handle this. you knew that you had to somehow find a way to get over it.
you knew you had to leave- you knew you had to go.
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authors note
BYE i know for a facT she did not just turn down kylos sexyass HAHAH
- i.t