I watch the doctors hook up Slade to the machines, hes in that sexy hospital gown waiting patiently. I chuckle taking his hand. "You ready to go into labor, sir?" I chuckle at him, he just rolls his eyes when Cammie comes in holding a camra.
"Say cheese?" She takes his picture and he groans annoyed.
"You told her?"
"Yeah I told her, your going to be telling everyone when Im in labor." I state my facts, hes probably going to post it on facebook and twitter, announce it at school like 'OMFG my wife is in labor!' Okay Im exagerating a bit.
"Fine..." Haha I knew it!
"So the incramints will go all the way up to ten centimeters, this will go on for an hour okay? You ready?" Slade closes his eyes and nods, I just cant controll myself, I giggle hysterically.
"You have to give birth." I chuckle, so does Cammie, she starts filming him, the doctors start and he just shifts uncomfortably.
"Up until three it will be like menstral cramps." Haha he doesnt even know what that feels like! I take his hand but he acts all big and tough, this is the best hour I spent, watching my husband in labor.
"This is no big deal, labor should be easy! I bet I can go the whole way without crying." The doctors even laugh alittle, I shake his hand.
"I bet you cant go to five." I put three buck on the table, "Thats all I got." The doctors put money in as well, so does Cammie.
"Let the entertainment begin." The doctor cranks it to two, he huffs and shifts alittle more.
"Im fine Trella, Im fine." He whines alittle, he holds my hand slightly tighter, not too much though.
"Cammie are you getting this?" She nods holding her mouth from laughing.
"All of it." We have fun, Cammi, me, and the doctors talking and laughing at Slades pain.
"You wont be able to do that well with you not breathing." I coo like hes a baby, hes holding my hand for dear life and yelling in pain, his face is bright red, his stomach is twitching and trembling.
"Dont tell me what to do!" He yells, his face scruntched up and hes clinging onto the bed and my hand. "What are we at!"
"A four." Cammi and I laugh but he only yells frustratedly, also some cuss words slip.
"How the hell do women do this naturally?!"
"They breathe for starters." A nurse sasses but I only find everything about this funny, he head slams back, he doesnt want to hurt his pride any more than he actually is.
"Breathe Slade! Its not healthy to be holding your breath." I finally start to be helpful, trying to tell him encouraging things, this is akward telling this to my husband, almost like hes constipated and trying to take a dump. "You can breathe, try and relax, your doing good for a male."
"Your not helping!" He snaps and turns to doggy possition groaning, he slams his head onto the hospital table groaning and yelling. They bump it up and he screams like a little girl slamming his head more frequently on the bed.
"Slade stop doing that." I panic alittle, thats not really healthy, like if he got hurt at hockey, does he do doggy and slam his head on the ice?
"It hurts! I dont have a vagina to shove my liver through!" I just have to suck it up and take it, i probably am going to do this as well, yelling at him. But I give him some ice chips, he dumps most of them all over him, hes panting and sweating. I just love him more though for thinking of actually following through for doing this for me, my due date is in four days, this is crazy, four days.
"Slade your doing great baby." I kiss his hand but he only tightens it harder practically crushing my hand, Im going to need this hand in four days! "You can pull through the next..." I turn to the doctors and show hes only at a six. "You have four more left."
"Grr! This freaking hurts!" His body trembles and he shoves his face in the pillow yelling and screaming. Hes in so much pain, his face is bright red, his veins are shooting through his face. I give him more ice chips and he practically swallows them whole. "Im going to die." He whimpers falling to the bed with the small break he has, he pants like crazy, sweat falling off his body.
"Your not your doing just fine, I bet your going to be doing better than I will."
"Doubt it, youve been having them your getting used to it." I chuckle, yeah right. They crank it up to seven and he yells biting the covers and does doggy again rocking back and forth. "Ow!!" He screams, I watch as tears fall down his face, I win! Sorta. "Graa!" He screams pounding on the bed, his back arched and his body shaking.
"This is too much for me I cant watch this." I whimper, I cant watch him in pain. I stroke his back trying to ease his pain, trying to make it easier for him.
"Eight." They say, the hour is almost up, in ten minute he will have to expiernce, this, nine, and ten. I have never heard him scream louder, his body trembling, his face bright red nearly purple, he is sobbing now, he tries breathing but it comes out ridged, and shakey like hes trying to focus on that but it wont work. His hand tightens on mine harder making my fingers turn white, bright red, and purple.
"Hand." I pull it off and he grunts like a bull shoving his face in the pillow, I rub his back hard and he seems to calm down a little.
"Nine." His body gives up, he collapses again sobing and screaming too much for me. "Ten." They leave it there, but I just cover my ears crying, its torture, for sure this is torture, on him and me. "Okay were done!" They stop and his entire body relaxes like an eliphant stepped on his back and he sat there panting. Tears rolled down his face, I rush to him kissing him all over frantic, I brush his soaking hair off his face.
"You did really good baby its all over now." I say taking off the patches from his face and stomach. He nods but doesnt move, his body still shaking.
"This will wear off in an hour or so, but he can still walk, just not as well, thank you for coming in." The doctors check his eyes and such really quickly before leaving.
"You did a really good job, Im just alittle scared now for my real labor." I chuckle, he just gives me a weak smile and he sits up wiping his face.
"Ill do this for all the other babies we will have." He leans over and gives me a kiss, "I hurt still alittle, Im sore." He rubs his stomach and pulls on his clothes smiling at the camera, she turns it off.
"You did a really good job Slade! Way to man it up!" She smiles chirping, he gorans and throws the gown in her purse.
"For memories." He says and we all walk out of the hospital into his car, "You guys hungry? I sure am."
"Looked like you burned a heck of a lot of calories in there." I bend over nibbling his ear tasting the salt, "Hmm salty."
"Gross, third wheel here guys." Cammie gaugs in the back seat, which only makes us chuckle up here.
"How was it to go through labor."
"Unspeakable until you have Deklan." He rubs my belly but doesnt take his hand off my belly.
"Your naming him Deklan?! So cute!"
"Deklan Jacob Ericson." I look at Slade running my hand through his hair. "Im so proud of you." I kiss his cheek and he drives us to Taco Bell where I order like the entire menu and all of us head home, my contractions came back, but not like they were last night, very faint and ignorable. We all lounge on the couch, my head on Slades lap while I eat, I slip off my shirt to my tight tank top and I watch as Slade steals glances at my breasts. "After that your looking at my boobs?" I ask him looking up into his big eyes. "Thats how babies are made then labor is." He looks away quickly eating his food, but I am flattered he likes them, they are kinda big. I get up and wobble to the bathroom, I do my stuff but notice some nasty stuff in my underwear and I wash up but quickly go to Slade. "I need your phone!"
"Why?" He asks handing it to me anyways, I dial Millie excitedly.
"I just had the show! Any day now!"
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Funny labor simulations! Some health classes do those, just watched some youtube on them, haha funny. Please COMMENT & vote!! Thanks guys!!!