'Next Saturday we are performing in one of our local schools. We are trying to get some more attention around here,' Joanna keeps on talking while we walk under the Eiffel tower, the giant monument above our heads.
I look up, wondering how difficult it must have been to build this when she touches my shoulder, awakening me from my dreams.
'I lost you for a moment,' she softly laughs and I return a smile, shaking my head softly. 'I can't believe that I wanted to leave this place. It all seems too beautiful now.' Over the years, my point of view has changed a lot, and for one moment I could remember something good about my childhood.
Paris has been one of the few places I truly felt home. Still, dancing couldn't keep me here. Neither did it keep me in New York. I needed freedom.
'Believe me, all our friends were heartbroken the day your parents send you to New York. It was all so unexpected.' We follow the line towards the elevators, too lazy to take the stairs.
'They better just kept me here,' I whisper, hoping she wouldn't notice. 'Why?' She turns around curious, reading my face. 'I mean, you were one of the most famous dancers. I thought you were happy in America?'
'I was... for a moment at least. Living in a world where everyone watches you and criticizes isn't easy. My life changed in only one night.' The words come out slowly, thinking of everything I say.
'In one night?' Joanna looks through me and I stare in her eyes, feeling tears in mine.
'I met someone when I was almost a year in New York, someone who made me change my mind about the live I wanted.' I see Jess in front of me again, sitting on the stairs in the cold night, his legs shaking. I fell for him without even realizing it.
'He is the reason you quitted dancing? That must be a jerk.'
'No he isn't,' I say more honest than ever. Stronger than I have been over the past months. 'Jess is a rare person who sometimes gets in trouble, but I don't trust anyone more than him,' I whisper and we step in the elevator, holding hands, she remembers my fear of heights.
'Where is he now?' Joanna asks curious. 'Stars Hollow.'
'You mean he came after you?' She says in disbelief and I start laughing, thinking about what a beautiful story that would've been. 'No, not at all. His mother send him away, I work at his uncle's diner.'
'Well, it kind of stays romantic Maddy.' We both laugh, holding tighter to each other when we are going higher and higher. 'I'm sure you've missed these views,' she sighs when we stare through the glass, buildings getting smaller with every second.
We step out on the highest point, walking towards the edge. Breathing in the fresh air of France. The people below us look like nothing more than ants. This is freedom. We keep silent for a while, admiring everything nature gives us, wanting to hold on to this moment.
'Do you remember what I told you downstairs?' She asks, raising an eyebrow. Ashamed I look at her, my eyes telling her enough.
'We are performing next week in a local school and you should definitely come with us,' she explains, pure joy on her face. 'I'll be in the audience,' I assure her and her smile fades softly, telling me what she is thinking. Out of nowhere she grabs my arm again, her eyes wide open.
'You should dance with us! I'm sure Ms Delise would love it, I mean you could-'
'No, I can't,' I pull my arm back and slightly take a few steps away from her, confusion being all I can feel. 'You are a legend! Come on, you are not telling me you haven't been thinking about dancing since you came back?'
'No, I haven't. I've been here for my mother, not to rebuild my career.' I say the words quickly, not thinking at all. I couldn't perform, it would break me. Joanna stares in front of her for a while, not sure what to tell me. I can't blame her.
'Well, at least think about it. I'm not saying you should start dancing again, but maybe for ones you could join us. We've been missing you.'
I nod softly, hating myself for hurting her like this. If I would do this, I would dance one time, ignoring every person who thinks I'm dancing again. How can I bring this up to Jess?