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when you woke up the next morning, you realized that you were tucked into your bed which you knew for a fact was not your doing.
kylo must have tucked you in last night, which caused some of the internal pain of yours to leave for a split second. you didnt know how you were going to get through this, but you were determined. you were determined to do it for the people that cared for you.
you rolled over to your side, and saw a note. you picked it up carefully and read it.
my dearest jerk-face,
im sorry from the bottom of my little heart that i couldnt stay with you- i have some business to take care of. i am also truly sorry for the mess i made. words cant explain how much i regret it. nothing can make put for what i did, and i know that. one day, i will be able to make it up to you- i just know it. i really do hope that all gets better, and that you know i am always here for you. i will see you later, shitbag.
your one and only,
the marvelous kylo ren
after setting the piece of paper down, you realized that you had a huge grin on your face. you were glad that he used a bit of humor in the note, because you really needed it. you were also glad that kylo realized just how bad he messed up. you could tell that he was genuinely sorry, and you appreciated that a lot.
your mind was telling you to hate him, to keep a grudge and never look at the man again. but your heart? your heart was telling you to forgive him, and to take in all his comforting because you definitely needed it. your heart outweighed your mind and that was extremely rare for you. you always used your mind, and it has gotten you pretty far.
your body was screaming at you to get up and stretch, but your brain said otherwise. you didnt have the motivation or even will to get up. you wanted to stay in your cozy,enjoyable bed forever, but you knew deep in your mind that you couldnt do such a thing.
you forced yourself up and headed for the bathroom.
"you can do this. do this for the people that care for you." you repeated to yourself.
that was one of the negative yet positive things about you. you put others infront of yourself...a little too much. you knew that they would understand if you ended up staying confined in your room, but you forced the thought out of your mind. sometimes, you just pushed yourself to much- and you needed a break.
you looked into the mirror and you thought that a different person was looking back.
you had the puffiest eyes ever, a pale skin tone, and disgusting looking clothing. you almost puked at the sight. you carefully got ready and headed for the door. you needed to explain to jaxx the situation. you knew that it was the right thing to do. before you stepped out, kylo suddenly appeared infront of you. you jumped back a bit and just stared at him.
you thought that looking at him might bring back the hate you felt for him, but it didnt. it brought you ease, and serenity. looking closer, you noticed that kylo was in a different location then you.
how was that possible?
"why is going on?" you said with a raspy tone. you cleared your throat and waited for a reply.
"it seems as if we are in a forcelink right now. did you do th- wait nevermind, i havent taught you that. wait actually, have you ever done this before? has somebody ever taught you this?"
all of the words and questions he was speaking caused you to cover your ears. it seemed as if he was talking as loud as could be, but he was actually only talking at his normal tone.
"no. nobody has ever taught me this. it is a bit neat though, i must admit." your voice came out stronger than last time.
kylo noticed you covering your ears a few seconds ago, so when he replied, he talked with a quieter tone.
"okay. well, how are you today? you know...."
"im fine." you lied. kylo knew that you were, but he let you continue. "i saw your letter, i really treasure it. thank you. " you were clearly telling the truth there.
"your welcome. and y/n, are you really fine?" you could tell that kylo knew you werent being truthful, but you ignored it.
"yes...yes kylo i am fine. i need to go though, so can you like end this thing?" you felt your eyes start tearing up and your lip quivering.
"y/n-"
"kylo please i need...i need to go." you begged him.
"okay. just know that i am always he-"
"always here for me. i got the message."
with that, the image of kylo disappeared. you instantly fell onto the floor, breaking down into tears. the pain you felt from last night passed onto the next...it was quite obvious. all you wanted was for your family to be whole again. to still had no idea how people could leave their own children, regardless of the situation. you gathered yourself together and walked into jaxx's room.
you explained everything to him and held back tears. he could tell that you were, and that caused some of your pain to seep into his body. he knew that you were suffering greatly right now, so when you asked him to not go and see them, he agreed. he knew that it was what was best for him, he though the rest of him begged to see them again.
you then went back into your room. you didnt care if you missed work,training, or anything. you just wanted to stay there even though minutes earlier you were lecturing yourself not to do that. but, that lecture didnt mean anything to you. you became aware that you needed to do this. needed to do this for yourself, and for once- you actually did.
you spent the next weeks in your room. etta,piers,jaxx, and kylo all visited you. all of their hearts ached whenever they did, but they knew you needed their comfort.
kylo had grown to become fond of etta and piers. unlike before, he realized just how much they meant to you. he also realized how much they really cared and cherished you.
almost immediately after you told kylo to take your family off the ship, he did just that. he wanted to help you in anyway he could, so he listened to whatever you told him.
word spread about your family situation rather quickly and rumors started even faster. people said such wicked and crazy things, like how your family left you because you tried murdering them and that they didnt want to see you because they were traumatized. kylo tried to shield you from what people were saying, but you still heard. you heard loud and clear what they said. it didnt hurt you because of what they were saying, it hurt because they didnt even know the conditions.
you eventually did return to your regular life, but the pain was still there. less strong and overpowering, but definitely still there. there were nights were it consumed you fully and there were others when you didnt feel it at all. you felt as if life was starting to get a little better and you were pleased.
while walking down the hall with etta and piers, you heard somebody shout something directed at you.
"did mommy and daddy ever come back for you?"
you suddenly felt your eyes widden and your heart stop. your walking pace increased rapidly and you started having some problems breathing. etta and piers tried keeping up with you, but they were struggling. they eventually did, and started comforting you.
"hey hey. it is okay! those people dont have a clue what they are talking about...such douches. but, just ignore them okay!" piers said as he gently placed a hand on your shoulder. you then felt etta wrap her arms around you and whispered to you-
"its okay hun. people are so cold hearted sometimes, you just have to keep pushing through."
you felt a single tear fall and you let her grasp on you go.
"you...you guys are right. i am going to head back. see you later." you dashed off. you werent in the mood to cry infront of people, so you tried you best to hold in it. you were successful for the most part until jaxx saw you walking into your room.
"kuts, is everything okay?"
you unexpectedly burst into tears, trying your best to keep your body up. you felt your knees giving out and you fell to the ground. your head and hands collided with the cold, black floor as you sobbed into it. jaxx tried his best to calm you down, but it wasnt much help. you started calming down and stood back up immediately. you walked into your room and shut the door but not before jaxx could make his way in. he grabs his tiny arms around you in attempt to help you. for some reason, this little act actually made a big impact on you, causing you to stop almost straight away.
"what happened?" he questioned.
"people. people and their insensitive jokes."
jaxx instantly started to frown. "im sorry kuts."
"don't apologize. it isnt your fault. but, thank you for being here for me jaxx. even though it should be the oth-"
"stop it right there. just because you are my older sister, doesnt mean that i cant help you while you are in pain. it does in fact work both ways."
you gave him a smile and he finished his sentence. your mood instantly changed and you gave him a tight hug.
"i love you jaxx, so so much. sometimes i think a little too much." you laughed. hearing you laugh relieved jaxx a lot.
"i love you too kuts." he pulled away from you.
"tomorrow, why dont we spend the entire day together eh? we havent done that in a while and i miss it."
his facial expressions turned into those of pure joy. he instantly nodded and headed for the door.
"tell me if you need anything. i will see you tomorrow."
you nodded and he left within seconds. you laid on your bed and let the tiredness eat you away. a knock on the door swiftly stopped that, and you got up right away. etta and piers rushed into your room with a crazied look on their faces.
"you remember that guy that said something to you earlier...right?" etta asked you.
"of course i do-"
"well, somehow kylo found out and well...killed him." piers said.
your mouth fell wide open and your surroundings started to disappear.
did he just say that kylo ren killed somebody? more specifically, did he just say that kylo ren killed somebody...for you?
"what did you just say?"
"he ki-" etta started.
"no i know that. but w...why would he?"
"i am guessing because he didnt like what they did to you? i-" piers said to you and was cut off by you running to the door.
"i got to go bye!" you yelled to them. they stood in your room, staring at each other with confusion.
you started sprinting to kylos room. you needed to confront him about it and you needed to do it now. you couldnt tell if you hated or loved the fact that he did it, and you didnt think you would figure it out anytime soon.
you opened his door and it revealed him coming out of his bathroom. it appeared that he just finished drying his hands when he looked up at you.
"did you seriously kill somebody?" you interrogated him.
"what do you mean?" he knew exactly what you meant.
"etta and piers told me. and dont go attacking them alright? now answer me."
"dammit" kylo muttered to him. "i...yes." he stated.
"why? why would you ever so that?"
"because when i heard what he said, i just...i couldnt control myself alright? i hate when people say foolishness like that, they dont even know the full story."
so he actually, seriously killed someone because of you? most people would be freaked,terrified,beyond afraid, but you? you were turned on.
"i hate it as well but i dont go around killing people!" you exclaimed.
"im so-" he started to say.
"you know kylo, you are so damn crazy and toxic sometimes. but i cant lie to you, i fucking love it!" you cried out.
•SMUT WARNING SMUT WARNING•
almost with instinct, you smashed your lips into his and started kissing him passionately.
kylo was taken aback by this completely. he couldnt lie, he loved it a lot. he was waiting for this exact moment to happen and now that it finally was happening, he couldnt believe it.
he suddenly pushed you off of him and stared into your eyes. he did this to make sure that this was your doing and not a messed up dream. you took his action as a sign of rejection and immediately started feeling embarrassed.
did you seriously just kiss the dang supreme leader and expect him to kiss back?
"oh. i did-" you were cut off by his plump, red lips coming into contact with yours. his hands made its way to your face and yours to his arms. he kissed you with much more passion and desire than you had the first time.
your mouths started to move in sync, almost in harmony. you kissed him back with even more excitement than he had, making it almost a competition between the 2 of you. your tongue suddenly made its way into his mouth, wanting to explore ever inch of it.
he did the same with you expect with even more aggression and you found your lungs pleading for air. you let go of his arms and pulled away, gasping for air. he did the same and when you both were good, you went back in. this time, his hands rested on your waist and yours on his neck. he moved his mouth from your lips, over to your neck. a slight moan left your mouth, causing kylos ego to increase.
you moved your neck so that he was given more entry, and you suddenly found yourself walking back over to the door and locking it. seeing this, kylo knew what was about to go down, and he was more than ecstatic. you went back over to him and jumped into his arms. he wrapped his large,muscular arms around your figure and you wrapped your legs around his waist.
instead of just leaving simple kisses on your neck, he started to suck on the skin- and you knew that the next morning, hickies were going to appear. you started moaning, with each one getting louder and louder. the lust that was in the air was becoming almost unbearable, so you started to take off each piece of clothing off of you, 1 by 1.
seeing this, kylo immediately stopped what he was doing.
"are you sure? are you sure that you want to do this?" kylo asked you as you started to take your leggings off.
"yes. kylo, i am positive." you gave him a seducing smile. he immediately started to strip himself, leaving him and you both in your undergarments.
he walked over to you and un-clasped your bra. you started to take off your underwear and he did the same. the 2 of you studied each others naked figures for a second, taking it all in. kylo looked at each and every single curve of yours. and you looked at how fit and muscular he was built.
you made your way back to him and he immediately picked you up and threw you onto the bed. he instantly started to shower your body with wet and heated kisses.
he started his way at your mouth, slowly going to your neck. he then made it to your breasts, kissing one of them while grabbing firmly onto the other. you let out a small moan, causing kylo to continue further down. he made his way to your stomach, but it wasnt for long until he made it to thighs. he used his knee to spread your legs apart, and began kissing your inner thigh. he then made it way up to your cunt, trailing his fingers up and down, teasing you. it felt as if you couldnt wait any longer. but you knew that you had to be patient. after all, it has gotten you to this moment right?
"look at how wet you already are. you are practically soaking for your supreme leader." he smirked.
he swiftly inserted 2 fingers, catching you completely off guard. he started slow, then increased his speed rather quickly. you let out multiple soft, but passionate moans. he suddenly started rubbing your clit, making you let out a extremely loud whimper. he unexpectedly retreated his 2 fingers that were just inside of you and used that hand to cover your mouth.
"i think you should keep it down a bit. wouldnt want anybody walking in on you like this right?"
you instantly nodded at his question and he stared right into your eyes. he took off the hand from your mouth and pointed the 2 fingers that were just in you at your mouth.
"suck."
you obeyed him, sucking them clean as you stared back at him. the entire time, his other hand was still on your clit, giving you immense pleasure. he then took his fingers out of your mouth and said-
"what a good girl, listens to everything i tell her. now get on your knees."
you hadn't realized that kylo was such a freak until now. you weren't complaining, but you definitely did not completely expect this. most times, you were the one who was dominating, but that wasnt the case this time- and you loved it.
you suddenly dropped to your knees and kylo rammed his member into your mouth. you gagged at his length, drool already coming out the sides of your mouth. you twirled your tongue on the top of it, causing kylo to let out a grunt.
"god, you are so fucking god at this" he leaned his head back.
you increased your speed as your mouth went up and down, he started violently tugging at your hair. you felt the tip of his member hit the back on your throat, causing you to hum in satisfaction. you suddenly heard a moan come from kylo, and you instantly felt him pull out of your mouth.
"open wide, sweetheart."
you did, and you immediately felt a warm, thick liquid in your mouth.
"fuck." kylo leaned his head back. "swallow now."
you did, and the fluid disappeared instantly. it had a bittersweet taste, which you actually enjoyed.
"get back on the bed now." he ordered.
as you did, you felt his huge hand collide with your ass, causing you to whimper a bit.
"do you like that, whore? i bet you fucking do you slut."
"ye...yes." you suddenly saw his broad figure hovering over you again. you then felt his hand slap across your face, leaving a huge red mark. "what the he-" he pushed 3 fingers down into your mouth, causing you to gag at the action.
"you are to talk to me with the correct title. also, you only speak when you are spoken to. got that?" he asked as he took his fingers out.
"yes, supreme leader. i got that." you loved how in control he was of you. the feeling of his dominance left you a warm feeling in your chest.
"good." he spread your legs once again and without warning, you felt him penetrating into your sex. you let out a rather harsh moan as you closed your eyes.
"look right at me, sweetheart."
you opened your eyes and was met with his own. those pots of honey he called eyes were one of the most alluring thing you have ever seen.
his thrusts into you became bigger and better, and you suddenly felt his hand rubbing your clit. the pleasure that you were experiencing was like nothing before, and it made you want to replay this moment in your head a billion times over.
"do you like it when your supreme leader's cock is in your tight little pussy?"
"yes, supreme leader. it feels a..amazing." you groaned out.
he then grabbed both of your tits and squeezed them, causing you to let out yet another whimper. you simultaneously latched your hands onto his back, leaving blood-red scratch marks with your fingers. kylo then let go of your breasts and started kissing your neck and shoulders.
kylo then let a hard thrust into you, almost sending you over the edge. you knew that your peak was approaching fast, and you didnt want to know the consequences of orgasming before asking his permission.
"supreme leader, ma...maybe i please cum?"
kylo leaned into your ear as he started to begin massaging your clit once again.
"cum on my dick for me, sweetheart."
hearing those words, your hips instantly shot up, eyes rolling back and your orgasm reaching its complete peak. you were washed over with complete bliss and happiness, seeing only black for a few seconds.
when you gained your vision back, you could tell that kylos was approaching as well. almost instantly, you heard a loud grunt and you felt his warm cum in between your legs, leaking onto the sheets. he then dropped to the side of you as the 2 of you caught your breath.
"you took me so well darling."
hearing him say that made a irresistible grin appear on your face. in this moment, you were in a state of complete joy.
the 2 of you sat in a comfortable silence for a while. both of you didnt want to ruin the perfect moment, so you both kept quiet. you then had the sudden urge to take a shower so you rolled over to the side of the bed, which caught kylos attention.
"you might not want to do that, your legs ar-"
before he could finish, you started falling onto the floor. kylo without a thought rushed over to you before you reached it.
"are probably weak." he finished his sentence.
"ren, what the fuck did you do to me?" you questioned him with a sarcastic tone. you completely forgot of all the pain that you were suffering through the entire time you were with kylo.
"well, i did quite a lo-" he then picked you up in his arms-almost cradling you, as he walked over to the bathroom. you urgently covered his mouth before he could finish.
"i think i remember." you winked as he set you down onto the shower floor. he turned on the water and made it so that it was steamy hot- just how you like it.
he offered you a hand and you took it, bringing yourself back up onto your feet.
"can you stand?" he asked.
"yeah, i think im good." your legs wobbled, but you were able to stand.
you let the water hit your skin as you closed your eyes. kylo watched you with great interest, and you sensed it- though you didnt say anything.
you then heard a click of a shampoo bottle and immediately, you felt kylos hands in your hair, lathering the substance into it. it felt amazing, almost as if you could fall asleep right then and there because of it. you then ran you head under the water and he repeated the process with the conditioner. he then grabbed a washcloth, put some bodywash on it, and started rubbing your body with it.
the feeling of having somebody care for you after having sex was foreign to you. most of the time, either the guy left immediately or you did. it felt so amazing that you melted just thinking about it.
when kylo was done cleaning you, you stepped aside and let him do it to himself. you watched as his toned arms moved and his black, wonderful hair got soaked. when he was done, he turned off the water and grabbed 2 towels. he grabbed one and stretched it out in his arms, signaling for you to walk into it. you did, and the warmth of it overcame your body. kylo held you like that for a few moments, and then kissed the side of your head. he wrapped himself into one and you 2 walked out.
"wait right there." kylo told you as he walked over to his closet.
"okay." you waited a few seconds, looking around his room until he came back out with simply boxers on. he handed you a simple tee and you bowed your head in thanks.
you retrieved your underwear that you threw onto the ground and put it back on. you proceeded to put on the shirt kylo gave you. it was extremely oversized on you, but it was perfect in your eyes.
"when are you going to do your hair routine?" you asked kylo with raised eyebrows, trying to hold back a laugh.
"right now." he chuckled as you followed him back into the bathroom.
you sat on the counter as he showed up his 11 step hair procedure step by step. you listened with excellence as you held onto the bottle of hair product you loved dearly, inhaling the scent as he spoke.
"and finally...we are done."
"woohoo! it looks so amazing kylo. come over here." you gestured to him.
he did and you instantly took a huge whiff of his hair. you didnt want to touch it because it looked so amazing and also he just finished the routine. you used his shoulders as support as you hopped off the counter, landing onto the floor.
"why are you so obsessed with it?" he laughed.
"i honestly have no clue. it is just so amazing to my sense of smell i guess." you shrugged as the 2 of you walked back over to his bed.
you both slid into the covers and you without thought, snuggled up next to him. you loved his warmth and how safe you felt this close to him.
he too loved having you this near him. it brought him happiness knowing that you were finger length away from his reach.
his arms instantly engulfed your body and your hands laid onto his chest just like last time. you laid a gentle kiss onto his cheek before falling into a heartwarming slumber.
"goodnight kylo." you said to him.
"goodnight my sparkling diamond." he replied as he gave your head a long, energetic kiss.
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authors note
it happened it happened it happened omggggg.
im sorry if my smut writing isnt the best, it is my first time lmao. i hope you enjoyed this long one!! i totally didnt stay up till 2 am to finish this even though i started at 10...
-i.t