i love you more than anything
but the words can't even touch what's in my heart
Beyoncé Giselle Knowles
December 1
Queens, New York
"So you got the girl?" Katorah asked. I nodded my head. "You done turned into Aug nigga."
"I guess."
"Come here bitch! I'm finna slap you, come on!" August jumped over the couch.
"No you not 'cause I'm not in love nor am I whipped nigga, that's when I get slapped."
"Wait 'til she get the good girl pussy, she most definitely gon' be whipped, talking shit." August said.
"How would you know? Ari ain't no good girl."
"She was. 'Til I put that pipe on her."
"Aight nigga." I stood up then pointed to Katorah and Chance. "Money. Need it stacked and delivered. Imma count it up when y'all done."
"We got you Boss."
I nodded my head and Jay and August walked with me down the stairs. We had some big moves to make today. To make my transition from here to San Diego easier, I'd found a house and I was going to go buy it today.
But before that, I had to go to Onika's ceremony. She was graduating this year so much earlier than her other classmates and to say I was proud was an understatement. Everybody else in her class had 5 or 6 more months until they were done with this year and she was done. When I say she was on her shit, that's what I meant.
The date I had with Onika really opened my mind to a lot about her and ultimately, myself.
"So the death of your dad is what started all this?"
I looked over at her, she was playing with my hand. She looked up, waiting for my answer.
"Nah. Before my Pops met my mom, he was a playin' ass nigga. 'Til she calmed him down. It was like some shit out of a movie. He ain't wanna lose her, she was his muse, the reason he did a lot of shit. Then they had me."
"And how does that translate to you being the whore that you are?"
"Really it was just the attention. Bitches flock, especially when you're mean to 'em. They beg for dick and when you give it to 'em, they never wanna go away. Crazy attracts me."
"Mhm."
I stared at the stars above me. "Sometimes I feel like you are to me what my Mom was to my Pops. The way he would describe it is how I be feeling about you."
"How you feel?" She straddled my lap. She held my face in her hands.
"Safe."
"Look at you bitchin' for another one."
"She not Kyla nigga." August looked over.
"You still love Kyla?"
"With my whole heart." I admitted. "Kyla was a different breed for real. Never met a woman like that."
"What about Nic?"
"Whole different lane. Can't even compare the two."
"Why?"
I got in the car and waited for them niggas to get in before driving off. "'Cause. Y'all know how Kyla was, she was down for whatever as long as she was by my side. Onika not going for that shit. She's taking herself and her safety over anything, any day."
"Soooo... if Kyla were to say, come back around, would there be any competition?"
"Probably."
"You sick Bey."
"No I'm not. I like Nic, I feel like I can build with her, probably put a kid in her if I'm feeling up to kids in a few years."
"WOAH?! A kid?!" Jay looked my way.
"Not now, not even in the next five years. I'm still thuggin'. I don't even know if it's gonna be her to carry my kid, I just know I want 3."
"Hell nah."
"Let her live Jay." August defended. "I'm trying to get Ari pregnant right now."
"That's why y'all be having so much sex?"
"Yeah. I want her to have my son."
Who would've thought this nigga wanted to get Ari pregnant?
"Where we going?"
"I'm dropping you bums off at the warehouse then I'm going to go get Onika. We gon' celebrate."
"What y'all gon' do?"
"Talk probably. Or maybe play some games or something. She don't drink or smoke or nothing so it's hard to find shit for us to do."
"And you like that shit?" Jay shook his head.
"You wouldn't get it so I'm not even gon try explaining it to you." I waved him off.
I dropped them both off at the warehouse then made my way over to Onika's school. I parked close to the front and went inside to find her.
Honestly, I didn't know the shit was gonna be like this. I hadn't even touched her yet but I knew it was different because the woman made me cum with her hand... one hand. I'm not gon' leave her alone now.
I wouldn't lie, this whole committed relationship shit with no pussy was hard as fuck. And she made it even harder by sleeping naked. It threw me for a even bigger loop because whenever I slept with her, I slept with her. That's it. I was used to women throwing themselves at me, begging for dick but Onika couldn't care less.
If I wasn't tryna change, I would've been cheated. 100%.
When Onika saw me, she smiled and walked over to me. I hugged her with one arm. She sucked her teeth.
"Keep on hugging me like I'm one of your sluts."
"Onik-"
"I know, no hoes."
I groaned when I saw Imari coming this way. I didn't even know she went to this damn school.
Fuck.
"Hey sexy." She rubbed up and down my arm.
Onika stood back and watched us. Oh Jesus.
"Uh hey Imari."
"I've been missing you Daddy."
"Wow." Nika walked back over, standing in front of me. "Since no one else is gonna fucking do it, hello, I'm Onika, Beyoncé's girlfriend."
"Girlfriend? You didn't mention any girlfriend last night."
Jesus Christ.
"If that's the case then she might not have one the next time y'all are together." She slapped my cheek twice and walked away from me.
"Yo Imari cut that shit out bitch. If she told you she was my girl, why the fuck would you lie like that?" I was about to slap this bitch. "You know damn well I wasn't with you. You just some pussy."
"So why are you in my face and not chasing after her? If I'm 'just some pussy'."
I sucked my teeth. "Bitch you ain't stupid. Mind yo fuckin' business or get shot. Real shit."
"You gon' shoot me Daddy?"
"Move hoe."
"Yo bitch went that way, I don't gotta go nowhere."
I turned around to look for Onika. I found her outside, at my car.
"Open the door."
"No."
"Beyoncé, open the fucking door."
I didn't answer. I stood in front of her.
"Get out my damn face. You know I'm done fuckin' wit' you right? Like this is over."
"You wanna give up on a nigga so bad." I narrowed my eyes at her. "I'm here with you, what the fuck are you mad about?"
"Take me home."
"No."
"Then my ass gon' walk. You ain't nobody's mama. The fuck?" She started walking off in the other direction.
I sighed and followed after her, when I got close enough, I picked her up.
"Beyoncé-"
"I'm tryna talk to you and you wanna give up. Come on man."
I opened the car door and let her get in, shutting the door behind her. I got in on my side.
"Take me home."
"We can go to your house."
"Nah, just me."
"What you mad about Onika?"
"What the hell took you so long to come out here? I shouldn't have even been able to make it to this car without you being behind me. You still caught up in these bitches."
"I'm not caught up in nothing but you Tanya. Damn. Trust me."
"Trust is what gets a bitch's heart broken. I'm good."
"You need to trust me. A relationship is only as strong as the trust between the people. I trust you-"
"Because I don't have a rap sheet. You do."
"That was then. You keep telling me that you not those women yet you think I'll treat you like these women. I'm yours."
"Are you? Really?"
"Yes. I wouldn't be here with you if not."
"I don't want you to hurt me Beyoncé, I'm scared that you will but at the same time, if I don't give you this chance, I might lose everything."
"Then you giving me this chance means you need to actually give it to me. Stop walking on eggshells and shit, I don't want nobody but you Nic."
_____