It's the start of another week, I just got here in school and with the thought of the exams this Wednesday, my energy has been drained. I haven't studied yet because Kenma kept telling me not to. I struggle when it comes to studying so, I am starting tonight, no matter what he'll say.
It's going to be very hard for me to start studying if I don't study by tonight. I need to strive harder! I can't be just top 20, I need to get at least to top 5. I need better grades and I have to work harder. It's for my future anyway! I shouldn't let him just tell me not to..
I'm just trying to take a nap on my seat while first period's still 40 minutes away; groaning as I felt a familiar hand ruffle my hair. If he keeps doing that, I'll ruffle his too. He kissed the back of my head and I turn to look at him.
"Can we study tonight?" He shook his head and brushed my hair. What happened to no matter what he says? "Why??"
"You're asking me that not because you want to, but because you're pressuring yourself." He tied my hair and sat back to lean on his chair. Let's try this. I pout my lips and beg with my eyes, really hoping it'd work again, but it didn't. Should I listen to him?
"I hate you." He chuckled and leaned in, pressing his lips against my forehead. I forgot again, he's my boyfriend. He mouthed an I love you and I just roll my eyes at him. "You really think that I'm pressuring myself??" He nodded, taking his phone out, it's Kazuhiko again. "Stop talking to her?"
"Why? Are you jealous?" Is this how it's going to be? Then okay.
"Says the one who was jealous of a pretty boy that's miles away from me." He furrowed his brows and hid his phone in his pocket; he rested his elbow on my desk and his head rested on his palm as he looked down to me. It's like he's asking me to say more. "When Kuroo-san carried me and when I went to the arcade with a different guy." I tease, only earning nods from him.
"And when you said you'd quit because you saw me with a girl." Freaking. I lost. But that actually hurts, I kinda want to cry; not because of him pointing that out, but because of the club. His eyes softened when he saw me pause, he pulled me up and held me by my shoulders. "You okay?"
"Should I stay? Or should I quit? Do you want me to stay?" I ask looking back and forth between his eyes. "If you want me to stay, I'll stay.."
"If you want to stay, then go ahead." I want him to decide for me, I can't decided on my own. I need to know if he wants me to, or if everyone wants me to. "I know you'd go to the gym either way."
"No.. Do you want me to?" Entering a maze is easy but getting out is definitely difficult, I need him to help me, or maybe even the others. I'm actually anxious, Inter High's next week. I have to decide sooner.
He let out a sigh, he's probably frustrated. I should stop. I lean back on my chair and fiddle with my fingers, should I stay?? I do enjoy meeting their opponents, it's fun! I also like watching them play. "I do." I turn to him, seeing a cute smile on his face.
"Then.. I will." I leaned on him, earning a kiss on my forehead. "Can I..?" He nodded and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
I took a nap, I'm really sleepy even though I slept early last night. Even when I'm sleeping, my head's just full of different agendas. I can't think straight, I'm so stressed out already. I still have to study for the exams, then volleyball... I also have council work, what have I gotten myself into?
The exams are definitely difficult, knowing myself, I'd have a hard time comprehending it, it takes me minutes before I get a statement. I always get stuck with things, I can't decipher them by myself. Another goal: Learn how to solve things on my own.
Am I worrying too much? Am I doubting myself more than I should? Should I even worry about my future? I'm panicking in my sleep. I can't believe myself. This is the only time I get to be unconscious and relax but, I'm still thinking of my requirements.
Kenma woke me up and it's the first period, I tried my best to listen to the discussion, but my head's not cooperating. Everything's stressing me out! Can't I rest? I can.. but why can't I? I can't free myself from the pressure, exams and grades... that's all I could think of.
I suddenly felt an arm around my waist, he knows. His eyes aren't on me but he can see me struggling. He's rubbing circles on my waist with his fingers and it's calming me down. I should stay calm, the exams are on Wednesday, I have tonight and tomorrow to study. I can do this!
I struggled with a problem again and he helped, he explained it to me repeatedly, is he even done with his? I'm bothering him again. Why can't I understand this on my own?? I can't keep disturbing him to help me out! But he's also being so selfless. Ugh, this is annoying-- I'm annoying.
Finally finished mine and he stood to pass it for us, first period just ended. I tuck my head in my arms that are on my desk, feeling my tears fall from my eyes. I can't do anything right, I can't! Why did I even think that I'd be able to? I'm a failure! I can't move on to the next step! Everyone's already doing the next step and I'm still here. I hate myself.
Kenma tried to pull me up but I resisted, I felt scared when I heard him sigh. He's mad. I immediately look up and wipe my tears, he's only looking at me. He's mad! Why can't I just do things the right way?? Why is he even with someone like me--? No, why is he with me?
He held my hand and brought me somewhere, his grip was tight, he's mad. He's mad. He's mad! He's definitely mad! I can't even adjust to him, why?? Why can't I..? I'm scared of acting up, is he going to say he hate me now?? Maybe he should! I'm his biggest mistake! Ha, it hasn't been a week...
He took his blazer off and spread it on the floor, he pulled me down to sit; I can't look him in the eye. "Tell me what's in your head." I shake my head and he cupped my cheek, making me look at him. "If you think that I'm mad, I'm not." I can't stop my tears, why does he have to be so lenient with me? He pulled me closer and he kissed my lips, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs.
I bury my face in the crook of his neck, getting pats on the back as I cried on him. "H-How can you p-put up with me?" He never got tired of comforting me, telling me it's fine, what if it's actually not fine? "You never tell me that what I'm doing is wrong, why?"
"You know the reason why." Because I love you. "I'm here to help, and complaining about how you are won't help." I felt my hair fall on my back, he took the hair tie off. He's so understanding, he can adjust to me, but I can't. I don't even understand why I'm like this.
I told him everything, every little thing that goes in my head; I told him how much I'm stressing out over the exams, my grades, myself, everything. He didn't say anything, he just listened to me. I get kisses from time to time and they helped, he helped. He whispered sweet nothings to my ear, making me chuckle and smile.
The bell rang and we both headed back. Maki, Honami, and Ena were the ones who welcomed me; asking me if I'm fine, telling me that it's okay and that I should let them know. They gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. The three of them asked Kenma if he's the reason why I'm acting this way, I immediately denied that, seeing all of them laugh at me.
While class went on, Kenma had his arm around my waist, we weren't really obvious to the teacher so it was fine to stay that way. I actually told him not to because we might get caught, but he's pretty stubborn so I just let him do what he wanted. We had a sudden quiz during our third period, he had to let go, the teacher's roaming around. I hate it when they do that.
I kinda struggled with one part and Kenma blindly reached for my left hand, he held it and caressed it with his thumb. How does he know when I start to panic? He never felt tired of trying to reach for my hand, he even had his eyes on his paper.
I stood to pass my paper and so did he, we passed at the same time. "(Y/n)." I was about to go back to my seat when the teacher called me, I give Kenma a smile before turning around. "I don't really care if my students are going out, just know when to and not to." I immediately wave my hands in front of me.
"H-He was helping me calm down." His mouth formed a shape of an 'o' while he nodded, we weren't doing anything inappropriate. "H-He doesn't like attracting p-people so, y-you can be rest assured." He shook his head, making me raise my brow? Is this that typical overprotective teacher scene where they'd make you guys break up??
"I'm talking about your health." He was unclear!!!! "Knowing the way how the two of you treated each other before." Excuse me?? How the hell does he know that? Who told him? Or was he observing us? That is straight up weird!! "Are you thinking of negative words about me?" I let out a cough and shake my head. "Your teachers are observant."
"H-He's uhm.. he's t-taking good care of me." I can feel most of my blood stay in my cheeks, it feels hot here. He smiled and nodded, I bowed before I headed back to my seat. Kenma questioned me with his eyes, I just shook my head and gave him a reassuring smile.
The bell echoed all around the school, it's finally lunch. My best friends and I kinda planned eating together but they were all taken away by their uhm, boyfriends. I had no choice but to stay with Kenma too, not that I don't like spending time with him, just thought that maybe I could spend time with my friends. Kenma joked, telling me he was offended and I only rolled my eyes at him.
He wanted to stay somewhere more private, I don't really mind whether we stay in a crowded place or not, as long as I get to eat then I'm fine. But maybe he wants to hide his sweet side from the rest of the world and only be like that to me. Still weird, but I'm already used to his personality switch. He brought me to the rooftop, there wasn't anyone but us.
Kenma spoke a lot. He talked about how he actually doesn't enjoy volleyball, but Hinata made it interesting to him, he also found his way to try and make my heart jump. I'm actually cringing a lot, but it's funny to hear him say weird things, I enjoy listening to him. I enjoy everything he does, because he's trying. It's actually still obvious that he's not used to acting this way, that pudding head.
He brought pistachios! I got the bag from him, stuffing my mouth with the nuts. Yummy.. He knows that I love them, he said he has another one in his bag. I'm actually very happy, too happy that I kissed his cheek and now he's beet red. He gives me kisses all the time and he turns red the moment he gets one, cute.
My phone rang, I checked to see who it was, it's just Kenma. We're literally beside each other! He took my phone from my hand, frowning at the sight of the screen. "You didn't change my contact name." I pause for a few seconds, bursting into laughter when I understood what he's looking so down for. He showed me his phone and my contact name was a heart.
"Then do you want me to add a heart?" He's so cute, I can't believe I get to see Kenma this way. The game addicted Kenma is doing so many peculiar things that I would've never expected he would do. "I like the sound of Kodzuken.. or do you want me to change it?" He looks like he's thinking whether he should say yes or not. I snatched my phone from him, changing it into a heart, biting my bottom lip to stop smiling.
"I didn't even say anything." I gave him a look and his face is red again, he looked away, maybe he thought he could hide; I saw his face, he's smiling. He turned to me, sneaking a kiss. "I love you." I want to say that too, but it's too soon.
We finished our food and stayed there until the bell rang again. He laid his head on my lap, telling me random stories about him. He told me about the picture that was at their living room, he was forced to take a picture with Kuroo-san, he looked so uninterested in that one. He told me that he doesn't remember much from his childhood, except for playing video games, anyone could've guessed that.
Kenma fell asleep on my lap, so I used this opportunity to take a photo of him. He looks so peaceful as he slept, his sleeping face is as handsome as when he's awake. I kept taking photos of him, probably took over 20 photos already, payback.
I brushed his hair, about to take another photo when he reached a hand up to my neck, pulling me in and our lips met. I nearly dropped my phone on his face! He turned his head as he sat up, not letting the kiss break. It's really like he's been waiting for a long time before he was finally able to do this. I will say, we're going a bit fast, well he is. But, why am I not stopping him?
He leaned on me and napped on my shoulder, he woke up to kiss me. This cat is full of surprises, my pudding head. We still have 20 minutes before the bell rings again, I'll let him lean and sleep on me, I do it to him every time.
I brushed his hair and played with it, making sure he won't wake up. I remember the keychains, I take them out of my pocket, asking myself when I should give it to him. He'll appreciate this, right? He'll appreciate even the smallest gestures? That's what he said..
About to hide it in my pocket when he grabbed it from me, he's already awake. He sat properly and rubbed his eyes, taking the keychain from my hand. "Did you buy this yesterday?" I nod, hearing him chuckle. He sounds a bit tired. "Thank you." He kissed my cheek and hid the keychain in his pocket.
The bell rang so we had to head back, he asked me about my childhood and I told him that I don't really remember anything. I think I was too caught up on the events during middle school that I had forgotten about my earliest memories. But I did tell him about the thing about seeing memories whenever I'm in the water.
I'm really scared of being in the water, I see the most terrifying memories the moment I dip myself into the water. Kenma said he'd help me face my fears, one by one. I wanted to start on it right away, so I took his phone from him and looked at Kazuhiko's messages.
He held my hand tight as I looked at them, these are really horrid. I don't know how Kenma's putting up with these. Some were dead bodies with their necks cut open, they're bloody. I'd flinch every time I saw another one of those. I went from just holding his hand to hugging his arm. Kenma just chuckled.
My heart didn't pound or anything, but maybe because Kenma was beside me, he was rubbing my hand and brushing my hair as I looked at the images. If he wasn't here with me, then I probably would've been sent to the infirmary already.
I'm worried about Kenma, he's dealing with Kazuhiko because of me. He's dealing with her on his own and he's getting all of these images everyday. I'm surprised that he's not snapping yet. He snapped before and had a fist fight, with a senior. I don't know if he got demerits but, surely he did.
Classes passed by, it's now time for club activities. Everyone else has left except for me and Kenma, I wanted to finish my homework and he stayed. Only a few more words and.... I'm finished! I place my notebook under my desk, having Kenma hold my hand for us to go to the gym.
"(Y/n)! Council duties!" I furrow my brows at the sight of Takeuchi-san, he covered his mouth when he saw Kenma. He looked at me, asking me if he shouldn't have and I nodded. I turn to Kenma, catching his lips with mine; his eyes weren't on me but on Takeuchi-san.
Kenma bent over to me, mouth at my ear. "Be careful, he likes you." I shake my head at him, earning a nod from him. He kissed my forehead and smiled at me. There's no way Takeuchi-san likes me, wait, he tried to kiss me before. But most of all, what happened to not kissing me in front of other people??
I stomped my feet as I walked up to follow Takeuchi-san, growling at him when I was right in front of him. Kenma brought my bag to the club room, I'd be going there after I finish my council duties. I was excited about watching them train! Inter High's next week! Whatever, I'll just head there later.
The work I had to do was pick out photographs that were taken during prom, it's for the yearbook. I looked at them one by one, emailing the pictures that I was in, to myself. I even saw a photograph of me and Kenma dancing, he looks so uncomfortable in it. I have something to tease him with.
I coughed when I saw the photograph Kuroo-san took, I immediately put that away, not wanting more people to see it. That moment was supposed to be private! Ugh, my privacy's been violated. I finished picking out the photos for the yearbook, and now I'm going to pick a theme. Shouldn't the press be taking care of these? And we're just here to approve them.
We are the press. Freaking.
I asked Takeuchi-san and the others if I had to do something else, getting ready to leave any moment he says none. He shook his head and I immediately stood, going to Maki to give her a kiss on the cheek before dashing to go to the gym. Because I was running, I almost bumped into Lev, dang he's tall yet I didn't even see him.
I already told the coaches that I'd be staying and they let me! I'm going to be with the boys at their games during Inter High!! Will I be able to think of ways how to help them? Will I understand the problem right away? If not, then I don't have a purpose to even go there.. maybe see Kenma... and do my other jobs as their manager.
I got hit on the face with a ball that bounced on the floor, from Lev's spike attack, again. That Russian boy has a thing about getting me hit with the balls he spikes. My eyes watered and my nose kinda hurts. Honami rushed to me and checked my nose, hearing her say her ritual, the version two. "Please bleed, please bleed, please bleed," she's really scaring me now.
"I want to try and act like a nurse!" Honami explains, but if she wanted to then she shouldn't wish that for her patient. "But does it hurt?" I shake my head, scrunching my nose to see if I broke a bone or something, gladly I didn't. "Bummer-- Kidding!"
"Lev, do you like hitting people?" I ask, turning to him as I gently pinched my nose. He shakes his head and his face turned red. "I'm telling Maki." He bowed and we nearly headbutted. Kenma pulled me away before his head hit mine, he's so tall! Maki, why? "That was a joke, she knows that you're like that." Or maybe she doesn't.
Kenma held my chin and looked at my face, my eyes are still on the Russian boy. I bet, he and Maki will be models or actors someday. "You keep getting hurt." I turn to Kenma and he ruffled my hair, chuckling at me. Here I thought he was worried.
"Kenma can you chuckle again? I'll just record it." We both turn to see the team around us, all of them seems to be interested in Kenma's laughter. Kenma backed away from all of them, shaking his head until his back hit the wall. I'm just watching them look like hungry zombies.
Kuroo-san went up to me and ruffled my hair, can they stop doing that? It's annoying, he's messing my hair up. "Maybe you should've got together sooner, he's laughing and smiling a lot. And mwah." I smack his arm, he reminded me that he took a photo of us. "What?? He's doing well, maybe you'd go further before you know it." He winked at me and walked away, is he talking about... sex?!
Having that conversation with Kuroo-san made it difficult for me to talk to Kenma. I don't know how that happens but I've heard of it, so.. NO. (Y/n) clear your head, clear your head. He won't do it with you as long as you're uncomfortable with it. Why did I even think of that?!
I couldn't hold his hand or have him kiss me, even just on my forehead. Kuroo-san really got me. Kenma's complaining why I don't want to hold his hand and I couldn't answer or tell him the truth. Not now, maybe when I've calmed down. I'm still really thinking about it. Kuroo-san, why'd you have to do this?
Their training ended and we're walking home, still couldn't have Kenma hold my hand. He's annoyed. It's better that way, I don't have to worry about having him force me anymore. He's mad, he really is. But I'm sorry my head's just thinking of ridiculous things because of the bedhead. How can I get rid of this thoughts?
We're at my house already, he gave me my bag without saying anything, he's mad. Now, I'm panicking. What should I do to have him smile again? A kiss? Let's just not think of what Kuroo-san said. I peck his lips and he didn't even moved. Now I feel guilty..
"Kenmaa." I wrap my arms around his waist, acting cute, even if I don't really want to, just for him to not be mad anymore. His eyes are the ones he usually has whenever he's speaking to someone. "I'm sorry.." I stand on my toes and peck his lips again, what am I doing?
"What on earth did Kuroo say to you that you're avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?" No! He's got it all wrong! Curse that bedhead for saying stuff like that to me. I shake my head and pout my lips, wishing he wouldn't be mad anymore. "Then what? You wouldn't let me hold your hand or give you a kiss." He's that frustrated?
"H-He said something... he didn't really say the word b-but it's w-what he meant." He raised his brow, waiting for me to say the rest. "S-Sex.." He furrowed his brows and looked at me like he couldn't believe what he heard. He let out a deep and long sigh, and he leaned in to kiss my lips.
"You scared me, I thought I did something wrong." He hugged me back and his chin rested on my shoulder, he's not mad anymore! Mission success! "That's a given in relationships, don't avoid me because of that." A given.. so he's thought of it?! He broke away and I chuckled when I saw how red he is. He hasn't thought of it either. Keep it that way pudding head.
We headed upstairs and he laid on my bed, taking a nap while I took a shower. I took my time since he was just resting upstairs, I want him to rest as much as he can. He said he was tired from thinking of what he did wrong, he's done nothing, it's just my head and me.
I don't know how Kenma's got my parents permission to be my boyfriend but, my parents have been teasing and asking me a lot about him. We were having dinner and they asked me to get Kenma but he's sleeping, I'll just bring him food later. I hope he's peacefully sleeping.
My parents just told me that they were more than happy to see me have a boyfriend. Kenma was never in the picture of my future, he just suddenly added himself into it and now, he's here. My mom keeps talking about little me's and Kenma's, we're years away from that and we only started dating last Friday night. She's too hopeful.
I head upstairs with a bowl of food and a class of water, I have chopsticks in my room so.. uhm don't ask. I place it on the side table, seeing Kenma still sleeping while he hugged a pillow. He looks like a baby! I immediately got my phone out and snapped a photo.
I just kept on taking stolen shots of him when he suddenly made a sound. I place my phone on the bed and looked at him, he's sweating. Is he having a nightmare? He's breathing heavily, what's happening?? I try shaking him to wake up but he wouldn't budge. Nightmares can lead to heart attacks.
"Kenma." I try shaking him awake, just wake up! "Kenma!" I have no choice but to use force. Kenma, forgive me for this. I slap his cheeks with my hands and he jolted up, there are marks on his cheeks now. I'm sorry pudding head. "What were you dreaming of?"
He pulled me into a hug, panting like he just finished a lap. "You were drowning." I pat his back and brush his hair, calming him down as much as I can. "You were a child, you were drowning.. I couldn't help but someone else did." That seems... so familiar. I pull away and look at his face, he's crying.
"I see that scene every time I try taking a bath. But I never drowned in my entire life." He looks so scared. "It's not like I'm dead, stop looking at me like that." He furrowed his brows and looked down, playing with my hand. A few more tears fell from his eyes before he collected himself and looked at me.
"I'll keep you safe, don't leave me." I give him a smile and a nod, he still looks so terrified by what he just dreamed of.
To distract ourselves, I took out my chopsticks and fed him. He's out of himself. I did everything I can to cheer him up, kissing his cheek or tickling his sides, telling him embarrassing moments of myself. But he's still thinking of the nightmare.
He told me the truth, he said he'd have nightmares about that particular scene every other night, and tonight's one of 'em. I tried to help him distract himself by playing video games with him, but he keeps losing. It's not like him! He's always winning but right now he's just staring at the screen.
I take his phone from him, throwing it to my bed to catch his attention. He mouthed an apology and just looked at me. Is this how he usually felt whenever I acted like that? I brushed my fingers through his hair, giving him a kiss on the lips to distract him. He's not... I don't know what to do, he always does this for me but.. how???
I cup his cheeks and shake his head, trying to get him out of his thoughts. He looked at me, still quiet and unresponsive. What to do? He kissed my forehead before, he brushed my hair, pat my back, caressed my arm... told me sweet words to distract me, what else???
I give up, I don't know what to do to help him. I lean on him and rest my head on his shoulder, I kissed his cheek, wanting him to pay attention. If being clingy's a way to get him back together then, I'll be clingy. I kiss his cheek again and again, starting to feel the urge of breaking down. I just want him to focus.
I poked and pinched his cheeks, squeezed his face, lightly slapping his cheeks again.. but why isn't he paying attention? We nearly fought and now he's acting like this. I stand from the floor and go to my bed, finally getting a response from him. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down.
"Took you long enough." It's 9 PM, he has to go soon. He bit his lip and kissed my forehead, he's finally back to normal, somehow. He held my hand and played with it, head resting on the edge of the bed as he looked at me. "Stop thinking of the nightmare, I'm in front of you.. it's just rude."
"I'm sorry. But I wasn't thinking of the nightmare, I was thinking of you." He answers, bringing my hand to his face, placing a kiss on the back of it. He's worried, I won't die! I'll live and he wouldn't have to worry about me!
I'm sure! I'll be safe, I won't get into any trouble and he wouldn't have to worry about me! I'm only going to do what will be safe for me, things that I'm used to, things that I won't get hurt. I'll only do those from now on, he wouldn't have to think that I'll just die all of a sudden. I'll adjust to him like how he's adjusting to me, so that we're both happy.
"If this can make you feel better.. I won't do things that will put me in danger, like.. hmm.. facing my biggest fears, like trying to swim again?" I say, smiling to try and lighten up the atmosphere. He shakes his head and I frown, it didn't make him feel better?
"I'll help you get rid of your fears." He said and kissed my forehead.
"But you have fears of your own." I rebuttal, wanting him to just say yes so that I can just avoid worrying him. He shakes his head again, (finally) showing me a warm smile.
"My biggest fear is.... losing you." Is it because he says he loves me or the nightmare? "I want to help you, it's also a way of helping myself. We both benefit from it." He chuckled, giving me a reassuring smile for me not to worry.
We both laid in bed and he waited until I could fall asleep. I just watched him while he tried making me fall asleep, he would kiss my eyebrows for me to close my eyes. I'd still just watch him, admiring his facial features to sleep but I couldn't.
He pulled me closer and my face was buried in his chest, I can smell his scent. I slowly fell asleep, hugging him closer. I could feel him kiss my forehead. Pudding head's so soft, I like hugging him. If he only stayed here I would be happy to keep hugging until the next morning.
I've completely fallen asleep, and woke up the next morning to an empty bed. Of course it's empty, he lives away from me. I head downstairs and ate breakfast, taking a shower after. I got changed into my uniform, tying my hair into a ponytail because I don't want Kenma messing my hair up.
I got to school, smiling when I saw him on his seat already. I slowly make my way up to him, seeing that no one was around; I tap his shoulder and he turned around. I smile sweetly before pressing a kiss on his lips, I'm getting used to this.
I take a seat, happy to know that he's fine now. I'd kiss his cheek and lean on him as he played his video game. He suddenly grunted and shook his shoulder, making me back away. Does he not want me to lean on him? Maybe he's tired... yeah he's tired. I tried kissing his cheek but he moved his head away from me.
I frown and pout my lips. He loves giving me kisses but I haven't gotten one yet. I slowly sank down on my seat, sulking that he's not talking to me. Did I do something wrong? I turn to him and reach for his hair, jumping on my seat when he slammed his PSP to his desk.
"You're so fucking annoying, let's just break up. You're a headache." He glared at me before standing to leave the room. He swore..
We're over.. just like that..
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