Josh's POV
I woke up the next morning with the dumbest smile on my face. I haven't met anyone in so long that didn't care at all about my fame and fourtune. Something was different about Stella, and I was going to figure it out. She has a secret side to her that I want to know all about, but first I need to be her friend. See where it goes from there.
The clock read 9:30 and I Was meeting her at her apartment building at 10, so I needed to get ready fast. I took a shower and got dressed and left to find her.
When I got there, she was sitting on a bench outside of the building reading a book.
"Hey, you!" I say walking up to her.
She smiled slightly and marked her book page and slid it back into her bag, "How long have you been standing there?"
"Just got here, don't worry." I smile at her, "so where to?"
"That's up to you! But first I need to go somewhere to take care of a few things, If you don't mind.." she says shyly.
"Okay! No, I don't mind at all." I smile at her and then walk next to her. We walk for a few blocks, not talking much, but the silence is comfortable.. not awkward at all.
"Well here we are! I just need to feed some of these guys before we go, the manager is out of town and she needed me to watch over them." we stop in front of a building with a large sign in front that read, NYC Animal Shelter, she did mention to me that she loved dogs before, so I guess this makes sense.
We walked in & I helped her feed some of the dogs and cats and all other kinds of animals that were in there.
"Now this one," she stopped in front of a large kennel and opened it, "she is soon to be a mama." she knelt down next to the dog and kissed her on the top of her head, "She's due any day now, I don't know why she is taking so long, but hopefully they will be here before December."
I smiled at her and knelt down next to her beside the large golden retriever, "so what's her name?"
"Katniss.." she let out a laugh and shook her head, making me laugh too."oh how ironic"
"So we got a hunger games fan?!" I say and put my arms out.
"No, well I mean it was good, but I didn't name her. The owner's daughter did, she was reading the books whenever she came into the shelter a few months ago, so she decided on the name." she smiled at me, "It looks like she likes you!"
She was pawing at my hand to make me pet her more and licking my hand too, "I guess its got to do with the name." My comment made us both laugh.
"Well, we better get going! What do you have planned?" she says while shutting the gate to the kennel.
"Well, we could go see a movie, ice skating, anything really, hang out at either of our houses, it doesn't matter to me!" She locked the door to the shelter and turned to look at me.
"Don't make me make this decision," she said with a serious face, which soon broke into a smile. God, that smile, I could get lost in a smile like that.
"fine, movies?" she nodded and we left.
there wasn't a crowd at the movies, so only a few people recognized me and I asked them not to leak to the press that I was already in New York, they agreed and we went into the movie. We decided to see Sinister.
We sat in the completely empty theatre and watched the movie. It got to scary parts, and she would jump and almost go for my arm to bury her face in, but then stopped and hesitated and never actually did. Just do it Stella, Its okay. was all I wish I could have said..
The movie was soon over and Stella had the most terrified look on her face, "I don't think I am going to sleep tonight." She said.
I laughed, "You and me both!" we both laughed again.
"so now what?" she asked.
"Do you wanna go hang out at my flat? It doesn't look like this weather is suitable for anything else." we both looked out the window and saw that it was slushy rain outside, Half water, half snow.
"Yeah, that sounds good, but the real question is, how the hell are we going to get there." she looked at me with wide eyes.
"run." I smile at her and then grab her hand and we run to my building, which was only two blocks from the theater.
"Biggest mistake of our lives" she said as we walked into the lobby, her hair soaked and her body shivering.
"I agree, next time, we'll call a cab." I press the button on the elevator to go up to my floor.
Once we are in my flat, she opens her eyes with awe. "You live here? good lord."
"Yeah, I'm still getting settled in, but I think I am going to end up really liking this place." I look at here and smile, which made her look down at the floor and fiddle with her hands uncomfortably, "Maybe I should give you some dry clothes and I'll throw those ones in the dryer."
she looked up and connected with my eyes, "um, yeah that is probably a good idea." she let out a small laugh.
I gave her some sweatpants and a t shirt, "Here you go, the bathroom is down the hall to the left and when you are done, I will put those in the dryer for you." she took the clothes and went to change.
There is always a reason why new people come into our lives, either they are here to change your life, or you are there to change theirs, but I can't help feeling like we are both going to change each others lives. I get a break from the craziness of fame, and she, well I haven't really figured her out yet, but I will soon.
Stella's POV
I am very hesistant about his offer for clothes, but soon enough, the constant shiver running through my veins over powers my doubt, and I take the clothes from his arms and run to the bathroom. I look into the mirror and frown at what I see. I see a soaking wet, sad, lonely, and confused orphan. Orphan. Such a stereotypical word used so little. Most of the time we are referred to as "foster kids" but I don't think we are even close to that. Yes there is a difference between it in my opinion, coming from an actual orphan. We barely have a chance of getting adopted. We are unhappy, everyone in "foster homes" are moderately happy and satisfied with their life, but not me. I hate being stuck around cold black hearted people in that "orphanage". Every child in that house is bitter and unwelcoming, something I am very familiar with, but now, walking into Josh's apartment, feeling the warmth of the light air, the hospitality overflowing, I feel something very... unfamiliar. and it scares the living shit out of me. I am terrified Josh is going to find out that this is not the usual life for me, living with only a few family members, living in an apartment, things I have never experienced, and he will finally see that I am not the person he thought me to once be. My insecurities are eating me alive from the inside out, slowly seeping outside making themselves known as the bags under my eyes and the bones of my spine showing through my white, wet, v-neck.
I quickly shake all of the thoughts out of my head when the shiver returns, I rinse my face with warm water and put the sweatpants on, they are extremely baggy on me, so I tie the strings tight and look in the mirror, happy with what I see because you cannot see the un-nourished body underneath them, I slip on the shirt and smile because for once, my body looks like it could be an average size, and I feel like someone who isn't neglected in the nutrition section of everyday life, and this is a person I could begin to like.
I walk out of the bathroom and find Josh, in dry clothes, making hot coffee in the kitchen. "I hope you like coffee!" he says facing the opposite direction of me.
"I love coffee," I smile and sit at a bar stool connected to the counter.
He turns around and laughs at me, "I think my clothes might just be a little tight on you." he turned back around and poured two cups of steaming coffee,
"I thought they looked pretty good." I look down at the big t shirt and smile.
"I totally agree, they look great on you." he placed the coffee in front of me and winked at me, making me feel 100x more insecure than I already do all the time. Everytime someone extremely attractive gives me one "flirty" look or action or really any kind of attention, I can't help but feel like my every flaw is being projected into the sky on a huge television screen. "okay so let me guess what you like in your coffee, okay so two creams, three sugars?" right, he was totally right.
"okay, spill. are you stalking me or something?" I tilt my head at him and squint my eyes.
"No!!" he puts his arms up, "I swear it was just a lucky guess!" we both laughed and took a sip of our coffees.
"fuck that is hot!" I say, letting the coffee mug set gently down on the counter, but with a large thud from my knee hitting the bottom of the bar table.
"well yeah! I just poured it! here," he handed me a piece of ice to put on my toungue,
"thanks, I am such a clutz." I shake my head and then rest it down on the table.
"But at least you are entertaining!" he jokes.
"wow thanks jerk!!" I yell and throw the piece of ice at him.
"hey now, keep your ice throwing to a minimum, I am renting this place." He says and throws the ice back at me. I let out a laugh and shake my head. I can slowly feel my wall being brought down before my eyes. Maybe its a bad thing, but maybe, just maybe, it could be good. Maybe I am always so sad and depressed because I don't let anyone in, therefore I don't get any of my feelings out. Maybe a friend like Josh is something I so desperately need in my life, but never noticed it before.
"so," he lets out a big breath, "Its still pouring, you have a burnt toungue, and a hurt knee, its turning out to be a lovely day!" he plops himself down on the couch, and I take a seat in the plush recliner chair across the room, "on the bright side, we both aren't sitting alone on this gloomy day,"
He looks right dead into my eyes and lets a crooked smile sweep across his face, making my stomach, for some odd reason, do flips. I pull myself back into reality, "Yeah, things could definately be worse, I could still be standing in the pouring rain walking back to my own house that is 10 blocks from here, and i could be in Johnny Depp's clothes and not 'the Josh Hutcherson's'." I let out a laugh because I am trying not to sound like I was being bitter, because I don't want to be that way towards Josh, he has done nothing but be nice to me since the moment we met at the football game. He really is a great guy, which makes me wonder why he is still single, and my thoughts run so fast through my mind, they immediately slip out of my mouth, "so how are you single?" fuck I really just asked that.
He let out a laugh, "wow, straight to the point, huh? Well I guess I just haven't found someone that is worth it.. being in a relationship for me isn't easy in any way, I get bombarded with questions, and so would the lucky lady, and I just haven't gotten to know anyone worth all the trouble," he takes a sip from his coffee cup, "yet." he mumbles between sips.
"what would be worth it?" I say, not because I want him to describe me, or anything along those lines at all, but I want to know what kind of guy he is, what his values are, I just have this need to know everything about him, I don't understand why because usually I don't care about anyone else, but this is different, my mind can't stop wondering what goes through his on a daily basis.
he takes a deep breath and thinks for a minute, "I just have the deepest passion for intellectual conversations, the ability to sit and talk with someone about anything and everything. Whether it be what you had for dessert last night, or deep things like love and the meaning of life. I want someone who has passion for something other than the materialistic things, such as shopping and how much money you posess, I want to be able to sit and just gaze at stars or over a body of water into the early hours of the morning and not get bored, even when its silent. Maybe it sounds dumb,-" I cut him off.
"that doesn't sound dumb at all.." we stare into each other's eyes for a minute, and I break the contact when I take the last sip of coffee from my mug, "I'm sorry, continue"
"I guess what is worth it to me is something that is really hard to find, so thats why I am single."
"wow, Hutcherson. That was deep." I say and smile at him.
"what can I say, I can be a pretty deep guy sometimes.." he laughs and I hear the dryer beep, "well thats your clothes, if you wanna go change."
I thought about it for a minute, but I realized I was so comfortable in what I had on that I didn't want my own clothes back on, "I think I am okay for now," he smiled at me.
"I was hoping you would say that." He got up and took my empty coffee mug and placed it gently in the sink. "ah, what to do on this rainy day!" he says from the kitchen.
I laugh and grab the blanket off of the couch and wrap myself in it and lay down right where Josh was sitting, the couch still warm and sunken in from where the cushion had conformed to his body, I bury my face in the pillow laying on the couch and pull the blanket closer around me. My body that was warm a few moments ago was now taken back over by the chills it once previously possessed.
"you little shit, taking seats!" He jokes as he walks back into the living room and grabbed me by my feet making me laugh because I am extremely ticklish, "holy shit Stella, your feet are freezing, do you feel alright?"
"Yeah I feel fine, I'm just really cold for some reason!" he walked over to the thermostat and shakes his head, and walks to his room and comes back with a pair of socks. He slid the socks on my feet and lifted my legs up so he could sit beside me, my lower legs now resting on his lap. Usually this contact would make me feel uncomfortable, but I felt completely okay with it. His touch was rather calming than nerving, "thank you, Josh." I say as he turned the tv onto a football game
he rubbed his hand over my calf back and forth gently, then slightly rubbed the top of my feet, "you're welcome, Stella." he smiled at me and continued to run his warm hands over my legs and feet, slowly warming them up and sending me into a light sleep.
I am in a dark room, when suddenly a light apears in the corner, Its a face I did not want to see right now. Lucille.
"silly girl, you think that this boy is different? you think he won't hurt you? you are sadly mistaken.. this boy will do the same thing that everyone else in your life has done, he'll hurt you, desert you, and then never speak to you again. what would a worldwide famous actor want to do with you? thats right.. nothing."
"shut up Lucille,-" I hear a voice behind me, Mrs. Parker. "she is better than you think, she is a great girl, inside and out, I don't care what you think you don't know her like all of us do." suddenly, Ryder and Beatrice stand behind Mrs. Parker, and then Josh comes up beside Lucille.
"See he is on my side." she says, taking Josh by the hand.
"no I am not. I am not on anyone's side yet," he rips his hand away from Lucille's, "I do not know her for her, and I won't listen to what either of you say. I am going to get to know her for myself, and no one will have an influence on that except for Stella herself.." Josh says and then walks over to where I am sitting in a corner right in the light. He grabs my face and plants a soft kiss on my lips then pulls away, still cradling my face in his hands, resting his forehead against mine, "please let me in, let me tear down that wall of yours, I am here for a reason, you just have to let me prove that reason to you, I won't hurt you, I'll do anything but hurt you." he stands up and reaches for my hand, and just as I am about to take it, I am jolted awake.
"Stella, your phone keeps ringing, I didn't want to wake you, but this is the fifth time in the last 10 minutes." Josh says, gently waking me by squeezing my shoulders.
I look at the name of the missed calls. Lucille. "fuck" I mumble under my breath, "I really need to go, um,-" I get up and throw the blanket off of me and run to the laundry room to fish my clothes out of the dryer, I dig through Josh's clothes from earlier and finally find mine and quickly change. "I'm really sorry but I think this is urgent, I had fun, but I just have to go," I say frantically almost in tears.
"wait, Stella, is everything alright?" he holds me by my shoulders,
"I really don't know, I don't think so." I am trembling and almost to the point of a panic attack, which is one of the reasons why I am on medicatoin.
he wraps me in a hug, but I do not hug back, "please call me if you need anything okay? Don't be afraid to call please.." I nod my head and bolt out the door, running as fast as I can through the light mist that the rain has turned into.
Once I reach the orphanage, I hesitate going inside, but I do anyways in fear of what might happen if I postpone it any longer, and as soon as I am inside the door, the wrath of Lucille hits me like a ton of bricks, or maybe that was just her hand coming in contact with my cheek.
i cup my hands around my cheek and fall to the ground. "i'm really sorry Lucille." I whimper
"No young lady, you will not take advantage of me that way!-" she says, pointing her finger in my face, I can hear the soft gasp coming from Ryder's mouth, who is peaking around the corner, as Lucille's hand once again comes in contact with the bare skin on my arm.
"I didn't take advantage of you!" I yell as I put myself back onto my feet, I give Ryder a look to go away, but he doesn't until Lucille shoots him the death stare, and he slowly backs away.
"don't you dare back talk me, you are in enough trouble already, you did not have persmission to go anywhere! I don't care where you were, or what you were doing, reguardless, I am your parent and you arent supposed to leave this house!"
Oh hell no. Its time for me to sart standing up for myself. I will not let her boss me around, or EVER think she is anything close to a parent to me or any of us that is. I stand tall and get right in her face, "You will never be considered a parent towards me or any other child in this house. You treat us like complete shit! Like we are just your fucking dolls only here so you can get money, which by the way you are supposed to use for us, but you use it for your own selfish purposes to make yourself look better, which might I add, doesn't really work." she slaps me again but it doesn't stop me. "you are one evil fucking woman, and I am so glad that I can leave this place next week. I don't think I could handle another week of you and your mouth. And by the way," I say while walking away, "I was 10 times happier where I was earlier than I am now, Its really hard to feel happy in this hell hole you like to call a home." This time, she comes towards me and slaps me so hard, I fall down and hit my head on one of the stairs and slowly slide down all of the ones I had walked up, back down to the door.
"Where ever you were, whoever you were with, is an idiot.. why would they even want to spend time with such a worthless human being as yourself? & You think I am selfish? HA, just remember exactly where you are right now, sitting on the floor of an orphanage because you were conceived by two selfish, heartless assholes that thought more about themselves than a one week old baby. Just remember Stella, honey, children are a reflection of their parents." My mouth opens wide and I can feel the heat of the tears threatening to escape my eyes. I run up to my room and slam the door hard, still holding the side of my face that will sure have a bruise on it the next day, rocking back and forth on my bed, hoping, praying, that something in my life could be good for once. I let the tears run down my face, and I try to take deep breaths to keep myself from panicing. How dare she bring my parents into this. I don't know why my parents left me on the porch that one night, and maybe she is right, maybe I am worthless.
I can feel the panic rush over me like no other time that it has before. My chest is getting heavy, my head is spinning, my vision and hearing are becoming nearly nonexistant, and I can feel my chest rising and falling rapidly, my thoughts are going a million miles a second and my body finally gives into the panic and I fall back onto my bed, gripping the bed frame trying to catch my breath and stop hyperventalating.
I hear a door swing open, and fearing it may be Lucille coming to get one last hit in, I push myself up back against the wall and curl into a ball, shielding my face from the contact that I feel is coming, but I am shocked when I feel two strong arms wrapped around me, i look up and am overjoyed to see Ryder embracing me in a huge hug, seemingly taking away all the pain.
I bury my face into the crook of his neck and just let the tears out.
"where is she?" I say between sobs.
"she is in her side of the house, She's not in here anymore its okay. just calm down you are going to be alright." he rocks me back and forth in his arms until my panic attack slows to where I just have a few occasional sobs whenver my face begins to throb again.
"we really need some ice on that. Here i'll go get it you just sit tight." I nod and then look up at the ceiling, and I look over at Beatrice's bed and begin to wonder where she is.
he brings the ice back and holds it onto my face, "where is Bea?" I ask.
"She's fine, she is with Mrs. Parker, she took her to the aquarium today and I told her to keep her until this all blows over." I nod my head, its probably what is best for her. "I'm so sorry I didn't step in when I should have." he says and puts his head down in guilt.
"no." I start, " I am so glad you didn't. that was all my fault and You had nothing to do with it. I deserved it."
"you did not derserve that!" his voice is getting louder, "no one ever deserves to be treated that way! God I hate that woman so much and as soon as you leave, I am getting the hell away from this place. where were you anyways?"
"I was, um-" I hesitate, but then I realize that I have nothing to hide from Ryder, "I was with Josh." I put my head down, "this always happens to me. Everytime I start to feel happy, this happens. I was having such a good day. Finally a good day, but then it all goes down the drain. all the progress I make."
"Stell, you used to shine so bright before, but I have watched all of it fade over the years we have lived together, and for you to say something makes you happy is such a huge step for you, and you have no idea how happy I am to hear that he made you feel that way again, DO NOT let Lucille ruin that for you." I start to bite my finger nails at the thought of me being happy. it scares me because all happiness fades sooner or later.
"But I don't wanna feel happy because that means I will just be let down." I say
"no it doesn't. stop living in fear Stella, Josh makes you happy, you said it yourself. Make yourself happy again. Bring back that Stella that lights up a dark room the minute she walks in. Go after what makes you happy. Don't worry about me or Bea, we have Mrs. Parker, but after tonight, you deserve to get the hell away from here. One more week with Lucille and you can escape her forever. She can't do anything about that. Just one more week, your birthday is Friday. " I shake my head.
"I will never leave you two with Lucille alone." I say
"We can handle it. We will find our own way out, but it looks like you are finding your own way out more and more each day." he wipes the tears from my cheeks and gives me one last hug "You need some sleep, lock your door tonight. Love you sis." he shuts my door and I get up and lock it and change into an oversized t shirt. I sit and think about the word love for a minute.
Love (v)or(n): An intense feeling of deep affection
Such a strong word that I have never felt truly in my life. the thought of love terrifies me to the point where I get nervous just thinking about it. I lay down in my bed and let myself sink into the comforter.
I see a bright light luminate the dark room and I check my phone to see that I have a message from Josh.
Hey is everything okay? you really worried me. Hope you are okay, talk to you soon. -Josh.
No Josh, everything is not okay. I am falling apart at the seams, and my life is a never ending black hole that i can't seem to dig myself out of no matter what I do. and honestly I just wish I could be done. But something I can't seem to figure out is holding me here and my orphan brother thinks its you, but yeah talk to you soon. and oh yeah, you kissed me in my dream I had earlier, no big deal.
but instead of that, I settle for a much less complicated respose.
Everything is fine! Talk to you soon! -Stella.